Energy Drink (347 reviews)
Red Bull The Blue Edition
Congratulations, you my friend have found the golden ticket that entitles you to take a tour of the Wonka candy factory. I'd like to preface this by telling you that this is nothing like the movie. There is no river of chocolate, or crazy experimental gum that will make you float, and I must emphasize that you will not be put into the running to be handed the keys to the entire establishment at the end. Our factory is a factory and nothing else. It's just a bunch of big machinery that pumps out sugary goodness. There is a gift shop at the end where you can buy some of our goods as well. I would also like to add that this will be a long in-depth tour, as I like to explain every little thing in great detail. I am sick of the folks on my tour falling asleep, so here is a complimentary can of Red Bull. I must also urge you to not touch any of the candy as we move through the factory. The movie may have been fictitious, but the accidents it shows can and will be very real if you put your little hands where they don't belong.
Let us start off with the Pixie Stix machine. This machine powderizes the sugar and adds a little flavor...HEY! What are you doing?! Didn't I just tell you not to touch anything? Here you are dumping some of the flavoring extract for the blue Pixie Stix into your Red Bull. Oh great, the sugar caused it to fizz over and now there's a mess on the floor. Do you know how long it's been since we had an accident here at Wonka? Are you trying to ruin my streak? I don't care that it tastes like blueberry Red Bull now. No I really don't care! I am furious with you. Seriously I don't care. I can perfectly envision in my mind what concentrated blue Pixie Stix flavor and Red Bull would taste like together. I admit that it would taste nice, but my anger with you is complete and I will have to wait until after security has led to you to make some myself and sell the recipe to Red Bull. Oh think of it now the merging of two great companies. Mr. Wonka will be so pleased with me. Maybe he'll even hand the company over to me instead of some punk nosed kid. Oh yes I lied earlier; you were going to get the company. Instead you and your con artist of a grandfather can go back to living in squalor. How can a grown man pretend to be in pain and not walk for years and then just jump up and dance suddenly? I'm calling shenanigans!
- Website
- http://www.redbull.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/16/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Hype Energy Original
The text, much like the whippets at the Gathering of the Juggalos, don't stop. Non-stop text on this can. You want some ingredients? What languages don't you speak? This can't got 'em all, son. That's just number one right off the bat. I'm not penalizing Hype for it, just pointing it out. Oh, see that can with all the text on it? Yeah, don't worry about reading it. It's an energy drink.
Taste: Not terrible. I like it more than Red Bull. It's an energy drink so you know the overall flavor. This has a bit more, dare I say, "fruit." They have an organic version that Jay reviewed that might allow fruit not to be in quotes. I went to lunch and came back and took another sip and it was pretty vile. I'm not penalizing them for that, either. It wasn't refrigerated so that was on me. That's a free poisoning from me to you, Hype.
Honestly, I didn't hate it. If hype men like Flava Flav, Dapwell from Das Racist, or Bushwick Bill pushed this drink on me, I would say, "Gentlemen. No need to yell. I'm on board. Stop drinking this energy drink and maybe sit down with some tea. You need to relax. No, Dap, that was not a pun on your group's fantastic major label release."
- Website
- http://www.hype.com/
- Country
- Netherlands
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/13/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Red Bull Silver Edition Energy Drink
I worked at Fun Fun Fun Fest again this year and one of the big sponsors was Red Bull. Big as in you couldn't walk 5 feet without being handed a can of Red Bull. It was 80 degrees in Austin all weekend long so instead of hot coffee I drank cold Red Bull.
Just as I was getting sick of the taste of Red Bull, I came across this can in a cooler. It's as if they really wanted to keep to the "limited edition" of the flavor and only brought one can for every 10,000 because this was the first time I saw it all weekend. Regardless of it being new, I was excited for something different in taste.
And it's definitely different, in a great way. It's lemon lime flavored! It's not as if they poured 7UP into Red Bull, it tastes nothing like regular Red Bull and everything like a delicious lemon-lime soda. If this were a regular Red Bull flavor, people would buy this in stampedes and leave the old cans in the dust.
