Thirsty Dudes :: Category

Lean Slow Motion Potion Yella

If you don’t think that a nice quiet night out in the woods watching a fire is relaxing enough, perhaps you should try a can of Lean. There is something hysterical to me about drinking a beverage that was obviously conceived of for an urban setting out in the middle of nowhere, but hey you can drink one and lean on anything to fall asleep, even a tree or a dilapidated barn. Hell, I bet you could lean against a beavers tail and not be disturbed all night.

When I downed this last night I was greeted by a pleasant pineapple flavor that fell somewhere between the fruit and overly sugary candy. It was quite delicious. So much in fact that I had pounded the entire can before I even knew what was happening. About ten minutes later some friends asked me if I was okay because I was looking really dazed. Yes I was feeling fine, I just happened to be falling asleep with my eyes open. I made my way to my tent and slept like a baby bear cub, which I did not see like I wanted to.

This beverage tasted great and its functionality was just as good.

Website: http://slowmotionpotion.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sugar

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 9/2/2012

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Buy Now: Yella Lean Slow Motion Potion

Relax & Sleep Lemon Drop

I've been having some awful tooth pain lately. I finally made an appointment to see the dentist, but last night was not fun. My mind was racing about how I can't afford to go to the dentist and fearing that the doctor is going to tell me I have to stop drinking soda. With my mind racing and my tooth pain, I was having a hard time falling asleep so I decided to give this relaxation shot a try.

I have been drinking a lot of lemonade lately so when I saw lemon flavor on the bottle, I assumed it was going to be tart. To my dismay, it was not. It wasn't bad, just surprising. My housemate claimed it smelled and tasted like Pine-sol but he couldn't be farther from the truth. It's a smooth lemon taste. It's actually a mellow taste, which is nice.

As we know with "functional" drinks such as this, the taste is only half of it. I was interested to see how well this worked because unlike a lot of relaxation drinks, this doesn't have melatonin in it. They went for the all-natural approach to relaxation, and it worked. Within an hour I was asleep and slept like a baby. On a night where I almost gave up on sleep, this was a miracle drink.

Website: http://www.betterlifebeverages.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Derek Neuland on 8/22/2012

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Koma Relax 5 Hours Unwind

Overnight flights are simultaneously the best and the worst. They are the bet because you can sleep through most of the flight and it seems to pass quickly, which is always appreciated. Even if I have an early morning flight I tend to stay up the whole night before, just so that I can sleep on the plane.

They are the worst because no matter how tired you are; you never get a consistent sleep. It’s impossible to get “sleep comfortable” on a plane. There’s no place to put your head and if you try to sleep in a full sitting position your head will inevitably fall forward like you were in some boring class in high school that just put you out. Case in point is my last day in Vegas and the flight home. I woke up at 7:30 am and went and ate far too much at breakfast. Then I walked around all day to wear myself out. There was a point where I just thought that if I just sat down anywhere I would pass out, but I stayed vertical and kept moving. Our plane left around midnight. I tried to stay awake until they approved use of portable electronic devices so that I would put on some sleepy music to drown out all the noise around me. I remember the plane starting to move on the runway, but I apparently couldn’t keep my eyes open for another minute because I was out before the plane left the ground. You would think that a situation like that would be ideal, but as it turns out that sleep lasted me a whole twenty minutes of a five-hour flight. As to be expected, my head fell forward and I woke up, unable to fall back asleep. Luckily I had planned ahead and brought a Koma Unwind with me. I quickly downed the berry chemical flavored liquid, which I initially thought was horrible, but left a pleasant aftertaste. It’s rare that these shots truly taste pleasant, so I’ll take all of the niceness I can get out of them. After about 10 minutes of pondering the taste I was asleep again. I wasn’t able to sleep through the flight, I woke up probably every 20 minutes or so, but the unwind shot helped me to fall back to sleep with relative ease. The moments that I was awake were extremely annoying, but I will take that collective 2 minutes over being conscious for a five-hour flight any day.

