Milk (81 reviews)

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

I know. You thought of it. You're a genius. If only you had the money to start your own company to sell old cereal milk you would have been the genius behind this phenom of a company. Well I'm here to tell you that it was not as great as idea as you thought it was.

It's great when you do it at home because you ate the cereal and your mouth tastes like Cocoa Puffs but when you buy pre-bottles cereal milk, you're missing that aspect so it tastes like weak chocolate milk strained through someone's corn flakes. Is it bad? No. Is it good? Not particularly. It's got all the makings of a literal cereal milk but, as previously mentioned, it's lacking the actual action of eating and enjoying delicious chocolate cereal and earning the milk at the end.

So you made a good decision not following through with yet another one of your bright ideas because if you did, this review would be about your company and would hit uncomfortably close to home.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 5th, 2013
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Chocolate Chip Cathy

Crave Strawberry Chocolate

Crave Strawberry Chocolate

Baby, I love you so much. You look great in that negligee that I got you on sale from Sears when I was waiting for my car to be serviced. Darn alternator is always acting up. You know, you've driven it. I think that Carl, the guy at the counter had it out for me because he gave me a look of hatred when I brought it the car...kind of like the look you're giving me now. Baby, what's up? I just wanted to tell you about my day before we...you know...rocked the sheets. You don't want to hear about the Pinto? Strange, anyhow, I thought that we could have some fun before we got down to business and I picked this up. You know how you're always thirsty after we're done? Oh wait; maybe that's me, anyhow. Cleaning up chocolate is a mess. It doesn't come out of anything. The last thing I want you to do is worry about cleaning at a time like this. Also, I know you like strawberries, but it's not really in season so I did the next best thing. I stopped at a gas station on the way home from work today and picked up a can of Crave strawberry chocolate milk that I thought we could share while we're, you know, doing it. I know, strawberry and chocolate. You know how you've had your eyes on a Prius, but this is like a delicious hybrid of its own.

Drink up, baby. I keep calling you baby to try and get you in the mood because you don't really look like you're in to it anymore. I don't really get it but give this a quick swig. It's not bad. It tastes like chocolate covered gummy strawberries. That's cool, right? Plus, it comes in this pretty awesome aluminum can so it keeps cold longer. Why are you turning the TV on, I thought we were going to...oh turn that back! I love Psych. Move over, you're taking up the whole bed.

Website
http://icravemilk.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 20th, 2011
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Crave Strawberry Chocolate Milk, 12-Ounce (Pack of 12)

Crave Chocolate

Crave Chocolate

What do I crave? I crave chocolate milk that is thick. I want chocolate milk that is on the cusp of a milkshake. Why? Why would you ask me? Do you like thin, runny chocolate milk? That's for kids...well chocolate milk is for kids. I mean, chocolate milk is for everyone. Greg, a dude I work with who beat me in go-carts over the weekend, cannot stop drinking these once he starts and he's in his thirties. This is nice, thick chocolate milk. It's got a rich flavor that you don't care about slamming. Plus, due to the fact that it's in that rad aluminum can, you can shake it up all you want and create perfect, frothy chocolate milk. What more could you ask for? You want one now, don't you? I'm a salesman. I'm hired.

Website
http://icravemilk.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 30th, 2011
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Crave Original Chocolate Milk, 12-Ounce (Pack of 12)

Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

I will tell you for those who do not already know, that one of the worst things ever is packing for a big move. I live in a small house and am moving to a slightly larger house but I have been packing non-stop for days. It feels like an eternity but I am slowly seeing everything I own broken down and crammed into boxes and put into a corner of my house. It still feels like there is so much more stuff to pack but I am finally, after today, in a place where I think that I see an end.

In doing so, I had three boxes of things that I had to donate. After I was done and they gave me a "receipt" which is a piece of paper that says, "The IRS uses the honor system when you claim donations." which I thought was very strange and lazy, I decided to go right down the street and get something warm. It was very cold today, as I am sure you all know since I believe the entire country is going through a cold front right now. I believe it was twenty degrees outside and at the time of writing this, it was snowing. I wanted a mocha, but then I saw a sign that promoted the salted caramel hot chocolate. Since I think it was seasonal, I had to get it.

After waiting for it to decrease from the temperature of the sun, it was time to drink. I leaned in my house, in my kitchen, surrounded by both full and empty boxes, and took sip after sip and just cleared my head. This was a good, well-balanced drink. The caramel smoothed it out, the base hot cocoa was there and the salt was not overpowering and gave it a nice sweet and salty taste. It’s a nice change of pace for the lovers of hot cocoa in times like these. Cold times. Winter times.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2013
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Elmhurst Naturals Horchata Traditional

Elmhurst Naturals Horchata Traditional

There is nothing quite like consuming more tacos than anyone on Earth should in one sitting and then washing it all down with some Horchata aka the perfect dessert beverage. In case you are unfamiliar with this liquid wonder it is basically cinnamon rice milk. Sometimes, if you are lucky, there is a little vanilla in there as well. It sounds so very simple, but it taste so very good. It’s the kind of drink that even if it were regularly available to me, I would save it for special occasions because I would not want it to become commonplace. It is a treat I like to give myself when I think I’ve earned it.

I’ve had premade horchata before and they have always left something to be desired. While on the better side of things, this bottle is no exception. It’s almost there, but at the same time it also tastes a bit on the watery side. I just don’t know if perfect horchata could have any sort of shelf life. The dairy would spoil too quickly. I did enjoy this, but it was taunting me, knowing how great it could be. It is a good substitute if you were to live in a town that didn’t have a proper Mexican restaurant that served the real stuff. It’s got that cinnamon rice flavor, and even a touch of vanilla, but it’s all just a little too weak. Drinking this makes me want to jump in my car and drive the 20 minutes to get a glass at my favorite Taqueria. I really shouldn’t, but I want to. Let’s say this is starter Horchata. A Mexican treat with training wheels if you will.

Website
http://www.steubenfoods.com/elmhurst-naturals
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 20th, 2017
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Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Unlike Jay, I eat meat. That being said, if I can eat an animal that was treated fairly before he was, let's face it, murdered, that's better. Morrissey, while wildly militant about it, is right in that respect. He's right about a lot. He's Morrissey. This milk is advertised as being produced humanly and who can't appreciate that? Sure, there are probably some people out there talking about how they don't care how the animals are being treated as long as they have a hamburger on their plate at the end of a day.

Does this chocolate milk taste happier? Not really. I'm not saying that it tastes sadder. If anything, it tastes thicker. It's creamy chocolate milk, more so than anything you make at home and probably thicker than a Nesquik. Yes, there is sucralose in it and yes you can taste it but it doesn't come off as a super diet chocolate milk. It's better for you in terms of calories, protein and calcium than "regular chocolate milk." You wouldn't guess it because it's pretty rich and if you didn't know better, tastes like it is not at all better for you than "the other guys" chocolate milk.


Our buddy Marvo over The Impulsive Buy reviewed this drink, too which reminded me that I had it in my queue. Now, all thanks to him, I really want another glass of it. You've done it again, Marvo.

Website
http://fairlife.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 16th, 2015
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FairLife Chocolate Reduced Fat Milk 2-1.5 L bottles

Forager Mango & Chia

Forager Mango & Chia

Oh, a mango and chia probiotic smoothie. That sounds pleasant enough. Wait, the base of this is cashew milk? That sounds a bit odd, but I’m willing to give it a try, I mean I really like almond milk.
*one spit take later*
Okay, I was wrong that is not what I want to taste. I still think I would like cashew milk on its own. Hell, I think I would probably even like it if it were just that and mango juice. It might be a little weird, but I have a ghost vision of it on my taste buds and it’s not bad. The problem lies with one, some or all of the other ingredients. I’m looking at you orange juice, dates, lemon juice, and bacillus coagulans GB1-30 6086 whatever you are (it’s a probiotic strain). In your ranks is the think that makes this taste very vegetable juice like and not like something I want to drink at all. It tastes like it’s the gross beverage that I would have to force myself to drink on a juice cleanse. Lucky for me I’m not cleansing and I don’t have to force anything. Wait, why did I just chug the whole thing then?

Website
http://foragerproject.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 6th, 2018
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Fresh Delight Apple Milk

Fresh Delight Apple Milk

I can't believe a year has passed already. The happiest time of the year is upon us again. The week when the local ice cream parlor has apple flavored soft serve. I dream about this moment all year long. The way the apple compliments the ice cream is astounding. Seriously it haunts my dreams on lonely February nights. I've tried making it myself but it never turns out right. Actually it's usually down right disgusting when I try to make it. What's that I've been rambling on for so long that my ice cream has melted all over my shoes? Dagnabbit! Looks like the dog is in for a treat. No time for napkins, I'll just like the melted mess off of my hands while you order me another. Hmmm this tastes exactly like that apple milk they has down at the Asian market. It's creamy and appley. The apple is on the verge of tasting like sour apple, but it doesn't go quite that far. I wonder if I mixed some of that in with my ice cream if it will taste as good as it does here. That would be wonderful wouldn't it? To be able to have this wonderful flavor all year 'round would be a dream. What's that, my second one has melted? I really must learn to shut up.

Country
China
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 12th, 2011
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Fuze Peach Mango

Fuze Peach Mango

An open letter to the beverage world,

Folks, don’t you think you’ve beaten it into the ground? Perhaps we should just let it die in peace. Peaches are great. Mangoes are wonderful. When you combine the two they make a nice couple. You know the kind that will date for a few years, eventually get married and go on to have a nice respectable family. Everyone likes to know a couple or two like that, but no one wants to be surrounded by nothing but couples like that. It leaves one feeling like something is wrong with them for not being a part of such a wonderful couple. Then the non peach-mango will get desperate and try to pair itself with anything to be like the happy couples. That just isn’t good for anyone. Am I making any sense? Of course I’m not. My point in that it seems every drink company out these days has a peach mango option. It’s been overdone and it’s no longer exciting. It used to be one of my favorites, but I no longer look forward to reviewing drinks of this flavor. I know you folks have more in you, so be creative. Match up some other fruits. I bet a passionfruit/dragonfruit would make for a wonderful wedding.

Sincerely,
Jason & The Thirsty Dudes.

ps. This actually has a decent peach/mango flavor to it, but for some reason they decided to add sucralose along with the sugar and crystalline fructose in here and you catch hints of it. I have no idea why they added it, but one serving still contains 42g of sugar, so it obviously wasn’t to keep the calories down. Also if I didn’t know there was milk in this I don’t know if I would realize it was there, except for a little extra creaminess. Knowing it’s in there grosses me out a little. I’m going to guess that 95% of this drink is all water, sweetener and milk. Take a second to think about making that in your kitchen. You wouldn’t want to drink it then, so why would they put it in here? I don’t see what it’s there for at all. Take it out and maybe this drink would have gotten 4 bottles. As it is Derek is off crying because a cow was raped to make this drink. Fuze, why did you have to go and make Neulando Calrissian cry?

Website
http://www.drinkfuze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Categories
Juice, Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 10th, 2012
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Fuze Peach Mango, 16.9-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Fuze Strawberry Guava

Fuze Strawberry Guava

Two things: A. Why did they add sucralose to this when there are both sugar and crystalline fructose up near the top? B. Why does Fuze feel the need to add skim milk to their drinks?

In answer to A I’ve read that small amounts of sucralose and other zero calorie sweeteners help to enhance the natural flavors of a drink. I’m called bull on that. What it does enhance is the terrible artificial diet flavor. It’s really unnecessary.

The reason for the second question isn’t so clear. Perhaps the CEO just likes slightly milky drinks. It reminds me of when I was little and I would mix all the drinks in the fridge into a “power drink.” In early trials I would mix in some milk, then I realized that it was kind of gross, and I started to exclude it. It would sometimes curl when mixed with juice. I’m surprised that doesn’t happen in here. Adding milk to a drink always gives it a slight melted ice cream flavor.

Let me sum up this drink for you. It would be a decent juice if there weren’t sucralose in it. It’s too bad that it has the terrible diet flavor to it. Why add that flavor when there is still 42g of sugar in the bottle? Oh and while we’re at it, they should have left out the milk as it makes it weird and creamy and melted milkshake like.

Website
http://www.drinkfuze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 2nd, 2012
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Fuze Beverage, Strawberry Guava , 16.9 Fl. Oz., (Pack of 6)
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