Milk (81 reviews)

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate

I somehow remember this being better. I don't know what it was. Is there a non-nonfat version of this? This taste like that and less chocolaty than I remember. It's not bad, but the entire time I was drinking this I was thinking that I could do it better at home. Look, that's the way it is with a lot of things. Let's be honest ourselves. Half the time we say that it's not true. You cannot cook intricate meals that you get out and you know it. You say it because it's either a rip-off or it tastes like something your mom made. You don't make stuff that good. Just be honest with yourself.

This is fine. It's chocolate milk. Chocolate milk is fantastic. Oh I know it's terrible for you and this is no different but it's still good. I just tasted like they were a little stingy on the quantity of syrup they put into this batch. I drank it with no qualms but I just want them to know that I hope that it was an honest mistake and someone behind the scenes isn't peering through Venetian blinds thinking to themselves, "I put in half as much syrup and I'm taking the rest of the money and I'm buying myself a boat." because if they are, I am already on to them.

Website
http://www.nestleusa.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 2nd, 2013
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Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Lowfat Milk - 15/8 oz. Bottles

Silk Iced Latte Mocha

Silk Iced Latte Mocha

For the longest time, it was hard to find vegan coffee drinks. Besides smaller coffee shops and Starbucks, it's near impossible if you want anything besides a black coffee. For as large as Dunkin Donuts and Tim Hortons have become, you'd think they'd start offering drinks with soymilk by now. I have probably gone on this rant before but I don't care.

Lately I’ve been enjoying the new non-dairy coffee drinks that have been hitting the shelves like this one. It makes sense from a marketing stand point, they already have the key ingredient, might as well throw a little coffee in there. This particular one is decent, but not amazing. It has that chocolate milkshake feel that I was hoping for, but sadly the chalky taste of the soymilk really spoils the drink. I can't complain too much because this half gallon cost the same as a 12 oz iced soy mocha at any coffee shop so it gets a pass for it's cost and convenience factor.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on July 21st, 2013
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Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Trudy is one heck of a heifer. At first glance she looks like any other cow on the market, but a closer look shows that she has a David Bowie thing going on where she has two different color eyes. The thing is that she one’s up the Thin White Duke as her right eyes looks like a rainbow. I bet that would drive Mr. Stardust insane that he didn’t have that back in the 70’s. Looks aside Trudy is also special because of the milk that comes out of her utters, you see it’s pre-sweetened and tastes kind of fruity. Weird, right? I mean it’s common knowledge that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, but who would have guessed that fruity milk comes from a cow with a rainbow eye?

The milk that comes from her actually kind of tastes like what is leftover after you eat the cereal from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. It’s not for me personally, but the kids sure seem to love it. I’m not a fan of milk to begin with, and on top of that it’s a bit sweeter than I would ever want, but as I said I’m a grown ass man and this is a drink for the children of the world. Well, at least the children of the middle class in the United States.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 24th, 2013
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Fruity Trudy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Chocolate Chip Cathy

I know. You thought of it. You're a genius. If only you had the money to start your own company to sell old cereal milk you would have been the genius behind this phenom of a company. Well I'm here to tell you that it was not as great as idea as you thought it was.

It's great when you do it at home because you ate the cereal and your mouth tastes like Cocoa Puffs but when you buy pre-bottles cereal milk, you're missing that aspect so it tastes like weak chocolate milk strained through someone's corn flakes. Is it bad? No. Is it good? Not particularly. It's got all the makings of a literal cereal milk but, as previously mentioned, it's lacking the actual action of eating and enjoying delicious chocolate cereal and earning the milk at the end.

So you made a good decision not following through with yet another one of your bright ideas because if you did, this review would be about your company and would hit uncomfortably close to home.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 5th, 2013
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Chocolate Chip Cathy

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

My ladyfriend works at Starbucks and come early fall the customers their lose their minds. People are constantly asking about their pumpkin spice lattes and then they will be available. It got so bad that I think it was actually released early this year. I’ve had them before and I think they taste decent enough, but I don’t understand the power it has over people. It paints two images in my head; the first is that of zombies wanting nothing more out of life than sweet, sweet brains and the other is junkies wanting nothing more out of life than their sweet, sweet fix. All three things are sweet, sweet, so it’s fitting.

This year Bolthouse Farms decided to release a limited edition seasonal line of beverages. The first one I saw hit the shelves was their take on the pumpkin spice latte. While I don’t think this will have the same effect as the other does on the patrons of said coffee shop, it just may be enough to hold them over. I don’t know why it would need to hold them over though, since they are both seasonal, and available at the same time.

In it’s purest form this is a coffee beverage made with Arabica coffee. For me the problem is in the fact that there is way more milk in here than coffee. Yes, I know that’s what a latte is, but I’m used to the soy variety, so this is a lot of milk for me to handle. So yeah, they take this coffee flavored milk and then add some spices and real pumpkin puree. I assure you that you can most definitely taste the pumpkin in this. There are a whole slew of pumpkin flavored products on the market these days, and most of them just taste like the spices that are used in a pumpkin pie. This taste more like the actual pumpkin, and it’s interesting. As a side effect of that the amount of spices in here are lower than I would prefer, but you take what you can get in this crazy world of fancy beverages.