Website: http://www.komaunwind.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sucralose

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 7/18/2012

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Dream Water All Natural Pineapple PM

So I'm in Vegas for my sister's wedding. We spent three flights that were all delayed and took way, way too long. We thought we had missed our last connecting flight, because the one before it was late landing. We had to book it through the airport and made it to the terminal just in time. Once we finally made it to Vegas it took forever to get off our flight. When we made it to the car rental they said they were out of the cars we wanted, so they upgraded us to a Mustang convertible. For most people that would be awesome, but we are driving 5 hours to the Grand Canyon, and there is very little room in the car. Annoyances abound.

Finally we made it to our hotel, and they told us the only nonsmoking room they have left is right over where the bands play. I said whatever I just needed sleep. We dragged our bags to the room to find out that not only did they forget to turn on the air conditioning, so the room was a million degrees, but the band they spoke of was actually a DJ party that goes on until 4am with constant terrible beats. It was so damn loud.

I was so unbelievably tired, but due to the heat and the noise, I just couldn't fall asleep. I will be eternally grateful that I had packed this sleep shot, and not drank it for the plane (and read comics instead). I downed it, and I don't remember much after that until I awoke at 9am to a freezing room. The air conditioning decided to work properly. That is what I talk about a functional product. It has a diet pineapple sports drink flavor to it. It doesn't taste like poison, so I was thankful for that. It was light, with a decent flavor and after downing a shot I was out. Thank you Dream Water.

ps. We switched rooms in the morning after someone else checked out. Things may turn out okay after all.

Website: http://www.drinkdreamwater.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Stevia

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 7/13/2012

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Dream Water Snoozeberry

Do you want a night of completely mundane dreams? Well then I have the water for you. I drank this last night and I dreamt that I was at the grocery store checking all the drinks against the list on my phone to see if we had reviewed it. You know, like how I spend most of my days. Then when I cashed out there was a problem with my card and a manager got called over. He then yelled at the cashier, whom I stuck up for and a shouting match ensued. Completely boring.

The thing is that you don’t drink these to have insane crazy dreams. You drink them to sleep, and it performed that function perfectly. I tossed and turned for an hour last night. It was obviously that I wasn’t getting any closer to Slumberland on my own. I needed help from a bottle. Within 15 minutes of slamming this down my gullet I was out cold.

The drink was also surprisingly not gross. As we’ve stated dozens of times drinks that come in shot forms are gross by nature. This on the other hand tastes like a flavor of Vitamin Water Zero. It’s pomegranate and blueberry flavored, and it doesn’t taste chemical at all. It tastes like flavored water, and it doesn’t even taste concentrated. I like it as a drink, and I love it as a sleep aid. This is a win-win for everyone except my dreams.

Website: http://www.drinkdreamwater.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Stevia

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 6/23/2012

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Buy Now: Snoozeberry Sleep Shot 2.5 Ounce 6 Pack

Relax 5 Orange

Robert Van Winkle felt like a failure, and a disappointment to his family. When your great-great-grandfather is Rip Van Winkle you are expected to be able to sleep through anything. Unfortunately that was not true for Robert. Ever since he was a baby he was a bit on an insomniac. He would get in fights with his parents and they would tell him he was an embarrassment and they often accused him of abusing energy drinks. The truth is that he had never so much as tasted a drop of an energy drink. His lack of sleep was a natural thing. His theory was that his ancestors used up all of the sleep allocated to his bloodline, thus cursing him with constant wakefulness. The upside of this was that Robert became a genius. Since he rarely slept, he used all of his waking hours on his studies and quickly had several doctorates and became a scientist. He dreamed of someday creating a potion that would give him the relief of sleep that his family clung to so much.

This bottle that I hold in my hand is the result of years of endless research and trials. Robert Van Winkle finally overcame his demons and I’m happy to say that with the first shot that he drank he quickly fell into a long relaxed slumber. His success mixture tasted like gummy orange slices that had been liquefied. He was shocked at how his final version actually did not taste very intense. It didn’t taste like chemicals like so many of his past attempts. He beat science and a family curse. Robert Van Winkle is a true American hero.

