Smoothie (54 reviews)

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

Bananas. Jay and I abhor bananas. We cannot let it sway our vote but if we could it would be more 1's like you would find in a single's speed dating convention. Because we are professionals we cannot judge based on our hatred for the fruit. Let it be known, though, for the record, we hate bananas. Now off to the races and off to the review.

This will not stop being tangy. It's sharp and tangy. I suppose you'll get that with a yogurt smoothie drink. Yogurt is not really tangy but remember the first time you had Greek yogurt and you were like, "Man, did I just drink mini razors? This is sharp." and then you eat more of it and you say, "Oh, that's not too bad. Maybe I do like Greek yogurt." This is like that first taste of Greek yogurt again and again. It's a bit distracting if I can be honest which is what you're paying me for. The fruit flavor is shared pretty evenly. Good mango taste and, if you like banana, this tastes like bananas. You know what else? It tastes like someone crushed up Smarties and spiked this drink. Maybe that's where the tang and/or zip is coming from.

We've had a lot of fun here today, haven't we? We've learned about the cons of speed dating, how I hate bananas, and the review which you came to read. You know what? I'll expect my check in the mail.

Website
http://bmoreorganic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 10th, 2014
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B More Organics Protein Mango Banana Smoothie, 16 Ounce -- 6 per case.

Love Grace Chocolate Superfood

Love Grace Chocolate Superfood

Dear Love Grace,
I am sorry, but this is completely vile. It’s not just my hunger or my hatred of bananas either. I actually don’t even think this tastes much like banana. I made my girlfriend try it as well, as she loves fancy juices and bananas. She said it was one of the worst things she’s ever tasted and it reminded her of vomit.

One might think that a mixture of banana, goji berry, cacao, maca, vanilla bean, dates, coconut oil, flax seed and Himalayan sea salt might be tasty. One would most definitely be wrong. Cacao in its pure form and fruit is always a bad idea. The bitter and the sweet just never mix right. I’ve had goji berries and dark chocolate together before and I thought that was gross with 70% chocolate. This is nearly unbearable.

It’s also so damn thick that it wouldn’t pour out of the bottle. I had to shake it into my mouth. Once I made room in the bottle I added a bit of water to thin it out so I could chug it. I needed that flavor in my mouth for a short of time as possible, while still getting the nourishment. I instantly drank a glass of water to wash it all away. Unfortunately for the next 15 minutes I kept burping it back up. Ugh. This was enough to make me never want to do a cleanse that involved it again.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 12th, 2014
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Love Grace Green Protein

Love Grace Green Protein

I’m now a day and a half into this juice cleanse and I shockingly feel fine energy-wise. By this point I really expected to just be curled up on the couch, miserable and not wanting to do anything. Instead I went for a couple hour walk to enjoy the brief stint of nice weather we’re having. I have been experiencing some on and off again headaches, but apparently that is normal. It is getting to the time of day when I eat dinner, and I can feel that in my stomach. Luckily it’s time for my protein smoothie of the day. Unlucky for me that smoothie contains banana, flax seed, kale, dates, spirulina, hempseed, chia seed, coconut oil, lemon, Himalayan sea salt and wheatgrass powder.

Now I eat a lot of kale in my day-to-day life and I love wheatgrass, but everything else in here are ingredients that I don’t really have a taste for. I expected this to be all banana, but it’s pretty bland and the majority of the flavor seems to come from the various seeds involved and the lemon. The banana is there more in scent than taste. It’s also super, super thick, almost to the level that I feel like I should eat it with a spoon. It’s thicker than applesauce, which I tend to drink for the record.

I got no pleasure from the taste of this smoothie, but I finished the whole bottle for the sake of my health and this cleanse. I would never in a million years drink this outside of a cleanse, but it’s not really something that you would come across in day-to-day life. Besides that healthy doesn’t always means it tastes good and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Also note that our rating on Thirsty Dudes is based on flavor and not functionality. It’s gets two for flavor, but it would get a five for health.

