Sports/Dietary Supplement (537 reviews)

Quinoa Gold Caffeine-Free Energy Mango Passion

Quinoa Gold Caffeine-Free Energy Mango Passion

When I saw this intriguing beverage I was pre-warned that this was "completely gross" by a friend who had already been roped into trying it. I was feeling adventurous (and I thought it couldn't be nearly as bad as he said it was), so I decided to give it a chance. Oh how I wish I hadn't. It was extremely bland. The quinoa "supergrain" gives the nearly flavorless beverage the consistency of a grits milkshake. I'm usually a fan of pulp and other floaty things in drinks, but this was just too much. I couldn't even finish a third of the bottle. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone as an everyday drink, but if you're drinking it for the health benefits, I say good luck to you.

Website
http://www.quinoagold.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave Nectar
Categories
Chunky, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 8th, 2010
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Southern Graviola Distribution Inc. Graviola Life Original

Southern Graviola Distribution Inc. Graviola Life Original

No thanks. The whole drinks packaging reeks of "As Seen On TV" sales tactics. With phrases like "World's most powerful heath drink" and "Low on sugar low on carbs" (no spaces or punctuation). I should have known. Not to mention, the website listed on the bottle is not correct. That rarely happens.

Let us continue...

From opening up the bottle, it gave me a plasticy, unnatural taste. The primary ingredient is a fruit called the "graviola" or known by its more common name "soursop". It does have a slightly sweet, milky smooth taste, but that strange aroma overpowers the taste and welcomes itself back into your senses.

Having heard nothing of graviola or soursop, I did ten seconds of research on Wikipedia, the worlds most reliable (sarcastic) source, and came across two items which interested me:

1. "Nutritionally, the fruit is high in carbohydrates" - After it had previously stated that it was low in carbs
2. "Research carried out in the Caribbean has suggested a connection between consumption of soursop and atypical forms of Parkinson's disease due to the very high concentration of annonacin." - Which just plain isn't good.

Sure, everything is good in moderation, but this just plain isn't good. Needless to say, the garbage found a 3/4 full bottle of this drink.

Website
http://www.graviolalifetea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 9th, 2010
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Genesis Boost Youth Mangosteen

Genesis Boost Youth Mangosteen

I've seen these drinks around a few times, but the $4-$5 price range always deterred me from trying it. When I saw it on sale for $2, I realized it was time to give it a chance. I've had dried mangosteen in the past, and it was pretty decent, so I was looking forward to this. When I opened it, there was brown gunk on the inside of the cap, I checked the expiration date, and it hadn't passed, so I chalked it up to "health food sludge." The smell is pretty terrible, like a fruit that is past ripeness. First swig it wasn't so bad, but it was kind of hard for me to finish the bottle. It reminded me of cider when it's just on the verge of becoming alcoholic. This is definitely not the beverage for me.

Website
http://www.genesisboost.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 16th, 2010
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Youth Boost to Support Healthy Aging and Immune System (1) Bottle 12 oz.

Function Light Weight Peach Mango

Function Light Weight Peach Mango

Ugh. I have had such good experiences with the other Function flavors I've tried. When I saw a peach mango one, I was so stoked. I didn't even take into consideration that it was "Light Weight." It tastes like nothing but artificial sweetener. I get no specific peach or mango flavor. It starts off with a general fruit flavor, and quickly turns to sucralose hell. If you are an alien and love the taste of artificial sweeteners, this may be right up your alley. I will be steering clear. Unfortunately I bought another flavor of "Light Weight" that I still have to review.

Website
http://www.functiondrinks.com/
Country
United States
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 19th, 2010
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Function Drink, Light Weight: Peach Mango, 16.9 Oz. / 12Pk

Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Ugh. Look. I just had the gnarliest food poisoning of my life. Worst. It destroyed me. Annihilated, I threw up so hard I fell out of bed. No, I'm not exaggerating. So what do I remember I have in my fridge? This Genesis Inner Boost drink, which is supposed to support detoxification and internal cleansing. What better thing to drink after getting internally crushed by bad seafood? Uh, well, I'll tell you. Anything. I could not like this drink any less. Yes, any less. Took two sips and couldn't touch the stuff. Number 1 ingredient, pear juice, 2; strawberry juice; 3, raspberry juice; 4, grape juice. All good, right? Yeah? Could it be #5, the dreaded Noni berry? I don't know. I'm not a large fan of pears, they are like crappy apples, but this didn't really taste like it. It didn't really taste like anything and smelled even worse.