- Website
- http://www.redbull.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 11/13/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Agua Enerviva Lo Cal Natural Energy Fruit Punch + Guarana
I hate to always bring reviews of drink such as this back to this company, but this tastes like a diet Vitamin Water. Sure there are dozens of other companies I could compare it too, but I think most people are more familiar with Vitamin Water than those other companies, so it gives them a better base for comparison. Well that was completely unnecessary and boring.
I will say that while this is a fruit punch, it’s not the type of drink I think of when I hear the words fruit punch. I think companies should avoid that phrase because it makes me think of Hawiian Punch and the like, which no one really needs to drink. This is not just a bog bottle of red syrup. This is pretty light and has a more adult fruit punch flavor. I think it’s interesting that they still sweeten this with cane sugar, just not as much. They make up the difference with sucralose. The mixture doesn’t give it that deadly 80’s diet flavor that I dread. It tastes diet, but not like poison.
The thing that differentiates Agua Enerviva from Vitamin Water is that their drinks have guarana in them, which is a natural source of caffeine. There’s not enough in here to make you crazy and jittery, but it’s a nice slight push to get you through your day.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/9/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Hype Energy MFP
In 1998 Public Enemy released the album “It Takes a Nation of a Million to Hold Us Back.” In the lyrics of the second single from the album Chuck D very emphatically tells to listeners not to believe the hype. Very wise words from a wise man. Listen to Chuck because he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to socio-political topics and those same sentiments can also be used when reviewing energy drinks. Hype Organic was great, this one, not so much. It has a traditional energy drink flavor (aka Red Bull/every generic energy drink ever), but it has less candy flavor and more “energy flavor.” It makes sense because it is their maximum energy blend. I could have used more on the flavor side of things, but if I had to trade off some flavor for an energy drink that works well, I can handle that.
Hype will probably focus on some particular lines from the previously mentioned Public Enemy song: “All the critics you can hang'em, I'll hold the rope.” Lucky for me they are in the Netherlands.
- Website
- http://www.hype.com/
- Country
- Netherlands
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/7/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Lucozade Energy Original
I saw this in every rest stop and convenience store that I went to while in the UK. Nothing about it looked appealing to me, so I passed it by every single time (take note that this was before Thirsty Dudes, so I had no contractual obligation to drink it). The label looks childish and not appetizing. As my ladyfriend pointed out something about it is reminiscent of Irn Bru, which I am also not a fan of.
I don’t know where Mike got this from, but when he handed it to me I sighed and said, “Fine I’ll do it.” I really expected this to be bubble gum flavored, which would have been infinitely worse than what it actually tastes like. It really tastes like carbonated sugar water with a little bit of lemon in it. There is that weird Gatorade flavor in there as well. What I expected to be some sort of weird, crazy British energy drink turns out to be a slightly carbonated sports drink. There isn’t even any caffeine in it. All of its “energy” seems to come from sugar and lactose acid. Now I have no idea why athletes would want to drink something carbonated immediately before or after crushing it on the field, but I guess that’s what people do “across the pond.” Man I hate that phrase.
- Website
- http://www.lucozade.com/
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Sweetener
- Glucose Syrup
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/28/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Blink Energy Water Lively Lemonade
Kids? I love kids. Why, I've got a nephew. Oh yeah? What's his name? I want to say Mason. Clifford. Little Clifford.
That's what I thought of the entire time with this drink but replace "Mason" with "urinal cake." It's brutal. I apologize. Surely a company wouldn't create a drink that tastes like urinal cakes. Well, not purposely anyway. Something about this drink reminds me of a men’s room. I can't put my finger on it. I've never eaten or drank anything from a bathroom, nor do I want to. My girlfriend tells me tales of people going into stalls with a place of chicken wings and coming out with a plate of bones. That happens. This is happening, too and I just can't put my finger on it. Let me try to break it down again. No more sleepy dreamin'.
