Iced Tea (907 reviews)

Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Pomegranate Acai

Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Pomegranate Acai

Here we are again. Dr. B's. I don't taste pomegranate and I don't taste acai. I like pomegranate but I dislike acai so that is a push. The Xylitol is running rambunctious through this drink and overwhelms even the worst flavor (acai) and is too bad because the thought of a pomegranate red tea that is naturally sweetened, low calorie, even with that turd acai is enticing to me. Cut the sugar in half. Xylitol just masks everything with its uber-sweetness and doesn't allow everyone to shine and do their thing.

All the ingredients in here are fine but the levels in which they exist is incorrect. It’s as simple as that. Do you want to taste what fruity Xylitol tastes like? Here's your drink.

Website
http://drbstea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Xylitol
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2013
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Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea, Pomegranate Acai, 16 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Brisk Sweet Tea

Brisk Sweet Tea

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 33 years on this planet it is that Brisk is the bastardization of tea. It doesn’t even particularly taste like tea. It’s more of flavored sugar water. One might think that with that being the way the world is perhaps Brisk would be able to make a decent sweet tea, since it also entails a butt load of sugar. One would be wrong, so very wrong. Not only does this not taste like any tea that you would brew (which sometimes is an okay thing, it’s just a different flavor), but they also used high fructose corn syrup instead of real sugar. In my world, and the world’s of a majority of the people in this country it’s not sweet tea unless there is real sugar involved. It’s the taste of the sugar that makes it a sweet tea. So they got the tea aspect wrong, and the sweetener. The only real thing this has going for it is that kids aren’t very familiar with the taste of proper tea and they love super sweet drinks, so they will probably drink this by the gallon. Luckily for them this comes in a one liter bottle, which is supposed to contain 4 servings, but you know most of the slobs that would buy this would drink it all in a sitting.

Note to our readers: I drank less than a quarter of this. As a grown ass man I don’t need this garbage in my life.

Website
http://www.drinkbrisk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 8th, 2013
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Lipton Brisk Sweet Iced Tea 12oz Cans (Pack of 24)

Arizona Tea Water Organic Green Tea Yumberry

Arizona  Tea Water Organic Green Tea Yumberry

We can all agree that green tea is great, correct? Out of all the teas in the world that I have tasted it can stand the highest on it’s own; no sweeteners, no added flavors, just tea leaves boiled in water and left to cool. It’s wonderful, it’s refreshing and it’s all I really need. I mean I like more, but I don’t need it.

I’m assuming with their Tea Water line Arizona is trying to make a lighter tea, that doesn’t have as many calories as their regular line, but doing so without using zero calorie sweeteners that effect the taste a lot, no matter what anyone says. I appreciate what they are going for here. There is almost always far too much sugar in drinks these days, and I certainly enjoy a light tea. What I have a problem with was the solution they came up with. They may have started using a lower tea to water ratio so that it was a weaker tea and added less sugar to the result, but I’m willing to wager that they brewed a regular batch of their green tea and watered it down to nearly nothing. The end result is a watered down tea that is slightly sweet, but in the way that tastes like you watered it down yourself, not before it was sweetened. The small amount of sugar used tastes stretched out. I imagine the sugar feels like Marty McFly when his hand starts fading away. It’s uncertain as to whether it will still exist at all by the end of the bottle.

I myself prefer a stronger tea, but I have no major qualms with the weaker variety. It is my humble belief that they should have forgone the sweetener altogether. The use of no sweetener as compared to very little washed out sweetener would have made this far more enjoying. It wouldn’t have seemed like they were trying to pull one over on the consumer by just stretching their beverages. They could have watered down the tea a bit more to keep the Tea Water name. I’m sure that was a marketing ploy. In a world where Vitamin Water reigns supreme at gas stations, something called “Tea Water” would probably spark more interest then something that says “Unsweetened Tea.”

I will say that I do really enjoy the yumberry flavor to this. Light everything in the drink it’s light. I appreciate that this is all organic and it’s really that trace amount of sugar that is bringing this whole line down.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Iced Tea, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 22nd, 2013
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Steaz Sparkling Green Tea Zero Calorie Blood Orange

Steaz Sparkling Green Tea Zero Calorie Blood Orange

I like sparkling beverages and I love green tea. I also prefer lower calorie beverages when it’s due to less sugar instead of zero calorie sweeteners. That is where Steaz went wrong. This would have been great with just a pinch of sugar, or better off no sweeteners at all. A sparkling unsweetened tea would be wonderful. Instead they used Erythritol, which is normally an okay choice for zero calorie sweeteners, but they seemed to have used ten times the recommended amount. The fluid in this can tastes more like sweetener than it does blood orange or tea for that matter. It would be bad enough, but still somehow acceptable if the diet taste was only there when you sipped it, but it leaves a long lasting diet aftertaste that lingers for minutes after each sip.

