Energy Drink (562 reviews)

Celsius Sparkling Orange

Celsius Sparkling Orange

Celsius sent us over a couple of flavors that we have already reviewed. I’m not sure if they are reformulated, or if it’s just new packaging, but since it’s been about five years since I reviewed the other one, I thought I’d give it another go.

When so much time has passed memories can get a bit hazy. I had a general idea of how this tasted, and reading my old review filled in some gaps. From what I said and what I remember I’m pretty sure they have tweaked the recipe a little. This has a cleaner orange taste and it’s not so much an orange soda flavor. It certainly still tastes diet, but I don’t mind it as much as I remembered. It’s a functional beverage meant to help you burn calories, so of course it’s not going to be loaded with real sugar. They seemed to find a way to soften the diet taste a bit, or else I’m just more used to it than I was back then. Either way if you are the sort of person that is drinking Celsius, then you probably have a good idea of what you’re getting yourself into.

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ORIGINAL REVIEW:
A couple of friends and I were planning on riding to Niagara Falls on our bikes today. It was close to, if not over, 90 degrees out but we figured we'd be riding next to the river the whole time, so it should be cooler. It was, but it was still pretty hot. Before we left I downed this can of Celsius. I definitely enjoy their sparkling drinks over their teas. They both taste so overly diet (they are weight loss drinks what so I don't expect otherwise) but the bubbles mask it a bit. This tasted like a really cheap diet orange soda that you would find at Aldi or some such discount grocery store. It wasn't the greatest, but for what it is and what it does I can't really expect a gem. I definitely felt an energy burst from it, and I will assume it helped burn calories. So I downed the can pretty fast, let out a humungous burp and hit the pedals.

We made it about halfway through Wheatfield when we decided to stop at a gas station and refill our water bottles. We were sitting outside sipping on some crisp cold water when suddenly my front tire let out all its air. It was loud and it was fast. The bike was laying on the ground for about ten minutes without being touched for ten minutes before it happened. I blame the sun. I really think it got to hot and burst. Stupid sun, you're just fighting dirty because I put on SPF 85 sunscreen!

Website
http://www.celsius.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 23rd, 2016
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Monster Java Salted Caramel

Monster Java Salted Caramel

Sometimes your ladyfriend nicely makes you dinner when you are sick, even when she just had a long day of school/work and is exhausted herself. She grinds up the always great garlic salt mix from Trader Joes to spice it up a bit for you. Not often, but sometimes, in her delirious state she doesn’t realize that she left the cap on and goes to add more when she tastes it and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. This time she remembers to take the cap off and an obscene salty mess tumbles into your otherwise delicious meal. You don’t want to be rude, or unappreciative, so you eat it, sodium and all. Now it’s a week later and you have a can of Salted Caramel Java Monster in front of you and all you can think of is how salty that meal was and if this tastes even a fraction like that, there’s no way you will be able to enjoy it. Salt could be ruined forever, and that would be a horrible life to lead. I mean think of all the salsa and guacamole I would miss out on? That’s not a life I have any interest in living.

Somehow, like in a dumb sitcom, everything turned out just fine. It wasn’t overly salty. In fact it has only the faintest trace of sodium, which is how drinks should be. No one wants a salty drink, unless it’s some boozy concoction on a beach, and even then I don’t understand it. This has a general canned coffee flavor to it, with some small traces of caramel. There is another flavor that people tend to overdo it with. With a confection that is pretty much just burned sugar, less is usually more. I want hints of it, not a sore jaw from chewing a hunk of it for hours. Luckily there is no trace of the energy drink flavor in here. The idea of it mixed with coffee, is pretty wretched, and Monster seems aware of that, so they keep them separate.

Overall I found myself enjoying this way more than I had anticipated. It’s nothing terribly special, but I had overall low expectations and every single one of them were surpassed. Aim low and you’ll never miss the mark.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 20th, 2016
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Rockstar Organic Island Fruit Flavor

Rockstar Organic Island Fruit Flavor

I know a lot of people who say things like, “Well obviously I would prefer organic, but without all of the chemicals, energy drinks just don’t work.” Okay maybe no one has ever said that to me, but it’s basically the message that comes across. I’m here to day to tell those people that they are very wrong, and I have a restless night to prove it to them. I knew I had to stay up late last night, so around 8PM I drank 2/3 of this can. At 4:30AM I was still tossing and turning for no other reason than I partook in this beverage. That’s right, I didn’t even consume the entire can and over 8 hours later I couldn’t rest no matter what I tried. To be fair I am more sensitive to caffeine than your average person, but that is a ridiculous amount of time for it to still be effecting me. All of its energy comes from green coffee beans and guarana seed extract, butI promise you that these Rockstar Organic energy drinks do work, and you can down them without feeling terrible about putting a bunch of chemicals into your body.