Initial sip...lemon, like a concentrated lemonade but pulpless. Follow up larger sip bitter lemonness followed by a strange, tangy undertone. If anyone has ever chewed a vitamin C tablet, you know, the ones that are like tiny, compressed capsules of orange juice, that's the intensity of citric power that is emanating from each subsequent tiny sip. The cane juice isn't offensive but it might be the Stevia but it's actually taking a strange turn. Normally Stevia has a small, sharp taste but now it's somehow transformed into a bitter one.
I don't know what's going on in this bottle. I drank it in its entirety but didn't particularly enjoy it. Every sip kept me coming back for more just so that I could pinpoint what it is I didn't like about it. I guess if that's their tactic, they are sure to sell tons of this stuff.
- Website
- http://blinkenergywater.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/25/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Ironclad Energy Hydration Triple Citrus
You know what would be great? If the two "famous" Mike Judges were actually the same person. You know in the late 80's he played in the straight edge hardcore band "Judge." Then he decided that the whole edge thing just wasn't for him and he started drinking and such, thus leading to "Mike Judge and the Old Smoke." I don't know if that's the real tale but that's what I always heard. How rad would it be if during that time he created Beavis & Butthead, Daria and Office Space? I'd have to say that he was much better at comedy than making music if that was the case. Why does any of this matter? It matters because the crossed hammers on this can make me think of Judge and nothing else. In the world of 80's hardcore and modern day energy drinks I would have to say I feel the exact same way about both of them. There were a whole lotta bands from that era that blew Judge out of the water and there are an obscene amount of energy drinks that do the same to this. It's insanely tart and not all that pleasant to drink. It's "Triple Citrus," which I assume from that flavor means it's tangerine, orange and a mystery citrus. I wanna say pineapple, but I don't really think that is it. It basically like someone took a whole bunch of unripe citrus fruit, juiced it (poorly) and added that famous energy drink cocktail. I'm sure Judge era Mike would never drink this, just as I'm sure that comedy era wouldn't as well. I bet that at his lowest (aka Old Smoke) he would have downed can after can of this in self loathing. Oh wait, you mean he is two different people? Well at least I appreciate one of them.
- Website
- http://www.ironcladenergy.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/24/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Speed Energy Fuel
This is an energy drink that is put out/sponsored by NASCAR driver Robby Gordon. Is that even close to a good idea? I feel like driving in a circle at high speeds requires intense concentration. All of the garbage in energy drinks tends to make people jittery or jumpy, at least I know that’s how I get. This doesn’t seem to be a specially formulated drink that helps with concentration like NERD (aka the steroids of NASCAR). It’s the opposite actually. This was the cheapest energy drink the gas station had, and I was expecting the taste to reflect the cost. I was happily wrong and this has a decent citrus taste. It’s reminiscent of the Monster Khaos drink, except this one has no actual juice in it. It has a flavor that I would describe as orange drink and tangerine drink mixed together, but not as thick. There’s something about citrus flavor in energy drinks that helps to block out the chemical flavor in them. I’m very surprised that I liked this as much as I did, and I would drink it again if I found myself in a gas station needing a pick-me-up. Let’s just hope the number of crashes in NASCAR isn’t proportionate to the spike of energy drink use. I know the crashes are probably the only exciting thing about a race, but there are real people in those cars and I don’t want to see anyone getting seriously hurt.
- Website
- http://speedenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/14/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Scheckter's Organic Energy Original
Organic energy. What better way to do it, right? Anyone who drinks Red Bull or any of those types of energy drinks has to know that it's not at all healthy for them. You know that, right? Nothing that pungent and cringe-worthy can be natural. This is and because of it, it's a heck of a lot tamer. Perhaps less effective than the rocket fuel you are used to drinking, this is actually drinkable. It's a little bitter from the green tea and the coffee bean but it's actually considered a sparkling fruit drink. I can't actually taste anything in particular but here's the fruit roll call: lemon, pomegranate, and elderberry.
If you are sick of what extreme sports is telling you to drink and want to calm down and be a functioning adult for once in your life, drink this. You might not go back to "the other guys" unless we're talking about that Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg vehicle because I would love to watch that movie again.
- Website
- http://www.schecktersorganic.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Agave Nectar
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/8/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
