Milk (81 reviews)

United States Government Chocolate Hazelnut

United States Government Chocolate Hazelnut

My brother has a friend that is in the armed forces. I don't know what branch, sorry. I guess he goes out for weekends and get these and sometimes gives them to my brother. I was at my parent's house and she offered it to me and told me to give it a try. Looking at this bag of government drink mix, I didn't know what to expect other than bland. Honestly, I didn't know they had such gourmet flavors up their sleeves. I figured it was a lot of dehydrated ice cream and dehydrated Salisbury steak. Everything in the military is dehydrated. I've been to the Army/Navy surplus store. I know what I'm talking about.

I followed the directions to a "T." Six ounces of water, place in bag, shake, and drink. Like I said, I didn't know what to expect so I wanted this to be as ideal as possible. I poured it back out and it came out looking like chocolate milk. Ideal. I took a sip and was pleased. It tasted like chocolate milk and I guess there could have been hazelnut in there. The only reference I have for chocolate and hazelnut is Nutella, which I love.

We do this website for people who want to try new drinks. I guess that if you're in the military, you can't really be picky so here's what I'm saying. If you have been drinking the chocolate milk day in and day out, you are safe with this one. You've done well, government. You treat our troops better than I thought.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Mix/Concentrate
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2012
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Upstate Farms Pumpkin Spice

Upstate Farms Pumpkin Spice

Your grandma rules. Make her cookies for once. Every time you go over there, she's up to something. Something delicious, not something maniacal. You're grandma who is capable of every baked good imaginable is not capable of even the slightest evil. You want cookies? Don't worry because she has some in the freezer that she made yesterday and if that's not good enough for you, you brat, she does have two different types in the oven as we speak. She also makes the best spaghetti, regardless of her heritage, known to man.

There is always some sort of pie there. Typically it's a cherry or an apple pie, complete with those nice, woven tops like you see in movies and in print. She doesn't do those lazy flat, plain tops with a couple holes so you know what kind of garbage pie it is. You grandma deal with quality. Your grandma is the Rolls Royce of cooking and baking. When it comes time to fall, she makes pumpkin pie and it's obviously delicious. She nails it every time and has never made a bad pie in her life. Upstate Farms has hired your grandma at a reasonable rate to spill her secrets into a plastic container because this stuff tastes like pumpkin pie and I'm not exaggerating. There are even little spice specs, a term I just coined that if anyone uses henceforth they owe me royalties, inside of the drink. It's delicious.

Throw your forks in the garbage, kiss your grandma on the cheek, and go get this. It's a limited time thing that might only be available in Upstate New York. Wash your forks and put them back in the silverware drawer. I don't know why I told you to throw your forks in the garbage. You don't need them for a drink, is what I was getting across. Then I tried to get you to help your grandma out because she already made you a large meal. There is no reason she should be doing your dishes, too, you ingrate.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 18th, 2011
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Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Billboards and most advertisements don't really sell anything to me. I don't want to sell my house fast or get a loan on a 1995 Ford Winstar. I don't want to go to the casino and I don't want to sue anyone for that time I slipped on ice. I don't have a DWI and I know that Geico can save 15% or more on my car insurance.

One thing that I didn't know is that this little guy exists. Custard shake. Sounds good right? Sounds rich. Let me tell you friend, your imagination isn't lying. This is good and it is rich. I can also very simply review this for you. Ready? This chocolate custard shake tastes like if you went to Wendy's, bought a Frosty, left it in the car so you could run into a store to buy a new pair of shoes, ran into that dude that you don't like that talks to you even though you get the feeling that he gets the feeling that you don't like him, returned to your car only to forget that you had a Frosty in it and it melted. You shrug because at the end of the day, it's still fantastic and drank it all the same. It's that good. Melted Frosty. Nailed it.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 15th, 2014
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Vio Vibrancy Drink Very Berry

Vio Vibrancy Drink Very Berry

Hey dude, I've got this great berry milk. Berry milk? What do you think it is? Yeah, it's like strawberry milk but berry. Did you really need to ask? Sometimes, Daren, I don't know. Give this a try. It's good right? I don't know why they didn't think of this earlier. What have you got there? Daren? Give it here. Seltzer water? That's it? What are you, an old lady? Who just drinks seltzer water? Are you in clown training school or something? Daren. Come on, you know that clowning is a saturated market and the placement has been going down. It's a dying trade. I know you're great at making balloon animals while riding on a tiny bike. What??!!!? Why did you do that? Awwww, Daren. You got seltzer in my berry milk and it's...fantastic. Can you give me another spritz please?

