Milk (81 reviews)

Olatte Milky & Fruity Apple

Olatte Milky & Fruity Apple

Milky and fruity? Interesting. As a scientist, I had to buy this drink. I didn't think that it was going to be bad, but I also didn't really know what to expect. With milk, you're kind of rolling dice. Giant dice. Fun dice that you would roll at a local discount home improvement store in order to get a percentage off of your purchase price. After opening the can, I looked in and it was creamy white. It smelled sweet and fruity and actually quite inviting. I poured some out to two different Mike's, one Kevin, and then myself, the third Mike.

I liked it. It was pretty sweet, but, as you could guess, smooth on account of milks doing. The apple was a pretty truthful apple flavor. I might say green apple if I have to pick. It's pretty good. Nothing like Apple Jacks, like you might imagine apple and milk would taste. That's bad for people who love cereal and think it would be a good idea to bottle and sell cereal milk. I've got news for you, friends. You aren't the only one who has thought of it.

Country
Korea
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 8th, 2011
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Woongjin Morning Rice

Woongjin Morning Rice

Son, it's time for breakfast. What do you want? Cereal? What kind? Sugar Smacks? Alright. Hurry downstairs, you've got to eat quickly or you are going to miss the bus. You know what happens when you miss the bus. You've heard that Kris Kross song, right? Oh, that's right, you're 11 and not an adult. I've got to brush my teeth and put my tie on, have a good day at school and don't forget to put your bowl in the sink when you're done with it.

{5 minutes elapses}

I told him to put his bowl in the sink. I also told him to use less milk and now there's a bowl full of milk and no milk left in the carton. I am not above drinking this and that is what I am going to do. That's not bad. That's actually pretty good. I like Sugar Smacks, but if I could just get the milk that would be awesome. I wonder if anyone has thought of it.

"Someone has thought of it, Tom!", screamed the television.

What?

"A company in Korea named Woongjin has created a beverage called "Morning Rice" which tastes like cereal milk."

Well, how about that. I have to go to work, television, I'll talk to you later because I am a crazy person.

Website
http://www.wjfood.com/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Milk, Other/Weird
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 23rd, 2011
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Lotte Milkis

Lotte Milkis

Waiter, what is this? I ordered an ice cream float with Sprite and vanilla ice cream. You brought me a can of...what is this? Milkis? Also, it's in a can. I don't know how "ice cream float with Sprite and vanilla ice cream" sounds anything like Milkis. What? You don't serve milkshakes? That's crazy. It's right here on the menu. "We...oh...don't serve ice cream floats". Strange that you would even put it on the menu. Why don't you put...oh, that's right there, too. "We don't serve spaghetti sandwiches". Why do you fill your menu with things that you don't sell? Honestly, looking at this menu there are more things on it that you don't sell than things that you do sell.

Menu aside, why did you bring me this Milkis thing? It tastes like an ice cream float with Sprite and vanilla ice cream? You know what, kid, I'll take your word on it and not send it back to the chef...to put in the fridge. Ahh! Waiter, this tastes just like it. The Koreans nailed it! Can I say that? I don't mean it offensively, I just saw that it was made in Korea and want to give them full credit. Wow. There's milk in this and everything. I've got to get more and son, you're going to get a great 10% tip for this bill of $14.42.

Website
http://company.lottechilsung.co.kr/eng/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 12th, 2011
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Lotte Milkis Strawberry

Lotte Milkis Strawberry

It's rough being eight. I can't have everything I want. Sure, I don't get homework and my math is just adding and subtracting and I only get like four hours a day to play with friends. I have no responsibilities except to brush my teeth, which I only do when mom is watching. I also feed the dog the food I don't want for dinner under the table regardless of what my dad says. So DJ Biacco the chihuahua has gained fifteen pounds and my parents have no idea why. I don't care. I'm eight and don't completely understand consequences.

One thing that I want is pop, all the time. I love it and my dumb mom never lets me have it. I don't care if I lose teeth; they just keep growing back, right? That's why I don't brush them, as I have previously mentioned. So I love pop and want more of it, number one. Number two, more strawberry milk needs to be stocked in the house. I love it and once again, I can't have it all the time and that's just not fair.

You know what would be great? Strawberry milk pop. Man, if they ever made that then I would just lose my mind. Wait, what? They do? You've got to be kidding me. I have to get some. You have some? It’s strange that you would have this on you. If I didn't know better, you would be trying to get me in your van. I don't think you have any. You do have it! I will get in the van because I see that you have video games and pizza in there, but just to eat one slice and try this Milkis.

