Iced Tea (907 reviews)

Arteasia Black Tea Peach

Arteasia Black Tea Peach

It's no surprise that Thirsty Dudes don't like St. Patrick's Day. Belligerent drinking, horrible songs, everyone wearing green, and the mid-afternoon vomit parade all equate to just us wishing we were anywhere else. This morning at quarter after ten I drove down the street and saw a dude drove his car into someone's front yard. Two firetrucks later and a detour from me, maybe that will be a lesson to that dude that even though you can theoretically do whatever it is you want, drinking that early in the morning and then driving is a terrible, stupid idea.

I was at a party with friends and didn't have anything to drink. I normally bring stuff but with my kid, I knew I wasn't going to be able to dedicate any amount of time to ponder over a drink. I stuck it out, went home, hoped I had a good tea waiting for me, failed, and found this. I don't know where it came from but memory wants me to think that Derek was "nice" enough to give it to me. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big and uses corn syrup as a sweetener. I knew what I was in for. I smelled it as soon as I opened the bottle.

What I got? Validation. It's got that awful "bad tea" sting with a tremendously prominent peach taste and an almost non-existent "black tea" taste. If you can call Brisk tea, than this is tea but I wouldn't call it tea as much as I would call it a juice and tea drink. Oh wait! They already did that. It is poorly flavored like iced tea and tastes like those gallon containers of "drink" if they made them in peach, which they might, I don't know and would rather not drink anything than drink that liquid sewage.

So it's bad. Who would have thought, right? What do you mean that tea isn't supposed to sting? That's not natural? That's not organic? No, dummy. This is low quality junk that we found for a dollar at a discount store.

Website
http://drinkarteasia.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 18th, 2012
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Hansen's Sugar Free Passionfruit Green Tea

Hansen's Sugar Free Passionfruit Green Tea

I’m sorry, but I have nothing positive to say about this drink. It doesn’t really taste like tea at all, even though it has natural tea solids. It also tastes overly diet. Splenda is the devil, and it has no place in beverages. Drink companies of the world take note. It’s gross. I don’t want to drink it. Keep it out of your drinks, so I don’t have to taste it when I write reviews. I understand the need for diet drinks. We live in a country where the majority of the inhabitants are overweight in an unhealthy way. Diet drinks are fine; just use natural sweeteners such as Stevia. Finally, the peach flavor tastes insanely fake due to all of the artificial sweetener that’s in here. Hansen’s I expected more from you.

Website
http://www.hansens.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Acesulfame Potassium
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 29th, 2012
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Buy Now
Hansen Beverage Iced Peach Green Tea, 16-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Brisk Peach Iced Green Tea

Brisk Peach Iced Green Tea

If you were a teenage slacker in the 90's like I was, you probably made several trips a day to a corner store/mini mart. They were a right of passage for our kind. It was somewhere to waste time and get junk food; a win-win situation. I drank more Brisk in my day than anyone probably should. I didn't know better. I was young and new to the iced tea game. I thought Brisk was great. I would have drunk it by the gallon if it was available in that large of a quantity. Basically, I was an idiot. Now I'm a grown ass man and I am a bit of a tea coinsure. I understand that Brisk is garbage tea. Actually, it probably shouldn't even be classified as tea, as it's more sugar than actual tea. Is there even any real tea in Brisk? That being said I haven't touched the stuff in quite a while.

Last week Mike and I went on a little shopping spree at a local super market to pick up some of the more common drinks that we have overlooked thus far for Thirsty Dudes. I ended up with this bottle of peach green tea Brisk. I knew it was going to be pretty gross, and at a liter it was going to get continuously worse. I drank it throughout the day at work and I was pretty spot on. I checked the ingredients and there is no mention of actual tea in it at all. The peach flavor is super intense. It doesn't taste like real peaches at all. It tastes like those gummy peach rings in the bulk section. It's basically fake peach flavored sugar water. Since it doesn't contain actual tea, it's not surprising that it doesn't taste like green tea. I would actually say that their version of green tea is really just a lighter version of their normal tea, which kind of remotely tastes like tea. Lipton I know you have it in you to make some quality teas. I'm tasted them and they are great. I think it's time you put the Brisk line to rest. You're better than it. You know it. I know it. The whole world knows it.

