Coffee (242 reviews)

Taylor's Tonics Cola Azteca

Taylor's Tonics Cola Azteca

I'm not a fan of most coffee drinks, but I do occasionally enjoy a mocha. I unfortunately did not enjoy the Cafe Azteca. I guess it remotely tastes like mocha, but it is extremely strong and burns a lot. It wasn't what I expected after having the other Taylor's Tonics drinks. At first I thought it might have been my dislike of coffee drinks that was weighing my opinion, but after having some avid coffee drinkers taste it, everyone agreed it was way too strong for its own good. Out of the seven or so people who tasted it, only one really enjoyed it.

Website
http://www.taylorstonics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Coffee, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 8th, 2010
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

This tastes like a candle and also tastes like it sucks. No stars. Wait...I can't do no stars? This website sucks almost as much as this drink. I said, "Could I have an iced coffee with vanilla, please?" and I think they misheard "vanilla" and thought I said candle wax. Three sips. There goes $2.16. Cripes. Grozz. Ugh. These are the sounds that I am audibly saying at work aloud as people try to work. "Try to work" is code for "fantasy football" so it sounds like everyone has a hearing impediment today.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Honest CocoaNova Mocha Cacao

Honest CocoaNova Mocha Cacao

This has been sitting in my fridge waiting for the perfect moment to drink it. It sounded incredible. The Honest company has a history of making amazing drinks, so when I learned that they made a chocolate line I was very interested. I'm not a huge fan of coffee, but I have enjoyed every Mocha that I've ever tried. You know Mocha, hot chocolate with a little kick. I hardly consider it coffee. It's more of a chocolate drink with a little coffee added.

Since today is supposed to be the so-called rapture, I decided it was now or quite literally never. I guess that's not true. If it were the rapture all of the good Christians would be raised up to heaven while my friends and I had some more time left to suffer on Earth. I would celebrate that suffering with a whole mess of drinks. Seeing as it's all a fairy tale anyways I will drink this mocha cacao in celebration of me being intelligent enough to realize that angels aren't going to come carry people away today.....or ever.

On first smell this has a weird scent. Almost like the chocolate milk that is left in the bowl after you eat some Coco Puffs, but stronger. I took a sip, and this was not what I was expecting at all. It was as if they melted down baking chocolate, watered it down and added two shots of black coffee. First you're hit by the watery baking chocolate taste. It's bitter, but not the good bitter like when you get some quality dark chocolate. As you hold it in your mouth that flavor stays, but as soon as you swallow and take a breath the coffee sets in. I always find it odd when drinks have distinct waves of flavor. In some juices it's nice, but for this it's not working for me. I would have preferred this all blended into one tight flavor.

I really, really wanted to like this, but to be honest I couldn't make it through half of the bottle. I had expected a richer chocolate taste. If you really like coffee maybe it will be something you really enjoy. I'll pass it off to an angel if I see one today.

Website
http://www.honesttea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 21st, 2011
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Havana Cappuccino Mocha

Havana Cappuccino Mocha

I don't know where I got this. I know why I got it, though. Answer; because it was there. This is not a fantastic representation of mocha cappuccino. I promise to you that if you're looking for a "quality" drink, you won't find it constrained within the glass walls of this bottle. It's terrible fake tasting like they had some chocolate milk, cut it in half, poured bad instant, powder mocha cappuccino into to it, skipped all the "red tape" one would need to put out something legit and pushed it right to market. I probably got this on sale. The same people also make these chocolate milks that just tasted unpure.

Look. I enjoy a nice, sweet garbage drink. Give me a Nesquik in those gargantuan thirty-two ounce bottles and I will use all the strength inside of me to not Gregory House the whole thing. This is half that size and I'm going to probably have no choice but to dump half of that. Strong percentages. Weak drink. I don't know why a company called "North American Beverage" would market a drink called Havana. I do appreciate, slightly, that illustration of the most 80's bottle I've ever seen. It looks like it should be on the wall of a victim’s house in Miami Vice. I felt like I should have been wearing a Panama hat and a Panama Jack shirt that I would have had to scour multiple Salvation Army's to find just to fully appreciate this drink. Since I'm wearing a fifteen-year-old hoodie that is ill fitting, this drink did not deliver.

