Milk (81 reviews)

McDonalds McCafe Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappé

McDonalds McCafe Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappé

We are lucky enough to have a McDonald's with a Playplace pretty close to our house. It's nice because when it's terrible outside it's close and my son loves it. He loves the slides and loves the tubes. We went only to discover that it's gone. They have since turned the Playplace into a dining area. Bummer. He and I both agreed that it was a bummer. We went in and decided since we made the drive we should at least get something to eat. I got a McGriddle, which was nothing short of a masterpiece, and my buddy got a parfait, which he might have taken three bites of.

I also got the "limited time only" Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappe. I enjoy their frappes. This one though, I wish it wasn't a limited time so everyone could enjoy it. I mean it. This thing was great. It had tons of whipped cream with strawberry sauce on it atop of a strawberry chocolate frosty treat. The icing on the cake? Chocolate chips jammed all upside in it; Little bits here and there of fantastic, chocolaty goodness.

I really liked it. It was sweet it really tasted like strawberries and it was just something wonderful. Which brings me to the painful reality that is real life. I opened the door and my buddy was splashing around in a puddle, which I naturally disapproved of. I put the parfait and the frappe, two rhyming foods, on the roof while I got him in the car and in the split second it took me to do it, a gust of wind came from the heavens and knocked my food off the roof. "Son of a gun!" I exclaimed. It was alright. I got him in the car. Then, as luck, which I do not believe in, would have it, another gust of wind came and blew everything off the roof again. My mistake. Happens once; fool on you. Happens twice; fool on me. Then, a 180 happened when I saw none other than The Hamburglar. Everything was instantly fine again and I got to teach my little buddy who the Hamburglar was. An important lesson a father can pass down to his son.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 17th, 2014
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Some people enjoy things like lavender or chamomile to calm them down but something about this drink is really putting the relax into me.

It is a good split between milk, smooth and Earl Gray, a pretty neutral tea. Lightly sweetened and placed gingerly into a baby carton, this drink provides countless minutes of sipping pleasure. It's not bitter, not too sweet, and is a good blend of everything that you would want in a milk tea, if you have ever heard of milk tea before and craved it. Hey, I've had stranger cravings for things.

Like I said, this is a relaxing, smooth drink that is meant to be sipped on your front porch, back porch, beachfront property or anything in between. I am very relaxed drinking it. Either that or the fact that I'm listening to Das Racist "Relax."

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 28th, 2014
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

John left from a long day of work and he was exhausted. He looked out the window of his of car and it was snowing and he knew that his day was not over because he knew before he was going to be able to kick off his shoes and sit down he was going to have to shovel. He didn't hate shoveling but after a long day of work, he just wanted to relax. He pulled up to his driveway and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Someone had plowed his driveway. He had no idea who it could have been. He ran inside to get a gift and started knocking on his neighbor's doors to see if he could find out who it was.

He went to one neighbor who owned a plow but he wasn't home. He went to another house and his wife answered the door. John asked if her husband was home and she said that he was and went to go get him. A short moment later he came to the door. John asked him if he plowed his driveway and he told him that he did.

John was so thankful he nearly hugged the guy. He held back and thanked him graciously and handed him a carton of a drink. The man asked what the drink was to which John replied, "It's milk tea." The man didn't know what to think and John said that it was a great secret that he would pick up at Asian markets every once in a while and he thought that he would thank him with it. The man thanked him and asked if he wanted to split it with him. John said he would and they both went into the house.

The man poured the drink into a glass for him and drank out of the carton himself. He took a small sip and then took a larger sip. He told John that he liked it. He said that it tasted like a cup of tea with some sugar and milk in it and that it was so simple it made it even better. He said that the milk kind of disguised the actual tea flavor but that it was still good and he was happy he knew that this new product existed.

John and the man finished their drinks and John once again thanked the man for plowing his driveway. The man said that it was no problem and if he ever had some extra time and a car wasn't in the driveway that he would do it again. John was happy to have a neighbor as nice as that.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2014
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Tazo Chocolate Chai

Tazo Chocolate Chai

Now, in the comfort of my own home I can enjoy the sweet, spicy taste of chocolate chai. No more lines. No more waiting for people to get their backpacks, feet, and iPods off the table so I can be a patron to the establishment I went to spend money at. No more frustrating ordering of dumbly named drinks. No more, I say, for now all of that has been crammed into a delightful carton of love and spices.

