Juice (658 reviews)
Tropicana 100% Juice Strawberry Kiwi
Have we, The Thirsty Dudes, reached a level of respect and admiration in the beverage world that we can start demanding things? I don’t mean demand people send us stuff, although it is nice when they do. I mean demand that drinks be named/labeled in certain ways. For example if a juice drink, such as this one has four or more different types of fruit juice listed in its ingredients that it must, under Thirsty Law, be labeled as a fruit punch. I will give the companies a little bit on leniency, in that they are allowed one fruit over those in the name of the flavor. I know certain fruits are expensive and using apple or grape juice to stretch out the juice is more cost effective. Anything more than that, will hereby be known as fruit punch.
The drink that I am currently sipping on will now be known as “Strawberry Kiwi Fruit Punch.” It’s that easy. You see the top three fruits listed in the ingredients are apple, grape and pineapple, yet none of them are in the name. While I do enjoy this juice (especially since there is no added sugar) it by no means tastes like someone mashed a bunch of strawberries and kiwis together. That is a drink that would probably be costly, yet would totally be worth that cost. I’m drooling just thinking about it. This tastes like a fruit punch that has a slight kiwi aftertaste. I want to say that you can taste the strawberries in every sip, but the flavor I’m singling out doesn’t taste like biting into a piece of red, juicy fruit. It is just a flavor that companies have programmed my brain to process as strawberry.
So there you have it. I have pounded my gavel and the first Thirsty Amendment has been passed. Make sure you spread the word to your friends in the business. I would hate for them to get fined for breaking my law.
- Website
- http://www.tropicana.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/9/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Lo-Gly Low Glycemic Juice Blend Beverage Mango Mojito
Sharon was sick of all the rules. There were so many rules. No carbs. No bread. Watch your salt. Exercise then carbs. No bacon. Salad but no creamy dressing. No milk. No cheese. Diet pop. Artificial sweeteners are bad for you. So many rules.
Sharon works hard, alright. She eats with moderation, exercises regularly, and looks good. Look at me. She looks good. She doesn't need to worry as much as she does but she does because that's what happens.
She was talking to a friend who was a personal trainer and he said he found this awesome drink. It's a low glycemic drink with less calories, carbs, and sugar. It's a win-win, right? Well...not quite. If you drink it slowly, it's alright. It's like a slightly mango limeade. If you drink it quickly, the Stevia can be a bit overpowering. Sharon, who drank wheat grass on multiple occasions, can deal with that. She enjoys drinking slowly and loving life. Now if she could only spend less time at the gym and more time finding a man who tells her that she can spend less time working out and more time with him, she'd be all set.
- Website
- http://www.lo-gly.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Blue Agave Nectar
- Categories
- Diet, Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/8/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Sonoma Sparkler Natural Blood Orange
Wait so did Somona leave the partnership with Williams, or is this beverage just an example of what you can make with the fancy appliances they sell in their stores? Oh neither, it’s just the name of a city in California that is located close to where this fancy sparkling beverage is made? Well that’s less exciting that knowing that I could pay way too much money to buy kitchen doodads that would allow me to make this drink in the privacy of my own home, but I’ll let it slide due to the delectable nature of this juice. It is juice; don’t be mistaken. It is simply a mixture of apple and blood orange juices that have had carbon dioxide added to it. There are no sweeteners in here mucking things up. It’s pure and it is wonderful. I was hoping it would be pure blood orange juice, so the addition of apples is the only reason this didn’t get top marks. It tastes better than 99% of the beverages you have ever drunk, but to be honest it is more apple than orange. The apple flavoring is like a roller coaster car slowly climbing the hill, and the blood orange hits you suddenly and quickly like rushing down that self same hill. Don’t worry, there are no loopy loops on this ride to make you lose your lunch.
- Website
- http://www.sonomasparkler.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/6/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Arizona Fruit Punch
No. We haven't done this before. Yes. It has been out for a decade. There is no shortage of reviews for Arizona reviews on this site. As a matter of fact, they are one of the most reviewed products that we've done. Sometimes, though, things slip through the cracks. Things we've drank one hundred times we don't remember if we drank for personal pleasure or for the good of the site. Up until now, this was strictly a pleasure drink. Well, not any more, kids. Now it's business.
Look at all the darn fruit on this bottle. Let me count the ways this is a fruit punch: apple, pear, mango, cherry, both green and concord grapes, and strawberry. That's a plethora of fruit. That would make a pretty decent fruit salad. Does it make a decent drink, though? Well, yes, it does. You can't taste everything. I feel like I'm missing out on some mango action, perhaps some cherry, too. Do I hold it against them? No. How fine are people's taste buds that they can distinguish between like ten fruits all while being sweetened by corn syrup? No, that's not a dig. It's just what they use to sweeten it. Sure, I'd like to taste this with real sugar, or even sugarless, but it's not penalizing them. The sweetener is fine because there are a lot of fruit flavors going on in that bottle.
Arizona aren't a bunch of dumb dummies. They've been doing this for years. Remember how we just celebrated their twentieth birthday? They're vets. Pros, even. They did a fine job and you know that because you've been drinking their stuff for years. I'm sure they would thank you if given the opportunity. You should thank them, too. It's the right thing to do.
- Website
- http://drinkarizona.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/6/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Kona Red Hawaiian Superfruit Antioxidant Juice
Up before dawn; that is the life of a surfer. Sure getting up that early blows, but that is when the waves are the best and more importantly when the beach is free and clear of tourists. It’s bad enough having all of those people gawking at you, but the true hell is when one of them thinks that they know what they are doing on a board and comes out, gets in your way and inevitably needs to be escorted back to the shore before they drown. So yeah, the result is that I have to wake up far to early for one who lives a partying life as I do. Surviving on 4 hours of sleep a night, you would think that my immune system would be shot. It would be if it weren’t for my secret weapon: Kona Red.
