Iced Tea (907 reviews)

Rockstar Iced Peach + Tea + Electrolytes

Rockstar Iced Peach + Tea + Electrolytes

Welcome back to another episode of “Board Room Shenanigans.” As always we are brought to you by the three lovely fellows at Thirsty Dudes. This series helps to fill in the gaps as to why certain drinks taste like they do. Sometimes you have to wonder how some drinks make it onto the shelves. Here at the show we like to think we shed some light on the subject. Now onto today’s episode….

Gentlemen, the world of energy drinks is shifting and I will not see our empire crumble because we did not get with the times. Consumers are demanding more than just candy flavored sparkling drinks that will keep them up all night. As our competitors have proven the clients want real flavors and new styles. I thought we would be alright since we put that relaxation drink on the market, but people still want new energy drinks. What are everyone’s ideas? Juice infused with whatever it is that gives our drinks energy? Well first off, as a member of this board you really should know what those ingredients are. We don’t need a scandal on our hands. Secondly, do you think I want to hemorrhage money? Do you know how much fruit juice costs in comparison to the sugar water we put out now? There’s no way we could do that and keep our profits high. Energy shots? Those are so last year. Energized iced tea? I think you may be onto something! That’s something new and tea can be the cheapest thing ever. Let’s take it up a notch though, so people think they are getting a little extra for their money. Let’s make it peach iced tea.

In order to keep costs low we’re going to need to use the ghettoest tea ever. You know those gallons of tea you can find in gas stations for 99 cents that are more sugar water than tea? Well, we need to use something like that, but make it even more peach flavored sugar water and less tea. We’ll mix all of that up with our patented energy mix, which off the record I think tastes like toxic waste and we have a new product on our hands that the kids will eat up. Non-carbonated energy drinks are going to be the wave of the future and we’re going to be riding the crest. Who cares if our product will taste like garbage? It’s so new that people will eat it up and by the time they realize just how gross it is, we’ll be sold out and have a new product on the market.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 8th, 2012
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8 Pack - Rockstar Iced Energy - Peach + Tea + Electrolytes - 16oz.

Lipton Diet Watermelon Green Tea

Lipton Diet Watermelon Green Tea

I've been sitting on my computer for the past four hours working on a new project. Within that time I have listened to predominately electro-pop like Tesla Boy, Anoraak, Brookes Brothers, and Skinny Puppy "Remission," which could not be further from electro-pop. I'm in a fantastic mood and that's also considering I took ten minutes to walk down the street to see a car chase gone wrong with a criminal crashing into a tree and a cop car crashing into someone's front porch. I'm in the zone (chief) and I could stay up all night and get a good portion of this project done and over with if it wasn't for my better judgment and assumption/guarantee that my son will wake up between 7:30 and 8 in the morning and I will be drained all day.

As I'm working, I'm working on this iced tea. I was stoked to see this in the smaller bottles today instead of those gargantuan, thirty-plus ounce bottles. I had no choice but to fork over a buck and a half and get it. I took one sip and my glee promptly turned into disappointment. Why? Simple. Lipton forgot to add the watermelon. I was so excited to try a watermelon green tea but Lipton, in their haste, forgot to put the watermelon flavor in this. It's got a decent green tea taste and I commend that. It does taste a little diet, which is good considering this is a diet drink sweetened exclusively with sucralose and that stuff is grozz. I have eaten watermelon on numerous occasions and I've got to say that this drink is simply lacking that flavor.

I understand that the two is harsh, but it's partially a punishment for getting my hopes up with the promise of watermelon green tea and also the fact that all the flavors of this line of tea have been great. Bottom rung.

Website
http://lipton.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 11th, 2012
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Rock Creek Sweet Iced Tea Southern Style

Rock Creek Sweet Iced Tea Southern Style

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but ancient Native Americans used super sweet iced tea to help with fertility. Skateboards and roller blades were also used in the ritual. That’s right hundreds of years before Dogtown was even a thought the rightful owners of this country were shredding. I know it sounds completely insane, but that’s all that I can gather from the label on this bottle. The figures on here look ridiculously similar to the fertility deity Kokopelli (For some reason I think my dad has a tattoo of him. That’s just weird). I don’t know what Kokopelli has to do with southern style iced tea, but it must be something for this subsidiary of the Canada Dry corporation to place him in a bunch of scenarios on this bottle.

I would like to come out and say that I would expect a god to endorse a much better tea. This tastes like it should be the Brisk take on southern sweet tea aka heavily sugared water with just a hint of tea. I didn’t really expect much for a 99cent plastic bottle, so I guess I’m not let down. Nothing about this packaging screams “good tea” so I doubt anyone would be duped into expecting anything grand. Maybe this is just what Kokopelli drinks when he’s taking a break from getting the women pregnant. I feel sorry for him. He puts in the real work and he deserves better.

Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 1st, 2012
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Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Honeybell Orange

Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Honeybell Orange

Is this what honeybell oranges taste like? Really? Do people want this? They do? Well, jeez. I don't know what to say other than your opinions on "good tasting" fruit is terrible. This tastes like orange flavored powder mix sweetened by an overly sweetened massacre of Stevia's crappy, younger brother Xylitol. The time I spent with orange flavoring was promptly annihilated by the time I spent with a strange, overly sweet drink.

I don't know if I could correct this. Half the sweetness? Twice the tea? That might make a taller bottle. I think less sweetness could have saved this. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that I've never had a honeybell orange before because I do, but this is no honeybell orange. Believe you me.