This drink rules. There. I said it. There are really no if, ands, or buts about it. All that you love about chai and all that you love about chocolate has been sucked from the bowels of the earth where chai is made to give it that earthen taste and injected into hermetically sealed cartons. That plastic flip-top really seals in all that spicy earth. Seriously though, it’s a nice, dark chocolate taste with a strong cinnamon river running throughout.

I really thought I was never going to get what I wanted when it came to chocolate chai but thanks to Jay and his knowledge of the world around him, he let me in on this secret and now I am blowing the lid of the joint and letting you, the public know about it. Oh, this spicy, creamy, chocolate goodness. I shall see you again soon, my friend.

Website
http://www.tazo.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar Syrup
Categories
Hot Tea, Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 31st, 2014
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Tazo Chocolate Chai Tea Latte Concentrate (32 oz, 1 quart)

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

My ladyfriend works at Starbucks and come early fall the customers their lose their minds. People are constantly asking about their pumpkin spice lattes and then they will be available. It got so bad that I think it was actually released early this year. I’ve had them before and I think they taste decent enough, but I don’t understand the power it has over people. It paints two images in my head; the first is that of zombies wanting nothing more out of life than sweet, sweet brains and the other is junkies wanting nothing more out of life than their sweet, sweet fix. All three things are sweet, sweet, so it’s fitting.

This year Bolthouse Farms decided to release a limited edition seasonal line of beverages. The first one I saw hit the shelves was their take on the pumpkin spice latte. While I don’t think this will have the same effect as the other does on the patrons of said coffee shop, it just may be enough to hold them over. I don’t know why it would need to hold them over though, since they are both seasonal, and available at the same time.

In it’s purest form this is a coffee beverage made with Arabica coffee. For me the problem is in the fact that there is way more milk in here than coffee. Yes, I know that’s what a latte is, but I’m used to the soy variety, so this is a lot of milk for me to handle. So yeah, they take this coffee flavored milk and then add some spices and real pumpkin puree. I assure you that you can most definitely taste the pumpkin in this. There are a whole slew of pumpkin flavored products on the market these days, and most of them just taste like the spices that are used in a pumpkin pie. This taste more like the actual pumpkin, and it’s interesting. As a side effect of that the amount of spices in here are lower than I would prefer, but you take what you can get in this crazy world of fancy beverages.

My final diagnosis is that if this contained more coffee, more spices and was soy based instead of primarily dairy based it would be one hell of a drink. Of course it would probably be a different drink entirely, but I know what the body wants and now so do you.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2013
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Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

I will tell you for those who do not already know, that one of the worst things ever is packing for a big move. I live in a small house and am moving to a slightly larger house but I have been packing non-stop for days. It feels like an eternity but I am slowly seeing everything I own broken down and crammed into boxes and put into a corner of my house. It still feels like there is so much more stuff to pack but I am finally, after today, in a place where I think that I see an end.

In doing so, I had three boxes of things that I had to donate. After I was done and they gave me a "receipt" which is a piece of paper that says, "The IRS uses the honor system when you claim donations." which I thought was very strange and lazy, I decided to go right down the street and get something warm. It was very cold today, as I am sure you all know since I believe the entire country is going through a cold front right now. I believe it was twenty degrees outside and at the time of writing this, it was snowing. I wanted a mocha, but then I saw a sign that promoted the salted caramel hot chocolate. Since I think it was seasonal, I had to get it.