My buddies go out to the coffee plantations and gather up the discarded coffee fruit. You see when you make coffee you cut the beans from the center of these little red berries. You didn’t know that? Well that is because you are more than likely a touring staring at me from the shore while I’m carving those waves. Anyways, that leftover fruit is chock full of the antioxidants that help keep me healthy. My friends take the fruit, juice it and add some pineapple and apple juice. The result is akin to a smoothed out acai juice. It has a very dark taste, but the pineapple and apple juices liven it up a bit. It’s a fairly strange taste that grows on you the more you drink. It tastes absolutely nothing like the coffee that you brew, and has no caffeine (but oh how that would help me).
Okay it’s 4am. I should wax up my board and meet the guys down at the beach. The pipeline waits for no man.
- Website
- http://site.konared.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia Leaf Extract
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/6/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Naked Protein Juice Smoothie Protein Zone Mango
Honey, I’ll be home a bit later, but I made some soup for you that is in the fridge. Just warm it up and you’ll be good to go. Actually maybe toast a little bread and break it up in the soup, who doesn’t love that?
*Cut to several hours later*
Darling, I appreciate that you took the time to make me soup for dinner, but I have to tell you that was the worst soup I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was so sweet and tasted vaguely dairy like. I don’t know where you got that recipe, but please never make it for me again. I would rather go hungry than eat that again. What does it matter what container I took it out of? Of lord, please don’t tell me you made mass quantities of it! Anyways I took it from the blue container. I thought it was weird that you put soup in a pitcher, but with a color like that what else could it be? What, the soup was in the Tupperware on the bottom shelf? Well then what exactly did I eat? Please tell me it wasn’t one of the kids science experiments. Oh it was a smoothie that you made, that makes way more sense as to how sweet it was. I know I wasted a large chunk of your smoothie, but can I please try it cold instead of piping hot? Well this is much better this way. It’s a nice thick mango and orange juice that is not insanely sweet, which I really enjoy. It’s a bit chalky though, especially towards the bottom of the glass. That little bit was almost undrinkable. Oh, you added some whey and soy protein so it will help you out after your workout. You really are a smart one, and I am truly an idiot for thinking this was soup.
- Website
- http://www.nakedjuice.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/5/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Apple & Eve Fruitables Berry Berry
I was thinking aloud today that it would be awesome if you could change the color of your pee. It is not gross. It's awesome. Obviously I wouldn't use a dye or anything not "natural" but I would like to use something like the things they use for food to make it a certain color. Carrot juice, beet juice, and so on. Concentrate the living daylights out of it, put it in a pill, sell it to kids, have them laugh as they pee purple. I would buy a year supply out of it and just drink so much water that I would pee every fifteen minutes.
Just as luck would have it, I would have this drink in the fridge queued up and ready to go. It's got all sorts of stuff in there for color and although I can almost guarantee that I'm not going to pee light pink, I am going to enjoy twelve fluid ounces of delicious and nutritious juice. A full day's vegetable and fruit servings in one with no added sugar and all the vitamin C a man can handle. This is great for this time of year when I could get a cold at any minute. I need all the help I can get. Now if someone can help me pee neon pink I would be ever so grateful.
- Website
- http://www.appleandeve.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/29/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
VBlast Pomegranate Cherry
VBlast is a terribly disgusting name for a company. Anything really. Just "Blast" would have been fine but as soon as you added the "V" in there, my mind only goes one place and it gets grozz. I just had to get that off my chest first.
Secondly, this is just juice. This tastes like cherry Kool-Aid. I know there is pomegranate allegedly in there but he is hiding and shouldn't be paid for his role in this drink. It's diet and zero calories and sucralose is not offensive so if you love kid juice and just can't get past the fact that it has like a trillion calories, here is a good supplement. Also, it's got vitamins in it so all of a sudden juice is healthy. Blows your mind with what science can do nowadays, right?
- Website
- http://www.vblast.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/28/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
7 Eleven Classic Lemonade
It's a good thing 7-11 isn't known for their lemonade, because this is a sad excuse for one of my favorite drinks. I don't know why I thought this would help my craving, high hopes perhaps? Nevertheless, I think I figured out 7-11's lemonade recipe:
10 parts water
1 part lemon juice
.005 sugar
The only thing I hate more than watered down lemonade, is flat soda. That doesn't make me dislike this lemonade less, but it makes me thankful that I’m not drinking flat soda.
- Website
- http://www.7-eleven.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 11/28/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Philippine Brand Pineapple Juice
If this line of beverages is any indication, I believe I am long overdue for a trip to the Philippines. So far we have reviewed mango, calamansi and guava juices, and now we’re on to pineapple. That’s one hell of a foursome of juices to have readily available in your country. Do you like how I assume that all of those fruits grow rampant everywhere? Oh of course you can walk down any block in the Philippines and pick each of these fruits from trees you will pass. It’s just like in America where you can’t look more than 50 feet without finding apples, pears and grapes.
The other juices from this brand that we have done have had sugar added to them. It was unnecessary, but I could live with it and enjoy the juice. With this pineapple juice, they decided to throw caution to the wind and leave out the sugar. It was a wise choice. All that is in this can is pineapple juice, it’s not sweetened and it’s not watered down. It’s wonderful, and not too acidic. It tastes like you’re biting into a fresh pineapple that you cut from the bush you just passed on vacation, except you don’t have to fear about your tongue bleeding from the amount of acid in it. Life is good in the Philippines.
- Website
- http://www.profoodcorp.com
- Country
- Philippines
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/27/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment