Milk (58 reviews)
Fuze Peach Mango
An open letter to the beverage world,
Folks, don’t you think you’ve beaten it into the ground? Perhaps we should just let it die in peace. Peaches are great. Mangoes are wonderful. When you combine the two they make a nice couple. You know the kind that will date for a few years, eventually get married and go on to have a nice respectable family. Everyone likes to know a couple or two like that, but no one wants to be surrounded by nothing but couples like that. It leaves one feeling like something is wrong with them for not being a part of such a wonderful couple. Then the non peach-mango will get desperate and try to pair itself with anything to be like the happy couples. That just isn’t good for anyone. Am I making any sense? Of course I’m not. My point in that it seems every drink company out these days has a peach mango option. It’s been overdone and it’s no longer exciting. It used to be one of my favorites, but I no longer look forward to reviewing drinks of this flavor. I know you folks have more in you, so be creative. Match up some other fruits. I bet a passionfruit/dragonfruit would make for a wonderful wedding.
Sincerely,
Jason & The Thirsty Dudes.
ps. This actually has a decent peach/mango flavor to it, but for some reason they decided to add sucralose along with the sugar and crystalline fructose in here and you catch hints of it. I have no idea why they added it, but one serving still contains 42g of sugar, so it obviously wasn’t to keep the calories down. Also if I didn’t know there was milk in this I don’t know if I would realize it was there, except for a little extra creaminess. Knowing it’s in there grosses me out a little. I’m going to guess that 95% of this drink is all water, sweetener and milk. Take a second to think about making that in your kitchen. You wouldn’t want to drink it then, so why would they put it in here? I don’t see what it’s there for at all. Take it out and maybe this drink would have gotten 4 bottles. As it is Derek is off crying because a cow was raped to make this drink. Fuze, why did you have to go and make Neulando Calrissian cry?
- Website
- http://www.drinkfuze.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Crystalline Fructose
- Categories
- Juice, Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/10/2012
- Comments
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Copper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Light Hot Cocoa
Ma'am, please. Get down here in the bomb shelter before another bomb goes off. Shut the door. We don't want any bad guys or shrapnel coming down here. This is a safe zone. You never thought you'd be in a bomb shelter, did you? Well, here beneath the Jewish school, we've been stocking up. Notice how we have separate shelves for meats and dairy. I'm not even Jewish and I can appreciate the orthodox nature of this organized bomb shelter. Sure, until the smoke clears, we won't be able to eat a cheeseburger or pepperoni pizza, but I can deal with it. We've got plenty of Twinkies and this canned hot chocolate. It's diet because if we lived off nothing but Twinkies, gelt, and non-diet hot cocoa, we wouldn't be able to make it up the stairs because we would have gained so much weight.
We've got like fourteen cases of this hot cocoa and eleven car batteries to run the microwave and space heater. Can I make you a can? Yes? Great. It will be ready in a minute.
Here you are. Piping warm. What do you think? Yeah, I got that, too. It's good at first and then gets really diet tasting. You always know that it's hot cocoa, but it's got a constant sucralose undertone. It's not bad. Sure, we've also got bottled water, but this is in a can, which I feel is chemical bomb proof. You know what? On second though, this might be harder than we thought. Why? Well...how to put this...they stocked the food, have blankets, batteries, water, but they're forgetting one thing. Toilets. There is nowhere to go to the bathroom and there is a concrete floor that is four feet thick so we can't even go in a hole. Looks like that room that you thought was yours is going to have a handful of pee corners. Sorry, ma'am.
- Website
- http://www.coppermtnbev.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/7/2012
- Comments
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Vio Vibrancy Drink Peach Mango
Hi, my name is Stephen Milakis and I'm the national champion for "Float Chugging." My record is that I was able to drink a dozen 20oz mugs of the root beer variety in just under 90 seconds. Sure it hurt, and I was on the verge of spewing everywhere, but I'm a champion and I play to win. The post contest belch is also extremely gratifying. Next month I am set to participate in the worldwide championship. I thought I had it in the bag. The kid from Mongolia was the only who actually seemed like a real contender. Yesterday I received a package and everything changed. At every float chugging contest I've been at in the states the beverage used has always been root beer based. There was one time things got a little crazy and sarsaparilla was used, but it's basically the same thing. In the package was an assorted sixer of the various flavors of the company Vio. Apparently they are sponsoring the event, and so their drinks are being used. The issue I have with this is that all of their drinks are prepackaged (no actual ice cream) and are all fruit flavored. I don't know which is more disturbing. First off, these didn't come cold. They are made with skim milk and cream, and the packaging says that it contains no preservatives. How does this stuff not spoil? When I cracked open the first bottle i expected it to be rancid and chunky. Surprisingly it was not. Secondly, I don't know if I'm going to be able to chug fruit flavors. I'm so used to root beer that I've become desensitized to it. This is going to be like starting all over again. Ugh.
I'm going to still give it my all. I'm an American and we don't know when to admit we've been defeated. I'll start by downing this sixer and see how long it takes. First to go will be the peach mango flavor. It doesn't smell rancid, but it sure does smell strange. It actually tastes pretty good. It's like someone dumped some juice into milk. Wouldn't that also make it spoil? There is so much going on in this can that should make it go bad. The more I drink the worse it gets. As tasty as this was at the beginning, by the end of this 8oz metallic bottle it's hard to get it down. Dairy in liquid form should not be carbonated. Screw this I'm not even going to bother getting on my flight to Norway. I'll feign illness or something. Anything is better than losing to a Mongolian.
- Website
- http://www.viovibe.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/21/2012
- Comments
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Earth Balance Organic Soy Nog
Happy Boxing Day! No I'm not Canadian, but sometimes I feel like we (Buffalo residents) should be granted dual citizenship due to our close proximity. We get Canadian TV and radio, most businesses accept Canadian coins, and we recognize Boxing Day (sort of). I'm sure my pleas are falling upon deaf ears, but at least I have this soy nog.
When I told people I found soynog made by Earth Balance, most people were disgusted. I'm guessing they pictured a glass of eggnog with a stick of butter in it. I question people's logic sometimes, isn't a company allowed to make other products that are not derivatives of what they're most famous for? I love Earth Balance margarine and think it's the best tasting stuff out there. Even when I wasn't vegan I thought so. I didn't think this was going to have a buttery taste, but I had a feeling that it was going to be delicious.
And I was right! This is great soynog. It was the perfect beverage to drink yesterday at my grandma's Christmas gathering. This is my favorite soy based nog I've had so far. While it's been over 5 years since I've had the real thing, this reminds me the most of what eggnog was like. Nice smooth and slightly thick consistency, with a great nutmeg taste. The only thing that makes me sad is knowing that in a month I won't be able to find it in stores again until next holiday season. Oh well, it will give me something to look forward to.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 12/26/2011
- Comments
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Vio Vibrancy Drink Citrus Burst
Marty wasn't like the other kids. He just could not get down with creamsicles. It just reminded him of when he was but a toddler and he tried to make an ice cream float with orange juice instead of soda. Just thinking about how the mixture curdled makes him want to vom all over the place. Ever since then he has stayed clear of those treats in ice cream and soda form.
The strange thing is that little Marty loves this Vio drink. You might say "but Marty that is the exact same thing as a creamsicle except the orange is switched out for lemon lime." You would be correct, but what you're forgetting is that Marty didn't dump cream into a cup filled with straight lemon and lime juice. When he drinks this, he just thinks about it being 7Up or Sprite that had ice cream added to it, and then it melted. No curdling involved. He's a happy camper. I'm a happy camper. You're a happy camper. Did I mention that we're at summer camp, sitting around a campfire sipping on these little treats? Well maybe I'm not a happy camper. While I love the way these taste, they do get to be a bit much to drink a whole 8oz bottle.
- Website
- http://www.viovibe.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/8/2011
- Comments
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Bevi Chocolate
No one? No one has a bottle opener? The ones in this gift shop in Mexico don't work for some reason. One would assume that a drink and bottle made in the same country would expect compatible. Now I'm walking around Cozumel with a bottle of chocolate milk looking like a jerk. Looking like a dude, with a giant beard, whom is nearly thirty carrying around an unopened bottle of chocolate milk. I hope people don't think I'm trying to lure in little unsuspecting Mexican kids to work on some American sweat camp.
Oh sir, please. You've got to help me. Do you...you do?! Thank you so much. Finally I can drink this...mediocre chocolate milk. I looked all around Mexico only to be proven correct in my assumption that this was going to taste like watery chocolate milk. Great. A dollar well spent for some is a dollar wasted for others. I wish I had more time here so that I could make up for this, but alas, my ship is sailing and I'm exhausted from haggling, poorly, for authentic sugar skulls.
- Country
- Mexico
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Milk
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/2/2011
- Comments
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So Delicious Coconut Milk Nog
Ever since I went vegan and no longer could drink eggnog, I have been searching for a good vegan substitute. I have finally found it! This is seriously better than I remember regular eggnog being. The coconut milk makes this drink so creamy and thick. And it has the perfect amount of nutmeg. My holiday season just got so much better!
- Website
- http://www.turtlemountain.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Dried Cane Syrup
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 11/10/2011
- Comments
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La Vanquita Licuados Dulce de Leche
I've got a headache. I wish I could pour this drink on my brain. I've watched enough doctor shows on television to know that when you do things to the brain, it makes you do funny things. Poke here and you pick your nose. Poke there and you'll recite the alphabet in Spanish. If I poured a caramel milk on my brain, I think that it would be bad, number one, but before I went into an inevitable, caramel induced coma, I would hope to do some all encompassing spastic dance and spit out some unintelligible gibberish. I guess that I would be making a big mistake and it would not be funny or worthwhile.
If I were to miss my giant open head cavity and make some in my mouth, or have some drip out of the crevices of my brain and into my mouth, I would say that it was delicious and calming and perfect for a headache. It's just a very smooth, very caramel drink. You know those little, plastic wrapped caramels that both your grandma and myself love? They taste like that if you ate one and chased it with milk, or, better yet, drank milk, held it in your mouth, and chewed one of those caramels.
It should be known that I didn't remember that it was Halloween when I was talking about brains and stuff. That came to me naturally.
- Website
- http://www.castrocheese.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Milk
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/31/2011
- Comments
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Upstate Farms Pumpkin Spice
Your grandma rules. Make her cookies for once. Every time you go over there, she's up to something. Something delicious, not something maniacal. You're grandma who is capable of every baked good imaginable is not capable of even the slightest evil. You want cookies? Don't worry because she has some in the freezer that she made yesterday and if that's not good enough for you, you brat, she does have two different types in the oven as we speak. She also makes the best spaghetti, regardless of her heritage, known to man.
There is always some sort of pie there. Typically it's a cherry or an apple pie, complete with those nice, woven tops like you see in movies and in print. She doesn't do those lazy flat, plain tops with a couple holes so you know what kind of garbage pie it is. You grandma deal with quality. Your grandma is the Rolls Royce of cooking and baking. When it comes time to fall, she makes pumpkin pie and it's obviously delicious. She nails it every time and has never made a bad pie in her life. Upstate Farms has hired your grandma at a reasonable rate to spill her secrets into a plastic container because this stuff tastes like pumpkin pie and I'm not exaggerating. There are even little spice specs, a term I just coined that if anyone uses henceforth they owe me royalties, inside of the drink. It's delicious.
Throw your forks in the garbage, kiss your grandma on the cheek, and go get this. It's a limited time thing that might only be available in Upstate New York. Wash your forks and put them back in the silverware drawer. I don't know why I told you to throw your forks in the garbage. You don't need them for a drink, is what I was getting across. Then I tried to get you to help your grandma out because she already made you a large meal. There is no reason she should be doing your dishes, too, you ingrate.
- Website
- http://www.upstatefarms.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Milk
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/18/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Fresh Delight Apple Milk
I can't believe a year has passed already. The happiest time of the year is upon us again. The week when the local ice cream parlor has apple flavored soft serve. I dream about this moment all year long. The way the apple compliments the ice cream is astounding. Seriously it haunts my dreams on lonely February nights. I've tried making it myself but it never turns out right. Actually it's usually down right disgusting when I try to make it. What's that I've been rambling on for so long that my ice cream has melted all over my shoes? Dagnabbit! Looks like the dog is in for a treat. No time for napkins, I'll just like the melted mess off of my hands while you order me another. Hmmm this tastes exactly like that apple milk they has down at the Asian market. It's creamy and appley. The apple is on the verge of tasting like sour apple, but it doesn't go quite that far. I wonder if I mixed some of that in with my ice cream if it will taste as good as it does here. That would be wonderful wouldn't it? To be able to have this wonderful flavor all year 'round would be a dream. What's that, my second one has melted? I really must learn to shut up.
- Country
- China
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/12/2011
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment