Smoothie (54 reviews)

Odwalla C Monster Strawberry C

Odwalla C Monster Strawberry C

I always think that Odwalla is on the bottom of the trio of Odwalla, Naked and Bolthouse juices. I call them the big three, because they are the three companies that are readily available pretty much anywhere in the USA. I think I must have always drunk their Super Protein line. I remember the smoothies always being a bit on the chalky side. With the C Monster drinks that is not a problem at all? Do you love orange juice? Do you also have an affinity for strawberries? Then this is the drink for you. There are some grapes and a little apple in here as well, but you don't notice it. All this tastes like it a premium orange juice that has a handful of strawberries blended into it. I bought this because it was on sale for half off, but I think this may have changed my opinion of Odwalla and I'll be checking out their other flavors shortly.

Website
http://www.odwalla.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 24th, 2011
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Rajbhog Pineapple & Mango Lassi

Rajbhog Pineapple & Mango Lassi

Okay, I've had lassi before. It's an Indian smoothie with some yogurt in it. They went a little overboard with the yogurt in this product. It has the consistency of a slightly watered down yogurt with the tiniest bits of fruit in it. It certainly does not taste watered down though. It has a very strong fruit flavor with a yogurty aftertaste.
This is so thick that I can't imagine drinking it with a meal. It would be nice for a light snack though.

Website
http://www.rajbhog.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Smoothie, Yogurt
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 28th, 2010
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Rajbhog Sweet Rose Lassi

Rajbhog Sweet Rose Lassi

Travel back in time, back to the romantic era. The year is 1785 and you, a lonely soap maker meet a woman you love. You spend day in and day out producing sweet smelling soaps so that others may clean their bodies. Everyone loves your soaps and you do fairly well. People know you for who you are and respect what you do.

So along comes this woman who you begin courting in hopes that one day she will become your wife. She, of course, gets complimentary soap whenever she desires. She never grows tired of the scent and the way that it makes her skin feel. The soothing scents of lavender, roses, and other native flowers fill the air as she bathes herself once a month (not a scumbag thing. They took fewer showers since it was a chore to get hot water and they typically used "dry" shampoo to wash their hair. Leave them alone. They're all dead. I don't know why I mentioned it. Ignore that part. It's in type. I cannot be erased. It is too late.) She, if anything desires more scent. "More!" she beckons from the small one bedroom house as you trot off to work.

One day you go into work, and amongst all the animal fat and flowers and powders, and such, you think that you might try something new. You take the soap and melt it down and pour it into a glass. You frighteningly take a sip and it's pretty terrible, but you don't give up. No. You are not a quitter. You put some sugar in it and use less powder and more milk from the local dairy. After a couple secretive weeks of experimentation you've got it the perfect mix of creamy, sweet, floral drink that you desired.

The next day at the market, you fill some small bottles with this creamy mixture and have people try it. They do not like it. They say to you, "Good sir, we love your soaps for our bodies, but, alas, we do not love your soap for our gullets. I'm sorry." As you bow your head down in shame, your wife walks up to you with a smile on her face. She is so happy to see you. After all, you've spent so much time at the shop experimenting that your wife has nearly gone unnoticed. In hopes that she can cheer you up, as she always does, you give her a taste of your newest creation. She takes a dainty sip and a look comes across her face like no other you've seen before. She gives you a solid, definitive look of disappointment and then walks away. You don't talk to her for weeks until you finally agree that you will no longer produce the drink. You continue to bow your head in shame as yet another venture has gone up in smoke.

Basically, this drink tastes like old people soap.

Website
http://www.rajbhog.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Smoothie, Yogurt
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 1st, 2010
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Rajbhog Mango Lassi

Rajbhog Mango Lassi

Right off the bat, I can tell you that this is not Sweet Rose part deux. This is actually drinkable. No, I didn't/couldn't finish the whole thing, but it was actually drinkable. The texture/viscosity/consistency is something to get used to. Think of this:

Go to your local grocery store. While your mom is buying girl stuff and boring vegetables, you take a quarter you found in between the seats of your family's Pontiac 6000 where you spent countless road trips sitting by yourself in "the way-back" watching other families watch you watch them watch you watch them. You check out the vending machines...plastic guns? No. Homies? Funny, and clearly racist, but no. Slime in an egg? Yep-ahh. You put your quarter with all it's french fry grease and dog hair into the slot, turn the crank, and down comes your clear egg with a creamy, pastel, yellow slime. All of a sudden, two punk kids come up to you and say, "Hey, kid. Nice slime. Eat it!" and you, who are no match for two kids wearing leather jackets with the sleeves cut off, open your mouth hole and slurp it down. Just as your finished with the last glob, you mom comes out with some stupid carrots and yells at those kids to go home.

That's what the texture was like, but the taste wasn't too bad. It tastes lightly of mango. Not bad. I won't have it again since each small bottle is 280 calories and it wasn't that much to come back to, but it wasn't bad.

Website
http://www.rajbhog.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Smoothie, Yogurt
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 1st, 2011
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Sprout Rise Morning Smoothie Apple Cinnamon

Sprout Rise Morning Smoothie Apple Cinnamon

Do you know me? Do you know what kind of being I am? Do you know what I like? What I crave? Do you know of my love for smoothies? Do you know that I also have a love for all things “apple cinnamon” flavored? Did you know that I could survive happily on smoothies for longer than your average person? Most importantly, did you know that I am not a horse? To be more specific, did you know that I am not a horse who has lost all of its teeth and needs to be fed a special paste? I think that you must not have been aware of that fact, sprout. Otherwise I can’t imagine why you would feed me this. This tastes like the bins of grain that were in my aunt’s barn for the horses to consume smelled. (There is definitely something not proper about that sentence). It’s like someone took a scoop of those grains, put them in a blender with some water and added an apple and a dash of cinnamon. The grain flavor is way stronger than anything else and it’s so very thick. I thought this would be something that I would really enjoy, but the ratios are off, or it needs a little something else to make me not feel like a sick horse. Maybe change who you’re marketing this towards? Actually, I think horses get put down before they get that far along. I don’t know who this is for anymore.

Website
http://www.sproutorganicfoods.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 30th, 2015
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Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

I don't understand what just happened. Every sip was different and every sip was strange. It was sour in some sips and just an explosion of some sort of mystery fruit in others. There were also glitter sprinkle sparkles on top.

I don't know what the flavor was. Was it strawberry? I think I read mango somewhere but if I put one next to the other, it wouldn't have been whatever I tasted in this. I mean, is "cotton candy" a fruit? It tasted like cotton candy at some points. Who is this for? Within the ten minutes that I was there, they sold a rather copious amount of them so they're doing something right. It won't last long but if it was up to me, I would have drank a dozen of that illusive Polar Unicorn Kiss that I/we never got to try before I would drink another one of these. Was it bad? I cannot even answer that question. It truly was made of the barf of unicorns.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Other/Weird, Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 19th, 2017
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Original

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Original

I'm so glad that you could join me for lunch, Charles. It's been too long. I'm sorry we had to meet like this, at a shopping mall food court to eat Sbarro's but we are two busy men that rarely have time for leisure like this. Yes, you and I have made quite a name for ourselves, what with me owning a successful underwear line and you being the impresario of subway covers. We still manage to stay fit and trim and this is our treat to ourselves: A nice slice of pizza from Sbarro's.

Wait...what's this about? This doesn't taste like the Sbarro's that I used to know and love. Remember when we used to go to the mall as kids in Queens and eat Sbarro's and it was the best? This pizza tastes like the box it came in. So disappointing. Good thing we've got these garlic knots to cancel out that blem. I also bought us some smoothies from that New Age shop next to the pet store but before the RV dealership. I don't know what happened to this mall. There is like a Claire's in here and almost nothing else. I swear that at one point there was a Saturn car dealership in here. So, as I was saying I bought us some cacao smoothies. I've had cacao before and it's like a bean than makes chocolate.

Ugh. Now what the heck is this about? Charles, I'm sorry but this is turning out to be the worst lunch I've ever had. This too tastes like the bottle it came in. What is happening? Why does everything taste like the receptacle that it came in? It tastes nothing like chocolate and is like a smooth, gooey mess. It also smells like paint.

Charles, I cannot apologize to you enough. If we could do this again sometime, please, you pick the place. This was a disaster. I love seeing you, but not like this. I hope that the sewer cover business is going well for you. It has to be better than this lunch.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 15th, 2013
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate

Mike gave the original version of this beverage a less than stellar review. The one line of his review that stuck with me, and also made me fear drinking the other flavors was, “It also smells like paint.” Nothing could make me want to taste something less than the smell of paint. Lucky for me when I finally gathered the courage to try this, the scent of paint was nowhere near my nostrils. They were only filled with the rich smell of chocolate.

Actually, maybe I wasn’t so lucky that the paint smell wasn’t there. Had it been I would have been more prepared for the way this tasted. I have never had cacao juice before, but I never would have expected it to taste like this. I mean it’s the base of chocolate for crying out loud. This tastes like it’s bitter, bitter dark chocolate mixed with acai or some such harsh fruit. It’s sweet, but in all the wrong ways. I wanted to like this because it has a lot of health benefits and I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate. I couldn’t bring myself to get further into this than three sips. I was hoping it would get better if I drank more, but nope it was still grosser than gross.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 16th, 2013
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango

We here at Thirsty Dudes have not been too stroked on the Suavva line. In fact both of the other flavors we have reviewed have gotten the lowest rating possible. As is to be expected, I have been very hesitant to try this third flavor, and it’s been staring at me every time I open my fridge for the past month or so. Sometimes you need to just buckle down and power through an experience, and that is what I had prepared myself for today. I expected to make it 2-3 sips into this bottle, but to my surprise it actually tastes decent.

I guess cacao just needs a strong fruity flavor to combat its strong superfruit taste. I find it odd that most superfruits taste kind of similar. It’s like they all use acai as a weird mutated grape tasting base. Due to that it’s no surprise that this reminds me of mango and acai mixed, with a little something extra in there. Luckily that something extra is not the paint smell/taste that mike mentioned in his review of the original variety. The mango flavor takes center stage in this, and I am grateful because that means I will be able to make it through the entire bottle and gain the benefits of the antioxidants from the cacao.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 18th, 2013
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 20th, 2013
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