Ahh! How did no one tell me about...yeah you can close the door. How did no one tell me about this before? It tastes like carbonated strawberry milk. This is the best drink I have ever had.

Where are we going? Oh, we're here? Oh, there's my house. Thanks for taking me home, although it was strange that you did that since I only live two blocks from where we were. Thanks anyhow and thanks for this Milkis.

Website
http://company.lottechilsung.co.kr/eng/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 15th, 2011
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UCC Melon Creamy Soda

UCC Melon Creamy Soda

I came across this while looking for drinks to gift to Engineer Jay Zubricky at GCR audio while my band was working on our new record. I saw it and though, “Awesome, a green melon cream soda. Jay loves honeydew and while I’m sure it will be super sweet, it will probably also be tasty.” Little did I know at the time instead of it being a typical vanilla cream soda, it was actually a “creamy soda” meaning that it is soda with milk in it. Now that is strange. It certainly tastes like a regular, cheap, cream soda that has some melon flavoring added to it, but the milk adds another dimension to it, that I can’t 100% get behind. It leaves a weird taste in my mouth and it also changes the viscosity of the beverage and makes it a little thicker than I was expecting. I was able to drink a few sips. Jay drank more than I did and seemed to enjoy it more as well. I guess all drinks are not for everyone.

Website
http://www.ucc.co.jp/eng/
Country
Japan
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Milk, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 20th, 2018
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MTR Chocolate

MTR Chocolate

I was just thinking of how many times I could write the word "wonderful" before you stopped reading. Then I thought that would be a terrible, albeit factual review. In exchange, I will do a review titled: "Some of the best chocolate drink that has ever passed these lips"

This chocolate drink, for some reason not called chocolate milk, is simply splendid. It is smooth, creamy, and has bits of badam in it. "What is badam?" you ask? Almonds, friend. Almonds. And "bits" is a good way to describe them. They are super tiny and in some sips, non-existent. To further extend the experimentation of what we do here at Thirsty Dudes, a friend of "the dudes" poured a quarter of his half of the drink into the remnants of his coffee making a rather delicious mocha.

I bought this at an Indian market and you should, too. Seriously, you should. Five bottles. You know what that means, right? It means quit your job and go buy some chocolate drink!

Website
http://www.mtrfoods.com
Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 6th, 2012
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MTR Chocolate Drink 180ml 6.08oz

Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

Vitasoy Soy Drink Chocolate

I purchased this little gem as part of a mean sixer at a local Asian supermarket. I have been looking at it but have been too cheap to drop the necessary $4 to buy it. If it were in singles or an assorted pack, dude, I would have reviewed all of them, but when it comes to spending $4 on a juice box that I am going to drink one of and give the rest away, it's hard. I know my girlfriend has drunk two, Derek has one, I just drank one and that leaves a few more. I think I promised Jay one. Anyhow, the review...

I was impressed. I have had some strange, imported soy chocolate milk and they are gross. This rivals YooHoo, but probably not Nesquik because that is pretty darn fantastic in my opinion. This, to me, I think would be kid friendly, too. It's still a crap-load of calories (160) but if your son is lactose intolerant and needs chocolate milk, this won't make him get sick.

I really think that this could stand the kid taste test, too. If you had your kid drink 15 non-market chocolate milk boxes and then snuck one of these buddies in there, two things would happen.
1. I would call CPS on you because you just gave your kid 16 chocolate milks in one sitting and are a terrible parent.
2. Before you got carted away by the authorities, your kid wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you're vegan or lactose intolerant, get this. If you still don't want chocolate milk, enjoy your menial desk job, your boring car, your turkey sandwiches with the crust cut off, and your "Hang In There" cat poster, turd.

Website
http://www.vitasoy.com/
Country
Hong Kong
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 20th, 2011
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Fresh Delight Apple Milk

Fresh Delight Apple Milk

I can't believe a year has passed already. The happiest time of the year is upon us again. The week when the local ice cream parlor has apple flavored soft serve. I dream about this moment all year long. The way the apple compliments the ice cream is astounding. Seriously it haunts my dreams on lonely February nights. I've tried making it myself but it never turns out right. Actually it's usually down right disgusting when I try to make it. What's that I've been rambling on for so long that my ice cream has melted all over my shoes? Dagnabbit! Looks like the dog is in for a treat. No time for napkins, I'll just like the melted mess off of my hands while you order me another. Hmmm this tastes exactly like that apple milk they has down at the Asian market. It's creamy and appley. The apple is on the verge of tasting like sour apple, but it doesn't go quite that far. I wonder if I mixed some of that in with my ice cream if it will taste as good as it does here. That would be wonderful wouldn't it? To be able to have this wonderful flavor all year 'round would be a dream. What's that, my second one has melted? I really must learn to shut up.

