Coffee (243 reviews)

Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein

Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein

There’s nothing better than a hot coffee and a nice, juicy steak, huh, Bob? This is how I begin and close out every day. A nice porterhouse and a rich, tall glass of coffee. No, Bob. I mean it. Every day. It's how I stay a healthy, vibrant three-hundred pounds. It's more for the ladies to love, if you know what I mean. You don't know what I mean? Well, Bob, when a man and a woman...oh...oh...you do get it. Alright.

What do you have there? Oh, a Starbucks drink. How cute. Wait, what's in it. Protein and coffee. Hmm. You might be on to something. Can I have that can? I'll gladly pay you for it. Thanks.

This isn't too bad. It's got a smooth coffee taste that's a little like the original Frappuccino. You can get a little of the sweet and bitterness from the erythritol but that's really nominal. You don't really get protein, which is nice because sometimes protein drinks can be really gritty.

You might be on to something, Bob. Bob, I spend a hundred dollars a day on fine coffee and sixteen ounce steaks. I can now spend $5. You just saved me almost $35,000 a year. You know what; you just earned yourself a sixty-five cent raise. Congratulations. Enjoy your raise.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 22nd, 2015
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Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein, 11 Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

Starbucks Frappuccino S'Mores

Starbucks Frappuccino S'Mores

I'm glad they invented smaller cups. Who would have thought? I mean, I feel like we were here and, like cell phones, they got bigger and bigger. I've got a fifty-two ounce cup on my desk right now. Ten ounces of this Frappuccino is all I need. Also, "need" is not at all the word that should have been used. I do not "need" this at all in my life. This isn't curing cancer. This is not giving people jobs. Sure, people work at Starbucks but this s'more Frappuccino is not keeping them afloat. Sure I paid over four dollars which I find appalling but nonetheless, I bought it and we're here.

How was it? Just as good as you would have hoped. It was sweet but not too much. There was a lot of cream on top which fluffed it up a bit. Chocolate crammed to the bottom and mystery in the middle. I honestly have no idea what makes up a Frappuccino because this one didn't taste like coffee one iota. It tasted like liquified Honey Grahams dipped in Hershey syrup. If that doesn't sound good to you, you are either on a diet or you hate fun. If you hate fun, I don't know what you're doing reading these reviews because they're nothing but fun. That was sarcasm. Time spent reading this review would be better spent watching paint dry. Go paint a fence, Huck Finn. If you want to watch paint dry, cut the bottom quarter of your pants off, use "the N" word, and sail downstream on a boat made of tree trunks. Did he use "the N" word? I don't know if I've ever read Huck Finn. I'm really dumb.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 17th, 2015
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Mocha

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Mocha

Overly indulgent. Two words. Done? Please. You know me better than that. What made it overly indulgent? Well it could have been the generous amount of whipped cream. It could have been the generous amount of chocolate syrup. I just wanted an iced mocha coffee. I could have said, "no" when she asked. It's the drink, though. It's the complete package. I have to review them as-is. I did deny cream and sugar because I'm not a masochist.

For coffee lovers, this is closer to coffee than, say, an iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. That's closer to chocolate milk than this. This is easily sixty or seventy percent coffee. Dunkin' is closer to thirty percent.

I still managed to drink two-thirds of this. I've got a mild case of "da shakes" but I'm fine. I had a big salad. You can just call me Elaine Benes.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 15th, 2015
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Califia Farms Cold Brew Coffee with Almond Milk Mocha Mexica

Califia Farms Cold Brew Coffee with Almond Milk Mocha Mexica

Sometimes you come across a beverage that sounds delicious, but you know it’s not the proper time to drink it. So you store it away in your fridge until you feel the time is right. When you know the time has finally come, perhaps you want to have some buttered apple toast before you start into the drink. If that time ever comes in your life, take extra care when taking the butter out of the fridge, or you may just knock the bottle of the beverage you’ve been waiting for and it will explode all over the floor. If you are lucky then the drink you had been so patient about will be a bottle of Califa Farms Mocha Mexica Cold Brew Coffee. The reason you would be lucky is that even though you will have quite the mess on your hands your kitchen will be filled with the wonderful aroma of coffee, chocolate and cinnamon.

My annoyance level was through the roof when this spilled everywhere, but I was able to save about 1/3 of the bottle, and that little bit that I was able to drink made the entire ordeal worth it (well maybe not). It’s no secret that I am not a big coffee fan, but when you do it Mexican style with chocolate, cinnamon and chili in it; it’s an entirely different story. This is a drink and a half. It’s more like chocolate almond milk with coffee and spices added than a coffee drink, but that’s probably why I like it so much. It’s very smooth with just the right amount of heat from the spices. I’ve had good Mexican chocolate and I’ve had bad Mexican chocolate and this, if it were in bar form would be the best of them all.

Now that I’ve enjoyed what little beverage did not end up on my kitchen floor, I should go clean again to make sure I got it all. No one wants ants.

Website
http://www.califiafarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 12th, 2015
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Oreo

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Oreo

Cookies. More cookies. Big ones. Small ones. Medium ones. Dark ones. Medium ones, again. Light ones? I don't think that I want anything like that here. That would involve white chocolate and no thanks, friends. No thanks.

You know what I want cookies in? Mostly everything, honestly. I don't drink coffee, as you boringly know. This though, man, all day. This is kind of spectacular. "Kind of spectacular" seems like an impossible status. What makes this good, though? Well the fact that it's a good split between Oreo syrup and coffee. Two things that are probably not great for you and together they're most certainly not good for you but you don't give a rip because you're an adult and you can't tell me what to do anymore, Dad! Wuh....what....where am I? I blacked out. What was I doing? I was doing a review? For what? Oh, Oreo iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Let's start up that old engine again.