Website
http://drbstea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Xylitol
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 15th, 2012
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Foco Green Tea Lemon Flavor

Foco Green Tea Lemon Flavor

Jay doesn't like lemon drinks. I don't 100% know why but I think it has something to do with how it has the potential to taste a little like Pledge or Pine Sol. I don't get that when I drink lemon stuff and I also don't hate lemon so Jay usually gives them to me. I think he gave me this one and for once his complaint is valid.

This drink is one of the worst lemon green teas I've ever had. It's got a green tea taste that's trying to shine through too much sugar and bad lemon. Reading the ingredients, you don't have to be detective Goren to know that "artificial lemon flavor" is going to blow. There is something else that's pretty bad in there but I can't pinpoint it specifically other than "it tastes like fake everything" like who ever made this drink made a natural version of the drink and mixed in the cheap, regular version of the drink. You can taste what should have been but it's been crushed by the other stuff leaving you with a confused, unsatisfied palate.

Website
http://www.thaiagri.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 22nd, 2012
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Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Original

Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Original

A few months ago when Dr. B’s emailed us to tell us about their microbrewed teas I was very excited. It’s no secret that Mike and I love a good tea, and if microbrewing could do to iced tea what it did for root beer, then everyone was in for a good time.

Dr B’s obviously cares about the quality of their tea. They took the effort to use quality ingredients and brew them in a special way. By all means this should have been one heck of a beverage. The thing is the company had a lapse in their judgment. They wanted a healthy tea, so they went with a zero calorie sweetener. In that instant all of their hard work went out the window. I understand wanting to have a healthy drink available, but I wish they would have taken it the other way and not added a sweetener at all. There is monk fruit in all their teas and that would have given them a slight sweetness, which is all it would need. Unfortunately they went the Xylitol route and that cold sweetness is the most prevalent flavor in the mix. I really have nothing against natural zero calorie sweeteners, I just think that when companies decide to use them, they should use a smaller amount so it’s not so overpowering. This could have been great, but instead it’s hard to finish.

Website
http://drbstea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Xylitol
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 11th, 2012
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Bojangles Legendary Iced Tea

Bojangles Legendary Iced Tea

When my ladyfriend was down in NC visiting her sister a few weeks ago, she sent me a message raving about the iced tea that she got at Bojangles (a fast food chicken place down in the bottom states). She also told me that had it bottled and she was going to bring me home some. When I saw it I was relived to find there was no cartoon chicken on the label trying to sell the product. There is something intermittently creepy about a chicken selling out his/her own kind in order to make a few bucks. I just want to grab their little feathers and shake the hell out of them and scream, “THEY ARE KILLING YOUR PEOPLE!” So yeah, good job on that guys.

Unfortunately they did not as good of a job making this tea. After taking a sip, my ladyfriend announced that this was completely different from what she drank in the restaurant. What she described as authentic southern sweet tea had now become a step above sweetened liquid plastic. There are no ingredients or anything listed on the bottle, so I can only assume they melted down some plastic, added some tea powder and a whole mess of sugar and bottled it. This is probably the single worst iced tea I have ever tasted.

Website
http://www.bojangles.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 28th, 2012
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Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Lemongrass

Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Lemongrass

Dr. B. I don't know what to say anymore. One guy said that this smelled like cough syrup. I think that it tastes like plastic flavored, overly sweetened tea. The Xylitol takes the cake in this drink and overpowers whatever flavors my have existed in it. It's like fighting an unmatched fight. Xylitol is playing the role of the 250 pound seasoned boxer and the lemongrass and iced tea together weight 300 pounds but aren't boxers and collect stamps and coins from the Civil War era. The only way this tea has any flavor that isn't artificial is if you take a big sip and let it mull in your mouth. Don't move your tongue. Just let it sit there. Then you think, "Hey, there's that lemongrass flavor Dr. B, a person I'm questioning whether or not they are a real doctor, was telling me about." The time in your mouth kills the cool, sweet sugar and allows the B-Team to take over. It's a fight that no one has the right to watch. It's too much. It's the man standing up to the tank in Tienanmen Square except the tank didn't stop. He just kept going. I think that makes Dr. B Deng Xiaoping.

Website
http://drbstea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Xylitol
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 7th, 2012
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Arcadia Farms Sweet Tea Southern Style

Arcadia Farms Sweet Tea Southern Style

Down in North Carolina natural streams careen down from the peaks of the Appalachian Mountains. Arcadia Farms uses that fresh water to make their personal take on southern sweet tea. It’s too bad that they use the water directly from the streams and don’t take any measures to “clean it up.” There is just a pump that sucks the water directly from the stream out back on the Arcadia land into the vat that they make their tea in. Don’t they know that squirrels, coyotes and various other fauna do their business in that water? Maybe I can’t prove that they actual do that, but I think I might believe someone if they told me that after having tasted this tea. It doesn’t really taste like tea at all. It tastes more like extremely heavily sugared dirty water. I can get by the insane sugar taste since it is sweet tea after all. I cannot get past the fact that it doesn’t taste like tea; you know the main ingredient in “tea.” The strange thing is that the ingredients list ‘brewed tea,” which generally means that you’re in for a good beverage. Somehow the Farm got it all wrong.

Website
http://www.arcadiafarms.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 28th, 2012
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Pokka Peach Tea

Pokka Peach Tea

This is made from brewed black tea, peach juice and real sugar. It should be great, but unfortunately something has gone wrong. I’m going to guess that it’s too much sugar. Even though it’s flavored with real juice, the peach tastes fake. It tastes like a slightly better version of something you would buy in a gallon jug at the corner store. That’s not good news for anyone.

Website
http://www.pokka.com.sg/
Country
Singapore
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 2nd, 2013
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