Iced Tea (906 reviews)

Black Jack Cannonball Black Iced Tea

Black Jack Cannonball Black Iced Tea

When I told Mike and Jay I found this can for 60 cents at Big Lots, they wished me lucked. Unbeknownst to me, Jay had previously reviewed a mango drink from the same company and it wasn't anything to write home about. I was hoping since this was an iced tea it might be better, but nope, not at all. This is pretty generic tasting lemon iced tea. There is nothing special about this except for the can. For cheap iced tea, I'll be sticking with Arizona tall boys.

Website
http://www.blackjacktea.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on July 16th, 2011
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Snow Icy Green Tea-Light

Snow Icy Green Tea-Light

This drink left me wanting more. It tastes like mint seltzer water. I didn't get any tea flavor and didn't get a lot of sweetness. If you are anything like my girlfriend, you drink soda water at restaurants, or even San Pelligrino, which I find undrinkable. I think people drink it because it seems like the "rich person" thing to do when I'm pretty sure that even "rich people" drink it because they see other "rich people" drinking it and secretly not liking it.

Rich people do some strange things. Honestly. One word. Madras. Cut that crap out.

Rich people might like this or they might like pretending to. Us people down in the streets, we want something that doesn't taste like your fountain pop machine ran out of syrup and the idiot behind the counter didn't notice. That on mint.

Website
http://www.snowbeverages.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 1st, 2011
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Wang Corn Silk

Wang Corn Silk

You know Max, right? He's been a real jerk lately. Let's pull a prank on him. Yeah, he has been a jerk, Charlie. He put all those thumbtacks on your chair last week. Who does that? Hasn't he heard of tetanus? I don't want that. We've got to get back at him, but with what? Oh, I've got it. Go grab that tea over there, I've got a great idea. There isn't enough to fill this bottle. This prank is going to rule. Now, take those Fritos, crush them up and put them in this washcloth. I'll show you. I've got this water. I'm going to pour water on the corn chips to kind of give the tea an "essence" of corn chip but with none of the grit so he can't tell. Oh man, it smells like corn chips but you'd never know what we did just by looking at it. Quick, put one pinch of sugar in there so it keeps him coming back.

This will teach him. He'll never play another practical joke on us again.

Country
Korea
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 25th, 2011
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Nestea Lemonade & Iced Tea

Nestea Lemonade & Iced Tea

I don't know what is going on here. It's quite possibly the worst half and half I have ever had. Why? I will tell you with bells on.

Simply put, this does not taste like tea or lemonade. It tasted like burning and possibly lemon flavored drink. It's got a low-grade flavor that you would find in one of those gallon "flavored drink" drinks you find everywhere. Not enough of anything to call it tea or juice so it's in this purgatory of grossness.

I cannot believe that this is our first Nestea and even with how low grade it is, we'll do more. We're gluttons for punishment.

Website
http://www.nestea.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 4th, 2011
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Uni-President White Gourd Tea

Uni-President White Gourd Tea

I knew that soursop had another name, and I like soursop. It's nice and fruity. I had it in my mind grapes that white gourd was soursop under a different name. I sat down ready to enjoy a nice fruit blast. I didn't get that. I didn't get that at all. Instead I got a mouthful of "cereal tea." My ladyfriend says it tastes like the Japanese dessert mochi. She's right it does, and I don't like those either.

You can take a sip of this and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can hold your breath, and all you will taste is a weak sweet tea. The moment you swallow and breathe it's all cereal and rice. The fact that this comes in a juice box is mind bottling. Maybe children in Taiwan are just accustomed to this flavor. If you gave this to Joe-Schmoe elementary school student I bet they would slap you in your face. I wouldn't blame them. Now I really wish I had some soursop.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 27th, 2011
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Arizona Half & Half Iced Tea & Mango

Arizona  Half & Half Iced Tea & Mango

For years Arizona ruled the cheap tea game. It was the go to refreshment at any gas station or corner store. Around the turn of the century it was the hay day of basement punk and hardcore shows in Buffalo, NY. My friends and I spent a large chunk of time hanging out on Custer Street. The closest place to get drinks was a gas station a few blocks away and everyone either bought beer or Arizona. There was a point in my life where on an average I was drinking 3-4 cans a day. Now that is an unhealthy diet.

Eventually the houses that had the shows started shutting down, and around the same time (unrelated) I all but gave up drinking high fructose corn syrup (it was destroying my stomach). As a result I stopped drinking Arizona. Whenever I go back to it now, I always wonder what made me think it was so great. The conclusions I have come to are it was a lot of tea for a low price, and I was ignorant of how could iced tea could be.

I remember getting super pumped whenever a new flavor would come out. It's sad that the Half & Half Mango Iced Tea came out a few years ago and this is the first time I've tried it. It tastes more like a sugar fruit drink with a little tea added to it than an equally distributed half & half. I was shocked that this actually had mango puree in it. You can definitely taste that. I just wish that it had more of a tea flavor.

I still have a soft spot for Arizona, but I don't pretend that it is a magical elixir anymore. It's simply cheap tea that is mass-produced that comes in containers larger than any one person should drink in a single sitting.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 7th, 2012
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Buy Now
Arizona Mango Half and Half Tea, 23-Ounce (Pack of 24)

Hansen's Natural Pomegranate Green Tea

Hansen's Natural Pomegranate Green Tea

Dear Hansens,
You make some very tasty beverages, but this isn't one of them. I bought this from Big Lots for 70 cents so you obviously already know this and have taken the steps to discontinue this awful iced tea. I'd expect this bland taste from a generic gas station iced tea, but not you. The worst part is that this is sweetened with cane sugar but it tastes like high fructose corn syrup. I can't even taste the pomegranate and the green tea tastes more like black tea. I bought a few flavors from this same discontinued line from Big Lots that I'm suddenly not so excited to try.