This is great. Well, was great. It's gone. Like Daryl Hall said many, many times at this point, "she's gone." I would like to take Daryl Hall out to Dunkin' Donuts. I would buy him this cheerful, summer drink. Maybe after that he wouldn't feel soul alone. See what I did there? Daryl. See what I did?

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 17th, 2015
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Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino S'Mores

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino S'Mores

Jimmy, I'm sorry, son. I had to go back to work this weekend and finish up the Johnson report. I know I was going to take you camping. I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't come home empty handed, though. So put down that backpack and sleeping bag and come over here. I bought you, get ready, a S'mores Iced Capp. It's got all the things that kids like including but not limited to, chocolate, graham cracker crumbs and marshmallows. It's just like we're camping but while you eat s'mores, daddy is going to work on the Johnson report.

What do you think? I'm on page twenty-nine of this report and you look to be about half way done. Yeah, I don't know what the actual "iced capp" part is. It tasted almost like a salted graham cracker base. I liked it but couldn't tell what it was. I'll tell you, though. That chocolate whipped cream on top was a nice touch and since none of the chunks of graham cracker or marshmallows on top could be sucked through a straw, that final little bite of it was great. It tasted like a really unhealthy cereal.

Look, buddy. I'm sorry about doing this to you. The boss dropped this bomb on me and I've got to do what he says or I won't have the money to buy you such frivolous drinks. We'll be eating hobo pies on the side of the road. Yeah I know your mom has a job and we'll be fine...Jimmy! I'm trying to paint a picture. Let me focus on this report. Drink your s'mores and watch that ten hour loop of the yule log and it will be like we're camping.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 15th, 2015
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Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta Oreo

Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta Oreo

Oh the summer series from Dunkin' Donuts is going hard. Last year was ice cream flavored drinks. This year? Cookies. I love cookies. Who doesn't love cookies, really? Men, women, teachers, murderers, clowns, baby sitters, arsonists, girls, firemen, security officers and even ladies love them.

When ordering this, the option was presented to me, "Coffee of vanilla?" which I answered overwhelmingly "Coffee, ma'am." I don't know if she heard me because there is little to no "coffee" in this but it is a Coolata which I think is as far from actual coffee. This is one rung away from milkshake territory.

You know what, though? It's really good. They put whipped cream atop with some Oreo crumbles to really finish it off. Look at me, "finish it off" like it's some sort of high-end garnish. It's cookies, dude. It's cookies in a milkshake, whipped cream and cookie crumbles on top. It's delicious. It's everything you want in your life. You lead a regular life. Take no extra chances and get this. You're not going to surprise anyone else in your white bread world if they "catch you" drinking this. You aren't going to surprise your mother who raised you on chicken noodle and bologna sandwiches. This is cookies. Liquid cookies. This is liquid cookies and it's fantastic. Hello summer. Welcome back. We've missed you.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 8th, 2015
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McDonalds McCafe Mocha

McDonalds McCafe Mocha

Eek. This is good. Dastardly good. Sure, it defied the simple rule of "fast food" since I waited patiently in my car for five minutes at the window while this was delivered to me, unapologetically. Who cares? That machine man. You've really got to reel it in with that thing. It is the single most multi-tasking piece of equipment in the place and it's down constantly. The entirety of the McCafe is solely reliant on that one machine and it's down all the time. That's neither Nora there.

This drink, though. Jesus. It's fantastic. It's served with an unnecessary amount of whipped cream and chocolate sauce. In hindsight, I wish I would have gone without it because it's already chocolate since it's mocha. I don't need ice cream toppings on a coffee drink. Thank you. Unneeded. It's good, though. It's clearly a coffee with a decent enough amount of chocolate that both are clearly represented. I'm not coffee connoisseur, but it's a good coffee taste. I don't care. I'm sure it's garbage. I don't care. I should. I don't. You win, McDonald's.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 15th, 2015
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Rocky Road

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Rocky Road

Rocky road is a pretty great ice cream. Chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. It's kind of the best things combined. This is a liquid version with coffee. Now, in typical Dunkin' Donuts fashion, I saw how it was "made" and was a bit let down. They're not good at keeping the curtain up between the "half coffee; half hot chocolate; mocha" debacle and now the fact that they just arbitrarily squirt flavor into coffee, it's just not full of surprises. Do I need to be surprised? No. Do I want to have the knowledge of where my food comes from and how it's made? Eh, to an extent. I still want to love hot dogs, you know?

Back to rocky road. It was actually pretty good. It would be something that you get once, and then love, and then get like eleven days in a row only to find out that it's clearly awful for you and you've got the jitters like you wouldn't believe and now your feening. Getting one and drinking one I can see how this would avalanche into an intervention. It's sweet, still tastes like coffee, has a good chocolate taste and although you don't get any nuts or marshmallow, it's still a nice treat to pick you up in the middle of a day. Just don't watch them make it because they squeeze all the fun out of everything.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 7th, 2015
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Fitz's Premium Coffee Cola

Fitz's Premium Coffee Cola

Tim Kasher is the front-man for both Cursive and The Good Life, as well as a solo artist. Jason was recently on tour with Cursive and Tim was kind enough to review Fitz's Coffee Cola for us.

Cursive just reissued a 10-year anniversary edition of their album "The Ugly Organ."
The Good Life has a new full length coming out this spring.
Tim also has a split 7" coming out with Chris Farren.


Website
http://www.fitzsrootbeer.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Tim Kasher - Cursive/The Good Life on March 15th, 2015
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