My final diagnosis is that if this contained more coffee, more spices and was soy based instead of primarily dairy based it would be one hell of a drink. Of course it would probably be a different drink entirely, but I know what the body wants and now so do you.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2013
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

John left from a long day of work and he was exhausted. He looked out the window of his of car and it was snowing and he knew that his day was not over because he knew before he was going to be able to kick off his shoes and sit down he was going to have to shovel. He didn't hate shoveling but after a long day of work, he just wanted to relax. He pulled up to his driveway and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Someone had plowed his driveway. He had no idea who it could have been. He ran inside to get a gift and started knocking on his neighbor's doors to see if he could find out who it was.

He went to one neighbor who owned a plow but he wasn't home. He went to another house and his wife answered the door. John asked if her husband was home and she said that he was and went to go get him. A short moment later he came to the door. John asked him if he plowed his driveway and he told him that he did.

John was so thankful he nearly hugged the guy. He held back and thanked him graciously and handed him a carton of a drink. The man asked what the drink was to which John replied, "It's milk tea." The man didn't know what to think and John said that it was a great secret that he would pick up at Asian markets every once in a while and he thought that he would thank him with it. The man thanked him and asked if he wanted to split it with him. John said he would and they both went into the house.

The man poured the drink into a glass for him and drank out of the carton himself. He took a small sip and then took a larger sip. He told John that he liked it. He said that it tasted like a cup of tea with some sugar and milk in it and that it was so simple it made it even better. He said that the milk kind of disguised the actual tea flavor but that it was still good and he was happy he knew that this new product existed.

John and the man finished their drinks and John once again thanked the man for plowing his driveway. The man said that it was no problem and if he ever had some extra time and a car wasn't in the driveway that he would do it again. John was happy to have a neighbor as nice as that.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2014
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North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

Look out! The moose is loose!! I don't know what to do. Climb on the kitchen table like a 50's housewife. That can't hurt. Can moose climb chairs? They can?! Oh man. Here they come? Close your eyes!!! I love you honey. This is it. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are...are they gone? Are we alive? What just happened? Is that a basket on the counter? What's in there? Canned chocolate milk? With a moose on it? Did that moose come in here and leave a basket of chocolate milk with a friggin' moose on it? What nice animals. Moving forward, I dare you to not think of all moose are angels. Let's have a crack at this stuff to celebrate living through that moose attack, shall we?

Hmm. You know, we've agreed that those moose are alright guys but this drink is alright in the most mediocre of terms. It's strangely thick and, yeah sure, it's chocolaty but it's like weird, powdery chocolate milk. It tastes like it might be watered down, too. Not only that, but it unfortunately doesn't have any mousse-like qualities. I wouldn't expect it to other than the fact that the drink is called "Chocolate Moose" like it would be a play on words.

Honey, moose are our friends. Those great felt antlers. Great, nay, majestic animals. Their choice of drink needs work.

Website
http://www.northamericanbeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 23rd, 2014
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Yazoo Strawberry

Yazoo Strawberry

A. Excuse me. Yes, umm I don’t mean to interrupt you but could you please tell me what they delightful pink beverage you are drinking is? I am from another country and I would love to try the local delicacies. You see I am a bit of a foodie and would love to try some of this.

B. This is a Yazoo.

A. Ohh, that sounds exotic! Is it infused with rose petals? Oh, oh is it some sort of exotic fruit that only grows locally?

B. It is flavored milk. It tastes like Strawberry Quik dude!

Website
http://yazoo.co.uk/
Country
United Kingdom
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 2nd, 2014
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Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

There is an organic balance in an organic valley in an organic town in and organic state in an organic country in an organic world in an organic dimension. That’s right, there is a parallel dimension to ours in which everything is organic. Without the aid of manmade materials and products, life expectancy isn’t as long as it is here, but the people there know no other way, so they have no complaints. When they drink their vanilla bean milk protein shakes they are quite accustomed to it tasting like ever so slightly thicker milk that has had vanilla beans soaking in it. They don’t know/care that it doesn’t feel anything like a protein shake in our dimension. It doesn’t have the graininess, or the viscosity that we have come ot expect from our protein shakes. It’s as if milk came from a cow they added some vanilla and a bit of sugar and they have their meal replacement. Things are simpler in organic world and they just might be for the best.

Website
http://www.organicvalley.coop/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Unrefined Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 21st, 2015
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Organic Valley Balance, Vanilla Bean, 11 Ounce (Pack of 4)

TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

All the protein. I need all of it. I need to bulk up. Who has time for the gym. I'm going to slam all of the chocolate milks just to see what it would look like if I was chiseled out of marble. Wait...that's not how that works? I just cancelled my gym membership and in exchange spent my membership fee on chocolate milk. I've already drank eleven of them today.

Am I going to be alright? What poisoning? Protein poisoning? Really? Oh man. What do I do? Can I do a cranberry cleanse or something? Do I need to make myself throw up? Eleven milks. I can't believe I did that. How? Well it actually wasn't that hard. It tastes like a melted Wendy's Frosty. Who couldn't drink 154 ounces of Frosty. 154 ounces of chocolate milk? Oh man.

This day will go down in infamy as the one of the dumbest days of my life. I've got to reverse this by going on a cleanse. At least it wasn't a really rich, thick chocolate milk and was closer to the stuff you would make at home. I might have really put on some pounds. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Probably a big poop. Hopefully a big poop.

Website
http://trumoo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 26th, 2015
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