Website
http://www.drinkbrisk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 7th, 2012
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Arteasia White Tea + Pomegranate

Arteasia White Tea + Pomegranate

When I was in high school a bunch of my friends and I stopped by a grocery store for some provisions for a night of hanging out in the woods. Okay the woods were actually the fields at the end of one of the kid’s street, but there were a bunch of trees and we had a totally sweet hang out spot. I don’t remember what I got to drink, but I can assure you that I purchased a huge loaf of Italian bread. I can also assure you that I ripped off the top, hollowed out a bit of it, filled that space with bulk candy and then popped the top back on. What can I say; I was poor and a thief. Sue me. My purchases aren’t the important point of interest here. The important thing is that my one friend bought a jug of loganberry drink. He was so stoked because it was in this huge jug. When we got down to the fields he opened it up took a huge sip and immediately spit it everywhere. You see he wasn’t the most observant kid, and he failed to notice that the jug was a concentrate and not ready to drink. He was probably supposed to mix in a gallon of water or so with the amount he gulped. I bring this up because as I took a sip of this I had a similar reaction. I didn’t spit it out, but I was fairly sure it was a concentrate. Nope. This is just ridiculously sweet and ridiculously strong. I don’t mean that in a good way either. I really only made it maybe ¼ of the way through the bottle, and it got less intense the more I drank, but it still didn’t taste very good, hence my dumping the rest. White tea normally has a very specific taste to it, but with all of the added sugar in this you can’t even tell. This would be any type of tea, or just sugar water and you would never know the difference. It also contains 1% juice, which is laughable. That juice is pomegranate, and it just tastes like some sort of pomegranate syrup that would be put on a snow cone.

Not only was this gross, but it also was 1.5 liters of gross. That is 1.4 more liters of grossness than I needed to know I didn’t want any part of it.

Website
http://drinkarteasia.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 10th, 2012
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JB's Tea Lemonade

JB's Tea Lemonade

Memorial Day weekend just wrapped up. It was three days filled with hangouts and barbeques, as those are the perfect ways to remember things. The last party of the weekend was a pool party at some friends’ house. I think only one person actually ended going into the pool but the rest of us ate more than our fair share of food, including my new favorite thing “Cowboy Caviar.” Just look it up, it’s delicious.

I brought this bottle of tea to share at the party, because I didn’t want to end up drinking it all myself. As it turns out I think I am the only one who drank any of it, and it was only one glass. It doesn’t really taste like a half and half. It’s more of a lemon tea, and cheap tea at that. It actually has lemon juice concentrate in it, but the lemon flavoring doesn’t taste real at all. The lemon taste is also far too overpowering. Had it actually tasted like lemonade I would have been okay with that, but the way things are it was too much. I drank my one glass, and when I went up for a refill I noticed that someone else had brought Arizona’s Arnold Palmer and I ended up drinking that the rest of the night.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/jbstea
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 29th, 2012
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Made Strawberry Lemon Green Tea

Made Strawberry Lemon Green Tea

Arnold Palmer has a lawyer, right? I would hope he does for being a famous golfer and all, but more than that I hope he has a team of crack lawyers to make sure he gets his fair share of every lemonade/ice tea hybrid that is on the market. Everyone knows the combo as being an “Arnold Palmer” so I hope the man gets his cut. I hope his legal team is also good enough to get him “royalties” from all of the fringe flavors. Traditionally the drink is lemonade mixed with black tea, but in reality it could be any type of tea. By switching the tea type, does that make it not an Arnold Palmer anymore? Would say mixing it with a green tea make it a Robert Palmer? I hope not, because that guy is terrible. His cover of “Bang a Gong” is one of the worst things I have ever heard. For the sake of this review I will say yes. I will also say that this drink is in essence a Robert Palmer with some strawberry added. I wish this wasn’t a Robert Palmer, because besides hating the man I think the lemon juice in this is too distracting. The ratio is completely off and it overpowers the tea flavor, not to mention the strawberry. The first sip I took of this had a great strawberry taste to it, but the more I drank the less berry I got and the more the lemon Gestapo took over. There is also something very plastic tasting about this. I think it’s the combination of the bottle and the lemon juice. It just doesn’t taste right.

Oh! I got it! Let’s make an Arnold Palmer with white tea and we can call it the Leiland Palmer. Also, if you take that and add some blueberry to it, it becomes a Laura Palmer. You know…because she’s dead…wrapped in plastic.

