Smoothie (26 reviews)
Hansen's Smoothie Pineapple Coconut
Hey. You know when you throw up and then try to cover up the taste with old popcorn? You do? Then number 1; I'm sorry. Number 2; you don't need to drink this.
For a company that has the best pop I've ever drunk, this stuff belongs in the filth can.
Here's how it went down...
I drank it and liked it while it was in my mouth. As soon as I swallowed it, I got a strange barf taste and I thought it might be the metal from the can so I poured it into a glass. I took another drink and it was worse. Afterwards I felt sick because you always are reminded of throwing up when your mouth tastes like, or recently tasted like, up-chuck.
I made this site with my bare hands and I wish I had created a 0 rating because this would get it.
Hansen's, I am happy that I reviewed this drink before your Cherry Vanilla Creme pop because you can only go up from here.
- Website
- http://www.hansens.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 9/17/2010
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Rajbhog Lassi Sweet Rose
Travel back in time, back to the romantic era. The year is 1785 and you, a lonely soap maker meet a woman you love. You spend day in and day out producing sweet smelling soaps so that others may clean their bodies. Everyone loves your soaps and you do fairly well. People know you for who you are and respect what you do.
So along comes this woman who you begin courting in hopes that one day she will become your wife. She, of course, gets complimentary soap whenever she desires. She never grows tired of the scent and the way that it makes her skin feel. The soothing scents of lavender, roses, and other native flowers fill the air as she bathes herself once a month (not a scumbag thing. They took fewer showers since it was a chore to get hot water and they typically used "dry" shampoo to wash their hair. Leave them alone. They're all dead. I don't know why I mentioned it. Ignore that part. It's in type. I cannot be erased. It is too late.) She, if anything desires more scent. "More!" she beckons from the small one bedroom house as you trot off to work.
One day you go into work, and amongst all the animal fat and flowers and powders, and such, you think that you might try something new. You take the soap and melt it down and pour it into a glass. You frighteningly take a sip and it's pretty terrible, but you don't give up. No. You are not a quitter. You put some sugar in it and use less powder and more milk from the local dairy. After a couple secretive weeks of experimentation you've got it the perfect mix of creamy, sweet, floral drink that you desired.
The next day at the market, you fill some small bottles with this creamy mixture and have people try it. They do not like it. They say to you, "Good sir, we love your soaps for our bodies, but, alas, we do not love your soap for our gullets. I'm sorry." As you bow your head down in shame, your wife walks up to you with a smile on her face. She is so happy to see you. After all, you've spent so much time at the shop experimenting that your wife has nearly gone unnoticed. In hopes that she can cheer you up, as she always does, you give her a taste of your newest creation. She takes a dainty sip and a look comes across her face like no other you've seen before. She gives you a solid, definitive look of disappointment and then walks away. You don't talk to her for weeks until you finally agree that you will no longer produce the drink. You continue to bow your head in shame as yet another venture has gone up in smoke.
Basically, this drink tastes like old people soap.
- Website
- http://www.rajbhog.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/1/2010
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Genesis Organic Smoothie Superfood
When I first took a sip of this, I thought it was juice. Only after tasting the chunks of fruit in it did I realize that it said smoothie on the label. I'm not a big fan of drinks with pulp and chunks, and this was REALLY chunky. That aside, I was hoping this would taste a lot more like other green juices I've had. Once again, I should have looked at the label instead of the color of the drink. As you can see, there is a giant banana on the label and this drink has a very strong banana flavor. The only ingredients in this are apples, bananas, and spirulina. I wasn't crazy about it, but that's because I generally don't like banana flavored drinks. Other than that, it was good and probably super good for you.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 10/4/2010
Chia\Vie Smoothie Mango-J
Did you know that chia seeds are what demigods grow from? True story. We’ve all heard the storied about how “primitive” people used to sacrifice virgins to their gods in order to appease them and ask for any number of gifts in return. Well that is just plain silly and barbaric. Somewhere along the line someone messed up a translation. You see in ancient times sacrifices were all the rage, but they had absolutely nothing to do with virgins. What does a god want with a virgin anyways? Nothing, that’s what. They are gods they can jut conjure up anything they like. Anything except one thing that is, and that thing is chia seeds. They are a sacred, sought after item for gods. You see much like Link needs to collect rubies in The Legend of Zelda in order to trade them for various weapons and dry goods, the gods much also collect chia seeds in order to trade them in for demigods. You see our life is meaningless to the ancient gods, except for the fact that they can use us to help gather chia seeds in order to win the game. Oh didn’t I mention that part? You see at the beginning of time, there were a bunch of bored gods. They sat around each other’s houses all the time bored, complaining that there was nothing to do and that being omnipotent was such a burden. One of them, maybe it was Odin (he always had the best ideas), came up with the idea for a game where all of the gods had to collect as much as something as possible, and then at a predetermined date they would count them all up and the one with the most one. It sounded boring at first, but then Odin, being the world’s first dungeon master, created an elaborate world in which the game would take place. In order to make the game harder, he created a new item called the chia seed. The gods could not just magically wish for them and they would appear. They had to have the inhabitants of the world gather the seeds for them. For every million seeds that were presented to them they could create an item that they were to be collecting. Everyone agreed that is was better than what they were doing so they began the game. After a while it seemed that it was taking all of the gods forever to collect the appropriate amount of chia seeds so Odin amended to rules so that the collected items would be demigods, and those demigods could also be used to raise more chia seeds. It was actually quite elaborate and Odin won a bunch of awards for it at the Omnipotent Awards that year.
