Sparkling (160 reviews)
Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry
Drinking this beverage is like voluntarily taking a vacation to a diet nightmare. Think of yourself as a standard man. You love hamburgers, french fries, milkshakes, and you drive a sweet '64 1/2 Ford Mustang. You have enough product in your hair to be considered a natural disaster and all you wear is blue jeans, black shoes, and white V-neck T-shirts. Sure, all I know about being a man apparently came from "Happy Days", but that was when men were men and women were women...not really, but you know how these reviews tend to go.
So you're a man. While eating a cheeseburger from some chrome diner, you meet another woman's glance and you fall in love. You go to the drive in. You go to whatever a sock hop is. You listen to records. All is great in the world. You decide to get a place together. You first shopping excursion, you buy the following standard items; hamburgers, Murry's pomade, toothpaste, new pack of shirts since yours all have greaze on it from working on your hog, and some cereal. Your girlfriend is trying out dieting even though she can't clock in at more than 110. I mean, she's got a killer body and you can lift her all day long, and you do. She buys items like, low fat milk, egg whites, Lean Pockets, and Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry.
You pay the $7.32 bill and head home, not having any idea of the torturous night you have ahead of you.
You make some hamburgers for yourself since you girlfriend wouldn't dare eat meat because it's too fatty and she's endlessly watching her figure, so she makes an egg white omelet. You think it's fine because she's so easy to look at and you ask her for something to drink while she's in the kitchen. She grabs you one of her six Sparkling Ice drinks. You sit down to a nice meal and you take a bite of your burger, love it, and then take a big, manly sip of your drink. You can't believe it. Your otherwise perfect girlfriend is trying to poison you. Surly, no one who is trying to live would drink this. It's fruity but so fake tasting that you swear it's flavored plastic fruit like the kind your grandma has on her living room table like she's permanently doing "still life" art drawing of the same fruit. You take another sip. It's no better than the first. It’s so sharp, so strong. It's cuts through the flavor of your meal and slices it's way down your throat like candy coated razor blades.
Needless to say, you and her do not work out and it's unfortunate. She had everything going for her, and people aren't going to understand. You'll catch flak for it for a while until people realize that this "diet" thing that's going on is not good for business. You'll be fine and you will grow from your experience while she will search endlessly for results that will never be enough and she will forever be unsatisfied.
- Website
- http://www.sparklingice.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 5/8/2011
Crystal Geyser Juice Squeeze Passion Fruit & Mango
I decided that I was done reviewing drinks on my trip. I had emptied out the fridge in my hotel room, and we get on our flight in a few hours. I felt like I had drunk a good cross section of the local drink delicacies. Then I stumbled upon this. When I had one of these the other day it was one of my favorite drinks I had on the island. That coupled with it being passion fruit and mango left me little choice. I said to myself "self you must have this!"
This is even better than the mixed berry one. 70% juice with no sweeteners added. It’s absolutely incredible. Neither of the fruits are too overpowering, but they are present and flavorful. It’s a true taste of the tropics. This is made in CA, so hopefully it will make it's way out east for me to enjoy on a regular basis.
- Website
- http://www.crystalgeyser.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 5/1/2011
- Comments
- 2 Comments. Leave a comment.
Solixer Awaken Orange
My girlfriend's mom got me a tea brewer for Christmas along with some select tea bags. I have been using the heck out of it at work. Yesterday I went for a walk and picked up this little dude at the local Co Op. I was tired and I had my choice of Awaken and whatever the other one was called. Obviously I got the Awaken variety.
The predominant flavors are Mate and citrus. Secondary flavors include cinnamon and ginseng. Primary flavors make up 90% of the taste at very least. It tastes like a bitter orange due to the Mate. You do get a little cinnamon. Reason I brought up the tea brewer is because one of the thousand teas I received was an orange spice tea that tastes very similar without the Mate. It was a bit rough and at times, I thought this small can would never end. I also didn't particularly enjoy it at any extent. It was more complex than flavorful.
