Juice (942 reviews)

Bluewater Farms Fresh Pressed Cranberry

Bluewater Farms Fresh Pressed Cranberry

Yo man, I really need your help. I took...some stuff...and need to detox. I didn't take a lot but my boss is making me take a pee test and I'm afraid they're going to find it in my system and I'm going to get canned. Do you have anything like cranberry juice or something? You do have cranberry juice? That's awesome.

Oh wow. This is great. It's totally different than Ocean Spray. It's a lot of a lighter taste. I don't know if it's more water or less sugar but it's not. It's not so intense. Sometimes I cut my Ocean Spray with water because it's really strong. This is great as is, though.

Can I be honest with you, man? I didn't really do drugs. When you went into the bathroom, I went into your fridge and saw that you had the cranberry juice and didn't know if you would have just given it to me if I had asked. Yeah, I don't mind if you take that phone call.

Who was on the phone? Your boss? On a Saturday? What did he want? Oh, he's having drug tests on Monday and you took some stuff? What? I drank your last cranberry juice? Welp, I think I hear my mom calling me. I've got to go.

Website
http://bluewaterfarms.us/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 2nd, 2015
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V8 V-Fusion Energy Black Cherry

V8 V-Fusion Energy Black Cherry

The older my son gets, the more I understand why people hide vegetables in food. I could give this to him all day and he would never guess that there are carrots and stuff in here. Is that right? I don't know. He eats some vegetables. Not all vegetables but some. This he would love. This I like. It's tangy like a natural fruit would be. The vegetables don't even rear their ugly head at all.

The fact that I bought this from Big Lots for thirty-three cents makes me wonder if it's still something that V8 sells anymore. It would be one of those things you don't know exists until it's too late. Like me with Bad Brains. I hate myself for waiting until I was in my thirties to hear Banned In D.C.

Website
http://www.v8juice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Energy Drink, Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 30th, 2015
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Mansi Original

Mansi Original

The people at Mansi are very proud of their beverage, and they should be because it is tastier than I ever could have envisioned. They are also very adamant that we try it three different ways; cold and refreshing, warm like tea, and with your favorite liquor of choice. They have mentioned it numerous times. It’s to the extent that I think they have to trick someone into doing these three things in order to break a curse that is on their business. Or maybe it will cause a portal to open up so that they can return to their home world. Or maybe it’s like a Beetlejuice type of scenario. I really have no idea, and since neither Mike nor I drink alcohol it looks like we’ll never find out. Sorry to let you down Mansi folks. I hope it doesn’t make life to painful for you.

Ice Cold:
This is a perfect summer drink in its chilled state. It most closely resembles lemonade made with a slightly different citrus fruit, well because that is exactly what it is. It’s made of water, calamansi juice (a fruit that has been described as a mixture of a mandarin orange and kumquats), cane sugar and honey. It’s simple. It’s easy. It’s delicious. It tastes exactly like what it is, a superior “lemonade.” Take note kids if you sold this I would actually stop by your dumb little stands and buy you out of your product. Then you can go and blow all of your profits on candy or whatever it is you’re trying to save up for.

Warm:
I have to first off say that it is strange to drink a hot beverage in 90 degree weather, but you do what you must do in the name of progress and beverage reviews. My first reaction is that I should really be drinking this in the autumn. It would fit in perfectly with hot apple cider. All of the similarities to lemonade are out the window once its temperature increases. It tastes almost like an intense citrus tea, but I might only be thinking that because tea is really the only hot beverage I drink on any sort of regular basis. It’s a different beast warmed up. It’s still enjoyable, but I don’t think I could drink an entire carton hot. I also can’t drink more than a couple of sips of hot cider either, so if you’re into that sort of thing you’d probably like this.

With Liquor:
Sorry again that we couldn’t break your curse.

Website
http://www.drinkmansi.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 28th, 2015
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Auriganic Auricularia Auricula Carrots Beets & Goji Berries

Auriganic Auricularia Auricula Carrots Beets & Goji Berries

What a fancy drink this is. Everything is unpronounceable which means science. One of this drink's primary ingredient is mushrooms. Mushrooms! You would think that it tastes like an old shoe or something but you would be wrong. You would be dead wrong. Additionally, there are carrots and beets which would make it taste like the canning area in your grandma's basement.

This is surprisingly good. It's sweet enough from the apple juice and lemon juice concentrate that you can get away with some sneaky vegetables. You can trick me all you want if this is the outcome.

This tastes like there are some sneaky ingredients but somehow knowing what they are make it better. You're drinking mushrooms, dude and you like it. You are drinking something they put on pizza and having the time of your life. You should be shaking their hands in wonderment. Scientists and wizards. Same thing, right?

Website
http://auriganic.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 27th, 2015
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Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Sweet Tea

Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Sweet Tea

Normally when you get a flavored tea the ratio is along the lines of 85% tea 15% fruit flavor. That is unless it’s some artificial garbage, then the ratio can be all over the place. This beverage is closer to an Arnold Palmer 50/50 split. It tastes like it’s equal parts juice to tea. It’s not what I’m used to, but it’s pretty great. To be fair this is far from a sweet tea. In my world that is a very specific way of preparing iced tea. This is actually not abusively sweet. It’s not overly tart, but it’s not the cavity promoting wonderful swill that is sweet tea. Also, they actually use somewhat fancy tea in this as well. It’s a blend of Orange Pekoe and Pekoe Cut Black Tea. That’s higher up the tea chain than the normal every day black that is generally used in sweet tea. In summation it’s not really sweet tea, and it’s more juice than most teas, but neither of those are necessarily bad things and this is great.

