Thirsty Dudes :: Category

Neuro Sonic

These Neuro drinks look so alluring on the shelves. I applaud the company for making a unique looking bottle with enticing colors (even though it looks like it should be some sort of adult toy).

Derek had reviewed one of these a while ago, but I had never seen them in stores. When I found them in a grocery store I felt compelled to buy them all, even though he had given his a terrible review. That, my friend, is proof that quality packaging can go a long way for a product. I convinced myself that I really only needed to buy one. I chose the one that is suppose to increase mental energy and focus. I chose this one because I'm on vacation, and when people are away from the real world for too long they tend to become morons. When you don't have to think or worry much about live everything seems great, and I know I tend to become vulnerable to making dumb decisions. So I'm taking the offensive here. Will it work? Who knows, but it's worth a try.

The first thing I have to say about this drink is "Holy diet!" It's hard to make out what flavor this is supposed to actually be. The taste I'm searching for is lost in a cloud of artificial sweeteners. I think it's supposed to be berry, but I couldn't testify in a court of law. Drink court....now that is an idea. Customers take companies to court for putting out terrible beverages. I'm smelling reality TV of the dumbest kind. I wonder if they would let us be the judges. We could be called in for our expert opinions. I mean Mike and I are scientists. I would even settle for being the thirsty jury. Someone pitch this to the networks. Quick!

Website: http://drinkneuro.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Crystalline Fructose

Categories: Diet, Other/Weird, Sparkling

Rating: 2/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/26/2011

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Buy Now: Neuro Nutritional Supplement Drink, Sonic, 14.5-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Malta Hatuey Non Alcoholic Cereal Beverage

I enlisted my friend Mary Liz to help me review some drinks today. We didn't know what to expect with this one, but since it has barley malt and hops in it we had a feeling it would taste like beer.

The smell, in a word, gross. It's really strong and sort of has a molasses hint to it. The taste isn't any better. Mary Liz says it tastes like rotting fruit and vegetable juice. I honestly can't figure out what it reminds me of, but it's too gross to drink anymore. It almost tastes like molasses that has been sitting out for a year. Mary Liz asked if we could give this drink a zero, but unfortunately we can't.

Country: United States

Sweetener: Fructose

Categories: Other/Weird, Soda Pop

Rating: 1/5

Reviewed By: Derek Neuland on 4/27/2011

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Buy Now: Malta Hatuey Light 6PK 7 OZ

Honest CocoaNova Cherry Cacao

How would one categorize this? It's not like anything I've ever had. I can't believe it's on the market by such a prominent company. I like Honest. They give the general public credit. No, not everyone has to drink sugary drinks. They are all over the place with tea, lemonade, and now this. It smells like a cherry cordial but tastes like watered down chocolate milk mixed with Maraschino cherry juice mixed in, you know, for fun. Thing is, it's not bad. It's got a little bitterness from the dark chocolate and a little fruit taste from the cherry. It's drinkable, though. If it had been thicker and richer, it would be too thick to drink a lot of. These are small bottles with low calories and it's different. I know, I know, redundant. I kept going back again and again and it didn't matter. It was always good and I can't wait to try the other flavors.

It's not a "safe" drink for a company to make and for that reason you should try it. Honest tea is taking a risk on people trying something new and for that reason, you should try something new. It’s as simple as that.

Website: http://www.honesttea.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Other/Weird

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 4/29/2011

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Simply Originals Antioxidants Chicha Morada

Corn is by far my favorite vegetable. There are others that I may enjoy, but those other vegetables just aren't as versatile. Sure asparagus is delicious when it's cooked in garlic, but would it work on a burrito or in chili? Okay, I would probably eat that and think it's great. My point is that corn is incredible on it's own with no seasoning, but it also can make almost any meal better. One of the many important life lessons that I learned from Pee Wee's Big Adventure is that there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, and Tina from the Alamo would be happy to list them all for you. Corn in salsa? Oh god yes. I feel cheated when it's not in there. Through my mass consumption of corn I have never once considered drinking it. That is until this magic bottle of goodness ended up in my possession.