Country
China
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 12th, 2011
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Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Do you remember when you were a kid and Strawberry Quik was one of the best things ever? Well, this is the soy version of that. Okay, you caught me. I am a liar. This wishes that it was the soy version of that. Actually I believe that at some point in its creation that is exactly what it might have been but then things went wonky. It tastes like they had two vats, one filled with soymilk and another filled with sweetened strawberry flavoring. I can only imagine that they meant to water down the soy vat to make it slightly less soy-y, but someone at the factory messed up and watered down the flavoring instead. The result was a beverage that tasted very strongly of soy and not as boldly of strawberry.

Instead of this tasting like nice strong strawberry milk it ended up tasting like the soymilk left over after a bowl of Frankenberry. I don’t think anyone wants this.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 13th, 2013
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Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

First of all, dudes at work don't know how I do. I invited six people to drink this and give me a review. I said, "Here's your chance to be on a famous website no different than if you were Caroline Rhea or Anthony Michael Hall." They laughed, threw tomatoes at me like this was the early 1900's. I didn't even know we had tomatoes in the office but there is some sort of secret closet that contains nothing but over-ripened tomatoes ready for the next bad joke or snake oil salesman. In this case, it was my attempt to make half a dozen dudes filthy rich like me. Your loss, turds. Your loss.

How's this? Well, it's fine. It tastes like chocolate milk. One said, "It tastes like hot cocoa. No. It tastes like Yoo-hoo." which I kind of agree with. If there is tea in this, and I'm not doubting there is, it is promptly and sufficiently overshadowed by sugar and chocolate. Is that the worst thing in the world? No. Is the fact that it is eight months past expiration date that really makes it? No. It isn't. It just tastes like chocolate milk. That's cool, right? Yes and no. I wanted a chocolate tea with Jasmine and Rooibos tea, as friggin' promised. I just got a white person's chocolate milk. We all know that white people are the worst, right? I mean, enjoy your mac and cheese, idiots.

To the six people that drank this that are not on my yacht, think twice next time I offer you something you can't read the label for that you saw three other people drink before you. It could be the thing that turns your life around. Now I'm sorry but I have to go put tanning oil on hot babes that aren't my wife. My wife is cool with it. She told me she was.



As I tend to do, I spoke too soon.

Nick said:


I was approached by Mike with a nod and a wink, which of course either meant it was time for an afternoon tryst... or time to sample a new beverage. As I do require continued employment and HR frowns on at-work conjugal relations, it was fortunately the latter.

The beverage in question was a bottle which was decidedly not labeled for sale in America, fully decked out in Asian-language glyphs. OK, we have a potential mouth party, here. Strap in, taste buds.

I did see one English word: chocolate. Now, chocolate for me can be a multi-layer extravaganza of flavors, or a cloyingly sweet abomination of which Hershey's would be proud. The first sip showed this drink leaned more towards the latter. Primary flavor: sweet. Meh. There's also a texture that says to me there's some milk or other form of emulsified fat going on here. It's feels a little creamy.

What followed was a flavor I can describe as not-hot hot chocolate. Yeah, you know... the cup of hot chocolate you made to warm up after snow-blowing the GD driveway for the second time today, only to be drawn away by a wife request for something that clearly would have been less time for her to just do herself, and then later re-discover your room-temp cup, and then remembering as you drink it that room-temp hot chocolate is not nearly as good, and become lost in a downward spiral of negative emotions. Maybe that's just me, though. OK, I'm exaggerating. It's not bad. It's just not *good*. I wouldn't seek it out for this part. Thus far, we're not looking at a beverage I'd actively seek out again.

Ah - but the last, lingering hit of background tastes (and aftertaste). There's something going on here. Putting a finger on it is nigh impossible, between OMG SWEET and the milky texture and the mild cocoa. But there's... something. A complex of multiple things, very subtle. I'd later learn this was tea and hibiscus. It could have been turmeric and turpentine for all I could tell; they're so muted. But it *was* pleasant.
Is the little blend of almost missed flavors enough to make this a repeat drink?

Nah. I think it would have benefited from those secondary flavors being brought forward more.

I'm happy to have sampled it, and I enjoyed drinking what I had, but no, I wouldn't buy one. I'd probably have a hit if it was given to me. Especially if it was from Mike... with that wink and nod.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 25th, 2019
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