Daren, I take it all back. This is incredible. I've heard that there is a company called Vio that makes a drink that tastes exactly like this. Daren, you know what, buddy? I've got a friend whose dumb kid is having a bar mitzvah and they were looking for a clown. I am going to call Andrew Abromowitz and put in a good word. Practice up on your trade, your craft, and work on your face paint. You look like a sad clown and no one is going to hire a sad clown.

Website
http://www.viovibe.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 26th, 2011
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VIO Very Berry, 8 Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Vio Vibrancy Drink Peach Mango

Vio Vibrancy Drink Peach Mango

Hi, my name is Stephen Milakis and I'm the national champion for "Float Chugging." My record is that I was able to drink a dozen 20oz mugs of the root beer variety in just under 90 seconds. Sure it hurt, and I was on the verge of spewing everywhere, but I'm a champion and I play to win. The post contest belch is also extremely gratifying. Next month I am set to participate in the worldwide championship. I thought I had it in the bag. The kid from Mongolia was the only who actually seemed like a real contender. Yesterday I received a package and everything changed. At every float chugging contest I've been at in the states the beverage used has always been root beer based. There was one time things got a little crazy and sarsaparilla was used, but it's basically the same thing. In the package was an assorted sixer of the various flavors of the company Vio. Apparently they are sponsoring the event, and so their drinks are being used. The issue I have with this is that all of their drinks are prepackaged (no actual ice cream) and are all fruit flavored. I don't know which is more disturbing. First off, these didn't come cold. They are made with skim milk and cream, and the packaging says that it contains no preservatives. How does this stuff not spoil? When I cracked open the first bottle i expected it to be rancid and chunky. Surprisingly it was not. Secondly, I don't know if I'm going to be able to chug fruit flavors. I'm so used to root beer that I've become desensitized to it. This is going to be like starting all over again. Ugh.

I'm going to still give it my all. I'm an American and we don't know when to admit we've been defeated. I'll start by downing this sixer and see how long it takes. First to go will be the peach mango flavor. It doesn't smell rancid, but it sure does smell strange. It actually tastes pretty good. It's like someone dumped some juice into milk. Wouldn't that also make it spoil? There is so much going on in this can that should make it go bad. The more I drink the worse it gets. As tasty as this was at the beginning, by the end of this 8oz metallic bottle it's hard to get it down. Dairy in liquid form should not be carbonated. Screw this I'm not even going to bother getting on my flight to Norway. I'll feign illness or something. Anything is better than losing to a Mongolian.

Website
http://www.viovibe.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 21st, 2012
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VIO Peach Mango, 8 Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Vio Vibrancy Drink Citrus Burst

Vio Vibrancy Drink Citrus Burst

Marty wasn't like the other kids. He just could not get down with creamsicles. It just reminded him of when he was but a toddler and he tried to make an ice cream float with orange juice instead of soda. Just thinking about how the mixture curdled makes him want to vom all over the place. Ever since then he has stayed clear of those treats in ice cream and soda form.

The strange thing is that little Marty loves this Vio drink. You might say "but Marty that is the exact same thing as a creamsicle except the orange is switched out for lemon lime." You would be correct, but what you're forgetting is that Marty didn't dump cream into a cup filled with straight lemon and lime juice. When he drinks this, he just thinks about it being 7Up or Sprite that had ice cream added to it, and then it melted. No curdling involved. He's a happy camper. I'm a happy camper. You're a happy camper. Did I mention that we're at summer camp, sitting around a campfire sipping on these little treats? Well maybe I'm not a happy camper. While I love the way these taste, they do get to be a bit much to drink a whole 8oz bottle.

Website
http://www.viovibe.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 8th, 2011
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Vita Milk Soy Bean Milk

Vita Milk Soy Bean Milk

It's a steaming hot day. It's so hot that you can't even comprehend the idea of moving. You are soaked with sweat just from breathing. This fan isn't doing anything. There's only one thing that can save the day. A Slurpie? No that's kids stuff. You're an adult now and the only thing that will cool you down is a nice ice-cold bottle of soymilk. Crack one open and chug it. As you wipe some dribble off your chin you are the picture of refreshment. You've beaten that heat.

Obviously that is completely fabricated because of two important things.
1. Slurpies are for all ages. They cool down your body like nothing else. On top of that they are delicious. I don't think I could ever trust someone who tells me they don't like them.
2. Soymilk, or cow milk for that matter, is not refreshing at all. I love it on my cereal, but other than the chocolate variety, I can't see myself ever downing a glass of it for pleasure. It's very strange to me to have it in single serve glass bottles.

