Water (254 reviews)

Blink Energy Water Zesty Lemon-Lime

Blink Energy Water Zesty Lemon-Lime

I was drawn in by the word "zest." Lured in like a kid to candy in the back of a windowless van. Then, much like the kid, I didn't enjoy what happened afterwards. I think you know what happened after the kid got in the van, right? It had his smelly uncle Carl and his quasi-racist grandmother Gertrude in it and they complained about society and "the Blacks" and took him to their house where they watched Jeopardy on a television with three foot tall rabbit ears with tinfoil on the ends that seemed to do nothing since the picture was still terrible. Myself was just brought into a tasteland of zesty floor cleaner and diet sweetener.

The boy and I were in the same place. That place was a position that we didn't want to be in. If we were together, and let it be known, I have met Carl and that experience is filled with mustard stained, sleeveless Megadeth shirts, and cigarette smoke. His grandma is alright in passing but talk to her long enough and you'll start to feel the "those people" phrase being spat out at you so leisurely that it's doubly offensive.

The little boy wouldn't have been better off with this drink. Sure it would have lasted longer but at least he could go to his room filled with broken sixty's toys with no heads and close the door and be done with it. This drink just keeps punishing me until I finished it. It never got better and just was lemon, lime, and a zesty diet.

Little buddy, it's rough out there. Stick it out. Soon you'll be out of there and your mom can wash the filth, stank, and disappointment from your clothes.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Energy Drink, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 21st, 2012
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Blink Energy Water Lively Lemonade

Blink Energy Water Lively Lemonade

Kids? I love kids. Why, I've got a nephew. Oh yeah? What's his name? I want to say Mason. Clifford. Little Clifford.

That's what I thought of the entire time with this drink but replace "Mason" with "urinal cake." It's brutal. I apologize. Surely a company wouldn't create a drink that tastes like urinal cakes. Well, not purposely anyway. Something about this drink reminds me of a men’s room. I can't put my finger on it. I've never eaten or drank anything from a bathroom, nor do I want to. My girlfriend tells me tales of people going into stalls with a place of chicken wings and coming out with a plate of bones. That happens. This is happening, too and I just can't put my finger on it. Let me try to break it down again. No more sleepy dreamin'.

Initial sip...lemon, like a concentrated lemonade but pulpless. Follow up larger sip bitter lemonness followed by a strange, tangy undertone. If anyone has ever chewed a vitamin C tablet, you know, the ones that are like tiny, compressed capsules of orange juice, that's the intensity of citric power that is emanating from each subsequent tiny sip. The cane juice isn't offensive but it might be the Stevia but it's actually taking a strange turn. Normally Stevia has a small, sharp taste but now it's somehow transformed into a bitter one.

I don't know what's going on in this bottle. I drank it in its entirety but didn't particularly enjoy it. Every sip kept me coming back for more just so that I could pinpoint what it is I didn't like about it. I guess if that's their tactic, they are sure to sell tons of this stuff.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Energy Drink, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 25th, 2012
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Arizona Tea Water Organic Green Tea Yumberry

Arizona  Tea Water Organic Green Tea Yumberry

We can all agree that green tea is great, correct? Out of all the teas in the world that I have tasted it can stand the highest on it’s own; no sweeteners, no added flavors, just tea leaves boiled in water and left to cool. It’s wonderful, it’s refreshing and it’s all I really need. I mean I like more, but I don’t need it.

I’m assuming with their Tea Water line Arizona is trying to make a lighter tea, that doesn’t have as many calories as their regular line, but doing so without using zero calorie sweeteners that effect the taste a lot, no matter what anyone says. I appreciate what they are going for here. There is almost always far too much sugar in drinks these days, and I certainly enjoy a light tea. What I have a problem with was the solution they came up with. They may have started using a lower tea to water ratio so that it was a weaker tea and added less sugar to the result, but I’m willing to wager that they brewed a regular batch of their green tea and watered it down to nearly nothing. The end result is a watered down tea that is slightly sweet, but in the way that tastes like you watered it down yourself, not before it was sweetened. The small amount of sugar used tastes stretched out. I imagine the sugar feels like Marty McFly when his hand starts fading away. It’s uncertain as to whether it will still exist at all by the end of the bottle.

I myself prefer a stronger tea, but I have no major qualms with the weaker variety. It is my humble belief that they should have forgone the sweetener altogether. The use of no sweetener as compared to very little washed out sweetener would have made this far more enjoying. It wouldn’t have seemed like they were trying to pull one over on the consumer by just stretching their beverages. They could have watered down the tea a bit more to keep the Tea Water name. I’m sure that was a marketing ploy. In a world where Vitamin Water reigns supreme at gas stations, something called “Tea Water” would probably spark more interest then something that says “Unsweetened Tea.”

I will say that I do really enjoy the yumberry flavor to this. Light everything in the drink it’s light. I appreciate that this is all organic and it’s really that trace amount of sugar that is bringing this whole line down.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Iced Tea, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 22nd, 2013
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Hint Honeydew Hibiscus

Hint Honeydew Hibiscus

Jeff had a filthy mouth. He didn't swear but he also didn't brush his teeth regularly. His dentist asked him how he was going to meet new people with a mouth that looked like old cheese. He said that he just didn't have time for it and he didn't care. He said that when his teeth fell out, he was just going to get fake ones and not need to brush them. His dentist told him that is not how it worked and that he still had to brush fake teeth. He assured her that he read online that someone was trying to invent antibacterial fake teeth and the dentist was wrong.

His dentist thanked him for finally coming in and attempted to sway him out of his bad habits. Jeff had won a trip to the dentist in the world's worst bachelor party prize and decided he should not waste it. His dentist was sweating trying to clean the trash dump that his mouth had become. An hour and a half of cleaning, drilling, filling, patching, and bridging later, it was time for fluoride. The dentist asked if he wanted to drink some new Hint drink that the office was trying to push as an alternative to pop. Jeff thought he would try it. He liked it but it had a bit of a familiar taste that he couldn't place. It tasted a little like a floral honeydew. He thought that it was a good alternative to water, which he felt was disgusting. His dentist gave him a fluoride rinse and he spit it right out in the sink. He said, "That was it!" at the top of his lungs. The dentist didn't know what he was talking about. Jeff exclaimed that the hint tasted like fluoride and the dentist took a sip and sadly agreed. Jeff did a proper rinse and had had as clean a bill of health as you can for not being to a dentist in over a decade.

Website
http://www.drinkhint.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 17th, 2013
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Hint Premium Honeydew-Hibiscus Essence Water, 16 Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

H10O Vitamin Infused Water Citrus Sport

H10O Vitamin Infused Water Citrus Sport

H10O Water. "Loads of vitamins. Tiny bit of calories. Gallons of diet taste." Not the best tagline, I know. It tells more truth than "No Sugar. No Carbs." Tons of things fit under that criteria. At least with mine you know what you're getting into. Also, I and I alone are splitting hairs, "citrus sport" sounds like the color of a mid-tier sports car. The Hyundai Veloster should change it's color "Vitamin C" and exchange it with "Citrus Sport." I would think the same thing. I would drive the heck out of it either way, but it seems like it's more fitting for an automobile than water.

To the drink itself, it's honestly not that bad. It's diety as all getup but it's not undrinkable. It comes in bursts. In the beginning you get a nice, soft sense of citrus. I don't know any fruit that tastes like this but if it was a real fruit, I think that I would eat it. Once the fruit flavor has run its course, that's when you take a sharp left into Dietburg USA. We'll take a trip there but at the end of a day like today, I would much rather take a trip to Taco Town. It's a diet "water" drink. It could be worse. I think that it's on part if not slightly worse than their sparkling equivalent.

Website
http://h10o.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralean
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 9th, 2015
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Stewart's Shops Vichy

Stewart's Shops Vichy

Vichy is seltzer water with salt and bicarbonate of soda (baking soda) in it. It is weird and seemingly unnecessary. I assume you’re meant to drink it when you have an upset stomach. It just tastes wrong to me. It’s like something a child would concoct with various things in a kitchen, and it would be a failure. The end.

Website
http://www.stewartsshops.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 12th, 2015
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Claire Baie Sparkling Water Wild Cherry

Claire Baie Sparkling Water Wild Cherry

I’ve been duped again. I see a larger bottle labeled “sparking water” and my mind goes to seltzer. I think, “Oh, this will be good to drink at band practice” only to take a sip and realize that it is sweetened with sucralose. This is the third or fourth time this has happened to me over the past year, and you’d think that I would learn to just look at the ingredients. Maybe I just like living on the edge. Maybe I crave the danger and excitement to breathe life into my veins. Maybe I am just dumb and I keep forgetting.

If this were a seltzer it would have a nice cherry flavor that doesn’t resemble medicine too much. I would have been perfectly content with it. As it stands it is more diet than cherry, and that bodes well for no one.

I just thought to myself, “Who could ever drink all of this in one sitting?” Then I realized that it’s meant for multiple servings. Yup, I was right at the end. I am in fact dumb.

Website
http://witbeveragecompany.com/wbc-brands-jelly-belly-wbc-gi-chicago-green-river-caruso-legacy-black-
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 16th, 2016
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Mr Flav Flavored Aerated Water Cherry

Mr Flav Flavored Aerated Water Cherry

My first thought when I went to drink this was, “Awesome, another company is using the bottle can hybrid design, and I love it.” The second thing I thought was “What the hell is levulose?” I can’t remember where I picked this up, but there was a good chance it was from some strange bodega somewhere in the middle of America, or an Asian market so the origin of the what I assumed to be a sweetener was up in the air. The top of the can/bottle doesn’t have any recycling info and just says “Please don’t litter. Dispose of properly.” Something about that didn’t put mea t ease either. I did learn that it was made is Las Vegas by actually reading the small print. See reading does make life better.

After all of that I still did not know a thing about levulose, so I took to the internet. I have no idea how I have never heard of it before because it is a monosaccharide that is found in honey and fruit. It is also known as fruit sugar. You would think something like that would make cherry flavored water great, but something went horribly wrong. It tastes like a new version of diet. It doesn’t taste like sucralose, aspartame or even stevia but it still has a strange “off” taste to it that if I didn’t know any better I might claim was someone trying to poison me.

I had expected it to me a lighter flavored beverage, but it’s more like someone took a can of cherry pop and mixed it evenly with a bottle of unflavored seltzer. Well that and that weird not quite diet taste I mentioned earlier. I can appreciate companies trying new things, but sometimes they just don’t land correctly.

Website
http://www.mrflav.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Levulose
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 19th, 2016
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Claire Baie Sparkling Water Pomegranate Cherry

Claire Baie Sparkling Water Pomegranate Cherry

Is this a treat? Eh, it's not bad. Some of the other versions of this have been less diet tasting. This, so far, has taken the cake as far as "the award for the most diet goes to..." It's not awful. It's really not. It's not remarkable. It just unfortunately falls into that "just another diet drink" pile that only people like your aunt drink. Your poor aunt, she'll never lose that weight if she keeps eating Quarter Pounders like she does. No matter how much diet drinks she drinks.

Website
http://witbeveragecompany.com/wbc-brands-jelly-belly-wbc-gi-chicago-green-river-caruso-legacy-black-
Country
United States
Sweetener
Acesulfame Potassium
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 23rd, 2016
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Sparkling Ice Essence Lemon Lime

Sparkling Ice Essence Lemon Lime

I love that Sparkling Ice is taking a step back from sucralose, well at least with their Essence line. I just could not get into the dietness of it all. These new ones though have been mostly pretty great. It’s just flavored seltzer water, but the flavors have been good, up until now. This isn’t bad per say, but it really teeters on the “tastes like a cleaner” line of things. I feel like everyone involved in the lemon industry should file a class action lawsuit against household cleaners because they have ruined a once great fruit. I feel like the world used to embrace lemon in all its forms, but now folks are reminded of cleaning chemicals and it’s a turn off. Big money could be made. Big, big money.

Once you get past the association, this isn’t bad. I could do with a tad bit more lime, but I’m always going to want more of that. It’s not really a flavor for me, but I wouldn’t dump it down the drain.

Website
http://www.sparklingice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 6th, 2017
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