As an added bonus to the effects, this tastes pretty great as well. It may not contain any juice, but it has a nice passion fruit flavor mixed with a general exotic tropical fruit amalgamation. I’m pretty sure there is guava involved in there, but maybe that is me tasting what I want to taste. It doesn’t matter if it’s in there or not, it’s one of the best tasting energy drinks I’ve ever tasted.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 21st, 2016
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Rockstar Energy Drink Juice, Organic, 24 Fluid Ounce (Pack of 24)

Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink Original

Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink Original

Back to the classic taste of energy drinks where one dumb nerd just throws a package of packs of (American) Smarties into, I don't know, like a generic fruit punch. It's not terrible and it's better than "the old days" of energy drinks. Is it because it's organic? Probably not. It's probably better ingredients so, yeah, in hindsight; it probably is because it's organic. It's not terrible but it's kind of pretty standard tasting. As far as energy drinks go, this does taste "original" in the sense that it tastes like all of the other "original" energy drinks out there.

I can also say that this is better than both of the other versions of Dark Dog's stuff. Jay liked them. Good thing he reviewed them. This is good, though. I enjoyed it and I didn't get "the shakes" which I appreciate because I am trying to work and can't with "the shakes." Keep it original, Dark Dog.

Website
http://www.darkdog-organic.com/
Country
Italy
Sweetener
Organic Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 9th, 2015
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DARK DOG ORGANIC Original Energy Drink, 12 Fl Oz (Pack of 12)

Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink 50 Calories

Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink 50 Calories

Here we have a company who understands how to do low calorie beverages. Perhaps it’s just me but when I’m looking to lower my sugar/calorie intake, just reducing the amount of sweetener is a perfect solution. I don’t need a beverage that is “fake sweet.” Sure zero calorie sweeteners can lower the amount of calories until they are non-existent, but they also have a very specific overpowering flavor to them that can ruin nearly any drink that they inhabit. In most cases you can taste the sweetener more than you can taste the actual flavor. Dark Dog still uses cane sugar, in conjunction with coconut sugar, but lowers the quantity to give you an energy drink that has 50 calories from 11g of sugar, yet you can also taste the flavor of the beverage with no distractions.

The caffeine in this drink comes from the trifecta of green tea, yerba mate, and guarana. Unlike the sweeteners used those flavors are very prevalent in the taste. This is essentially a sparkling tea drink with vitamins and a splash of juice added. The combination of elderberry, acerola, cranberry and lemon juice is very minimal and you can only detect hints of it when you take a sip. There is a vague fruitiness floating around the tea flavor.

If this can didn’t state that it was only 50 calories I would never guess that it was a low calorie beverage. It still has just enough sweetness without loading you up with buttloads of sugar. Yes, that would be cubic buttloads the only official unit of measurement at Thirsty Dudes.

Website
http://www.darkdog-organic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 2nd, 2015
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DARK DOG ORGANIC 50 Calories Energy Drink 12 Fl Oz (Pack of 12)

Mati Healthy Energy Cherry

Mati Healthy Energy Cherry

Allow me to let you in on a little secret; one letter can make a world of a difference. Someone could be threatening to “kill” you, but you won’t think it’s a big deal because their phone autocorrected to “bill” you. Perhaps you are preparing your loved ones a nice dinner of “Hunan” beef, but they think that you have slaughtered the neighbors and prepared them a “human” feast. Things can go pear shaped fairly easily these days. It is at this point that I must inform you that “mati” and “mate” certainly are not the same thing. So when you open up a can and expect to be getting a nice,, cherry flavored tea; what you actually are getting is cherry flavored guayusa. Sure they both supply you with a decent amount of caffeine, but the tastes are wildly different. What you expect to be a beverage that will have a nice earthy flavor will actually be strangely fruity with no balance. This is fruity and something that falls between bitter and sour. I’m not sure I would really enjoy this even if I wasn’t mistaken as to what I was about to imbibe. Even though there is real cherry juice in here, when it mixes with the guayusa it gives it a vaguely medicinal flavor that just doesn’t sit right with me.

Website
http://www.matienergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 26th, 2015
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Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink Blood Orange

Dark Dog Organic Energy Drink Blood Orange

I have never tried the original Dark Dog energy drink, but I have come across images of it on the internet and I have always found the yellow can with the weird black silhouette of a dog very intriguing. I don’t know who that design is marketed towards as it doesn’t look EXTREME or classy, but it’s always made me want to try it. Okay, so I guess we discovered that it is marketed towards weirdos like me. Unfortunately I’ve never come across it in a store, so I’ve yet to try it. The company was nice enough to send us a bunch of samples of their new Organic line, and if these are anything like the original I was right to want to try it.

