Smoothie (51 reviews)

Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana

Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana

Number one: Eww. Banana. Number two: this isn't bad. Even with dumb banana hanging around it's not bad. Banana plays the supporting role in this drink while the rest of the heavy lifting is accomplished by quinoa. Normally I think that quinoa smells like urinal cakes so it's nice to see that it's doing something a little differently today.

This is a smoothie but it might not be for the faint of heart. It's slightly, oh so very slightly gritty. If you don't know that it's coming, you might be turned off but if you've ever drank a smoothie before, or if you aren't a gigantic wimp, you will be fine. You're not drinking sand here. It's a proper drink. It's thinner than, say, lassi but thick enough to have some element of substance. I don't feel it lingering around in my gums so it's not sticking. I suppose, if I had to give banana credit: it does taste like banana. Everything is natural in here and you shouldn't worry about anything tasting like it shouldn't. There are no candied bananas in here. All natural, mushed up bananas. Look, bananas suck but if you've got to eat them, drink them instead. This is not bad.

Website
http://www.nuwi.us
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 1/21/2015
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NUWI Quinoa Drinkable Snack - Banana 6 pack

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Pineapple and orange together is like a personal trip to the tropics. The Greek yogurt was a good, but different pick. Sure, we now eat it for breakfast but mixed in with a smoothie, it's a little gritty. I can't really pinpoint it. It's not smooth like a regional yogurt. A Mediterranean yogurt makes it a little less smooth. I'm not complaining. I'm reviewing. It was also thinner than a traditional smoothie. It was closer to a Slurpee than a smoothie.

That might be one of the most general, reviews Thirsty Dudes have ever written.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 4/2/2015
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McDonalds McCafe Green Apple

McDonalds McCafe Green Apple

Happy Birthday, Morrissey. For your birthday I bought you a green apple smoothie from McDonald's. Yeah, it's the same McDonald's. Yeah, they still serve hamburgers. You know they do, man. Why would you ask that? Oh, you won't drink it? I doubt there is any hamburger in it. It was a joke. Come on. Here. I'll taste it first.

It's good. You would think it would be like a green apple Jolly Rancher but it actually tastes like real apples. You eat apples, don't you? Yeah. I thought so. Look, I'm not disrespecting your beliefs. I've seen you in concert twice and sang along to Meat Is Murder while you showed graphic videos of the mistreatment of animals. They're really enough to make people in PETA sick, honestly. It's got no extra sourness so you can enjoy the taste buds in your mouth the way that they were intended to be used.

What do you say? Do you want this drink that I managed to keep cold from Buffalo to jolly old England where I then had to hire a private investigator to find your rather nice and modest home? No? Cool. I'll just leave this here on your front porch. Happy birthday, Morrissey.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 5/22/2015
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Chadwick Bay Enhanced Smoothie Strawberry Sensation

Chadwick Bay Enhanced Smoothie Strawberry Sensation

For a bottled smoothie this is pretty awesome. I was weirded out that it wasn't refrigerated when we got it, but then I saw that it was dairy free, and all was good in the kingdom of smoothies. It tastes like pureed strawberries with a little bit of banana mixed in. I'm not a fan at all of bananas, but it's so slight in this, it just gives a nice complementing flavor. It's also fairly inexpensive in stores compared to other smoothies.

Website
http://www.chadwickbaybeverages.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 10/2/2010
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Bolthouse Farms Blue Goodness

Bolthouse Farms  Blue Goodness

Blueberries galore! That is what this drink is. It's actually a mixture of a bunch of flavors, but blueberry is on top of that mountain of fruit. It's part of Bolthouse's smoothie line, so it's got a thicker consistency, but not as thick as some of their other smoothies. It's so hard for me not to drink an entire bottle of these once I open them up. They are just so good, not to mention healthy.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 10/22/2010
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Odwalla Superfood Berries GoMega

Odwalla Superfood Berries GoMega

You know when you drink something and it feels like it's good for you? That is the feeling I get when I drink this. I'm not usually a big fan of smoothies, but this is really good. Even though it's supposed to be a berry drink, there is a strong pear taste to it after the initial strawberry/blackberry taste.

If I saw this at the store, I probably wouldn't have bought it because I'm don't have a strong taste for berry drinks. My friend Mary Liz came over to work on zines and surprised me with this delicious drink. I'm glad she did because it was really good and energized me though hours of cutting (but sadly no pasting yet).

Website
http://www.odwalla.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on 1/14/2011
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Main St. Cafe Protein Smoothie Mixed Berry

Main St. Cafe Protein Smoothie Mixed Berry

I'm proud to say that we are the first people outside of the production team to try the new recipe for Main St. Cafe smoothies. I have never tried the old formula, but I can only assume this is a step up, because it's pretty great.

For the first 29 years of my life I detested yogurt. I thought it was so completely foul. I tried it again and again, but the consistency and the weird nondescript yogurt aftertaste were things I just could not get down with. By repeatedly trying it, I somehow acclimated myself to the issues I had with it. Now I eat it all the time. As it turns out, mixed berry yogurt is my favorite. Look here, this is basically a drink version of that.

I was warned that if I drank this when it was too cold that it would be insanely thick. I took that advice, I'm drinking it chilled, and let me tell you, it's still pretty darn thick. I like it. It's about half the viscosity of a cup of yogurt. The fruit is completely pureed into the drink, so there are no chunks in this. This is not the type of smoothie you would get in the mall, but it's not something to be overlooked. If you don't abhor yogurt, give this a try.

Website
http://www.mainstcafe.com/MainStCafe.htm
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Smoothie, Yogurt
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 3/25/2011
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Bolthouse Farms Amazing Mango

Bolthouse Farms  Amazing Mango

Mike informed me the other day that for the first time in his life he had recently eaten a mango. I don't know what I was more shocked about, that he hadn't had such a wonderful fruit for 27 years, or that he said it was "gross sauce." Okay, maybe he didn't say gross sauce, but I'm allowed to paraphrase here. You're not the boss of me!

Mango is delicious. Few fruits are better. It may be a sloppy fruit to eat in its natural state, but the sticky face and hands are worth the happy tongue it leaves you with. Bolthouse Farms knows how great the mango is, so they gave it a drink all of it's own. Sure there is a blend of other juices mixed in, but mango has the starring role in this Broadway play of taste. You can definitely notice some orange juice mixed in for the aftertaste, but I'm not complaining. With 100% juice and no sugar added, there is very little to complain about here. Well-played Bolthouse. Well played.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 3/28/2011
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Archer Farms Simply Balanced Berry Pomegranate Fruit Smoothie

Archer Farms Simply Balanced Berry Pomegranate Fruit Smoothie

It seems like just yesterday I was complaining about the specifics of what truly makes a smoothie. I argued that seeds, thickness, and stuff make a smoothie and this is way closer. It's also not made with coconut milk so we are closer still. This also tastes delicious and would be loved by all if given the opportunity to take a swig. Oh, the diseases that would go around if everyone shared a bottomless bottle of this drink. Everyone would be ill.

This is good. Get it. It's at Target.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 11/6/2011
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Cuties Protein Fruit Smoothie Tangerine + Mango + Other Fruits

Cuties Protein Fruit Smoothie Tangerine + Mango + Other Fruits

Oh how adorable a little bottle of smoothie. It has the cutest little face on it and an ever so appropriate name "Cuties." This may have been your first thought process if you are either under the age of 10 or over the age of 45 and lived alone except for your 14 cats. Truth be told you wouldn't be thinking this is so cute if you knew it's dark history. Remember those monks from the 90's that recorded their chants and sold them in mass quantities to the yuppie crowd? Have you ever wondered why we don't hear from them anymore? I mean obviously it's not because that was a stupid novelty of an idea. It must be something more sinister. The last ingredient in this bottle is "Monk Fruit Concentrate." That's too much of a coincidence for me. After doing some digging I uncovered the ghastly truth that Cuties has been harvesting the "singing monks" mind grapes to add a little kick to their smoothies.

They start off with a nice thick smoothie that tastes very strongly of tangerines and mangoes with just the slightest hint of banana. From the taste you can definitely tell it's a protein drink, but it's not as chalky as you would expect. It is the monk's mind grapes that give it that quality. Tell me you still think this is cute now that you know that it contains monk brains! You do? Well then you my friend are quite the sicko!

Website
http://www.cutiesjuice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 11/9/2011
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