Website: http://www.relaxfive.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sucralose

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 5/16/2012

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Solixer Relax Blackberry Chamomile

For the first time ever I will now claim that scientists don’t know what they are talking about. Sure they know the answers to pretty much about everything, but when it comes to the sun, they have it all wrong. I don’t know where they got all of this malarkey about the Earth spinning and revolving around the sun at the same time. It’s pretty obvious to every single person with the sense of sight that the Earth sits still and the sun moves in regard to us. All you have to do to know that is the truth is to look up at the sky.

I can even explain why the sun moves the way it does. It’s simple actually, being the sun is a lot of work and requires a lot of energy. After awhile the sun just gets tired. Literally the sun gets exhausted and needs to take a rest. The sun’s parents didn’t raise a fool, so our friend in the sky has manners. He knows that it would be rude to just turn off his flames and take a nap where everyone can see him, so he goes off and hides on us and takes comfort in slumber.

I guess I wasn’t completely correct when I said that all scientists were wrong earlier. There is a small faction that work for the Solixir company who know what the deal is. They have known for a while how the sun works and have devised a way to harness all forms of its power. They had a team go up to the sun in this crazy fire proof/heat resistant suits to collect both it’s daytime energy and the anti-energy the sun uses to help it to relax and fall asleep (aka the sun’s sleeping pills). They used these samples to synthesize the way the sun works and have used it in their functionality beverages.

The drink I have in my hand is one that harnesses the relaxation power of the sleeping sun. The thing is that they don’t want other companies mimicking their discovery, so they don’t just come out and list “the relaxing properties of the nighttime sun” on the ingredients list. Instead they just list the other things in this beverage: chamomile flower, passionflower herb, lemon balm, jejube berry and hibiscus flower. They lightly flavored this mixture with blackberry juice and added some carbonated water to create a nice little product. The botanical blend kind of gives off a slight fennel taste, but it’s more like a memory of a fennel flavor. Overall the entire drink tastes very light. There is no sweetener in it and it tastes more like a flavored sparkling water. Knowing the potential power of this drink Solixir did the responsible thing and only put the smallest traces of the sun’s power in the drink. They didn’t want people just passing out everywhere as soon as they took a sip. In fact the drink doesn’t make you tired at all, it simply relaxes you and let’s you enjoy the day as the sun flies by overhead.

Website: http://www.solixir.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 5/7/2012

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Buy Now: solixir Relax, (blackberry chamomile) 12-Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

Koma Sugar Free Unwind

Sometimes you have a long day at work and when you get home you just want to sit back relax with your ladyfriend and your cats and watch a movie. Sometimes you still feel stressed, so you drink a relaxation drink to help mellow you out. Sometimes that relaxation drink is a can of the sugar free version of Koma Unwind. Always that drink will taste like the strangeness that would be diet Pixie Stix. Instead of tasting like flavored ground down sugar it now tastes like flavored ground down sucralose. It’s somehow not completely terrible. I don’t like it as much as the normal, but for those of you out there who are accustomed to diet drinks this would probably taste pretty darn awesome.

Sometimes about a half hour after drinking this drink your still conscious, but your body feels like it is asleep. Sometimes it’s a strange sensation and it makes you feel restless, because you’re not in bed and asleep. Sometimes you give in and go to bed. Sometimes you have dreams that you’re a criminal breaking into a broken down Dave Foley’s house to break into a safe. Sometimes he comes home and you sneak out the back into a neighborhood park. Sometimes he comes out and you chat each other up. Sometimes you ask if you can use his bathroom so you can go back in and recover the jacket you left behind. Sometimes Dave Foley has a completely disgusting toilet. Sometimes the next thing you know a truck with a gallows on it is pulling up for your execution. Sometimes you make it so the truck rolls down the hill into the lake in order to not die. Then sometimes for some inexplicable reason you dream about drawing highly lifelike pictures of Hugh Laurie.

Sometimes life is very strange with Koma.

