Milk (81 reviews)

Fuze Strawberry Guava

Fuze Strawberry Guava

Two things: A. Why did they add sucralose to this when there are both sugar and crystalline fructose up near the top? B. Why does Fuze feel the need to add skim milk to their drinks?

In answer to A I’ve read that small amounts of sucralose and other zero calorie sweeteners help to enhance the natural flavors of a drink. I’m called bull on that. What it does enhance is the terrible artificial diet flavor. It’s really unnecessary.

The reason for the second question isn’t so clear. Perhaps the CEO just likes slightly milky drinks. It reminds me of when I was little and I would mix all the drinks in the fridge into a “power drink.” In early trials I would mix in some milk, then I realized that it was kind of gross, and I started to exclude it. It would sometimes curl when mixed with juice. I’m surprised that doesn’t happen in here. Adding milk to a drink always gives it a slight melted ice cream flavor.

Let me sum up this drink for you. It would be a decent juice if there weren’t sucralose in it. It’s too bad that it has the terrible diet flavor to it. Why add that flavor when there is still 42g of sugar in the bottle? Oh and while we’re at it, they should have left out the milk as it makes it weird and creamy and melted milkshake like.

Website
http://www.drinkfuze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 2nd, 2012
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Fuze Beverage, Strawberry Guava , 16.9 Fl. Oz., (Pack of 6)

United States Government Chocolate Hazelnut

United States Government Chocolate Hazelnut

My brother has a friend that is in the armed forces. I don't know what branch, sorry. I guess he goes out for weekends and get these and sometimes gives them to my brother. I was at my parent's house and she offered it to me and told me to give it a try. Looking at this bag of government drink mix, I didn't know what to expect other than bland. Honestly, I didn't know they had such gourmet flavors up their sleeves. I figured it was a lot of dehydrated ice cream and dehydrated Salisbury steak. Everything in the military is dehydrated. I've been to the Army/Navy surplus store. I know what I'm talking about.

I followed the directions to a "T." Six ounces of water, place in bag, shake, and drink. Like I said, I didn't know what to expect so I wanted this to be as ideal as possible. I poured it back out and it came out looking like chocolate milk. Ideal. I took a sip and was pleased. It tasted like chocolate milk and I guess there could have been hazelnut in there. The only reference I have for chocolate and hazelnut is Nutella, which I love.

We do this website for people who want to try new drinks. I guess that if you're in the military, you can't really be picky so here's what I'm saying. If you have been drinking the chocolate milk day in and day out, you are safe with this one. You've done well, government. You treat our troops better than I thought.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Mix/Concentrate
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2012
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Silk Chocolate Mint

Silk Chocolate Mint

When I saw this alongside Silk Nog my heart jumped because it's my favorite time of year. While many of my friends protested that it's "too soon" for eggnog, I disagree. It's never too soon and I wish it were offered year round.

While this is no nog, it's a seasonal drink so I couldn't pass it up. This is the friend your best friend brings along with them. You'd rather just hang out with the person you know and love, but you'll give this other friend a shot.

While this may be my first chocolate mint soymilk, it will not be my last. This stuff is really delicious! It's a very smooth chocolate with a nice crisp mint that isn't overpowering. While my love for eggnog has not be surpassed, this wonderful soymilk has earned its spot next to it in the fridge.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Natural Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on October 3rd, 2012
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MTR Chocolate

MTR Chocolate

I was just thinking of how many times I could write the word "wonderful" before you stopped reading. Then I thought that would be a terrible, albeit factual review. In exchange, I will do a review titled: "Some of the best chocolate drink that has ever passed these lips"

This chocolate drink, for some reason not called chocolate milk, is simply splendid. It is smooth, creamy, and has bits of badam in it. "What is badam?" you ask? Almonds, friend. Almonds. And "bits" is a good way to describe them. They are super tiny and in some sips, non-existent. To further extend the experimentation of what we do here at Thirsty Dudes, a friend of "the dudes" poured a quarter of his half of the drink into the remnants of his coffee making a rather delicious mocha.

I bought this at an Indian market and you should, too. Seriously, you should. Five bottles. You know what that means, right? It means quit your job and go buy some chocolate drink!

Website
http://www.mtrfoods.com
Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 6th, 2012
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MTR Chocolate Drink 180ml 6.08oz

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Blasted ladyfingers. Why? Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good dessert with rum? You turds. Why? I don't eat things cooked in or with alcohol so when I found out that tiramisu swam in the lake of Cap'n Morgan, I swore off the sweet treat for eternity. Honestly, I never was that crazy about it to begin with so not eating it doesn't really affect me but when I came across this little guy in a wondrous Asian market in Toronto with the Thirsty Dude called Jay, I had to buy it.

This drink tastes like tiramisu. It's odd. Cake flavored drink. Oh, I'm sorry, have you had one before? We've had ice cream flavored drinks, Masala flavored drinks, corn flavored drinks, but never cake. Why not? It seems to not be a problem for these guys. Maybe a chocolate cake tea would be nice. Try it. This tea tastes like the cake it's supposed to. I know it's a novel idea since it's a self-proclaimed "Tiramisu" flavored but we drink stuff all the time that doesn't taste like it's supposed to and this isn't exactly a "regular" drink so it could have gone either way. As far as the "milk tea" thing goes, it’s more milk than tea but they're both there. A black tea powder (odd) and a skim milk (not odd) make up the base of this.

Also, it should be pointed out that one carton of this is about as bad for you as a slice of real tiramisu so if you are looking for a replacement, this is it, but if you're looking to save on calories, don't bother and eat real cake. If you've got your jaw wired shut like Kanye West before he felt the need to make up for lost time and never shut up, this is your go-to-guy.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2012
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Market Pantry Holiday Milk Chocolate Mint

Market Pantry Holiday Milk Chocolate Mint

"Holiday milk" sounds like the world's most generic product that has ever existed. It sounds like a gimmick that is used to just reel in idiots to think that it's something truly special. I mean chocolate and mint is not specific to any time of year. If it were eggnog or something with nutmeg in it, yeah, I would say that it is limited to Christmas. Chocolate and mint? Please. Give it to me any time of the year. Please. I love those two rascals together

Enough. Alright. Enough. As a product this is an absolute gem. It's smooth chocolate milk with a little bit of mint in it. It's not too much at all. I was actually surprised that they went as subdued as they did with it. Pleased but surprised. Normally the mix is fairly standard. This though, someone tried this one out and knew what they were up to. They didn't just call up Mix Warehouse over on Pine Avenue and order up the old "Chocolate Mint" mix to add to their product. They called up Harold at Mix Warehouse over on Oak Avenue and bought a chocolate and mint mix separately and mixed them to their liking. I know what you're thinking. A lot of streets are named after trees in this town. It happens. Trees are common. I would move to a city with a group of streets named after trees. Better than living in a city with a group of streets named after presidents or fruits. Those, my friends, are almost always bad news.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/spot/page.jsp?title=market_pantry
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2012
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Silk Pure Almond Dark Chocolate

Silk Pure Almond Dark Chocolate

Vegans, you're getting luckier by the day. Your hatred of animals and animal by-products is getting easier stronger and more beneficial. You are no longer segregated to the underground seed and nut parlors of old but now you are welcomed into the sunlight and above ground stores and restaurants. You are treated special without questions asked. Your influence is growing. Soon, no one will look at a cow the same way. Soon, Morrissey will have one less thing to be sad about.

This totally animal free drink is pretty great. Almond milk is thicker than soymilk so it's more "milkshakey" which means "better" in layman terms. I don't get a lot of dark chocolate but I might get "slightly shadier chocolate." I wouldn't give it the credit that it asks for since I am allowed to be critical on my own soapbox. That being said, it's still good.

Vegetarians and vegans, you may dance until the sun comes out for this drink passes the test of a carnivore. I have spoken and it has been said. I hereby sanction this drink as acceptable to all parties.

Website
http://www.silksoymilk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 29th, 2012
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Silk Pure Almondmilk Dark Chocolate, 8-Ounce Aseptic Cartons (Pack of 18)

Nestle Nesquik Double Chocolate

Nestle Nesquik Double Chocolate

I've got a soft spot for Nesquik. It's great. I love the stuff. My grocery store across the street from where I live is pretty good at stocking it. This one I had never seen before so I needed to buy it. I probably went across the street for something like peas or the like, got distracted, and bought chocolate milk.

This is good. I might prefer the regular variety of chocolate milk but this is good. It's not too much and the mad scientists somehow managed to cram even more delicious chocolate into an already pretty chocolaty drink. Great job scientists. None of this is bad but I think it might be one of the "new take on an old classic" things that I just prefer the old to the new. I'm typically not stubborn about thing, and I'm hardly holding a grudge, but this is just a titch less great than the original.

Website
http://www.nestleusa.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 29th, 2013
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Nestle Nesquik Flavored Milk, Double Chocolate (1%), 16-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Sneakz Chocolate

Sneakz Chocolate

It just so happens that in this world not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you have a vision, but the way you execute it falls short. As you can read below, that was the case with Sneakz. They had the great idea of creating a beverage for kids that contained a whole mess of vegetables that they need in their diet, but wouldn’t eat. People said that kids would never drink that, and that is when Sneakz said, “They will if we disguise it with chocolate!” So they did, but the flavor of the vegetables crept through and no one was happy.

Cut to a couple of years and a second chance later and Sneakz has sent us their reformulated shakes. I very distinctly remembered my last visit with “Bandit” and was not looking forward to it. The reason for that is that I am dumb and forgot that things can change. This is so much better than the old version. The chocolate flavor holds out and completely disguises the veggies. This is like dumping cheese on broccoli and brussel sprouts, except it is delicious and not as horrible for you. Seriously all I can taste is chocolate milk. They have cracked the code and they are exactly where they want to be (well except maybe with more sugar).


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OLD REVIEW
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Oh Bandit, you rascally fox. You are always trying to deceive kids by sneaking vegetables into places they don't belong. Those dumb kids. They will never suspect that there are vegetables inside their chocolate milk. That is, unless they are dumber than you think because it is quite apparent that something wrong is going on inside this juice box. Bandit, you have lost your touch with this one. You might be saving kids elsewhere in things like food but with this drink it is as if you are robbing a bank with no gun, mask, or charisma.

This drink for a split second tastes like a chocolate milk. One split second is all you get. Quickly your temporarily pleased palate is washed over clearly by some sort of tomfoolery. I cannot pinpoint it but it's between vegetable lies and protein drinky. Both of the latter being enemies of children.

Bandit, I don't want you to get in trouble with your boss Sneakz but I've got to fill out "sucks" on the comment card they gave me for you ability to deceive children with hiding goods inside of the bads. Better luck next time little fox. Now come over here and let me pet your little head. I've always wanted to pet a fox.

Website
http://www.sneakz.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 12th, 2013
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Sneakz Organic Chocolate Milkshake, 8oz Carton (Pack of 12)

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate

I somehow remember this being better. I don't know what it was. Is there a non-nonfat version of this? This taste like that and less chocolaty than I remember. It's not bad, but the entire time I was drinking this I was thinking that I could do it better at home. Look, that's the way it is with a lot of things. Let's be honest ourselves. Half the time we say that it's not true. You cannot cook intricate meals that you get out and you know it. You say it because it's either a rip-off or it tastes like something your mom made. You don't make stuff that good. Just be honest with yourself.

This is fine. It's chocolate milk. Chocolate milk is fantastic. Oh I know it's terrible for you and this is no different but it's still good. I just tasted like they were a little stingy on the quantity of syrup they put into this batch. I drank it with no qualms but I just want them to know that I hope that it was an honest mistake and someone behind the scenes isn't peering through Venetian blinds thinking to themselves, "I put in half as much syrup and I'm taking the rest of the money and I'm buying myself a boat." because if they are, I am already on to them.

Website
http://www.nestleusa.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 2nd, 2013
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Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Lowfat Milk - 15/8 oz. Bottles
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