Milk (81 reviews)

Vita Milk Soy Bean Milk

Vita Milk Soy Bean Milk

It's a steaming hot day. It's so hot that you can't even comprehend the idea of moving. You are soaked with sweat just from breathing. This fan isn't doing anything. There's only one thing that can save the day. A Slurpie? No that's kids stuff. You're an adult now and the only thing that will cool you down is a nice ice-cold bottle of soymilk. Crack one open and chug it. As you wipe some dribble off your chin you are the picture of refreshment. You've beaten that heat.

Obviously that is completely fabricated because of two important things.
1. Slurpies are for all ages. They cool down your body like nothing else. On top of that they are delicious. I don't think I could ever trust someone who tells me they don't like them.
2. Soymilk, or cow milk for that matter, is not refreshing at all. I love it on my cereal, but other than the chocolate variety, I can't see myself ever downing a glass of it for pleasure. It's very strange to me to have it in single serve glass bottles.

Also soymilk and tofu are both made out of soybeans, so why don't they taste similar? I think Vita Milk had the same thought and decided to do something about it. This tastes like they took bricks of tofu and put them in a blender with way more sugar than is ever needed. I think I'll stick to my vanilla soymilk on my cereal in the morning.

Website
http://www.vitasoy.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 25th, 2011
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Taste Nirvana Creamy Green Tea

Taste Nirvana Creamy Green Tea

John, we've got a good line of drinks here. We've got coconut stuff and our Thai tea, which is fitting because we're from Thailand. I'm sorry to report that sales are down this quarter and we've got a good idea why. We received numerous complaints about how bold the Thai tea is with our proprietary chai blend and how creamy and nutty our coconut drinks are. I know, they sound like compliments but in reality, it's the general public asking for something more.

I have spent literally dozens of dollars on research and development, or as the fellas in R and D call it, "R and D" developing the perfect drink to meet people right in the middle and I am here to announce to you, John, Taste Nirvana's very own creamy green tea. It's green tea, which people have been drinking for ages mixed with a little bit of milk, a little bit of sugar, and a little bit of soy, you know, for fun. It's tamer than our Thai tea, and in my opinion, not as good, but the people get what the people want. It tastes exactly like how a "creamy green tea" would taste if you dreamed about it, as I did.

John, this is how my dreams taste. Can you taste my dreams? Do you like the way my dreams taste, John? Now I need you to go out and tell the world about my dreams and how they taste.

Website
http://www.tastenirvana.com/
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk, Soy
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 17th, 2011
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Taste Nirvana, Green Tea, Creamy, 9.50 OZ (Pack of 12)

Uni-President Honey Soy Milk

Uni-President Honey Soy Milk

On the front of this juice-box, which doesn't contain juice, there are the following items that scared the heck out of me:


  • Eggs

  • Bananas

There were also soybeans on the box, but that didn't scare me, you know, 'cause I'm tough.

I brought this to my brother and he jumped right in. He said, and I later concurred, that it tastes like the milk after you eat a bowl of Honey Comb. Initially, it's very sweet but once it's in your mouth, it's fine, so stop crying about it.

Derek's daddy brought this over from his work trip to Taiwan and I bet he tried to gross us out but surprise, Derek's daddy, it's not half bad. Anyone who has drank the milk for any particular corn based honey cereal has had this drink before.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 6th, 2011
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Blasted ladyfingers. Why? Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good dessert with rum? You turds. Why? I don't eat things cooked in or with alcohol so when I found out that tiramisu swam in the lake of Cap'n Morgan, I swore off the sweet treat for eternity. Honestly, I never was that crazy about it to begin with so not eating it doesn't really affect me but when I came across this little guy in a wondrous Asian market in Toronto with the Thirsty Dude called Jay, I had to buy it.

This drink tastes like tiramisu. It's odd. Cake flavored drink. Oh, I'm sorry, have you had one before? We've had ice cream flavored drinks, Masala flavored drinks, corn flavored drinks, but never cake. Why not? It seems to not be a problem for these guys. Maybe a chocolate cake tea would be nice. Try it. This tea tastes like the cake it's supposed to. I know it's a novel idea since it's a self-proclaimed "Tiramisu" flavored but we drink stuff all the time that doesn't taste like it's supposed to and this isn't exactly a "regular" drink so it could have gone either way. As far as the "milk tea" thing goes, it’s more milk than tea but they're both there. A black tea powder (odd) and a skim milk (not odd) make up the base of this.

Also, it should be pointed out that one carton of this is about as bad for you as a slice of real tiramisu so if you are looking for a replacement, this is it, but if you're looking to save on calories, don't bother and eat real cake. If you've got your jaw wired shut like Kanye West before he felt the need to make up for lost time and never shut up, this is your go-to-guy.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2012
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

John left from a long day of work and he was exhausted. He looked out the window of his of car and it was snowing and he knew that his day was not over because he knew before he was going to be able to kick off his shoes and sit down he was going to have to shovel. He didn't hate shoveling but after a long day of work, he just wanted to relax. He pulled up to his driveway and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Someone had plowed his driveway. He had no idea who it could have been. He ran inside to get a gift and started knocking on his neighbor's doors to see if he could find out who it was.