Website
http://www.hansens.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on January 11th, 2012
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Buy Now
Hansen Beverage Pomegranate Green Tea, 12 - 16-Ounce Bottles

Vedan Green Pumpkin Tea

Vedan Green Pumpkin Tea

I’ve been fooled for the last time. First it was soursop, then white gourd and now it’s green pumpkin. Let me tell you a secret I’m pretty sure they are all exactly the same thing. The sure as hell all taste exactly the same. It tastes like your drinking the milk leftover after eating a bowl of the strongest grain cereal you’ve ever tasted. I bet this is exactly what horse food tastes like. I had such high hopes for a pumpkin drink. You’ve beaten me again Taiwan.

Website
http://www.vedan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 16th, 2012
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Palo Mamajuana Original

Palo Mamajuana Original

Months ago Marcus had become fed up with the prepackaged iced tea game. He realized that he was paying $4 daily for a liter of tea that he could easily make at home for less than fifty cents. He went out and bought a whole mess of tea bags and started brewing his own. He would boil water in a large pot and then drop in three tea bags. If he was feeling crazy he would add some sugar, but normally he kept it unsweetened. Life was good. He was able to control the strength of the tea, and he was saving butt-loads of money. After a month he realized he had saved over $100. He felt like someone who had quit smoking, and suddenly had an excess of cash and a healthier outlook on life. That’s when an idea popped into Marcus’ head. There were two things in life he was passionate about: tea and root beer. Why not combine the two? Marcus was no dummy, and he knew that his knowledge of carbonation methods was elementary at best, so he decided to make a tea with root beer flavoring. He went online and bought a whole mess of roots and barks to boil down into a base for his experiment. He bought a little of everything that one online store had to offer which included sarsaparilla root, maca root, brazil wood bark, chamomile flowers, chewstick bark, coconut root, guinea hen weed bark, marabelli bark, minniroot, princess vine bark, supple jack bark, west Indian mulberry bark, clove flower bud, bay rum tree leaf, cinnamon bark and rosewood leaf. He had no idea what most of those things were, but he figured the more the merrier and awaited his package’s arrival.

Two weeks later Marcus arrived home from work to find his package jammed between his doors getting rained on. Oh shipping services, when will you learn how to properly treat people’s parcels? He quickly unlocked his door, stripped off his lab coat and filled his trusty pot with water. He brought the water to a roiling boil and dumped in all of the contents of his package into the water with some agave syrup and let it boil down for an hour or so. It wasn’t until he was straining out all of the roots and bark bits that he realized that he had forgotten to actually add a few tea bags to the mix. Oh well, this was going to be great anyways. It smelled great. It smelled like chai for some reason. It wasn’t what Marcus had expected, but it was a nice surprise. He didn’t have the patience to let it cool down in the fridge so he dumped some ice in a glass and filled the remaining space with his concoction. He was so excited and he took a big gulp and paused. “This…is….weird…” thought Marcus. It doesn’t taste like chai, root beer, or any tea at all for that matter. It actually tasted like he was chewing on some sticks. To be more specific is tasted like chewing on sticks that had been dusted with cinnamon sugar. It was hard to get down. He finished off his glass and then called over some friends to see what they would think. His buddy Charles always was chewing on sticks from the licorice plant, maybe he would like it more. Turns out that Marcus was right, Charles really liked it. As a result he was able to take the remainder of the experiment home with him to enjoy at his leisure. With everything that was in it, the health benefits of it were huge. It provided natural energy and endurance while boosting the immune system, metabolism, circulation and liver function. It was a health nuts dream come true. It’s just too bad that the taste would be more suited for a beaver.

Website
http://drinkpalo.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave Nectar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 4th, 2012
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Marburger Farm Dairy Cooler Cherry

Marburger Farm Dairy Cooler Cherry

Tea is wonderful. Tried and true, it has been perfected by some to a T. Those people did not make this tea. When I saw this tea in Derek's closet of drinks, I wanted it. I didn't tell him, but I wanted it. A nice sweet tea with cherry? I'll take it. When Derek was shedding weight for an easier move, I got this. Stoked. Today, to quench my thirst I could wait no longer.

I should have known that it wasn't going to be wonderful from the start. The first ingredients are sucrose, high fructose corn syrup, and instant tea powder. That's a slew of garbage if I've ever heard it. I enjoy sweet tea. As a matter of fact, I love it. This, friends, is not sweet tea. This is cherry juice with tea powder in it. Maybe tea powder with cherry powder in it. This is a drink. It's not classifiable, to me at least, as a tea or juice. It's just a drink. It tastes like bad instant tea mixed with bad cherry flavoring. It tastes like something you would make at home as an experiment, not like, and promptly throw out because it just didn't work like you expected it to in your head.

I understand you have a creative mind, Marburger Farm Dairy. I appreciate it. I really do. I have drunk hundreds of drinks and I have never had a cherry iced tea. After drinking this drink, I can unfortunately still say that.

Website
http://www.marburgerdairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 14th, 2012
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