To this drinks benefit it definitely curbed my hunger a bit and for that I am grateful.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 11th, 2014
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Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie

Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie

Bananas very well may be the bane of my existence. I don’t understand how anyone gets even a smidge of enjoyment out of them. The flavor is gross, and the texture might be worse. When I opened my box of juices and saw this I knew I was in for an unpleasant experience. With banana, flaxseed, almond, lemon, dates, vegan probiotic, Himalayan sea salt and coconut oil all mixed up there was zero chance that I was going to enjoy this. As a result I decided I should get it out of the way on the first day, so that when I’ve reached my full “hangry” potential, at least the drink that is helping to fill me up won’t be disgusting to me.

Was it gross? You betcha. I thought bananas were gross on their own, but mixed with lemon it’s even worse. That being said, my ladyfriend who is a fan of the yellow devil forced me to give her a sip and absolutely loved it. I will not hold my banana prejudice against this smoothie. I’m going to assume that most people would think this was probably the best out of the bunch, so keep that in mind and ignore my complaints because they are all founded in my hatred of a fruit that goes from green to yellow to brown to black.

Besides the banana and the lemon mixing weirdly, this is somewhat salty, which I find weird in a juice, but I think with the proper fruits I could really enjoy. The rest of the ingredients kind of mix together to try and balance out the banana flavor a bit.

This is indeed a smoothie as it is pretty thick, which was unfortunate because it made it hard to chug the bottle just to get it over with. One good thing I will say about this juice is that I was getting to a point where I was beginning to get annoyed due to hunger. You know when you’re hanging out with friends and you’re all starving, but you can’t agree where to eat, so hours pass and you just want to punch them in their collective throats for being indecisive, but then realize that you’re also being indecisive so you then want to punch yourself. I was getting to the beginning stages of that point, and this get me through it without snapping at anyone.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 10th, 2014
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 20th, 2013
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Naked Acai Machine

Naked Acai Machine

Is it possible the Naked is trying to usher in a new industrial age? They have too many drinks with the word machine in their names for it to be a coincidence. Oh I get it, the owner of the company is a Steampunk of sorts, or should I call him a “Juicepunk?” That’s right the CEO of Naked has a vision of a world where everyone dresses like they did during the first Industrial Revolution, except all of the contraptions and machines will be powered by juice. It seems a bit excessive to me, also not very cost effective. I mean steam is at least basically free.

In this utopian future there will be different grades of juices for different qualities of power, hence the different flavors/names of his current juice line. Since acai is known as a superfruit, I can only assume that this is the premium line. This is the kind of juice that will power your new flying Model T cars, not your dumb low class floating K cars.

Since the technology has yet to be created to allow us to power machines with juice, I will simply drink this right on up. I mean stockpiling it is pointless, as it would just spoil, and you certainly don’t want to pour spoiled juice into your engine, or it will get all sorts of junked up. Acai is known as being a pretty intense fruit. It has a very specific taste that a lot of people dislike. It’s almost like when a friend in high school bought a bottle of Hawiian Punch and started to chug it before he realized it was a concentrate. Naked has taken the power of the acai and mixed it with other fruits to mellow it out a bit. The result is a juice that still has a little tartness from the 178 acai berries involved, but overall everyone could enjoy this. It’s a bit on the thick side, but I enjoy it that way. I mean it’s billed as a smoothie, and that is how those beverages should be.

Website
http://www.nakedjuice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 3rd, 2013
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McDonalds McCafe Blueberry Pomegranate

McDonalds McCafe Blueberry Pomegranate

What a garbage twenty-four hours. Last night, as many of you in the Northeast found out, it rained like nobody's business. It flooded the living daylights out of my basement promptly and I was bailing and checking the sump pump every thirty seconds to see if it was going to be a two-fer type of night. Later that night and into the early morning was a monsoon that woke me up multiple times. I had to go out and re-cover my motorcycle in my backyard at four in the morning. Lucky for me, my dog decided to help out. Moral support pup. This morning I was just beat and everyone was an awful driver and so on and so forth.