Website
http://www.northamericanbeverage.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 23rd, 2011
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Buy Now
Havana Cappuccino Ready to Drink Cappuccino, Mocha, 15-ounces (Pack of12)

Archer Farms Coffee Energy Drink Vanilla

Archer Farms Coffee Energy Drink Vanilla

Well this isn't good. I do enjoy a nice coffee drink, not to be confused with actual coffee, which I can't stand. Strange right? Welp, what are you going to do? This is very vanilla and, as reported by two separate colleagues, metallic tasting, which is not a strong selling feature unless you are advertising to sell to a tired goat. As for the energy, I don't get any "energy drink" taste. Mostly it just tastes like the vanilla and milk. I also did not get much coffee, which I was hoping for.

I will say that if we were playing darts, you know, Target CEO Gregg W. Steinhafel and I, I would think they were hitting a ton of low, non-counting numbers like three, or eight, because this drink missed the mark. It's missing what I wanted and expected. Now, Gregg might be a fantastic dartsman, but in the game where I asked him to play like this drink was playing, I beat him and looked great doing it. I didn't rub his face in it and I bought him a root beer for being a good sport.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 5th, 2012
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Freeze Black Coffee

Freeze Black Coffee

My buddy Dave said it best. His review of this drink was, "You can really taste the 11% sugar." This might be some of the sweetest coffee drink I've ever had. Jay, Dave, Editor Dan, and I went to a couple stores and just hung out all day. It would have been the same day we had when we were ten years ago. A couple small markets, clothing stores, the mall, and so on. Bunch of dudes hanging out. Oh, and Chili's. We all love Chili's. We easily co-drank two gallons of unsweetened blackberry tea that day.

Anyhow, we went to a favorite Asian market and did some shopping and this was one of the drinks we got. Dave got one as well as I and he drank his in the car. We spread it all around because we're all very good friends. Everyone's sentiments were all the same. It's too darn sweet. It's got a good iced black tea taste but the quantity of sugar will inevitably put the majority of this drink down the drain, on the parking lot next to you car where you bought it, rudely on some kid's head, on your table because you accidentally knocked it over forgetting there was still so much in there, or anywhere else that isn't down your gullet.

Website
http://www.nuboon.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 3rd, 2012
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Arizona Joltin' Joe Sparkling Espresso

Arizona  Joltin' Joe Sparkling Espresso

Walk into a 7-11. Go towards the back where the Slurpee machine is. Now here is the hard part. Grab a cup and put some soda water in it. Like when you press the small white button next to the Coke or Mug root beer. Then shimmy over to the coffee machine and fill that bad boy up with the oldest, most burnt coffee, right to the brim. Shift back over to the fountain center and put some ice in there to cool it down. Then take a handful of sugar, all of them, artificial or real, who cares? Pay your $0.99 and go to your car. Give it a swirl and take a sip. Promptly make a face that looks like you just ate out of a momma bird's mouth.

I looked far and wide for this drink and now I found it and it unfortunately sucks. It tastes like how I described the scenario above. Gross. Joe DiMaggio, you should arise from the grave and White-Out Your name from this contract.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Sparkling
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 9th, 2013
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Havana Cappuccino Diet Vanilla

Havana Cappuccino Diet Vanilla

The coffee machine at your office has been on the fritz all week, which means that you have had to bring your own caffeinated beverage into work. The thing is that today your alarm didn’t go off for some reason. Luckily your internal clock woke you up, but with only 20 minutes to get to the office. So it was get up, brush your teeth, drag a comb through your hair, put on a suit and you’re out the door. You didn’t even have time to stop at a gas station for the sludge that they deem fit to call coffee. As a result of all of this you have been a wreck all day. You’re sluggish and you can’t concentrate because you haven’t eaten since you grabbed Taco Bell on the way home from work the day before. You’re a mess.