- Website
- http://www.solixir.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Sparkling, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 5/1/2011
Crystal Geyser Juice Squeeze Wild Berry
Does anyone remember the incredible beverages known at Clearly Canadian? They ruled gas station coolers for years before they inexplicably went extinct. Seriously we're talking a Roanoke-esque type situation here. One day they were just all gone. Although nothing remains of them but a few empty dusty bottles scientists (the Thirsty Dudes) have recently discovered that their line of heritage did not completely die out. We have discovered that the Juice Squeeze line is a descendant of the carbonated drinks of old.
This has the scientific community in an uproar. They are screaming for more concrete proof. We here at Thirsty Dudes say the proof is in the flavor. It's a mixture of incredible naturally sweet berries and other fruit. That mixture has been slightly carbonated to make an exquisite drink. If this were available back home it would be a staple in my diet. Choke on that real scientists!
- Website
- http://www.crystalgeyser.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/28/2011
Hi Ball Sparkling Energy Water Lemon Lime
Up until a few minutes ago I though a "high ball" was the name of a specific alcoholic drink. It turns out it's a general term for and mixed drink. They are typically sold by middle aged women in their bras during mud wrestling matched held in living rooms.
Hi Ball is more specific. It is a very dry, borderline seltzer, sparkling energy drink. There is no sugar added at all. It's just water, bubbles, a small amount of lemon lime flavor, and some herbs for energy. It's the high-class energy drink. I understand how this could be attractive to some people, but it's not for me. I like my energy drinks to taste like juice, not.....nothing.
- Website
- http://www.hiballer.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/28/2011
Neuro Sonic
These Neuro drinks look so alluring on the shelves. I applaud the company for making a unique looking bottle with enticing colors (even though it looks like it should be some sort of adult toy).
Derek had reviewed one of these a while ago, but I had never seen them in stores. When I found them in a grocery store I felt compelled to buy them all, even though he had given his a terrible review. That, my friend, is proof that quality packaging can go a long way for a product. I convinced myself that I really only needed to buy one. I chose the one that is suppose to increase mental energy and focus. I chose this one because I'm on vacation, and when people are away from the real world for too long they tend to become morons. When you don't have to think or worry much about live everything seems great, and I know I tend to become vulnerable to making dumb decisions. So I'm taking the offensive here. Will it work? Who knows, but it's worth a try.
The first thing I have to say about this drink is "Holy diet!" It's hard to make out what flavor this is supposed to actually be. The taste I'm searching for is lost in a cloud of artificial sweeteners. I think it's supposed to be berry, but I couldn't testify in a court of law. Drink court....now that is an idea. Customers take companies to court for putting out terrible beverages. I'm smelling reality TV of the dumbest kind. I wonder if they would let us be the judges. We could be called in for our expert opinions. I mean Mike and I are scientists. I would even settle for being the thirsty jury. Someone pitch this to the networks. Quick!
- Website
- http://drinkneuro.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Crystalline Fructose
- Categories
- Diet, Other/Weird, Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/26/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Sopranos Italian Soda Chianti
It's been a hard day is New Jersey. Your wife has been nagging you to quit your job at the pizza place, your kids have been getting in trouble at school and your Honda CRX needs new tires. I know!! Sure they're $30 a piece and you know a guy who can get them cheaper than that because they fell off a truck. Honestly, that guy must just drive behind trucks all day, ready to jump out at a moment's notice in case something falls off. I've never been behind a truck that dropped anything. My friend Ian once drove behind a truck and a rocking chair came out of the back and within a week, a sheet a drywall fell out and he said that it exploded. That must have been awesome. So you've had a hard day. You come home and...oh seriously...the cable is out? You thought you paid it? Yeah, they probably messed up, not you. So what's a boy to do? Open up that fridge baby and grab out some officially licensed product from your and my dad's favorite show, The Sopranos. It hits so close to home. You drove the same streets as those glorious gangsters. They've got family and you've got a family. You love the movie "The Godfather" and they do, too. Same wavelength.
