Juice (942 reviews)

Goya Tamarind Nectar

Goya Tamarind Nectar

I am a fan of most of the Goya Nectar drinks. I usually get them in the larger bottles, but this flavor I've only ever seen in a can. I learned today that although the bottles use natural sweeteners, the ones in the cans all seem to be sweetened with High Fructose Corn Syrup. In my opinion that's already deducted points. The taste of the nectar reminded me of a mix of apple and grape juice, with a strange earthy undertone. It really did nothing for me.

Website
http://goya.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 6th, 2010
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Goya Tamarind Nectar

12 Noon To Midnight Original

12 Noon To Midnight Original

This bottled beverage taunted me for months from the shelf of my local grocery store. The bottle made it look so fancy and tasty. I thought of it as the grail of beverages. The $8 price tag on it always deterred me. I would look up at it weekly and say "Some day. Some day." Finally I got to the point where I couldn't stand it any longer and bought it to have with dinner that night. This drink had been built up in my head to such a level that I cannot describe my disappointment as it splashed on my tongue. It tasted like the blandest fruit juice I had ever tasted. It tasted the way every health food was described in 80's movies. It also had a strong fennel aftertaste, even though it's not listed in the ingredients. I had a handful of other people taste it, wondering if it had magically powers that made it taste so disgusting to those who weren't worthy of it's glory. After one sip everyone thought it was completely terrible, and half a bottle of it was sadly poured down the drain.

Website
http://www.twelvebeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 8th, 2010
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12 Beverage Sparkling Fruit Juice and Tea Blend 25.4 oz.

Genesis Boost Youth Mangosteen

Genesis Boost Youth Mangosteen

I've seen these drinks around a few times, but the $4-$5 price range always deterred me from trying it. When I saw it on sale for $2, I realized it was time to give it a chance. I've had dried mangosteen in the past, and it was pretty decent, so I was looking forward to this. When I opened it, there was brown gunk on the inside of the cap, I checked the expiration date, and it hadn't passed, so I chalked it up to "health food sludge." The smell is pretty terrible, like a fruit that is past ripeness. First swig it wasn't so bad, but it was kind of hard for me to finish the bottle. It reminded me of cider when it's just on the verge of becoming alcoholic. This is definitely not the beverage for me.

Website
http://www.genesisboost.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 16th, 2010
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Youth Boost to Support Healthy Aging and Immune System (1) Bottle 12 oz.

Trader Joe's Watermelon Juice

Trader Joe's Watermelon Juice

This went bad. Really bad. Terribly bad. Did I still drink it? Yep-ahh. I'm a glutton for punishment. I'll give you the back-story:

My girlfriend went to Vegas. She only won $100 but with the proceeds, she went to Trader Joe's, a store we don't have where we are from, and bought a handful of stuff that you can't get here. One of those drinks being this watermelon juice. She then came home, gave it to me, and I brought it to work to review.

So here I am, thirsty. After all, I am a thirsty dude. I say to myself that I'm going to try this watermelon juice because, after all, I like watermelon. I open the cap, hand it to my friend Mike (pictured) and he tries it, and quickly shows a face of utter disgust. "It tastes like someone crushed the watermelons with rubber." he says handing the bottle to me. I smell it, and it's putrid. I taste it...equally putrid. It tasted like you ate two day old, thrown out watermelon.

Think like you are a homeless person and you go through the garbage on a Monday after a back yard barbecue held the previous Saturday. You find what looks like a perfectly good slice of watermelon, but lo and behold, it is not. Put that in a bottle and sell it and that's what you've got.

This was probably out of the fridge for too long during transport so I might re-rate this at a later date. If someone else has had this with better luck than myself, please tell me otherwise. If this is how it tastes, share this link with your friends so that they stop making garbage watermelon juice.

Website
http://www.traderjoes.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2010
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Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Ugh. Look. I just had the gnarliest food poisoning of my life. Worst. It destroyed me. Annihilated, I threw up so hard I fell out of bed. No, I'm not exaggerating. So what do I remember I have in my fridge? This Genesis Inner Boost drink, which is supposed to support detoxification and internal cleansing. What better thing to drink after getting internally crushed by bad seafood? Uh, well, I'll tell you. Anything. I could not like this drink any less. Yes, any less. Took two sips and couldn't touch the stuff. Number 1 ingredient, pear juice, 2; strawberry juice; 3, raspberry juice; 4, grape juice. All good, right? Yeah? Could it be #5, the dreaded Noni berry? I don't know. I'm not a large fan of pears, they are like crappy apples, but this didn't really taste like it. It didn't really taste like anything and smelled even worse.

This drink might be for someone and I'm not looking for something special, too fruity, too dry, too thick, too thin, whatever, I don't care. This seemed borderline undrinkable, like I could give it to 100 people and 100 people would say, "No, not for me." I'm clearly and evidently one in 100.

Website
http://www.genesisboost.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 13th, 2010
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Inner Boost with Noni for Detoxification 1 Bottle

Young Energy Source Plum Juice Drink

Young Energy Source Plum Juice Drink

Shit Sandwich.

Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 30th, 2011
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Wonderfarm Sour Plum

Wonderfarm Sour Plum

Plums? Prunes? Who cares? This stuff is rough. Rough like the seas that took down so many of our Viking brethren. Brethren. Remember how awesome it was when Hey Mercedes used the phrase "uniformed brethren" and you thought to yourself, "Woah, what a good use of that term." Is that me patting myself on the back for using words? Possibly, it's not the point. I am neither a genius nor a scholar. I don't read books and I do not partake in even the finest of wines. Parts of me wish that I would after drinking this near abomination.