You know it’s not something that any human should do, but you still go into the break room and look for some food to steal out of the communal fridge. Sure, it’s not the most moral thing to do, but the GM is coming in shortly and if she sees you like this, it probably wouldn’t bode well for your career. The fridge is full of Tupperware containers full of moldy leftovers. Doesn’t anyone ever clean this thing out? Things are looking grim. You’re about to give up when you move a container of soup that is dated seven months ago and behind it is this bottle of Havana diet vanilla cappuccino. You find yourself thinking that you should probably rethink your stance on the existence of god as you look around and grab the bottle. You scurry away to your cubicle and crack the seal. After a gulp you think that it isn’t half bad. Sure the milk to coffee ratio seems about even, which is more than you usually like, but it has a nice vanilla flavor to it, so you feel a little fancy. After that each sip gets harder and harder to get down. The taste of the Splenda is getting stronger by the second. Diet coffee; is there anything worse for someone who normally drinks it black? By the time you finished the bottle you’re feeling more normal. You’re stomach has a little something in it, and you’ve got a little caffeine buzz going on. The only downfall is you can taste the Splenda seeping out of your gums, and that is something you never want to experience again. What do you expect from a drink that was abandoned at least seven months ago?

Website
http://www.northamericanbeverage.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Splenda
Categories
Coffee, Diet
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 7th, 2013
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Jay Street Coffee Mocha

Jay Street Coffee Mocha

When I heard that Ito En was releasing a line of coffee drinks that they had named after me, I was ecstatic. I was also slightly confused as I am not the world’s biggest coffee fan, but pumped all the same. Then I remembered that I had no correspondence with the company, and there are thousands of other Jay’s in the world, so the chances of it being named after me were pretty slim. I can dare to dream though.

When I twisted off the cap to take a sip of the potential chocolaty goodness inside, I quickly changed my mind and hoped that this was in fact not named after me. This is not very good. I mean it’s drinkable, but it doesn’t have the strong flavor that one would hope for with such a beverage. I would actually say that it is more milk than anything. Mocha Milk would be an appropriate name for this. Even worse is that it’s nonfat dry milk, so it is slightly chalky. The coffee flavor is not very present with the chocolate taking second place behind the powdered dairy. It’s also pretty sweet with 38g of sugar in the bottle.

I had expected more from the fine folks at Ito En, and for the record I never really thought it was named after me, but if someone does want to do that, please let me try it first so I can give it my official stamp of approval. We wouldn’t want any embarrassing situations such as this.

Website
http://www.jaystreetcoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 24th, 2014
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Buy Now
Jay Street Coffee Fresh Brewed 100% Arabica Beans, Mocha, 16.9 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Proper Soda Co. Sweet & Strong Coffee Soda

Proper Soda Co. Sweet & Strong Coffee Soda

Do you long for the days when you could just sit at a restaurant all night with your friends, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes? You would squeeze at a minimum eight people into a booth and everyone would order coffee and a single plate of fries to split between the table. I’m sure the waitress loved the change that was left behind as a tip for what would invariably be her table occupied for hours. Those were the days of my youth and I assume a decent amount of you out there had the same experience. I have no idea if kids still do such a thing, but the amount of 24 hour restaurants has plummeted and the anti-smoking laws probably took away some of the allure.

Why do I bring up such things? Well it’s because with a heavy heart I have to report that this soda tastes like I was at one of those late night meet ups and someone played a practical joke on me and ashed into my mug. At first this has a strong coffee taste, but it quickly turns into something that I can only liken to the way that stale old half smoked cigarettes smell. It is a shame because Proper Soda Co obviously puts effort and care into their products. Their cans look fantastic and while a coffee soda isn’t a new idea, it is still something that is fairly rare, and I appreciate them taking a risk with it. Unfortunately the arrow didn’t hit the mark (the can looks like a design that would have an arrow on it). When I drank this straight from the fridge it was far more carbonated than I expected, or needed, and the flavor was very off-putting as I have stated. I was leaving on a road trip, and I knew I would need some caffeine so I put it in my cup holder, planning on forcing myself to work through it. I will say that after it warmed up a little and some of the carbonation dissipated it wasn’t as bad, but it still had a ton of room for improvement. I’m sorry folks, I really wanted to love this, but it just didn’t work out that way.

Website
http://propersoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 3rd, 2015
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