Steaz took a swing for the stars, and they unfortunately struck out. Actually the more I think about it I can hardly taste the blood orange at all. It’s truly a shame.

Website
http://www.steaz.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea, Sparkling
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 20th, 2013
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Steaz Zero Orange Cans, 12 Ounce (Pack of 24)

Schneider`s Iced Tea Lemon Flavored

Schneider`s Iced Tea Lemon Flavored

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I got into skateboarding. It started out just skating in front of my friend’s house, where we built a launch ramp and later had a quarter pipe. Eventually we grew bored of the scenery and took our adventure on the road. By that I mean we put on our backpacks, and fit our decks between the bag and our back so we could ride our bikes to new exciting places to skate. It seemed like we would ride forever to find a cool new spot. We would always end up at this one spot that had a little vending machine hidden amongst some bushes. It was no ordinary vender though because it only dispensed cartons of juice, well sugar water disguised as juice. They weren’t very good, but it was always a spot that we would take a break, since they only cost a quarter.

While I was in Pittsburgh recently I found this carton of iced tea in a corner store. Sure they had the same tea in bottles, but the fact that it was in a carton made me think of all those days 25 years ago filled with riding bikes and skating. Holy crap I don’t think I have ever felt as old as I do typing that out. The dust of my bones aside, I paid the 75 cents for the carton (damn inflation) with a smile and walking into the blinding sunlight.

As soon as I took a sip I remembered that some memories are better left in the past. The contents of the carton were the lowest common denominator of tea. The ingredients listed instant tea and powdered lemon juice, what on Earth is powdered lemon juice? It blew my mind that they would spend the money to use real sugar, but then skimp on the other ingredients. Overall it just tasted like overly sweetened tea water. After a couple more tentative sips I asked myself, “why the hell am I still drinking this?” and I dropped it into a conveniently placed garbage can. My childhood is now dead.

Website
http://www.schneidersdairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 30th, 2013
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Turkey Hill Diet Iced Tea

Turkey Hill Diet Iced Tea

There is a place called Turkey Hill. This is a magical place where iced tea flows like water. I'm not making that up, it literally does. On the hill are spouts hidden in the woods with different flavors of iced tea. They are natural springs of iced tea, the only place in the world where this exists.

The only known side affect from Turkey Hill's iced tea springs is cavities. In fact, 93% of the population has dentures due to this. This figure was from 1962, and luckily that number has dropped to 91%. Why the 2% drop over 52 years? In 1972 some kids were wandering behind the train tracks that border the hill. Not many people have gone back there over the years due to the train yard workers being jerks. Anyways, these kids were in the woods and stumbled upon an iced tea spout that wasn't on the official city map. They tasted and it wasn't as sweet as the iced tea they grew up with.

The reason was this had aspartame in it instead of sugar. It didn't taste as good to them, but they had heard about how aspartame doesn't cause as many cavities so they told the whole town about it. Of course, as you can see by the statistics, only 2% of the population decided to start drinking the "diet iced tea" as they called it. Studies have shown that people who can't consume sugar like it, but otherwise it leaves a lot to be desired.

Website
http://turkeyhill.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on October 21st, 2013
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Blu-Dot Protein Tea Orange Pineapple Green Tea

Blu-Dot Protein Tea Orange Pineapple Green Tea

When I bought this drink I was pretty sure it was going to be great, but the longer I thought about it, the greater my suspicions. On one hand it’s a green tea that was orange pineapple flavored and that sounds great to me. In addition to that it comes in a glass bottle, which most of the time is a sign of quality tea. What company is going to spend the extra money on glass with an inferior product? On the other hand this is a protein drink, which could leave it weirdly chalky. It is also sweetened with stevia, which isn’t absolutely terrible, but it’s still not my sweetener of choice. There was no doubt that there was going to be an element of gambling involved with this one.

My original thoughts were not quite on the money. Actually they were a bit further away from it than I would have liked. This is a very, very light tea to the extent that it almost tastes like tea-flavored water. The flavoring has a vague citrusness around it, but it’s more like the weakest Tang that has ever been made than orange and pineapple. That’s stevia coldness isn’t helping matters either. If that had been the drink it wouldn’t have been horrible, but nothing I would spend my money on again. Blu-Dot took things further though and added whey protein in order to make the drink functional.

On some levels adding the protein made this drink seem better, because I always give functional drinks a bit of a break in the flavor category, because you can’t expect that stuff to taste great. Then on the opposite levels it just makes an already mediocre flavor go even more down hill.

To summarize this it tastes like a shot of green tea was dumped into the world’s most watered down Tang and then a heap of whey protein was dropped in, which made it taste like it should be curdled. I am not a fan.

Website
http://bludotbeverages.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Stevia Extract
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 2nd, 2013
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TEAloe Original

TEAloe Original

Honey, it's so nice out here at the hotel pool. I know I've been depressed, even during our vacation. It's just that it's been really tough at work and I feel like everyone is coming down on me. It's nice to just relax and sit with my feet dangling in the pool with my sunglasses on, the sound of the ocean in the background, babes in bikinis...what? We're on vacation! Don't think I didn't see you turning it on when we were at the bar last night. We're just here to have fun and unwind, right? Right.