This HBO created show which has won so many awards has created an equally award winning drink, and I wouldn't use that phrase lightly. Myself, not being one who drinks, doesn't know what actual Chianti tastes like, really enjoyed it. It's a light, fruity flavor and actually has less bite than most Italian soda. It was calm and cool, just like you when your spinning those pies. That's when you're at your best. Throwing pizza in the air with the greatest of ease is what makes you happy. You're good at it and you know it. Don't let your nagging wife or dumb kids let you forget it.
- Website
- http://www.drinksopranos.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/25/2011
Pangleheimers Sparkling Hot Ginger Ale
All I can think of today is pizza. See, Jay, myself, and Thirsty Dudes editor Dan like (scratch that) love to make exotic pizzas. We roll our own dough. We buy all the ingredients. We bake it. Take a picture of it, eat it, and then lay down for a while because it's typically four inches thick. Pizza we've made include but are not limited to General Tzo, Buffalo Chicken, and Thanksgiving. Tonight I don't know what we should make, but after drinking this Pangleheimers ginger ale, I feel like it has to be accompanied by one wicked pizza.
This pop was excellent and just what I needed on such a drab Tuesday. It was just the right amount of sweet and just the right amount of hot to quench my cravings. Also, to those who don't know what "hot" ginger ale, it's spicy ginger ale, not temperature hot. If that were the case, in theory, everything could potentially be hot but would you want it? Seriously? I doubt it. So, anyhow, this funny named ginger ale was good. I would compare it to Blenheim ginger ale.
I wish they sold this by me, as "the team" had to travel to Canada to get it, but it might be worth the trip. The little, what I think is a, Pomeranian is also an adorable spokesperson, too.
- Website
- http://www.pangleheimers.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/19/2011
Rogers Fizzy Amla with Jeera Masala
This was our thousandth review. We needed to do something fun/gross/different for you and we decided to incorporate some significant others, pets, and babies. Watch the video and learn what we thought about Rogers Fizzy Amla with Jeera Masala.
Thank you very much for following us along this partially disgusting, partially delicious, mostly mediocre trip. Now, for your viewing pleasure, have a video review.
- Country
- India
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Other/Weird, Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/17/2011
Celsius Strawberry Kiwi
Wooooo.....mistakes. Look. I am not responsible for myself. Here's the new deal. No, not Teddy Roosevelt's "New Deal", but my house's new deal. Monday and Tuesday I stay home and watch Max, my little dude. I have this thing where I work too hard and don't make time to eat. I did eat a yogurt at about 11 but that's it. Now it's 3:30 and my stomach is aching for nutrition, but who cares because Max is sleeping and I can finally lay down some code. So I'm working hard, got thirsty about a half hour ago and decided, yeah, Celsius.
I weigh 150 pounds. I don't eat terribly well, but I don't eat a lot so it all balances out. Celsius would aid me in losing more weight, even though all I'm doing is running Max up and down the stairs only to find out that he was going to wait until I have his diaper off to pee. Jerk. That tiny jerk. So I drink it and it's something. It's diet-y, and even though there is some element of a fruit flavor, there is this diet, burning undertone, and it kicks in fast. You see, they replaced the calories with caffeine is bugging me out, much like John Leguizamo in "House of Buggin'". My hands are shaking and my torso feel hot, like it is summertime and I'm wearing a vest like a stupid idiot.
All that being said, I guess it's doing what it's supposed to. I'm not working out, per-se, but I am typing a mile a minute and I've been doing stairs like it was that strange time in your high school gym class and you did step aerobics like a bunch of girls. Yeah, I said it. Girls do step aerobics. Men know that they have stairs at home that women, ironically, hate going up and down.
- Website
- http://www.celsius.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink, Sparkling, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/11/2011