It's Fall. Everyone has their decorations hanging up. A lot of people have dried out colored corn on their walls and doors. As a kid I always wondered why people used to paint their corn. I was little and an idiot. I am now less of an idiot and know that it grows that way. Being as I was an idiot when I was young (how many times can I say that in a review?) I of course tried to eat the colored corn. Bad scene. It does not taste like the corn I am used to, especially since it's all dried out. I later became to associate that corn with what was fed to animals. Now Simply Originals has come around to yet again throw my world into upheaval. They have turned the purple corn, or maize, into a very refreshing beverage.

In Peru chicha morada is a traditional homemade drink. I will tell you this for free: the people of Peru know what they are doing when it comes to beverages. One of their great ancestors was thirsty as hell some hot summer day. He was tired of all of the water he was consuming and decided to mix everything he had laying around the house into a bottle and drink it down. It's lucky for us that he only had water, purple maize, sugar, pineapple, clove and cinnamon. Imagine if he had some meat juice laying around. I assure you if that were the case I would have vomited all over this keyboard. Nobody wants that, especially my keyboard. Seeing as he didn't have meat juice he created (maybe it was a lady of Peru and not a man. The gender was lost a long time ago) what it a refreshing harvest time drink. After a long day of sweating out in the Peruvian corn fields wouldn't it be nice to come home and have your significant other pour you a nice tall glass of corn juice? If you said no, you are horribly mistaken.

I do have this one negative thing to still say about corn. Like Mrs. Tremond in Twin Peaks I will always request no creamed corn. I have a thing with textures.

Website: http://www.simply-originals.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Juice, Other/Weird

Rating: 5/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 5/10/2011

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Honest CocoaNova Mocha Cacao

This has been sitting in my fridge waiting for the perfect moment to drink it. It sounded incredible. The Honest company has a history of making amazing drinks, so when I learned that they made a chocolate line I was very interested. I'm not a huge fan of coffee, but I have enjoyed every Mocha that I've ever tried. You know Mocha, hot chocolate with a little kick. I hardly consider it coffee. It's more of a chocolate drink with a little coffee added.

Since today is supposed to be the so-called rapture, I decided it was now or quite literally never. I guess that's not true. If it were the rapture all of the good Christians would be raised up to heaven while my friends and I had some more time left to suffer on Earth. I would celebrate that suffering with a whole mess of drinks. Seeing as it's all a fairy tale anyways I will drink this mocha cacao in celebration of me being intelligent enough to realize that angels aren't going to come carry people away today.....or ever.

On first smell this has a weird scent. Almost like the chocolate milk that is left in the bowl after you eat some Coco Puffs, but stronger. I took a sip, and this was not what I was expecting at all. It was as if they melted down baking chocolate, watered it down and added two shots of black coffee. First you're hit by the watery baking chocolate taste. It's bitter, but not the good bitter like when you get some quality dark chocolate. As you hold it in your mouth that flavor stays, but as soon as you swallow and take a breath the coffee sets in. I always find it odd when drinks have distinct waves of flavor. In some juices it's nice, but for this it's not working for me. I would have preferred this all blended into one tight flavor.

I really, really wanted to like this, but to be honest I couldn't make it through half of the bottle. I had expected a richer chocolate taste. If you really like coffee maybe it will be something you really enjoy. I'll pass it off to an angel if I see one today.

Website: http://www.honesttea.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Coffee, Other/Weird

Rating: 2/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 5/21/2011

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Honest CocoaNova Mint Cacao

While passing this drink around the office, I received mixed results. Everyone said it was good, but I think that they wanted it to be thicker. Look, I would love to try a thicker version of this drink, but if Honest wanted a thicker drink, they would have made it, so drop it already. Jeez! So this drink, I like it. It's got a good dark chocolate bitter taste. It really tastes like a really dark chocolate candy bar. The mint lingers at the tail end, almost like an Andes mint that you would get after a delicious steak dinner. Oh, you're vegan? Do vegans eat steak? No? Fair enough. After a nice meal of a salad and a side of carrots since the restaurant that I took you to has a limited menu. I'm sorry. I didn't make it up. It's not my fault that they don't cater to people that don't eat anything from animals. It's a steakhouse. Why did you even agree to come? Come on. Let's go get you some cereal or something.

