Milk (81 reviews)

Starbucks Mint Hot Chocolate

Starbucks Mint Hot Chocolate

There are two kind of mint hot chocolate and this is the better one. What makes one better than the other? Well, and I'm dropping names here like some old tart that lived it up in the rock scene of the dirty, dirty seventies. Tim Horton's mint hot chocolate is a pretty pathetic, although accurate, portrayal of the model. It is the same hot chocolate that they would serve you if you ordered it any other time of the year but with one, unwrapped little secret. They drop a starlight mint in there. It's, and I don't mean to offend anyone with this, a pretty "poor person's" mint chocolate.

Now I am quite sure that Starbucks uses some fancy syrup to both sweeten and flavor their drink. Whatever they use, it doesn't make the drink taste:
A: Like candy in an otherwise basic drink.
B: Like toothpaste.

These two "nots" together add up to a decent mint hot chocolate. It is strong but not as strong as I like to think that Starbucks drinks are. It's a good, heavy cup of hot chocolate made with more decent ingredients than your powder garbage in the cupboard. I don't know what the Italian name for the twelve-or-so ounce cup I had was, but it was about the maximum I could have taken. I love chocolate and I love hot chocolate but add mint in there and it cuts my kid-like ability to eat endless amounts of chocolate down significantly. It was, while it lasted, a very good drink, though. Now I didn't buy it but I'm sure that I would not have been fully comfortable at whatever the purchase price was but hey, I don't make a lot of money and therefore will buy many more "poor person" renditions of drinks than someone in tax brackets above mine will. Jay and I live well beneath our means and that includes frivolous purchases like five-dollar small hot chocolates. I downright don't think I'm worth it but that's my own internal struggle I've got to deal with.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2013
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Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

Dunkin' Donuts Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

I will tell you for those who do not already know, that one of the worst things ever is packing for a big move. I live in a small house and am moving to a slightly larger house but I have been packing non-stop for days. It feels like an eternity but I am slowly seeing everything I own broken down and crammed into boxes and put into a corner of my house. It still feels like there is so much more stuff to pack but I am finally, after today, in a place where I think that I see an end.

In doing so, I had three boxes of things that I had to donate. After I was done and they gave me a "receipt" which is a piece of paper that says, "The IRS uses the honor system when you claim donations." which I thought was very strange and lazy, I decided to go right down the street and get something warm. It was very cold today, as I am sure you all know since I believe the entire country is going through a cold front right now. I believe it was twenty degrees outside and at the time of writing this, it was snowing. I wanted a mocha, but then I saw a sign that promoted the salted caramel hot chocolate. Since I think it was seasonal, I had to get it.

After waiting for it to decrease from the temperature of the sun, it was time to drink. I leaned in my house, in my kitchen, surrounded by both full and empty boxes, and took sip after sip and just cleared my head. This was a good, well-balanced drink. The caramel smoothed it out, the base hot cocoa was there and the salt was not overpowering and gave it a nice sweet and salty taste. It’s a nice change of pace for the lovers of hot cocoa in times like these. Cold times. Winter times.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2013
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Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

My ladyfriend works at Starbucks and come early fall the customers their lose their minds. People are constantly asking about their pumpkin spice lattes and then they will be available. It got so bad that I think it was actually released early this year. I’ve had them before and I think they taste decent enough, but I don’t understand the power it has over people. It paints two images in my head; the first is that of zombies wanting nothing more out of life than sweet, sweet brains and the other is junkies wanting nothing more out of life than their sweet, sweet fix. All three things are sweet, sweet, so it’s fitting.

This year Bolthouse Farms decided to release a limited edition seasonal line of beverages. The first one I saw hit the shelves was their take on the pumpkin spice latte. While I don’t think this will have the same effect as the other does on the patrons of said coffee shop, it just may be enough to hold them over. I don’t know why it would need to hold them over though, since they are both seasonal, and available at the same time.

In it’s purest form this is a coffee beverage made with Arabica coffee. For me the problem is in the fact that there is way more milk in here than coffee. Yes, I know that’s what a latte is, but I’m used to the soy variety, so this is a lot of milk for me to handle. So yeah, they take this coffee flavored milk and then add some spices and real pumpkin puree. I assure you that you can most definitely taste the pumpkin in this. There are a whole slew of pumpkin flavored products on the market these days, and most of them just taste like the spices that are used in a pumpkin pie. This taste more like the actual pumpkin, and it’s interesting. As a side effect of that the amount of spices in here are lower than I would prefer, but you take what you can get in this crazy world of fancy beverages.

My final diagnosis is that if this contained more coffee, more spices and was soy based instead of primarily dairy based it would be one hell of a drink. Of course it would probably be a different drink entirely, but I know what the body wants and now so do you.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2013
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Tazo Chocolate Chai

Tazo Chocolate Chai

Now, in the comfort of my own home I can enjoy the sweet, spicy taste of chocolate chai. No more lines. No more waiting for people to get their backpacks, feet, and iPods off the table so I can be a patron to the establishment I went to spend money at. No more frustrating ordering of dumbly named drinks. No more, I say, for now all of that has been crammed into a delightful carton of love and spices.

This drink rules. There. I said it. There are really no if, ands, or buts about it. All that you love about chai and all that you love about chocolate has been sucked from the bowels of the earth where chai is made to give it that earthen taste and injected into hermetically sealed cartons. That plastic flip-top really seals in all that spicy earth. Seriously though, it’s a nice, dark chocolate taste with a strong cinnamon river running throughout.

I really thought I was never going to get what I wanted when it came to chocolate chai but thanks to Jay and his knowledge of the world around him, he let me in on this secret and now I am blowing the lid of the joint and letting you, the public know about it. Oh, this spicy, creamy, chocolate goodness. I shall see you again soon, my friend.

Website
http://www.tazo.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar Syrup
Categories
Hot Tea, Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 31st, 2014
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Tazo Chocolate Chai Tea Latte Concentrate (32 oz, 1 quart)

McDonalds McCafe Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappé

McDonalds McCafe Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappé

We are lucky enough to have a McDonald's with a Playplace pretty close to our house. It's nice because when it's terrible outside it's close and my son loves it. He loves the slides and loves the tubes. We went only to discover that it's gone. They have since turned the Playplace into a dining area. Bummer. He and I both agreed that it was a bummer. We went in and decided since we made the drive we should at least get something to eat. I got a McGriddle, which was nothing short of a masterpiece, and my buddy got a parfait, which he might have taken three bites of.

I also got the "limited time only" Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappe. I enjoy their frappes. This one though, I wish it wasn't a limited time so everyone could enjoy it. I mean it. This thing was great. It had tons of whipped cream with strawberry sauce on it atop of a strawberry chocolate frosty treat. The icing on the cake? Chocolate chips jammed all upside in it; Little bits here and there of fantastic, chocolaty goodness.

I really liked it. It was sweet it really tasted like strawberries and it was just something wonderful. Which brings me to the painful reality that is real life. I opened the door and my buddy was splashing around in a puddle, which I naturally disapproved of. I put the parfait and the frappe, two rhyming foods, on the roof while I got him in the car and in the split second it took me to do it, a gust of wind came from the heavens and knocked my food off the roof. "Son of a gun!" I exclaimed. It was alright. I got him in the car. Then, as luck, which I do not believe in, would have it, another gust of wind came and blew everything off the roof again. My mistake. Happens once; fool on you. Happens twice; fool on me. Then, a 180 happened when I saw none other than The Hamburglar. Everything was instantly fine again and I got to teach my little buddy who the Hamburglar was. An important lesson a father can pass down to his son.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 17th, 2014
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North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

Look out! The moose is loose!! I don't know what to do. Climb on the kitchen table like a 50's housewife. That can't hurt. Can moose climb chairs? They can?! Oh man. Here they come? Close your eyes!!! I love you honey. This is it. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are...are they gone? Are we alive? What just happened? Is that a basket on the counter? What's in there? Canned chocolate milk? With a moose on it? Did that moose come in here and leave a basket of chocolate milk with a friggin' moose on it? What nice animals. Moving forward, I dare you to not think of all moose are angels. Let's have a crack at this stuff to celebrate living through that moose attack, shall we?

Hmm. You know, we've agreed that those moose are alright guys but this drink is alright in the most mediocre of terms. It's strangely thick and, yeah sure, it's chocolaty but it's like weird, powdery chocolate milk. It tastes like it might be watered down, too. Not only that, but it unfortunately doesn't have any mousse-like qualities. I wouldn't expect it to other than the fact that the drink is called "Chocolate Moose" like it would be a play on words.

Honey, moose are our friends. Those great felt antlers. Great, nay, majestic animals. Their choice of drink needs work.

Website
http://www.northamericanbeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 23rd, 2014
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7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

I am aware of the fact that this is a tremendously generic photo and there is nothing I can do about that short of take a picture of the dispenser I received the drink from. Taking that with a grain of salt, this drink is better than you would presume. It is slightly spicy like you would expect a Mexican Hot Chocolate. If you haven't had it, please find some. It is hot chocolate, which is delicious, mixed with some spices like cinnamon and some peppers so it's equal parts spicy and herby. Herby? Eh, I'll accept it.

Another little tidbit of information that you might like to know is that society and generosity is not dead. Why would drinking a Mexican hot cocoa mean that? It doesn't. What does is that I forgot my wallet and was about to dump this down the drain along with my limited amount of happiness but a woman at the counter saw me do "the pat" against my pants and knew what was up. She bought it for me and I was eternally grateful. Seriously, I do nice things for you people all the time and it rarely comes back. I don't ask for it, but I'm silently counting to myself and the chart points at me being a real super guy and you at being the equivalent of human garbage.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2014
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Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Billboards and most advertisements don't really sell anything to me. I don't want to sell my house fast or get a loan on a 1995 Ford Winstar. I don't want to go to the casino and I don't want to sue anyone for that time I slipped on ice. I don't have a DWI and I know that Geico can save 15% or more on my car insurance.

One thing that I didn't know is that this little guy exists. Custard shake. Sounds good right? Sounds rich. Let me tell you friend, your imagination isn't lying. This is good and it is rich. I can also very simply review this for you. Ready? This chocolate custard shake tastes like if you went to Wendy's, bought a Frosty, left it in the car so you could run into a store to buy a new pair of shoes, ran into that dude that you don't like that talks to you even though you get the feeling that he gets the feeling that you don't like him, returned to your car only to forget that you had a Frosty in it and it melted. You shrug because at the end of the day, it's still fantastic and drank it all the same. It's that good. Melted Frosty. Nailed it.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 15th, 2014
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Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

There is an organic balance in an organic valley in an organic town in and organic state in an organic country in an organic world in an organic dimension. That’s right, there is a parallel dimension to ours in which everything is organic. Without the aid of manmade materials and products, life expectancy isn’t as long as it is here, but the people there know no other way, so they have no complaints. When they drink their vanilla bean milk protein shakes they are quite accustomed to it tasting like ever so slightly thicker milk that has had vanilla beans soaking in it. They don’t know/care that it doesn’t feel anything like a protein shake in our dimension. It doesn’t have the graininess, or the viscosity that we have come ot expect from our protein shakes. It’s as if milk came from a cow they added some vanilla and a bit of sugar and they have their meal replacement. Things are simpler in organic world and they just might be for the best.

Website
http://www.organicvalley.coop/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Unrefined Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 21st, 2015
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Buy Now
Organic Valley Balance, Vanilla Bean, 11 Ounce (Pack of 4)

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Unlike Jay, I eat meat. That being said, if I can eat an animal that was treated fairly before he was, let's face it, murdered, that's better. Morrissey, while wildly militant about it, is right in that respect. He's right about a lot. He's Morrissey. This milk is advertised as being produced humanly and who can't appreciate that? Sure, there are probably some people out there talking about how they don't care how the animals are being treated as long as they have a hamburger on their plate at the end of a day.

Does this chocolate milk taste happier? Not really. I'm not saying that it tastes sadder. If anything, it tastes thicker. It's creamy chocolate milk, more so than anything you make at home and probably thicker than a Nesquik. Yes, there is sucralose in it and yes you can taste it but it doesn't come off as a super diet chocolate milk. It's better for you in terms of calories, protein and calcium than "regular chocolate milk." You wouldn't guess it because it's pretty rich and if you didn't know better, tastes like it is not at all better for you than "the other guys" chocolate milk.


Our buddy Marvo over The Impulsive Buy reviewed this drink, too which reminded me that I had it in my queue. Now, all thanks to him, I really want another glass of it. You've done it again, Marvo.

Website
http://fairlife.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 16th, 2015
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Buy Now
FairLife Chocolate Reduced Fat Milk 2-1.5 L bottles
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