Coffee (243 reviews)

Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

I went to Target last week to get some supplies for the sudden cold that overtook my body and saw that they were having a sale on a bunch of their beverages (buy $20 worth get a $5 gift card). I decided to use this as an opportunity to fill in some Thirsty Dudes gaps. I was pretty surprised to realize that we had not reviewed this one yet. In fact, I just checked our Master List for the third time, because I swore I had written about this little one before.

Let me start by saying there are two ways that I really like coffee; a nice smooth cold brew and a dessert coffee. This falls into the later. I like to see coffee as a treat and not just a daily routine. That may be because I would fall into the large percentile of Americans who are obese if I were to drink it all the time, since I generally like it sweet. This is like someone made a nice vanilla milkshake and threw in a shot of espresso. Just as they did so the phone rang and it was their mother, whose calls that kept forgetting to return and it turned into a long conversation about how well their siblings were doing and when are they going to meet someone nice and settle down. By the end of this exhausting conversation the milkshake had gone and melted on them. Whatever, they’ll drink it anyways. Now you don’t have to go through that whole ordeal to have this treat. You can keep dodging those calls and just grab a bottle of this from the store. It’s milky, It’s sweet and it lightly tastes like coffee. It’s a dessert drink.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 4th, 2018
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Stok Cold Brew Vanilla

Stok Cold Brew Vanilla

I drink one cup of coffee per day. I do not need it. I don't know why I do it. I might think I'm an adult but I could throw a baseball in any direction and have five people say that I am a fraud of a man.

This drink. I didn't know that it was vanilla as I graciously pulled it off the shelf. I did when I unwrapped it and then again as I drank it. The vanilla doesn't kill the drink and, if anything it smooths it out like any good, self-respecting vanilla would do. I don't know if there was milk in it but it could have been the vanilla that made it have that smoothness. They were spot on with their "Not Too Sweet" title, too because it's not tooth gratingly sweet. All of this while still retaining a good coffee flavor. All wrapped up in a nice little package.

One thing to note is that they must be making a hell of a concentrate to start off with. They tout a ten hour brew which is fourteen hours shorter than the cold brew I make and arguably as strong. They might be up to something in that facility. Take note. Sorcery perhaps?

Website
http://stokcoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 20th, 2018
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7 Eleven Go! Yum Chocolate Mocha

7 Eleven Go! Yum Chocolate Mocha

Well this was a pleasant surprise. I dropped my son off at school and his teacher said, "Are you ready for the planetarium?" which reminded me that I didn't make him a lunch like a pile of crap dad. That being said, of the top three things that I dislike doing in life, making school lunch, a task that takes no longer than five minutes is one of them. Putting dishes away, another job that takes five minutes is also there if you're counting.

What does any good dad do when he didn't make his son a lunch? Go to the closest store and buy a turkey and cheese sub and some fruit and a juice. What does he do if he's a Thirsty Dude? Look around for drinks he hasn't reviewed wasting precious time that he doesn't have. That's what. I found this and thought that it might be alright and I've really been sleeping on making cold brew this week. I thought wrong. It's actually great. It's got a great cocoa taste and a great coffee taste. It's not too sweet and everything has their chance to shine. There is milk in it but it's neither milky nor chalky. This is the cold brew I wish I could make at home. This is fantastic.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 1st, 2018
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Cultivo Cold Brew Coffee

Cultivo Cold Brew Coffee

I was worried about this. I split it with a dude at work and warned him that this would be strong and wildly caffeinated. I was wrong. It's got me a little jittery, which is fine, but some of the other cold brew I have drank got me lit up. It also is not hard to drink. I have said many a time that I drink coffee like a child would, with chocolate syrup in it but for this review, I went straight. It was not bad at all. I spent an hour and a half in my car due to snow so it wasn't as cold as it could have been but not docking that, it was good. I would say that this being just a medium coffee with average caffeine makes it something I could easily and have easily made at home.

All that being said, a little carton of black cold brew is a nice thing to just be able to pick up and go.

Website
http://cultivo.coffee
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2017
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Classic Cafe Espresso Vanilla

Classic Cafe Espresso Vanilla

If you are looking for a strong coffee drink, you might want to pass this one by. Since this boasts that it is made with two different types of coffee beans and is an espresso, there was no doubt in my mind that this was going to be coffee heavy. As it turns out it’s more of a latte than any latte I have ever drunk. It tastes like someone maybe half a shot of coffee into a big glass of vanilla milk. I guess when a product ends up going from Aldi to Big Lots you probably shouldn’t expect much from it. It gets a little less enticing with each sip as well. That could just be my distaste of milk though coloring my opinion. The can says it’s rich and creamy. I guess being half right isn’t all that bad.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 24th, 2017
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Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Chocolate Milk

Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Chocolate Milk

Yep. Here's another great one. When I drink coffee, it's cold and has chocolate in it. This checks all those boxes. It's pretty smooth because it's got half and half in there, too. I typically wouldn't put cream in my coffee but let me tell you this, if someone served this to me as-is while I was lying scantily clad on the lido deck of a cruise ship, I would say, thank you, and tip him an appropriate amount of money. I'm no monster. A tip is not a tip unless it meets the criteria of "enough." Having never worked in a tip-reliant industry unless you count playing in a band that is willing to but doesn't receive tips, I don't know what it's like to get a bad, good or great tip.

Here's a tip (segue) buy yourself some of this. It's smooth and still has a great coffee flavor even with the cream and chocolate. Be a little childish. You like coffee like you like your men? I don't know how to get out of this. I'm in a corner now. I'll stay here for a while. At least I have this coff...and it's gone.