Oh, what's this? Aloe and iced green tea? That sounds pretty good. Honey, um, why is that kid looking across the pool at me doing that fingers to eye thing like Robert Di Niro does in all those Focker's movies? Do you think he heard my remark about fat kids wearing shirts in pools? I think he did. What's he doing? Oh...oh no. He's going to do a cannonball. Ahhhh!!!!!

Oh come on, kid. I'm finally relaxing and you got me all wet. I know it's a pool but sometimes you just want to dangle your feet. I am not an old man. I'm thirty one. What a jerk. He got pool water all over me and, oh man, he got it in my drink. I'm sorry, honey. I saw him coming and I should have covered my drink. Well maybe he didn't get that much in there. Let me see. Bleh, he did the damage. This tastes exactly like you would expect it to. It tastes like aloe green tea with pool water in it. The green tea is trying to poke his little head out and you can taste it and you can taste and see the aloe bits but then that strange, plastic, chemical water taste is there to ruin it.

You know what, honey? I think I'm just going to go up to the room and see what's on TV. Now all I can think about is Meet The Fockers and I think I would like to do that. You go turn that charm on and get yourself a free drink. Sorry I'm such a pretty literal wet blanket. If I'm sleeping, wake me up for dinner. I want a sloppy joe.

Website
http://www.tealoe.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 22nd, 2013
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Tealoe Green Tea, Original, 16 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Blue Buddha Serenity Chamomile Lavender

Blue Buddha Serenity Chamomile Lavender

Enough. Enough, I say. Things have gotten out of control in my kingdom. I leave for two weeks with the queen to the seaside and when I return things are in shambles. I left all of you in charge and you have forsaken me. There are chickens running rampant for one. I stepped in chicken eggs and poop on my way up the stairs and there have never been chickens in the castle unless it was in the kitchen on their way to become dinner. The men are growing their hair out both on their heads and on their faces and they look like the cavemen that roamed our fine earth before us. More importantly, though, I would like to bring up someone's bright idea to marry our fine tea with flowers and sugar because they deserve to have their name and "guillotine" in the same sentence.

"What's wrong with it?" Well where do I start? It was a fine, red tea that we brought in from our trip to China to trade. The flowers, what did you say were in there? Chamomile and lavender? Look, the chamomile was fine. It was a nice relaxing tea but the lavender turned it into one of those baths that we take once a month. That or something we give the children to ease their throats when they are ill. That or a candle. Now all of these I could possibly take if it weren't for the sweetener that you have used. I have surveyed the sugar farmers and they said that they did use their sweetener but they also said that used something called Stevia. Now, I appreciate you using your skills as budding scientists to make new things but I might have to ratchet that down to things like alloys for armor and, I don't know, something crazy like air in the tires so that you don't feel every bump on those hard, wooden rims. It's too sweet and you know how I, the king, loves his sweets.

My faithful town, you have done me wrong and that is why the queen and I do not take trips. Now, to make things right, you must catch all the chickens, put most of them back in their cages and we shall have a triumphant feast in celebration of the dear queen and my return. That and that the food in Florida was quite bad.

Website
http://www.bluebuddha108.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Certified Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 25th, 2013
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Blue Buddha Serenity, Chamo Lavender Herbal Tea 14 oz. (Pack of 12)

Big Jak Iced Peach + Tea + Electrolytes

Big Jak Iced Peach + Tea + Electrolytes

Big Jak was a gambling man. He loved to play the ponies, roll the dice, and more importantly bet on the outcome of cards. Black Jack was his game. He loved it so much that he thought about starting to call himself “Big Black Jak,” but that just didn’t sound right to him, cause…well you know.

In his off time Big Jak spent his time developing beverages. He would spend hours and hours slaving away to get the balance of everything just right. The problem was that just like with the cards he always bet big. You see Big Jak may have loved black jack, but that does not mean he was any good at the game. He always bet everything he had, and had the dealer hit him, no matter what. He was so enamored with getting exactly 21 that he lost nearly every hand. This spilled over into his beverage making. The quantities of his flavorings were so high that it made them nearly undrinkable. Take this energy drink he worked on. It would have been nice to have a tasty non-carbonated energy drink that tasted like iced tea, but of course he had to go overboard. Even though he used sucralose, he used too much and it tasted so overly sweetened that you couldn’t even make out the tea flavor. In addition to that he decided to add some artificial peach flavor to it that made it just plain awful. Never before has a fruit flavoring existed that tasted so fake.

Sadly, shortly after the release of this beverage Big Jak’s bookies came looking for him and things did not bode well for him. That is why we talk about Big Jak in the past tense.

Website
http://bigjak.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 13th, 2013
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