This drink might be for someone and I'm not looking for something special, too fruity, too dry, too thick, too thin, whatever, I don't care. This seemed borderline undrinkable, like I could give it to 100 people and 100 people would say, "No, not for me." I'm clearly and evidently one in 100.

Website
http://www.genesisboost.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 13th, 2010
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Inner Boost with Noni for Detoxification 1 Bottle

Cell-nique Super Green Drink Dark Chocolate

Cell-nique Super Green Drink Dark Chocolate

Mike and I have had our collective eye on the Cell-nique drinks for months. We would see it in the store every time we went. More often than not we would pick it up and look at the bottom of the bottle. There is so much sludge there. It was equally enticing and disturbing. The $4 price tag deterred us for a long time, but I finally gave in this week. I wish that I had put it off even longer.

Let's start with the fact that this has the longest list of ingredients that I have ever seen on a drink. There are 36 different ingredients. Sheer insanity. There is so much crazy stuff in here that I never in a million years would have expected to drink. Also, everything says "Organic" before it. I hate when companies do that. It's such overkill. This is pretty much supposed to be the healthiest thing you can ever drink. By default that means that it's going to be one gag shy of a trip to Pukeland, USA.

Here is my thought process starting with smelling it:
-Wow this doesn't smell nearly as bad as I expected. It has a general cocoa smell, with some undertones of weirdness. This might not be nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Oh wow it would rule if this actually tasted good for how healthy it is for you.
*Bottles Up*
-Okay that tastes like a strangely fruity dark chocolate bar. It’s not the greatest thing ever, but not that bad. I also expected this to have little chunks of grain (Quinona) in it.
*.2 seconds later*
Oh sweet Jesus what the hell is that flavor. It's like someone took every single thing that was in a fridge and put it all into a blender. It's a complete assault on the taste buds. There is absolutely nothing good about this flavor. Show me someone who enjoys this and I will show you someone who is either a liar or someone that was tragically born without taste buds.
*Again .2 seconds later*
Okay now it tastes like I just ate a spoonful of black licorice and hot chocolate mix, but the taste of liquid hell is still lingering in the background. Oh man this flavor just will not leave my mouth. I may have to cut out my tongue if this doesn't go away. I'm going to try and wash it down with something else.
*Hands bottle to Mike, goes into the kitchen and downs a tasty fluid*

Mike wanted to add that it tasted like he was eating a campfire somewhere in the middle of the flavor spectrum. I can't comprehend how disgusting this is. It's now a few hours after my initial tasting and I still have the memory of the flavor on my tongue. I've eaten several things since then as well.

Mike said that I should give this a two. Things this healthy don't have a chance in the flavor department. Sometimes you have to deal with something purely disgusting for the sake of health. This is so disgusting that the only way I could give it a two was if it gave me supernatural powers. I'm still normal me, so it's getting the loneliest of all numbers.

Website
http://www.cell-nique.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 24th, 2011
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Cell-Nique, Green Spr Drk Choc Drk, 12 FO (Pack of 12) ( Value Bulk Multi-pack)

Simplifast Blueberry

Simplifast Blueberry

Ugh. Every time I take a sip it's like punishment. Not that "I know it's good for me so I'll do it" type of punishment. Not that "Oh this mouthwash burns, but I know it's killing germs and preventing me from getting gingivitis" type punishment. It's the "Who crushed all these Sweet Tarts and put them in this already disgusting juice?" type punishment. That's what it tastes like. 15 thousand Sweet Tarts, powderized and thrown into juice. It's supposed to detoxify, but I'd much rather just eat a bunch of celery, or maybe just perform an enema. Seriously, I can't imagine drinking this entire thing.

