Milk (81 reviews)

7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

I am aware of the fact that this is a tremendously generic photo and there is nothing I can do about that short of take a picture of the dispenser I received the drink from. Taking that with a grain of salt, this drink is better than you would presume. It is slightly spicy like you would expect a Mexican Hot Chocolate. If you haven't had it, please find some. It is hot chocolate, which is delicious, mixed with some spices like cinnamon and some peppers so it's equal parts spicy and herby. Herby? Eh, I'll accept it.

Another little tidbit of information that you might like to know is that society and generosity is not dead. Why would drinking a Mexican hot cocoa mean that? It doesn't. What does is that I forgot my wallet and was about to dump this down the drain along with my limited amount of happiness but a woman at the counter saw me do "the pat" against my pants and knew what was up. She bought it for me and I was eternally grateful. Seriously, I do nice things for you people all the time and it rarely comes back. I don't ask for it, but I'm silently counting to myself and the chart points at me being a real super guy and you at being the equivalent of human garbage.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2014
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Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Of all the alt-milks out there, almond milk is by far my favorite. It's smooth and doesn't taste watery or chalky. As far as vegan chocolate milk goes, this is the best. It's super rich and delicious and makes me wish I had Oreos to dip into it. I don't know why I only buy this every few months. When I have it in the fridge it rarely lasts longer than a few days.

Website
http://www.almondbreeze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on April 4th, 2011
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Almond Breeze, Chocolate, 32 oz.

Bevi Chocolate

Bevi Chocolate

No one? No one has a bottle opener? The ones in this gift shop in Mexico don't work for some reason. One would assume that a drink and bottle made in the same country would expect compatible. Now I'm walking around Cozumel with a bottle of chocolate milk looking like a jerk. Looking like a dude, with a giant beard, whom is nearly thirty carrying around an unopened bottle of chocolate milk. I hope people don't think I'm trying to lure in little unsuspecting Mexican kids to work on some American sweat camp.

Oh sir, please. You've got to help me. Do you...you do?! Thank you so much. Finally I can drink this...mediocre chocolate milk. I looked all around Mexico only to be proven correct in my assumption that this was going to taste like watery chocolate milk. Great. A dollar well spent for some is a dollar wasted for others. I wish I had more time here so that I could make up for this, but alas, my ship is sailing and I'm exhausted from haggling, poorly, for authentic sugar skulls.

Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 2nd, 2011
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Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

Bolthouse Farms Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Latte

My ladyfriend works at Starbucks and come early fall the customers their lose their minds. People are constantly asking about their pumpkin spice lattes and then they will be available. It got so bad that I think it was actually released early this year. I’ve had them before and I think they taste decent enough, but I don’t understand the power it has over people. It paints two images in my head; the first is that of zombies wanting nothing more out of life than sweet, sweet brains and the other is junkies wanting nothing more out of life than their sweet, sweet fix. All three things are sweet, sweet, so it’s fitting.

This year Bolthouse Farms decided to release a limited edition seasonal line of beverages. The first one I saw hit the shelves was their take on the pumpkin spice latte. While I don’t think this will have the same effect as the other does on the patrons of said coffee shop, it just may be enough to hold them over. I don’t know why it would need to hold them over though, since they are both seasonal, and available at the same time.

In it’s purest form this is a coffee beverage made with Arabica coffee. For me the problem is in the fact that there is way more milk in here than coffee. Yes, I know that’s what a latte is, but I’m used to the soy variety, so this is a lot of milk for me to handle. So yeah, they take this coffee flavored milk and then add some spices and real pumpkin puree. I assure you that you can most definitely taste the pumpkin in this. There are a whole slew of pumpkin flavored products on the market these days, and most of them just taste like the spices that are used in a pumpkin pie. This taste more like the actual pumpkin, and it’s interesting. As a side effect of that the amount of spices in here are lower than I would prefer, but you take what you can get in this crazy world of fancy beverages.

My final diagnosis is that if this contained more coffee, more spices and was soy based instead of primarily dairy based it would be one hell of a drink. Of course it would probably be a different drink entirely, but I know what the body wants and now so do you.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Coffee, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2013
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Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Do you remember when you were a kid and Strawberry Quik was one of the best things ever? Well, this is the soy version of that. Okay, you caught me. I am a liar. This wishes that it was the soy version of that. Actually I believe that at some point in its creation that is exactly what it might have been but then things went wonky. It tastes like they had two vats, one filled with soymilk and another filled with sweetened strawberry flavoring. I can only imagine that they meant to water down the soy vat to make it slightly less soy-y, but someone at the factory messed up and watered down the flavoring instead. The result was a beverage that tasted very strongly of soy and not as boldly of strawberry.