Also soymilk and tofu are both made out of soybeans, so why don't they taste similar? I think Vita Milk had the same thought and decided to do something about it. This tastes like they took bricks of tofu and put them in a blender with way more sugar than is ever needed. I think I'll stick to my vanilla soymilk on my cereal in the morning.

Website
http://www.vitasoy.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 25th, 2011
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Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

I purchased this little gem as part of a mean sixer at a local Asian supermarket. I have been looking at it but have been too cheap to drop the necessary $4 to buy it. If it were in singles or an assorted pack, dude, I would have reviewed all of them, but when it comes to spending $4 on a juice box that I am going to drink one of and give the rest away, it's hard. I know my girlfriend has drunk two, Derek has one, I just drank one and that leaves a few more. I think I promised Jay one. Anyhow, the review...

I was impressed. I have had some strange, imported soy chocolate milk and they are gross. This rivals YooHoo, but probably not Nesquik because that is pretty darn fantastic in my opinion. This, to me, I think would be kid friendly, too. It's still a crap-load of calories (160) but if your son is lactose intolerant and needs chocolate milk, this won't make him get sick.

I really think that this could stand the kid taste test, too. If you had your kid drink 15 non-market chocolate milk boxes and then snuck one of these buddies in there, two things would happen.
1. I would call CPS on you because you just gave your kid 16 chocolate milks in one sitting and are a terrible parent.
2. Before you got carted away by the authorities, your kid wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you're vegan or lactose intolerant, get this. If you still don't want chocolate milk, enjoy your menial desk job, your boring car, your turkey sandwiches with the crust cut off, and your "Hang In There" cat poster, turd.

Website
http://www.vitasoy.com/
Country
Hong Kong
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 20th, 2011
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West Soy Chocolate Peppermint Stick

West Soy Chocolate Peppermint Stick

Ooooh. So let me get this straight. You're vegan and it's Christmas? Well that is very saddening. You can't have any milks or meats. That's unfortunate. And now you're telling me that you used to love Hot Chocolate with milk like mama used to make? Oh, and you used to put a peppermint stick in it to really hit it home? I'm very sorry that you can no longer have that. Let me present to you, though, something very on par that is not just for you, but also for the rest of us. It's from West Soy and it's chocolate with peppermint stick and tastes just like (cold) hot chocolate with mama's recommendation of puttin' a peppermint stick in it. What more could you ask for? Warmth? You could probably boil it or put it in the microwave, but at the speed that you can slam/chug it, you won't want to waste time warming it up. Just leave it on the shelf and kind of meet the world half way and drink it at room temperature.

Look, you can drink it however you want to. I'm not your friggin' dad. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You asked what you could drink as a malnourished vegan on Christmas and I told you. What else do you want? Do you want me to go to the store, buy some, then buy some glasses, pour the drink in said glass, and then pour the drink down your throat? That's dangerous. You could choke. I don't know your oral liquid limits. I'm not in your mouth. What am I, your tongue? Leave me alone.

Website
http://www.westsoy.biz
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Dehydrated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 6th, 2010
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Westsoy Chocolate Peppermint Stick Soy Beverage, 32 oz. Aseptic Package

Woongjin Morning Rice

Woongjin Morning Rice

Son, it's time for breakfast. What do you want? Cereal? What kind? Sugar Smacks? Alright. Hurry downstairs, you've got to eat quickly or you are going to miss the bus. You know what happens when you miss the bus. You've heard that Kris Kross song, right? Oh, that's right, you're 11 and not an adult. I've got to brush my teeth and put my tie on, have a good day at school and don't forget to put your bowl in the sink when you're done with it.

{5 minutes elapses}

I told him to put his bowl in the sink. I also told him to use less milk and now there's a bowl full of milk and no milk left in the carton. I am not above drinking this and that is what I am going to do. That's not bad. That's actually pretty good. I like Sugar Smacks, but if I could just get the milk that would be awesome. I wonder if anyone has thought of it.

"Someone has thought of it, Tom!", screamed the television.

What?

"A company in Korea named Woongjin has created a beverage called "Morning Rice" which tastes like cereal milk."

Well, how about that. I have to go to work, television, I'll talk to you later because I am a crazy person.

Website
http://www.wjfood.com/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Milk, Other/Weird
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 23rd, 2011
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