Website: http://www.honesttea.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Other/Weird

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 6/1/2011

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Kevita Organic Probiotic Drink Lemon Ginger

Why oh why did I read the ingredients on this before I took a sip? I was so excited about it. Lemon ginger is a great flavor, and I've been a fan of the other probiotic drinks I've had. There is something that I am absolutely not a fan of and that is vinegar. Yes I eat salsa by the jarful. Yes I know that vinegar is one of the main ingredients in it, but salsa doesn't taste like vinegar....at all. It tastes like magic.

As you may have guessed apple cider vinegar is the third ingredient listed on the label. Ugh. I ruined it. Everyone else that tried this said they didn't taste vinegar at all, but I had it on the mind so there it was front and center for me. Okay not front and center, but there was a hint of it. It also smelled like the dye you use to color Easter eggs to a lesser extent. Apparently I am insane because as I said no one else thought that at all.

Other than the "hint of vin" this is pretty good. Even though it's not carbonated, it tastes like it is. Yes to me carbonation has a flavor. This has it. Let's move on. It tastes like a lemon soda mixed with ginger ale (minus the bubbles). That is nothing like I expected it to taste. I was expecting a decently strong ginger with a very tart lemon. Nope. Wrong again. If I could just get passed my hatred of vinegar and the ghost of it that lives in this bottle, only haunting me, I would be able to enjoy this as a healthy organic beverage that tastes like it was neither healthy nor organic. That is a good place to be.

Website: http://kevita.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Syrup

Categories: Ginger, Other/Weird, Sports/Dietary Supplement

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 6/1/2011

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Health Guard Be Happy Chocolate Cherry

I really didn't know what to expect from this. I've never had a mood boosting drink before so this was a first for me. I also am used to energy shots coming in small containers so it was weird drinking this and not feeling crazy energized right away. The chocolate cherry flavor is alright. It's nothing to write home about, especially since is has a chalky aftertaste.

I probably should have saved this for when I was stressed out to effectively review its effect on me. I was already in a positive mood and this didn't put me in a negative mood so that's saying something.

Website: http://www.healthguardwellness.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Evaporated Cane Juice

Categories: Other/Weird

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Derek Neuland on 6/23/2011

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Crystal Beach Loganberry

When I was a young kid one of my favorite summer activities was to go to amusement parks. That really shouldn't be a shock because what kid doesn't love rides, games and awesome junk food? There were three different parks within an hour from Buffalo; Darien Lake (later became a six flags), Fantasy Island (always seemed smaller and kind of run down) and my favorite, Crystal Beach.

Crystal Beach was a twenty-minute ride across the border into Canada right on Lake Erie. I think it was always my favorite because it had everything that normal amusement parks had, plus it had it's own awesome beach with a rad pier. It also had one of the greatest roller coasters I have ever ridden, The Comet. You could ride it forwards or backwards. It was sheer magic to a little kid.

The other great thing to come from Crystal Beach is the regional drink Loganberry. It is a very thick juice that is a mixture of blackberries and red raspberries. It's so thick that it's almost like an uncarbonated soda. As a kid I absolutely loved the stuff. It was typically sold in glasses that were dispensed from those giant clear machines that constantly mixed the drinks. If I had any idea what they were called I would post a picture.

As an adult it's a bit thick to drink on any sort of regularity. Drinking it every once and a while definitely brings back fond memories. Like the time I won a giant stuffed Nerd (you know the guys on the candy box). Unfortunately the park closed down in 1989. I can't believe it was that long ago. Now it is just condos. I still go to that beach sometimes. The dilapidated boardwalk is sitting there in pieces waiting for kids to jump off the end into the deep water. I think I need to do that soon.

Website: http://www.loganberry.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Sweetener

Categories: Juice, Other/Weird

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 7/18/2011

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Buy Now: Crystal Beach Amusement Park Original Loganberry Drink 2 Liters

Mamma Chia Vitality Beverage Blackberry Hibiscus

Yesterday we did this video review for Mamma Chia. That's right it has the same seeds in it that are in Chia Pets. With any luck I will grow a plant beard where my normal one is now.

It looks like it would be a pretty rough drink as there seem to be approximately 50 million seeds in each bottle, but they are covered in some sort of coating that makes them go down smooth. They actually give the impression of the drink being really frothy.

As far as flavor goes, it's pretty great. It has a very strong blackberry flavor. Actually the seeds kind of feel like someone systematically separated all of the "balls" from a berry.