Website
http://bluewaterfarms.us/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 23rd, 2015
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Beet Performer Beet Juice with B12

Beet Performer Beet Juice with B12

Well, this is certainly beet juice. It is a frightening shade of red. Like blood red. There is citric acid in there which I'm assuming just keeps it from spoiling. There is also B12. That's it. Simplistic. This tastes like a one-dimensional V8. It's vegetables, man. It could be better with a pinch of salt but that would not be healthy anymore. It's not bad. It just feels a bit boring. "Healthy for healthy sake." This is probably wildly amazing for you and I might feel like a million dollars. I also feared for my life that some of it would touch my clothes as I drank it and opened it and looked at it because if it touched anything, trust me, it would be embedded for life like that time you accidentally walked in on your dad naked and you can't get his dangles out of your mind.

I just hope my poop looks awesome later.

Website
http://www.beetperformer.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 20th, 2015
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Buy Now
Beet Performer Beet Juice with B12 8.4 Fl. Oz. Can (12 Pack)

Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake

Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake

Happy birthday to me. Well, actually since I’m over 21 and this is not a decade birthday for me it really is meaningless, but let’s pretend it does for the sake of this review. You see this beverage is my birthday cake. I didn’t have a real one, because you’re 36th birthday doesn’t mean a goddamn thing, so I’ll substitute a carrot cake smoothie in for a physical solid cake.

This is more intense than any real cake that would be served to me anyway. This beverage is basically what would happen if you made a vegan carrot cake, and took out all of the gluten elements of it. What you have left is a very thick concoction of carrots, banana (luckily it was invisible in the flavor), cinnamon, ginger and almond milk. It tastes exactly like carrot cake with double the amount of normal spices. The ginger and cinnamon in here are really intense. I’m not kidding it’s to an extent that it’s a challenge to drink the whole bottle, but it’s the kind of challenge that I like…okay I’m about 2/3 through the bottle and it’s getting hard to keep going with drinking this. It tastes exactly like it should, but man those spices are intense. This smoothie certainly isn’t for everyone, but if you love this specific type of spice and carrot cake is a passion of yours, by all means dive right in. I’m sitting here powering on, just regretting that I didn’t put a candle on this thing and blow it out like a dumb idiot.

Website
http://www.jubali.org/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Ginger, Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 19th, 2015
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Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Orange

Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Orange

Because I am a (self-proclaimed) scientist and I need to know how things work, I watched a video on juicing cranberries. I had thought there would be some process to this, but really people just dump the whole cranberry into a juicer. The important thing that I learned from watching this video is that very little juice comes from these little guys. In fact, it took over ½ pound of cranberries and oranges to create the juice that is in this 12oz bottle and it still has water added to it. That equals a lot of storage space for produce for a company making more than small batches of juice. I also imagine that they have some insanely large industrial juicer that could rip the water out of just about anything. You could juice a pine tree with the juicer I have envisioned in my mind. Pine juice anyone?

After all of that nonsense, this is a simple, delicious juice. It’s just cranberries, oranges, sugar and water. Now the bottle says that it’s naturally sweetened, so I had assumed that the sweetness of the fruit is what provided this. The ingredient list tells a different story of added sugar, which was a little bit of a disappointment until I thought about how tart this would be without it, as there is not much sugar in cranberries. It ends up only have in 18g of sugar anyway and it’s not overly sweet at all. It tastes like fresh squeezed orange juice with a splash of cranberry in it. It’s a perfect juice to accompany your breakfast.

Website
http://bluewaterfarms.us/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 15th, 2015
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CideRoad Organic Switchel Blueberry

CideRoad Organic Switchel Blueberry

Today Mike and I went on the Buffalo Eats podcast (Eat it Up) for the third time. As per usual we laughed a lot and talked very little about actual drinks. We decided to drink this “on the air” because we thought it would be disgusting and our reactions would make for good fake radio. This is a switchel, which for those of you not in the know is a drink made with vinegar. Yeah that’s right, that disgusting alleged foodstuff, vinegar. It also has maple syrup, ginger and blueberry juice in it, but how could those ingredients possibly compete again the vileness that is vinegar, a product of rotting?

We popped the top right into the mic and the air was instantly filled with the scent of coloring Easter eggs. Ugh. We poured a glass for each of us and down the hatch it was. Shockingly it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated. It tasted like someone made blueberry maple water in a glass that had previously held vinegar, but hadn’t been washed properly. I can’t believe I wasn’t punched in the face by the grossness. There was a bit of a ginger taste in the tail end, but the vinegar was there more in scent and thought instead of actual taste. If the smell wasn’t there I might not had noticed it at all.

I’m aware that vinegar is very healthy for you, but it’s not enough for me to drink it, and I won’t be revisiting this again. If your taste buds happen to be broken and you like things such as vinegar, cilantro and various other disgusting things, well then chug away my friend.

Website
http://cideroad.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Syrup
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 5th, 2015
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Wendy's FruiTea Chillers Orange Mango

Wendy's FruiTea Chillers Orange Mango

Oh what a treat. Look, hate fast food all you want. I didn't eat Wendy's for years due to a food poisoning issue which made me hallucinate. Bad sour cream man, don't mess with that at all. Old dairy? Leave it alone. You've got things to do and hopefully those things don't involve you getting the sweats and sleeping the rest of the day away.

They have stepped up their game, though and this is a fantastic drink. After drinking the blueberry pineapple, I thought it fair to try the orange mango. Man. What a tropical voyage this guy is. Decent orange and good mango put together in one small drink. They spruced it up with a lemon and it was a wonderful addition.

Look, I know it sounds like I'm really hamming it up for Wendy's but dude; seriously, this is a legitimately good drink you should try before they pull it. Be mad they took it away. Don't be mad you didn't get a chance to try it. Starting now, I told you so.

Website
http://www.wendys.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 30th, 2015
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