Where to start? Well, first sip seems like a good place. It was gross. I asked myself in ever stage, "What's this in the middle?" and favorites like, "What's happening at the end?" The more you drink, the better it gets, but that's not to say that it's ever good or even drinkable. Between three people and two additional "sippers" there is still easily half a can of this stuff left. If you take a couple sips your mouth masks the grossness a couple percentage points and you find the prune/plum but it's not how you want it to taste. It's a tiny bit fruity, wildly bitter, and mostly undrinkable.

Website
http://www.wonderfarmonline.com/
Country
Malaysia
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 22nd, 2011
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DeDe Longan Drink

DeDe Longan Drink

It takes a lot for a drink to gross me out. I didn't know what longan was before I bought this, but I assumed it was a fruit. When I picked up the bottle, I noticed that there were big chunks of something floating inside. Then, I noticed on the ingredients list the following: Longan Meat (2.0%). My vegan instinct kicked in at the sight of meat on the label and freaked me out a little. The floating stuff did have a meat look to it as well. Luckily I was right, and longan is a fruit grown on a tree of the same name in South and Southeast Asia.

Upon opening it, I couldn't help but to smell it first. After drinking some nasty stuff over the years, it's instinct. The smell was something I have encountered many times, but never in a drink. If you guessed really dirty socks, then you are correct. How they managed to bottle the smell of dirty socks I will never know. A couple of my housemates said it smelled like dates or prunes to them, but I didn't get that at all.

To prepare for potentially getting a mouthful of dirty socks, I took the first sip over a sink. Luckily (or unfortunately depending on how you feel about drinks making you puke) it tasted better than it smelled to me. The taste can be summed up in two words: liquid raisins. I don't hate raisins, but I don't particularly love them either. The idea of a raisin flavored drink is pretty disgusting to me. After this revelation, I tried taking another sip and it was too gross. I don't want liquid raisins.

Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on February 23rd, 2011
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Cell-nique Super Green Drink Dark Chocolate

Cell-nique Super Green Drink Dark Chocolate

Mike and I have had our collective eye on the Cell-nique drinks for months. We would see it in the store every time we went. More often than not we would pick it up and look at the bottom of the bottle. There is so much sludge there. It was equally enticing and disturbing. The $4 price tag deterred us for a long time, but I finally gave in this week. I wish that I had put it off even longer.

Let's start with the fact that this has the longest list of ingredients that I have ever seen on a drink. There are 36 different ingredients. Sheer insanity. There is so much crazy stuff in here that I never in a million years would have expected to drink. Also, everything says "Organic" before it. I hate when companies do that. It's such overkill. This is pretty much supposed to be the healthiest thing you can ever drink. By default that means that it's going to be one gag shy of a trip to Pukeland, USA.

Here is my thought process starting with smelling it:
-Wow this doesn't smell nearly as bad as I expected. It has a general cocoa smell, with some undertones of weirdness. This might not be nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Oh wow it would rule if this actually tasted good for how healthy it is for you.
*Bottles Up*
-Okay that tastes like a strangely fruity dark chocolate bar. It’s not the greatest thing ever, but not that bad. I also expected this to have little chunks of grain (Quinona) in it.
*.2 seconds later*
Oh sweet Jesus what the hell is that flavor. It's like someone took every single thing that was in a fridge and put it all into a blender. It's a complete assault on the taste buds. There is absolutely nothing good about this flavor. Show me someone who enjoys this and I will show you someone who is either a liar or someone that was tragically born without taste buds.
*Again .2 seconds later*
Okay now it tastes like I just ate a spoonful of black licorice and hot chocolate mix, but the taste of liquid hell is still lingering in the background. Oh man this flavor just will not leave my mouth. I may have to cut out my tongue if this doesn't go away. I'm going to try and wash it down with something else.
*Hands bottle to Mike, goes into the kitchen and downs a tasty fluid*

Mike wanted to add that it tasted like he was eating a campfire somewhere in the middle of the flavor spectrum. I can't comprehend how disgusting this is. It's now a few hours after my initial tasting and I still have the memory of the flavor on my tongue. I've eaten several things since then as well.

Mike said that I should give this a two. Things this healthy don't have a chance in the flavor department. Sometimes you have to deal with something purely disgusting for the sake of health. This is so disgusting that the only way I could give it a two was if it gave me supernatural powers. I'm still normal me, so it's getting the loneliest of all numbers.

Website
http://www.cell-nique.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 24th, 2011
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Cell-Nique, Green Spr Drk Choc Drk, 12 FO (Pack of 12) ( Value Bulk Multi-pack)

San Pellegrino Sanbitter

San Pellegrino Sanbitter

Although this drink may be an acquired taste, who would want to go for a second one when it tastes like this? I don't hate the San Pellegrino Chinotto and I understand that it is an Italian staple, but this is something else.

Someone recommended this to me not too long after we started the site and I never found one that wasn't in an eight pack. If it was something that wasn't questionable, I might have gotten it, but since it was called a bitter, I didn't want to splurge and get an eight pack and have seven other ones lying around never going to be drank. Drinking this makes me appreciate my decision.

This drink tastes medicinal. The flavor seems like it might want to be cherry, and if you sip the smallest sip, you might taste it, but anything larger than that you get an onslaught of a medicine you were not prescribed. Oh, it's bitter, there is no doubt about that, but what is that good for? "Oh, I love a nice, bitter drink that doesn't have a taste as much as a tongue reaction when I drink it." Who is saying that? Who wants anything overly bitter? It's like asking for something too sweet or too salty. Does this accompany anything? I'm just so confused as to the purpose of this. I'm glad it was cheap, I'm glad it came in an awesome bottle, I'm glad I'm not obligated to drink the whole thing.

Website
http://www.sanpellegrino.com
Country
Italy
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 18th, 2011
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Bitter Red
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