I needed to "do me" so I went and got one of these smoothies that look so good in both commercials and billboards. I made a good decision. This tastes wonderful and was a great thickness and consistency. It was perfectly fruity and actually tasted like pomegranates and blueberries. A novel idea, I know, but after reading the ingredients, it's all pretty natural which I commend McD's for.

This day has just begun and already blows but, like in the commercials, all was fine when I was drinking this smoothie. Now I've just got metal in my ear calming my nerves. I know it doesn't make sense. Neither does a thirty one year old listening to metal. Pick your battles, people.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 29th, 2013
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango

We here at Thirsty Dudes have not been too stroked on the Suavva line. In fact both of the other flavors we have reviewed have gotten the lowest rating possible. As is to be expected, I have been very hesitant to try this third flavor, and it’s been staring at me every time I open my fridge for the past month or so. Sometimes you need to just buckle down and power through an experience, and that is what I had prepared myself for today. I expected to make it 2-3 sips into this bottle, but to my surprise it actually tastes decent.

I guess cacao just needs a strong fruity flavor to combat its strong superfruit taste. I find it odd that most superfruits taste kind of similar. It’s like they all use acai as a weird mutated grape tasting base. Due to that it’s no surprise that this reminds me of mango and acai mixed, with a little something extra in there. Luckily that something extra is not the paint smell/taste that mike mentioned in his review of the original variety. The mango flavor takes center stage in this, and I am grateful because that means I will be able to make it through the entire bottle and gain the benefits of the antioxidants from the cacao.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 18th, 2013
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Naked Blue Machine

Naked Blue Machine

Did you ever wonder why Gargamel was always trying to get at the Smurfs? Some theories are that he wanted to turn them into gold, he thought they would be a delicious treat or that he just hated them and wanted to destroy them. Truth is that good ole Gargy just needed their blood to power his doomsday machine. He was actually quite upset about their eventual destruction. He spent many a late nights sitting up with Azrael, crying about how such innocent creatures needed to die just so he could completely destroy the rest of the human race. You see at school everyone picked on him for being bald and ugly. Oh, you didn’t know that Gargamel was actually a high school student? Well he was. The entire Smurf world was really just a school shooting about to happen. It was sad really to see a boy so confused.

Eventually Gargy grew up and started a Fortune 500 company. He invested a lot and created this juice in homage to the creatures he once thought he had to destroy. All proceeds go to Smurfs all around the world. It’s like reparations: reparations that are a mixture of blueberries, blackberries, apples and a banana. It mostly just tastes like blueberries though with some other flavors around the edges. Gargamel tried to list them as Smurfberries on the label, but the FDA wouldn’t hear a word of it. If he had just reversed the percentages of blackberries to blueberries this would perhaps be the world’s finest drink, but alas he did not and what we are left with is still delicious.

Website
http://www.nakedjuice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 18th, 2013
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate

Mike gave the original version of this beverage a less than stellar review. The one line of his review that stuck with me, and also made me fear drinking the other flavors was, “It also smells like paint.” Nothing could make me want to taste something less than the smell of paint. Lucky for me when I finally gathered the courage to try this, the scent of paint was nowhere near my nostrils. They were only filled with the rich smell of chocolate.

Actually, maybe I wasn’t so lucky that the paint smell wasn’t there. Had it been I would have been more prepared for the way this tasted. I have never had cacao juice before, but I never would have expected it to taste like this. I mean it’s the base of chocolate for crying out loud. This tastes like it’s bitter, bitter dark chocolate mixed with acai or some such harsh fruit. It’s sweet, but in all the wrong ways. I wanted to like this because it has a lot of health benefits and I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate. I couldn’t bring myself to get further into this than three sips. I was hoping it would get better if I drank more, but nope it was still grosser than gross.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 16th, 2013
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