Website
http://cultivo.coffee
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Certified Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 20th, 2017
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Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Half and Half

Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Half and Half

I’ve spent 38 years of my life thinking that I didn’t really like coffee. I didn’t hate it and I would drink it from time to time when I needed some caffeine. Hell, my high school years were spent sitting in diners for hours just downing overly sweetened and creamed endless cups of it, just because that was what my friends did back then. I had to add so much to it to make it so I could continue to drink it. It’s a miracle that I’m not insanely over weight. In the past couple of years I’ve realized that coffee isn’t all that bad if you’re drinking the right stuff. There are some great blends/roasts out there that can be downright tasty, but mostly I’m talking about cold brew. There is something special about cold brew that cuts the acidity and just makes it such a smooth drink. Also, coffee is so much better cold that hot to my taste buds.

While the carton here describes the true meaning of the name Cultivo, I will pretend that it is referring to the cult of coffee drinkers. You know the people out there who absolutely need their coffee to function, and for some I’m not even sure it’s due to the caffeine. People love coffee, and I think this product is here to indoctrinate new people into the cult by giving them smooth, delicious coffee to ease them in. This is exactly what the beverage is. It’s high quality coffee that is nice and creamy from the half & half (I can even forgive the use of real milk here, which normally disgusts me). It’s mildly sweet from the 9g of sugar in it, but they took care not to overdo it so that it is still mostly coffee and not a sugar drink.
It’s no shock here that this is a brand of Uncommon Coffee Roasters aka the best coffee I have ever drunk. They are a high quality company with ethics I can get behind. If only all companies had similar beliefs and practices while making such high quality products the world would be a much better (caffeinated) place.

Website
http://cultivo.coffee
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Certified Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 17th, 2017
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Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Woah. Talk about a dense drink. Have you ever considered a drink to be "dense." I feel that "thick" is boring. "Rich" is also quite used if you ask me. This drink is dense. Heavy. Dude who I let try it perfectly described it as a "non-dairy creamer." It's as if you were a college kid who had one for a split second, like you found $20 on the street and decided to shoot for the stars and buy some fancy coffee creamer, got home, realized that you should have spent it on coffee and have nothing to drink but the creamer itself.

I did add this to some cold brew coffee and it was good. This claims that it was "cold brew" and although I cannot argue as I wasn't in the room as this was being made, it kind of defeats the point when you are sacrilegiously adding almond and toffee juice to it. That's also coming from someone who can only drink coffee cold and with some form of chocolate or mocha flavoring like an idiot child. This is fine if you were a child but if you were a child you wouldn't like it because it's coffee and kids don't like coffee so who is this for? This is for people that add twelve sugars to their coffees as barely functioning adults.

Website
http://www.goldpeaktea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 23rd, 2017
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Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, where do I even begin with this beverage? Is it wonderful? It is horrendous? Even though base logic show us that one thing cannot be both, this somehow is. This beverage defies logic, and perhaps other sciences. One thing that I can say for certain about this is that it is intriguing and unlike anything I have ever encountered before.

When I came across this in a Brooklyn deli, I grabbed it without a thought and put my money on the counter for it and a delicious jerk sandwich. It wasn’t until I got a couple of blocks away that I realized that what I bought actually sounded terrible. Sparkling coffee is something that can be acceptable when it is done right, so more than likely no problem there. I can totally see mint in coffee. Actually it sounds like it would be delicious and it’s probably something that exists in most coffee shops. So far, so good. Then we get to the grapefruit and everything gets thrown out the window. Grapefruit and coffee sounds like one of the strangest combinations I could think of, and it very much is in reality. It’s unlike anything I have ever tasted before. The grapefruit isn’t subtle. It’s right out in the front. I would say this is 42% coffee, 42% grapefruit, and 6% mint. It’s a wild ride in your mouth, and my taste buds are very confused. So much citrus and bitter coffee; I think I may be short circuiting.

With each sip, I hate it, yet a few seconds later I find myself taking another drink. By the end of this I think I may truly love it. I hate myself for it, but it’s kind of fantastic in the worst possible way. It’s like an ex that you know is bad for you and who you never feel good about hanging out with afterwards, but somehow in the moment things work and nothing else matters. This drink may be the best bad decision you ever make that will have zero consequences. I need to try the other flavors. Good thing Mike and I are going back to NYC in a few weeks.

Website
http://drinkupruit.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Coffee, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 12th, 2017
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Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Fall is upon us. What does that mean? Cinnamon. Ahh, cinnamon. Natures...cinnamon. I bought this because it was A: Cheap and B: Had a great selling line on the side which I will put here:

This creamy and sweet cinnamon cold brew coffee is big on taste with a warm, velvety texture.

So's I buy it, bring it in to work and have two dudes try it and the consensus is as follows: It's bad. Not even OK. It's not good. It tastes like someone made a passable cold brew and then dumped too much ground cinnamon in it, said to themselves, "Welp, no turning back now." put in one more pinch, and bottled it up.

The coffee is fine. I don't drink too much and what I do drink is cold brew and typically has some sort of disgusting chemical chocolate taste to it so I'm not one to judge but this coffee was light at best. The cinnamon was a ground cinnamon and not a candy cinnamon. After tasting it, though, I don't know which I would have preferred. Thumbs down, Archer Farms/Target. There's more to fall than cinnamon. There's more to you than bad cold brew. I feel like I just masochistically did "the cinnamon challenge" to myself. I feel like a moron.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2017
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