The design of the cans is definitely more on the classy side of things. It’s simple and clean in a way that would appeal to the stereotypical health food yuppie. It still has that strange dog silhouette, but it’s smaller and your eyes aren’t immediately drawn to it. There is nothing intriguing or offensive about it, and that is probably how a food label should look.

The taste of this is very different than your classic energy drinks. There is absolutely nothing candy-esque about it. It tastes like a slightly bitter blood orange juice with a bit of lemon thrown in. It makes sense because 25% of what is in the can is blood orange juice. It’s lightly carbonated, which with the juice makes it taste more like a nice Italian soda rather than an energy drink. The energy aspect of the beverage comes from natural caffeine and seven different vitamins. A lot of the time when energy drinks are like this the effects aren’t that strong, but this can has certainly given me a little kick in the pants to get me moving on this sluggish day. It’s nothing that will make you twitchy, but it certainly did more for me than a cup of coffee would have. Now I just need to know the story behind that dog. I fear he may haunt my dreams.

Website
http://www.darkdog-organic.com/
Country
Italy
Sweetener
Organic Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 14th, 2015
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DARK DOG ORGANIC Blood Orange Energy Drink, 12 Fluid Ounce (Pack of 12)

Rockstar Roasted Mocha

Rockstar Roasted Mocha

Section one: The False Apology
Sorry (not sorry) this is the third coffee drink in a row.

Section two: The Review
Editor Dan and I went to Toronto to see Zombi, a prog/synth band from Pittsburgh that we hadn't seen in over a decade. The show didn't start until 9:30 and it was a two-ish hour drive home. It was a late night and only got later. What do you do? Coffee, right? That's the right thing to do. I thought that coffee plus additional energy would do the trick, which I did since I'm alive to write this review and now sitting in a ditch upside down off the QEW.

Was it an enjoyable experiment? It was "fine." It was strangely smooth. It seems that all of the sweetened coffee drinks from the United States lost all the edge or the bitterness of coffee, lately. Maybe it's canned, sweetened coffee. It all is starting to taste like thinner, melted, coffee iced cream. I don't want that. I don't think that I expected a high quality roast since Rockstar is not a coffee company first, but this seems like they cut a lot of corners and just bought "coffee flavor." This did not taste like an energy drink which I appreciate.

It did its job and that's what's important. I suppose that it was just "OK" was secondary. Strange, but secondary.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 9th, 2015
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16 Pack - Rockstar Roasted Coffee + Energy Mocha -15oz.

Kobi Kaya Vitamin Coffee Mocha V

Kobi Kaya Vitamin Coffee Mocha V

Caffeine energy in coffee just wasn't enough. Now we need to pump up the jams by adding more vitamins. One more thing is that we have to add vitamins that no one has ever heard of and are unpronounceable to the human tongue. I don't know about you, friend, but I don't go around saying to myself, "I certainly feel like I need more cyanocobalamin and pyridoxine hydrochloride in my diet."

Vitamins and minerals aside, this is a pretty basic drink. It's really smooth. Like really smooth. It tastes vaguely like coffee and more like a cream you might put in your coffee. It's not bitter like coffee and tastes more like coffee ice cream due to its smoothness. Look, it's not bad but it's no, say, Mr. Brown but what is, right?

Website
http://www.kobikaya.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 5th, 2015
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Kobikaya Mocha V Vitamin Iced Coffee

Wired Passion Fruit With Calcium

Wired Passion Fruit With Calcium

I have never had a diet beverage that was passion fruit flavored before. The entire concept seems like an oxymoron since it's such a sweet fruit. It feels like the amount of sugar naturally contained in a single passionfruit would be more than the allotted amount in a drink labeled as diet, or low calorie. I guess this has no real juice in it, so that makes sense. I don’t know what dastardly lab tech created an artificial passionfruit flavoring. It seems like something science should not tamper with. It’s a perfect fruit and if life were a movie tampering in it would bring upon the end times. I think we are probably safe though as it doesn’t have a very strong passionfruit taste. It is also not very diet tasting. I will accept the one if it keeps the other at bay. It’s not the best. It’s also not the worst. It’s just sort of there and it gives you a decent energy burst. A portion of each sale goes to the breast cancer research, so I feel perfectly fine about purchasing this.

Website
http://wiredxenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 12th, 2015
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