After waiting for it to decrease from the temperature of the sun, it was time to drink. I leaned in my house, in my kitchen, surrounded by both full and empty boxes, and took sip after sip and just cleared my head. This was a good, well-balanced drink. The caramel smoothed it out, the base hot cocoa was there and the salt was not overpowering and gave it a nice sweet and salty taste. It’s a nice change of pace for the lovers of hot cocoa in times like these. Cold times. Winter times.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2013
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Starbucks Mint Hot Chocolate

Starbucks Mint Hot Chocolate

There are two kind of mint hot chocolate and this is the better one. What makes one better than the other? Well, and I'm dropping names here like some old tart that lived it up in the rock scene of the dirty, dirty seventies. Tim Horton's mint hot chocolate is a pretty pathetic, although accurate, portrayal of the model. It is the same hot chocolate that they would serve you if you ordered it any other time of the year but with one, unwrapped little secret. They drop a starlight mint in there. It's, and I don't mean to offend anyone with this, a pretty "poor person's" mint chocolate.

Now I am quite sure that Starbucks uses some fancy syrup to both sweeten and flavor their drink. Whatever they use, it doesn't make the drink taste:
A: Like candy in an otherwise basic drink.
B: Like toothpaste.

These two "nots" together add up to a decent mint hot chocolate. It is strong but not as strong as I like to think that Starbucks drinks are. It's a good, heavy cup of hot chocolate made with more decent ingredients than your powder garbage in the cupboard. I don't know what the Italian name for the twelve-or-so ounce cup I had was, but it was about the maximum I could have taken. I love chocolate and I love hot chocolate but add mint in there and it cuts my kid-like ability to eat endless amounts of chocolate down significantly. It was, while it lasted, a very good drink, though. Now I didn't buy it but I'm sure that I would not have been fully comfortable at whatever the purchase price was but hey, I don't make a lot of money and therefore will buy many more "poor person" renditions of drinks than someone in tax brackets above mine will. Jay and I live well beneath our means and that includes frivolous purchases like five-dollar small hot chocolates. I downright don't think I'm worth it but that's my own internal struggle I've got to deal with.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2013
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Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Do you remember when you were a kid and Strawberry Quik was one of the best things ever? Well, this is the soy version of that. Okay, you caught me. I am a liar. This wishes that it was the soy version of that. Actually I believe that at some point in its creation that is exactly what it might have been but then things went wonky. It tastes like they had two vats, one filled with soymilk and another filled with sweetened strawberry flavoring. I can only imagine that they meant to water down the soy vat to make it slightly less soy-y, but someone at the factory messed up and watered down the flavoring instead. The result was a beverage that tasted very strongly of soy and not as boldly of strawberry.

Instead of this tasting like nice strong strawberry milk it ended up tasting like the soymilk left over after a bowl of Frankenberry. I don’t think anyone wants this.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 13th, 2013
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Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

I know. You thought of it. You're a genius. If only you had the money to start your own company to sell old cereal milk you would have been the genius behind this phenom of a company. Well I'm here to tell you that it was not as great as idea as you thought it was.

It's great when you do it at home because you ate the cereal and your mouth tastes like Cocoa Puffs but when you buy pre-bottles cereal milk, you're missing that aspect so it tastes like weak chocolate milk strained through someone's corn flakes. Is it bad? No. Is it good? Not particularly. It's got all the makings of a literal cereal milk but, as previously mentioned, it's lacking the actual action of eating and enjoying delicious chocolate cereal and earning the milk at the end.

So you made a good decision not following through with yet another one of your bright ideas because if you did, this review would be about your company and would hit uncomfortably close to home.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 5th, 2013
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Chocolate Chip Cathy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Trudy is one heck of a heifer. At first glance she looks like any other cow on the market, but a closer look shows that she has a David Bowie thing going on where she has two different color eyes. The thing is that she one’s up the Thin White Duke as her right eyes looks like a rainbow. I bet that would drive Mr. Stardust insane that he didn’t have that back in the 70’s. Looks aside Trudy is also special because of the milk that comes out of her utters, you see it’s pre-sweetened and tastes kind of fruity. Weird, right? I mean it’s common knowledge that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, but who would have guessed that fruity milk comes from a cow with a rainbow eye?

The milk that comes from her actually kind of tastes like what is leftover after you eat the cereal from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. It’s not for me personally, but the kids sure seem to love it. I’m not a fan of milk to begin with, and on top of that it’s a bit sweeter than I would ever want, but as I said I’m a grown ass man and this is a drink for the children of the world. Well, at least the children of the middle class in the United States.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 24th, 2013
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Fruity Trudy
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