He went to one neighbor who owned a plow but he wasn't home. He went to another house and his wife answered the door. John asked if her husband was home and she said that he was and went to go get him. A short moment later he came to the door. John asked him if he plowed his driveway and he told him that he did.

John was so thankful he nearly hugged the guy. He held back and thanked him graciously and handed him a carton of a drink. The man asked what the drink was to which John replied, "It's milk tea." The man didn't know what to think and John said that it was a great secret that he would pick up at Asian markets every once in a while and he thought that he would thank him with it. The man thanked him and asked if he wanted to split it with him. John said he would and they both went into the house.

The man poured the drink into a glass for him and drank out of the carton himself. He took a small sip and then took a larger sip. He told John that he liked it. He said that it tasted like a cup of tea with some sugar and milk in it and that it was so simple it made it even better. He said that the milk kind of disguised the actual tea flavor but that it was still good and he was happy he knew that this new product existed.

John and the man finished their drinks and John once again thanked the man for plowing his driveway. The man said that it was no problem and if he ever had some extra time and a car wasn't in the driveway that he would do it again. John was happy to have a neighbor as nice as that.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2014
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Some people enjoy things like lavender or chamomile to calm them down but something about this drink is really putting the relax into me.

It is a good split between milk, smooth and Earl Gray, a pretty neutral tea. Lightly sweetened and placed gingerly into a baby carton, this drink provides countless minutes of sipping pleasure. It's not bitter, not too sweet, and is a good blend of everything that you would want in a milk tea, if you have ever heard of milk tea before and craved it. Hey, I've had stranger cravings for things.

Like I said, this is a relaxing, smooth drink that is meant to be sipped on your front porch, back porch, beachfront property or anything in between. I am very relaxed drinking it. Either that or the fact that I'm listening to Das Racist "Relax."

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 28th, 2014
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Oatly Natural Energy Orange Mango

Oatly Natural Energy Orange Mango

I love everything about this packaging; the size, the totally recyclable material used (it feels great in your hands) and especially the design. It's simple, clean, and interesting. On top of the packaging being great, the contents are even better. In a blind taste test I would have bet all my monies on the fact that there was dairy in here. Goodbye duckets, because this is totally vegan and it made with oat milk. I've never had that before, nor did I know it existed, but it seems like a great alternative to dairy milk. Adding fruit to it makes it taste like a melted orange mango creamsicle. It's magical tasting and can easily fill in a gap for those who have dairy free diets.

Website
http://www.oatly.com/
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 19th, 2017
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Chocomel Chocolate

Chocomel Chocolate

Yeah, it's just chocolate milk, mom. You don't understand what it's like. Do you know what it is like to be 13? It's hard. You've got girls and homework. Well...yeah, you might have had girls and homework, too. And you had to ride in cars without seat belts? Well whatever, mom. It's 2011 and everything is harder. This chocolate milk isn't even from here. It's from the Netherlands. I don't even know what it is. It's illegal to have in this country. Oh, you just can't sell it here, but it's fine if it comes in? Well, check it out. Glass bottle. Oh, everything you had was in a glass bottle? You must have had it rough? Do you want to share this Chocomel? It's pretty good. It's like a real Nesquik. It's not as creamy but tastes more natural. You know what? I know I'm all grown up at 13, but you're pretty cool, even if you do drive a minivan. Oh, you had to sell your motorcycle when you had me? Sorry, man, you're tough.

Website
http://www.chocomel.nl/
Country
Netherlands
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 8th, 2011
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Bevi Chocolate

Bevi Chocolate

No one? No one has a bottle opener? The ones in this gift shop in Mexico don't work for some reason. One would assume that a drink and bottle made in the same country would expect compatible. Now I'm walking around Cozumel with a bottle of chocolate milk looking like a jerk. Looking like a dude, with a giant beard, whom is nearly thirty carrying around an unopened bottle of chocolate milk. I hope people don't think I'm trying to lure in little unsuspecting Mexican kids to work on some American sweat camp.

Oh sir, please. You've got to help me. Do you...you do?! Thank you so much. Finally I can drink this...mediocre chocolate milk. I looked all around Mexico only to be proven correct in my assumption that this was going to taste like watery chocolate milk. Great. A dollar well spent for some is a dollar wasted for others. I wish I had more time here so that I could make up for this, but alas, my ship is sailing and I'm exhausted from haggling, poorly, for authentic sugar skulls.

Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 2nd, 2011
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Nestle Milo

Nestle Milo

Many of the frequent Thirsty Dudes and Thirsty Dames have recommended Milo to me. I looked and looked and looked but couldn't find it anywhere. People were willing to ship it to me from the outer reaches of the earth, and for that I thank them. Lucky for me, Jay found it at an Asian market that we actually frequent, frequently. So here we are today, judgment day. Judgment day for Milo.

It was pretty good. It wasn't as thick as I thought it would be. It was not like chocolate milk but more like a thinner soymilk. I couldn't taste any nutrients or minerals. I can't really feel the energy surging...coursing? Yeah, coursing. I can't feel the energy coursing through my body but who cares? It's pretty good and the masses love it.

So, enjoy thirsty guys and gals. It's good. You were right.

Website
http://www.nestleusa.com
Country
Malaysia
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 6th, 2011
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Milo Chocolate Energy Drink 8 Oz (6 Pack)
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