So there you have it the true history of the gods and chia seeds. Now that the game is winding down the humans who once harvested the seeds for the gods have lost interest. To be honest they have pretty much lost all awareness of their task. Instead of gathering the seeds in order to present them to their specific gods they instead have started putting them in their beverages. You see not only are they good for creating demigods they are also chock full of fiber, omega-3 and antioxidants. Chia\Vie has made this drink with the seeds. They mixed some fruit juices and then ground down a bunch of chia seeds and added them to the drinks. It’s a little gritty, but not too bad. This specific flavor is supposed to be mango, but it ended up just tasting like cheap orange juice that had sat out for a long time and then rechilled. There’s a bit of mango in the mix, but old-orange is definitely the prevalent flavor.
- Website
- http://www.drinkchiavie.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/10/2012
Zola Superfood Smoothie Smooth Green Blend
First off this bottle seems way to cheap to be holding "Brazilian Superfruits." It's made out of that thick translucent plastic that just screams elementary school lunch to me. It's doesn't have the thickness that one associates with a smoothie. Maybe I'm wrong here, but isn't it the thickness that denotes a drink a smoothie? In my categorizing, this would just be considered a juice. I do have to say that the drink doesn't smell nearly as bad as I expected it to. It looks like the water that would be left over in a sink after doing dishes that had been sitting there for over a month. All of those complaints aside it is pretty tasty. I've never had Cupuacu or Graviola before, but the bottle tells me they are "powerfully nutritious." There is nothing I can really compare the taste to that I have tried before. I would definitely grab one of these again though.
- Website
- http://zolaacai.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/14/2010
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Hansen's Smoothie Mango Pineapple
Mike and I were first introduced to Hansen's sodas when we found ourselves backstage at Warped Tour visiting friends a few years ago. We thought it was incredible, and since we couldn't find it around Buffalo, Mike ordered a case. It's been over a year, and this is my first run in with it since then. This is supposed to be a smoothie, but it doesn't have the proper consistency so I will claim it as a juice. It tastes like mango, with a slight pineapple aftertaste. It's pretty good. I didn't even realize until I was done that it has high fructose corn syrup in it. I would never have expected that from drinking it.
- Website
- http://www.hansens.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/17/2010
Chadwick Bay Enhanced Berry Blast
Jay, buddy. Take a load off, why don't'cha. You always review Smoothies so I'll take the wheel on this one.
In this car that I am now driving I will review this smoothie. I think that this smoothie is good. There is carrot in it and you can taste it. It they tried to hide it, you can't hide for long, my orange friend. The scent of it is very good, very fruity. The taste of it was...different. I'm not used to the consistency of smoothies. Think of a fruit punch with the texture of tomato soup.
There is no sugar added, which is a plus and it keeps the calories down. One might say it's good for you.
I've got to pull over. Jay has to use the turlet.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/1/2010
Rajbhog Pineapple & Mango
Okay, I've had lassi before. It's an Indian smoothie with some yogurt in it. They went a little overboard with the yogurt in this product. It has the consistency of a slightly watered down yogurt with the tiniest bits of fruit in it. It certainly does not taste watered down though. It has a very strong fruit flavor with a yogurty aftertaste.
This is so thick that I can't imagine drinking it with a meal. It would be nice for a light snack though.
- Website
- http://www.rajbhog.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/28/2010
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Odwalla Superfood
After drinking those Genesis drinks, I was a bit frightened at the potential of this drink. I am not familiar with Odwalla and this was my first go with them. It was very thick and took me a good minute to get it thoroughly mixed up. After my arm was tired and I worked up a good, solid thirst, I took a good drink and it was surprisingly good. It was a good real apple taste, almost like a puree. There are a lot of other flavors there but apple it's the star player.
This would make me want to try other Odwalla drinks.
- Website
- http://www.odwalla.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice, Smoothie, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/29/2010
Brazil Gourmet All Natural Superfruits Smoothie Acai with Cupuacu
I demand to know who is in charge of keeping track of ORACs aka antioxidant comparison. As far as I can tell companies just make up numbers. Acai drinks always seems to list the ORAC found in acai in comparison to other antioxidant rich fruits and the numbers are never even close to the same. I'm calling shenanigans!
As for the juice contained (yes I know they say it's a smoothie, but it has the consistency of juice so that is what it is in my world) it smells terrible. Vaguely rotting. I was skeptical to even drink it. I sucked up my fear and I took a sip, which actually tasted pretty good. The acai flavor isn't as harsh as I expected it to be. The other ingredients mellow it out a bit. It's not in my list of greatest juices of all time, but because of the health aspect of it I have no real complaints aside from the retched odor. I advise not breathing until it's in your mouth already.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Sugar Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 6/24/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