Website
http://www.madedrinks.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 12th, 2012
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Hubert's Half & Half Lemonade Tea Raspberry

Hubert's Half & Half Lemonade Tea Raspberry

Hubert's makes lemonade that is to be reckoned with. It's the freshest tasting bottled lemonade I have ever tried. It's so tart and the little bits of lemon are an added bonus. When I saw that they started to make half & halfs I instantly bought a couple of flavors.

Unfortunately this drink didn't live up to their straight lemonades. It tastes like they look the base of one of their great raspberry lemonades and mixed it with a very watered down iced tea. There's no real tea taste and the mixture takes away from the lemonade. There is no longer any real tartness to it, a bummer indeed. I expected greatness, but what I got was blandness.

Website
http://www.hubertslemonade.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 17th, 2012
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Arizona Southern Style Sweet Tea

Arizona  Southern Style Sweet Tea

Sometimes we really just can’t believe that we haven’t reviewed some drinks. On a drink shopping spree the other day Mike and myself were completely dumbfounded to realize that we have not reviewed Arizona’s green tea and sweet tea. It really seems like they should have been some of the first reviews we did for how often we see them/used to drink them (well the green tea).

I have to say I was probably better off not reviewing this. It’s a fake version of sweet tea, meaning that it doesn’t taste like sweet tea at all, but instead a over-sweetened tea. To me one of the main things in sweet tea is the cane sugar. It always has a slightly grainy quality to it, that lets you know it was made with real sugar. This was made with HFCS, so it wasn’t grainy, but rather syrupy. It tastes like they took a regular sweetened black tea and doubled the HFCS. I couldn’t make it through an entire can over a couple of hours. I don’t recommend you to see if you can.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 30th, 2012
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Buy Now
Arizona Sweet Southern Tea, 23-Ounces (Pack Of 24)

Snapple Refreshing Green Tea

Snapple Refreshing Green Tea

A few years ago Snapple switched over to their “All Natural” line. I was completely stoked because it wasn’t that long before then that I discovered that HFCS played a key role in causing the hell that went on in my stomach every night. I probably ingested far more bottles of the new teas than any one human should. It wasn’t too much later that I started to see these cans pop up in gas stations. They were about half the price of the glass bottles, so I was understandably interested in them. I quickly realized that while the glass bottles were sweetened with cane sugar, the cans still used HFCS. I never understood why that was. I can’t imagine that cane sugar is that much more expensive, since a bunch of other companies use it and keep their prices low. Perhaps some people (I’m looking at the folks from the UK) actually preferred the HFCS version and complained. I will never understand that.

This flavor is what companies want you to think that green tea tastes like. In reality it is reminiscent of green tea you would brew at home in only the most distant of ways. There is so much “sugar” in this that it tastes more sweet than anything. It tastes less like green tea than the Arizona tall boys do. If you’re just in the market for an inexpensive sugary drink, perhaps you’ll like this. If you’re actually a fan of green tea I would probably skip over this one and grab one of the Snapple All Natural teas instead.

Website
http://www.snapple.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 3rd, 2012
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Admiral Iced Tea Southern Style Sweet Tea

Admiral Iced Tea Southern Style Sweet Tea

I don't mean to bring up old stuff, but the South lost again. The battle of sweet tea is a battle filled with casualties and here is yet another poor soul that just can't make the cut.

Is it too much to ask that the simplest concoction ever created be made right? Black tea and sugar. Done. If you need to put preservatives in there in increase shelf life, I'm cool with that. Once you start mixing all sorts of other garbage in there it starts to go downhill. Corn syrup will never be an ingredient in a good quality sweet tea. This drink tastes like if you ordered a tea at a restaurant, didn't know that it was unsweetened, and then poured miscellaneous sugar packets into it. One of the final ingredients in this is sucralose and you would think that you would not be able to tell but you can. You know that strange aftertaste? That's the sucralose, detective.

Arizona and Admiral. You know better than that. Why let me, a self-described stupid idiot, teach you how to make a drink? You are drink companies and should know the lay of the land. I'll give you this one for free.

Website
Http://www.admiralbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2012
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Buy Now
Hansen Beverage Company Admiral, Sweet Tea, 24-Ounce (Pack of 24)
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