Instead of this tasting like nice strong strawberry milk it ended up tasting like the soymilk left over after a bowl of Frankenberry. I don’t think anyone wants this.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 13th, 2013
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Chocomel Chocolate

Chocomel Chocolate

Yeah, it's just chocolate milk, mom. You don't understand what it's like. Do you know what it is like to be 13? It's hard. You've got girls and homework. Well...yeah, you might have had girls and homework, too. And you had to ride in cars without seat belts? Well whatever, mom. It's 2011 and everything is harder. This chocolate milk isn't even from here. It's from the Netherlands. I don't even know what it is. It's illegal to have in this country. Oh, you just can't sell it here, but it's fine if it comes in? Well, check it out. Glass bottle. Oh, everything you had was in a glass bottle? You must have had it rough? Do you want to share this Chocomel? It's pretty good. It's like a real Nesquik. It's not as creamy but tastes more natural. You know what? I know I'm all grown up at 13, but you're pretty cool, even if you do drive a minivan. Oh, you had to sell your motorcycle when you had me? Sorry, man, you're tough.

Website
http://www.chocomel.nl/
Country
Netherlands
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 8th, 2011
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Chug Milk Shake Chocolate

Chug Milk Shake Chocolate

Well...color me impressed. I read the label and it says "Milk Shake". Whatever dude, it's just chocolate milk lying to me. I will sincerely apologize to you, Chug, as you have actually released a milk shake in a bottle.

I bought this over at the Dollar General on a whim and what a good whim. It is the thickest, creamiest "milkshake in a bottle" I've ever had. It's as if you bought a legit milkshake at your local chromed our diner and let it sit on the table for ten minutes. It tastes like the bottom of every chocolate milkshake you've ever had.

Convinced? Do it. Tom Scharpling says, "Do it." Henry Rollins says, "Do it." I say, "Do it."

Website
http://www.deandairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 24th, 2010
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CK Soybean Drink Chocolate

CK Soybean Drink Chocolate

You've got two screaming kids. Sometimes they suck. Face it. Your "angels" aren't perfect. Honestly, they don't suck. They're still screaming and you have to solve this predicament ASAP. You open the fridge and you've got a little bit of chocolate milk. Not enough for two stupid kids, but maybe one and a half kids. Since you "can't" cut little Tommy in half you have no choice but to, gulp, water down the chocolate milk. You do it, don't look back, and give those brats something to stop their crying.

You can tell the difference because you're an adult and have been drinking chocolate milk your entire life. Those kids sucked it right up. What you tastes. Tastes like this CK chocolate soybean drink. It's not as thick as regular chocolate milk or soymilk. Maybe that soymilk and soybean drink are different even though they are made from the same animal.

Your kids are now fine and you found that watered down chocolate milk passes the kid test. It's a fiscal score for you. Good job. Not so much for CK. It was under $1 so it's not a jip. You got what you paid for.

Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 26th, 2010
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Copper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Light Hot Cocoa

Copper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Light Hot Cocoa

Ma'am, please. Get down here in the bomb shelter before another bomb goes off. Shut the door. We don't want any bad guys or shrapnel coming down here. This is a safe zone. You never thought you'd be in a bomb shelter, did you? Well, here beneath the Jewish school, we've been stocking up. Notice how we have separate shelves for meats and dairy. I'm not even Jewish and I can appreciate the orthodox nature of this organized bomb shelter. Sure, until the smoke clears, we won't be able to eat a cheeseburger or pepperoni pizza, but I can deal with it. We've got plenty of Twinkies and this canned hot chocolate. It's diet because if we lived off nothing but Twinkies, gelt, and non-diet hot cocoa, we wouldn't be able to make it up the stairs because we would have gained so much weight.

We've got like fourteen cases of this hot cocoa and eleven car batteries to run the microwave and space heater. Can I make you a can? Yes? Great. It will be ready in a minute.

Here you are. Piping warm. What do you think? Yeah, I got that, too. It's good at first and then gets really diet tasting. You always know that it's hot cocoa, but it's got a constant sucralose undertone. It's not bad. Sure, we've also got bottled water, but this is in a can, which I feel is chemical bomb proof. You know what? On second though, this might be harder than we thought. Why? Well...how to put this...they stocked the food, have blankets, batteries, water, but they're forgetting one thing. Toilets. There is nowhere to go to the bathroom and there is a concrete floor that is four feet thick so we can't even go in a hole. Looks like that room that you thought was yours is going to have a handful of pee corners. Sorry, ma'am.

Website
http://www.coppermtnbev.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2012
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Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Cow Wow Cereal Milk Fruity Trudy

Trudy is one heck of a heifer. At first glance she looks like any other cow on the market, but a closer look shows that she has a David Bowie thing going on where she has two different color eyes. The thing is that she one’s up the Thin White Duke as her right eyes looks like a rainbow. I bet that would drive Mr. Stardust insane that he didn’t have that back in the 70’s. Looks aside Trudy is also special because of the milk that comes out of her utters, you see it’s pre-sweetened and tastes kind of fruity. Weird, right? I mean it’s common knowledge that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, but who would have guessed that fruity milk comes from a cow with a rainbow eye?

The milk that comes from her actually kind of tastes like what is leftover after you eat the cereal from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. It’s not for me personally, but the kids sure seem to love it. I’m not a fan of milk to begin with, and on top of that it’s a bit sweeter than I would ever want, but as I said I’m a grown ass man and this is a drink for the children of the world. Well, at least the children of the middle class in the United States.

Website
http://cowwownow.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 24th, 2013
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Fruity Trudy
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