Here's the sweet thing about this review. Sure, it's gold already, but here's where I step up my own game. Who doesn't love math? This drink was $2.50. It's on the high side, but I figured, how can you mess this up? It's juice. So $2.50. On the label, it states that in order to achieve your intended weight loss goal of upwards of an estimated 15 pounds, you have to drink four drinks per day. Now we're up to $10 per day. Oh honey, don't let it stop there. You are supposed to drink 4 per day for a week. That's seven days. Bringing our grand total up to $70. $70 in juice.

I didn't need to detoxify. What do I have to clean out? Tacos? Please, leave them in there. I love them. Your drink on the other hand...

Website
http://www.simplifast.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 21st, 2011
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Simplifast Detox Fasting Beverage, Blueberry, 16-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

FRS Healthy Energy Orange

FRS Healthy Energy Orange

At first, this was just orange juice. The further down the can I got, the more I hated it. I know, Dad. I shouldn't use the word "hate", but who cares in this case. I'm an adult man now and I can say what I want. We've had our differences, like that time I wore non-prescription glasses to Thanksgiving and we got in that fight and didn't talk for a year. That was awful. Sorry Dad, but this time I'm putting my foot down and saying what I want about this drink. It promptly starts tasting like someone poured orange juice powder in this can and filtered out the actual juice. Did someone just give me roofies? Man, I hope not. I've got stuff to do.

Don't spike my drink, and Lance Armstrong, sorry I don't enjoy what you endorse. Deal with it.

Website
http://www.frs.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 23rd, 2011
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FRS Healthy Energy Liquid, Orange, 11.5-Ounce Cans (Pack of 24)

Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus Strawberries + Yogurt + Granola

Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus Strawberries + Yogurt + Granola

I actually had this a few weeks ago, but I was so disgusted by it that I left the bottle somewhere. Where to begin? How about by listing three things I love? Strawberries. Yogurt. Granola. One would think that by mixing them all together you would have awesomeness x's 3. One would also be wrong, just like this drink. It's a crime against nature that such great ingredients when mixed together would turn out so terribly. It tasted sour. I checked the expiration date and it had not passed. I also bought it from the grocery store, went home where I immediately put it in the fridge. No more than eight hours later I took it out and drank it. By drank it I mean took three sips before giving up. I shook it properly and everything. It's just not good. It's the only product Bolthouse has put out that I haven't loved. To add insult to injury there wasn't even chunks of granola in it like I had expected. It had all been blended together into a smooth liquid. Lame.

Website
http://bolthouse.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Yogurt
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 12th, 2011
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FunctionALOE Cleanse Cucumber

FunctionALOE Cleanse Cucumber

I just finished off a container of hands down the best salsa I have ever tasted in my life. Christine Mackie’s mom made it, and I will love her forever for her salsa skills. The mass amounts of basil in it made it absolutely incredible. I am going to have dreams for months about this salsa. It will haunt me that it is not readily available in my life.

Now that it’s gone I just want a nice crisp tasting beverage. Cucumber drinks have never failed me in the past. They are always refreshing and tasty. Now you mix cucumber with aloe and you should have an award winning drink, right? Wrong! If I were a dirty child at some crazy strict olde timey Catholic school a nun would have smacked me over the knuckles with a ruler for that incorrect answer. Yes in theory it should have been amazing. In the world of functionAloe it was down right terrible. It tastes like neither aloe nor cucumber. It does taste like it should be some sort of cleaner. I really couldn’t get more than a few sips down before I started contemplating if I needed to call poison control. If I downed this entire bottle I think I might have to get my stomach pumped. I guess they weren’t kidding when they named this “Cleanse.”

Some people may blame the taste on the fact that it’s sweetened with stevia, but I can vouch for that little guy. I’ve had plenty of drinks that he has sweetened and he is my favorite “diet” sweetener. Also, there are no chunks in this. What is a point of an aloe drink without fun chunks?

For something that had the potential to be one of my favorite drinks ever this went in completely the wrong direction. It would have been hard for them to make it any worse. I really wish I had more of that incredible salsa to kill the poison on my tongue.

Website
http://www.lilyofthedesert.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Stevia Leaf Extract
Categories
Aloe Vera, Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 28th, 2011
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Function Aloe Cleanse Cucumber 16.20 Ounces
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