Smoothie (54 reviews)

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.

Website
http://www.suavva.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 20th, 2013
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Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie

Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie

Bananas very well may be the bane of my existence. I don’t understand how anyone gets even a smidge of enjoyment out of them. The flavor is gross, and the texture might be worse. When I opened my box of juices and saw this I knew I was in for an unpleasant experience. With banana, flaxseed, almond, lemon, dates, vegan probiotic, Himalayan sea salt and coconut oil all mixed up there was zero chance that I was going to enjoy this. As a result I decided I should get it out of the way on the first day, so that when I’ve reached my full “hangry” potential, at least the drink that is helping to fill me up won’t be disgusting to me.

Was it gross? You betcha. I thought bananas were gross on their own, but mixed with lemon it’s even worse. That being said, my ladyfriend who is a fan of the yellow devil forced me to give her a sip and absolutely loved it. I will not hold my banana prejudice against this smoothie. I’m going to assume that most people would think this was probably the best out of the bunch, so keep that in mind and ignore my complaints because they are all founded in my hatred of a fruit that goes from green to yellow to brown to black.

Besides the banana and the lemon mixing weirdly, this is somewhat salty, which I find weird in a juice, but I think with the proper fruits I could really enjoy. The rest of the ingredients kind of mix together to try and balance out the banana flavor a bit.

This is indeed a smoothie as it is pretty thick, which was unfortunate because it made it hard to chug the bottle just to get it over with. One good thing I will say about this juice is that I was getting to a point where I was beginning to get annoyed due to hunger. You know when you’re hanging out with friends and you’re all starving, but you can’t agree where to eat, so hours pass and you just want to punch them in their collective throats for being indecisive, but then realize that you’re also being indecisive so you then want to punch yourself. I was getting to the beginning stages of that point, and this get me through it without snapping at anyone.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 10th, 2014
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Love Grace Green Protein

Love Grace Green Protein

I’m now a day and a half into this juice cleanse and I shockingly feel fine energy-wise. By this point I really expected to just be curled up on the couch, miserable and not wanting to do anything. Instead I went for a couple hour walk to enjoy the brief stint of nice weather we’re having. I have been experiencing some on and off again headaches, but apparently that is normal. It is getting to the time of day when I eat dinner, and I can feel that in my stomach. Luckily it’s time for my protein smoothie of the day. Unlucky for me that smoothie contains banana, flax seed, kale, dates, spirulina, hempseed, chia seed, coconut oil, lemon, Himalayan sea salt and wheatgrass powder.

Now I eat a lot of kale in my day-to-day life and I love wheatgrass, but everything else in here are ingredients that I don’t really have a taste for. I expected this to be all banana, but it’s pretty bland and the majority of the flavor seems to come from the various seeds involved and the lemon. The banana is there more in scent than taste. It’s also super, super thick, almost to the level that I feel like I should eat it with a spoon. It’s thicker than applesauce, which I tend to drink for the record.

I got no pleasure from the taste of this smoothie, but I finished the whole bottle for the sake of my health and this cleanse. I would never in a million years drink this outside of a cleanse, but it’s not really something that you would come across in day-to-day life. Besides that healthy doesn’t always means it tastes good and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Also note that our rating on Thirsty Dudes is based on flavor and not functionality. It’s gets two for flavor, but it would get a five for health.

To this drinks benefit it definitely curbed my hunger a bit and for that I am grateful.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 11th, 2014
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Love Grace Chocolate Superfood

Love Grace Chocolate Superfood

Dear Love Grace,
I am sorry, but this is completely vile. It’s not just my hunger or my hatred of bananas either. I actually don’t even think this tastes much like banana. I made my girlfriend try it as well, as she loves fancy juices and bananas. She said it was one of the worst things she’s ever tasted and it reminded her of vomit.

One might think that a mixture of banana, goji berry, cacao, maca, vanilla bean, dates, coconut oil, flax seed and Himalayan sea salt might be tasty. One would most definitely be wrong. Cacao in its pure form and fruit is always a bad idea. The bitter and the sweet just never mix right. I’ve had goji berries and dark chocolate together before and I thought that was gross with 70% chocolate. This is nearly unbearable.

It’s also so damn thick that it wouldn’t pour out of the bottle. I had to shake it into my mouth. Once I made room in the bottle I added a bit of water to thin it out so I could chug it. I needed that flavor in my mouth for a short of time as possible, while still getting the nourishment. I instantly drank a glass of water to wash it all away. Unfortunately for the next 15 minutes I kept burping it back up. Ugh. This was enough to make me never want to do a cleanse that involved it again.

Website
http://lovegracefoods.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 12th, 2014
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B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

Bananas. Jay and I abhor bananas. We cannot let it sway our vote but if we could it would be more 1's like you would find in a single's speed dating convention. Because we are professionals we cannot judge based on our hatred for the fruit. Let it be known, though, for the record, we hate bananas. Now off to the races and off to the review.

This will not stop being tangy. It's sharp and tangy. I suppose you'll get that with a yogurt smoothie drink. Yogurt is not really tangy but remember the first time you had Greek yogurt and you were like, "Man, did I just drink mini razors? This is sharp." and then you eat more of it and you say, "Oh, that's not too bad. Maybe I do like Greek yogurt." This is like that first taste of Greek yogurt again and again. It's a bit distracting if I can be honest which is what you're paying me for. The fruit flavor is shared pretty evenly. Good mango taste and, if you like banana, this tastes like bananas. You know what else? It tastes like someone crushed up Smarties and spiked this drink. Maybe that's where the tang and/or zip is coming from.

We've had a lot of fun here today, haven't we? We've learned about the cons of speed dating, how I hate bananas, and the review which you came to read. You know what? I'll expect my check in the mail.

Website
http://bmoreorganic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 10th, 2014
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Buy Now
B More Organics Protein Mango Banana Smoothie, 16 Ounce -- 6 per case.

Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

You get that itch that says, "You need something else, man. Get it." and you know what you have to do. Your body arises from its seat, which has held the weight of your body for too long and you begin walking, as if asleep out the door. You get to your destination having no recollection of how you got there and before you know it, you are ordering a smoothie from the window. You shake your head to wake yourself out of the haze you are in and you wake up with a pineapple and blueberry smoothie sitting in a "leather" chair next to a "fire" inside of a fine new establishment filled with employees who want to be anywhere but there and patrons that want to be anywhere but home. As you take your first sip you realize that everything is fine and fades away like smoke from a freshly blown out candle. This is a cold, fruity smoothie that your body craved and didn't give you the opportunity to deny. The blueberry pokes his head out more than the shy pineapple even though it would have been better the other way around. The mix itself is thick and cold and comes out almost tubular through the straw until it melts on your tongue. The seeds and grit and grime of the natural fruit add to the pleasing texture of the drink.

As you take your final sips, the outside world comes into focus and you realize that no more than fifteen minutes have passed and you are a block from work. You just needed a break from the monotony of making other people money. You earned it. Now you have to get back to work.

Website
http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 15th, 2014
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Suja Essentials Berry Goodness

Suja Essentials Berry Goodness

Suja has expanded their line of beverages past the world of juice cleanses. While I appreciate the juice cleanse, I have to admit that for a lot of people it’s probably a fad, especially with the hefty price tag attached to it. There are also more and more companies popping up who are providing that service and sooner or later that bubble us bound to burst to some extent. Maybe it will blow up and some little bubbles will be left over, but one thing is for certain and that is that the market cannot sustain all of these companies. I’m glad Suja is spreading their wings into other avenues of juice.

With their Essentials line Suja is offering quality juices at a lower price point. I went for the Berry Goodness this time around, well because I’m a sucker berries. There’s not big reveal. I just love the things. This is a mixture of blueberries, strawberries and blackberries amongst other fruits. Unfortunately for me, but probably welcomed by most is that one of the main ingredients in here is banana puree. Even though I have a complete disdain for bananas I did not let them ruin this smoothie for me. This has a wonderful mixed berry flavor that tastes like someone mushed up the fruit in front of your eyes. There is a banana aftertaste, but if I can look past it, anyone can. One good thing about that devil fruit is that it thickens up the beverage nicely (along with crushed up chia seeds). The apple juice that is the base of the drink sweetens up tings nicely, and naturally.

Once you get to the bottom portion of the bottle there is tartness from the orange and lemon juice involved. I shook this thing up pretty darn well, but it still just sat at the bottom. It was an interesting turn of flavor, but I strangely enjoyed it.

This is cold pressed and highly enjoyable for less than half of the price of their original line. Grab a hold people and don’t let go. It would be a shame to see this company go down with the “juice cleanse” ship.

Website
http://www.sujajuice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 13th, 2014
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Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost

Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost

Is it just me, or is 61 really a random number of berries to include in this juice/smoothie? I can only assume that testing was done to discover that this was the ideal amount, but it sounds completely arbitrary. Perhaps they had planned on using a nice even number, such as 60, and an executive said something along the lines of “people want more for their money, throw a single extra berry into each bottle.” I suppose it doesn’t matter the quantity, all that matters is that the combination of blackberries, elderberries, raspberries, boysenberries, strawberries and blueberries makes this a delicious drink that is true to its name. Sure it has a base of apple juice and has 1/3 of a gross banana in it for texture/consistency, but neither of those flavors stood a chance against the wave of 61 berries that washes over your taste buds with each sip.

I could be crazy and imagining it, but I believe if I concentrate while I drink it that I can make out the individual flavors of the types of berries used. Blackberry and raspberry are the most at the forefront, but I’m pretty sure I can make out the others swimming around in there. To me that is a sign of a good beverage. I like it when there aren’t many ingredients and you can taste them all… well except banana I never want to taste banana again as long as I live.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 11th, 2015
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Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana

Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana

Number one: Eww. Banana. Number two: this isn't bad. Even with dumb banana hanging around it's not bad. Banana plays the supporting role in this drink while the rest of the heavy lifting is accomplished by quinoa. Normally I think that quinoa smells like urinal cakes so it's nice to see that it's doing something a little differently today.

This is a smoothie but it might not be for the faint of heart. It's slightly, oh so very slightly gritty. If you don't know that it's coming, you might be turned off but if you've ever drank a smoothie before, or if you aren't a gigantic wimp, you will be fine. You're not drinking sand here. It's a proper drink. It's thinner than, say, lassi but thick enough to have some element of substance. I don't feel it lingering around in my gums so it's not sticking. I suppose, if I had to give banana credit: it does taste like banana. Everything is natural in here and you shouldn't worry about anything tasting like it shouldn't. There are no candied bananas in here. All natural, mushed up bananas. Look, bananas suck but if you've got to eat them, drink them instead. This is not bad.

Website
http://www.nuwi.us
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 21st, 2015
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Buy Now
NUWI Quinoa Drinkable Snack - Banana 6 pack

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Pineapple and orange together is like a personal trip to the tropics. The Greek yogurt was a good, but different pick. Sure, we now eat it for breakfast but mixed in with a smoothie, it's a little gritty. I can't really pinpoint it. It's not smooth like a regional yogurt. A Mediterranean yogurt makes it a little less smooth. I'm not complaining. I'm reviewing. It was also thinner than a traditional smoothie. It was closer to a Slurpee than a smoothie.

That might be one of the most general, reviews Thirsty Dudes have ever written.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 2nd, 2015
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