Website: http://www.komaunwind.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sucralose

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 3/30/2012

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Koma Chillaxation Drink Unwind

Last night I had a plan. A deadly plan? Perhaps, but if it were I escaped deaths cold embrace. You can read about part one here.

So the night wound down. We finally drove what was remaining of the ground out into the foggy streets with the “terrible” music we were playing. I packed up my gear, hung out with some friends who work at the bar for a bit and then headed out. As I hinted at briefly Buffalo was under a deep fog last night. It was beyond creepy. I’ve seen the movies. I know what kind of creatures live in the fog, and I want no part of them, okay maybe I would like a glance of them. I got in my car, turned the stereo up loud and hit play on The Omen soundtrack. If you ever want creepy mood music that album is the way to go.

As I pulled away I cracked open this can of Koma. As you may or may not know if I have any sort of stimulant after, oh I don’t know….noon, I can’t fall asleep at night. It’s a fairly recent thing that began about six months ago. It’s pretty terrible, but drinks like this help keep me in line. I knew I was going to have trouble since I drank that can of Liquid Ice at around 10PM. So I drank the contents of the can as I made my way down to the waterfront in the fog to fully enjoy the creepiness of it all. To my surprise this drink also tasted like liquefied candy. This time it was Pixie Stix, specifically the blue and purple ones. I have no complaints with that. I am a kid at heart, with an apparent subconscious desire for diabetes. So there I was driving around in an insane fog listening to a choir yell in Latin about the devil. I started to feel a bit “chillaxed” (god I hate that word), so I decided I should make my way home. I made it without incident from the fog, or as a side effect of my beverage. I climbed into bed where I promptly fell asleep. Oh wait no that didn’t happen. I laid there for hours, but in a relaxed state. It was strange. Normally when I can’t sleep my mind is racing, but last night I was just awake, not really thinking about anything. Obviously the drink worked a bit, as I was relaxed, but not as well as other beverages of this type I have tried. Well perhaps I shouldn’t say that since I did drink an energy drink five hours prior. I don’t blame you Koma. I wish you were stronger so I could sleep but then you would be a sleep drink and not a relaxation one. I guess I just used you for the wrong purposes. You did taste pretty nice though.

Website: http://www.komaunwind.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 3/17/2012

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Rockstar Relax Tropical Guava

The first time I ever had a Rockstar drink was also the first time that I had an energy drink. It was around 2003 and I was at the skate park hanging out and this dude who just got back from California and brought us back these tall drinks. It was a very generous and thoughtful gesture. We all took a sip and, like we have all said in most reviews, it tasted like a trillion Smarties crushed up in a crappy tea. From that point on, I didn't drink energy drinks until I started doing this site. A lot has happened to the world since my unsuccessful gateway drug into the downward spiral that is energy drinks has now pulled a switcheroo and started making relaxation drinks.

First sip of this knocked me off my seat. Not because it was good but because it was infinitely "diet." Sting and all. The flavor was quite the kick in the pants, too. I cannot argue that it is tropical guava flavor but it has been so candied and dieted that guavas worldwide should be insulted to be affiliated with this drink. It's just ramped up to eleven and doesn't let go to your mouth or throat.

Cut to an hour later and I could have taken a nice nap. I'm not a stressful man by any means and I actually hate naps. Do you know when the weather is just dreary and gray and it's like three in the afternoon, nothing is on TV, you don't want to play video games and you decide that you're going to just take a nap? That's what this drink was like. I felt quiet inside. I felt...not bored...but like my body was telling me that there is nothing better to do than take a nap. An hour after that, thankfully, it wore off and I was back to my normal self.

I'm drinking the other half that I didn't want to drink because I've got to do a bit of driving in the very near future and I don't want to be sleepy while doing so. We'll see what happens. If you don't hate diet drinks and need to calm down because you're a spazz of have self-diagnosed yourself with a sleeping disorder that could easily be fixed by you not drinking so many darn cups of coffee or energy drinks, compound your addictive nature and get this. If you just want to relax and care what you ingest, get a Marley's. I would choose it ninety-nine times to this.