Water (254 reviews)

Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Lime

Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Lime

Noah, dude. Did you see this? I know. It's very insensitive. All of those animals stuck on that boat. You listened to the man upstairs, built the arc, traveled for a long time, and then had to resettle. You spend months on a boat with monkeys thinking they owned the place. There was just animal poop everywhere. I know that the documentary maker who added your story to his book, "The Bible" didn't add any of the gross stuff. You would spend most days picking up pooh with a shovel and throwing it overboard. That's not glamorous. Also, people died in that flood. Did the maker of this drink forget that? Flood your thirst? Seriously. People died. I know people that died. This guy took your name and your story and exploited it to sell his drink. You want one? Alright. You can have mine.

What?! You like it? How could you, Noah? This is an insult to your experiences and your story. I know that was a long time ago and you work in a Best Buy now but it's still something you did, something you accomplished. Good lime flavor?! I don't even know you. I suppose you think that it's nice and refreshing because it doesn't have any sugar. What? Dude. Noah. Dude. You've gone soft. Your once calloused hands have softened back up. Alright, I know I'm being hard on you. I'm sorry. While you're back there, can you get me a pair of Beats headphones in purple? Thanks. My customer is going to be sore at me for talking to you for so long and clearly not working and getting the headphones they wanted.

Website
http://www.noahswater.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 24th, 2012
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Noah's LIME-ESSENCE MAGNESIUM-ENRICHED SPARKLING WATER - no calories; no sweeteners, 12-Ounce Glass Bottle (Pack of 12)

Karma Wellness Water Body Raspberry, Guava and Jackfruit

Karma Wellness Water Body Raspberry, Guava and Jackfruit

Carmen hates to take his vitamins so his mom decided to do it the dumbest way possible; make a game out of it. Some parents say something like "You don't get any dessert if you don't take your vitamins." You could do the old fashioned "Go to your room until you're ready to take your vitamins." or something along those lines. It doesn't need to be punishment, either. It could just be something kids have to do. "Look kid. Do you want brittle bones, weak joints, or jaundice? You don't have to know what it is, just take your vitamins. Medicine has come a long way since I was a kid. I'd kill for medicine that tastes like slightly chalky candy. My brothers and I used to throw up when my parents gave us medicine so you take your candy medicine and shut up." That's informative.

Carmen's mom though, she hides vitamins in things. She essentially drugs her kids. I know that sounds bad, but you can't really think about it any better way. This time, she puts vitamins in her kids Kool-Ade and gives it to them with a straight face. No second thoughts. Just “Here's your "juice" kids.” To make it even worse, the kids love it and when they ask for more, she has to string the lie out because she's not going to give the kids more vitamin/juice mix and if she just makes them juice, they're know that it tastes differently.

A lady from the CPS came to inspect the home life of adopted Carmen and they asked how she gave her kids medicine. Carmen's mom didn't hesitate for a second. After tasting it, she saw why she did it. It tasted good. It tastes like a fruit juice and vitamins but the flavor is so good that you don't care at all that it might or might not have vitamins in it. The lady from CPS left leaving Carmen's mom with a warning that eventually she will have to stop doing this because all kids have to take some vitamins.

Website
http://www.drinkkarma.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 25th, 2012
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Karma Wellness Water Body Fitness Accelerator, Raspberry, Guava and Jackfruit, 18-Ounce (Pack of 6)

Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Berry Pomegranate

Noah's Sparkling Spring Water Berry Pomegranate

Dear The FDA,
Can we get a little stricter on ingredient lists? I mean what constitutes natural flavoring? I could soak muddy rocks in a vat of water, would that fall under the category of natural flavoring? Take this can of Noah’s for instance. It’s a nice little drink. It’s obviously flavored soda water, but the ingredients only like carbonated water and natural flavoring. Since the can also states that it contains 0% juice, I want to know what it is that I’m drinking that is creating that berry pomegranate flavor. I like the flavor, a lot actually. This reminds me a lot of the Dry Sodas. I hate seltzer water, but I really enjoy those, and I enjoy this a good deal as well. The Dry bottles list what is flavoring them though. This is just natural flavoring. Does that mean that they just soaked fruit in the carbonated water and then strained them out? How about a little guidance here? I like this drink it’s lightly flavored sparkling water that makes you feel like an adult, even though it looks like it’s marketed towards kids. If you could get kids hooked on this stuff instead of regular soda, the world would be a better place. I’m just the curious sort. Also, what is this that I’ve been hearing that if a drink has less than 4 calories, companies can now claim them to be zero calories? FDA, you either need to go back to school for some basic arithmetic, or stop being such a liar.
Sincerely,
The Thirsty Dudes

Website
http://www.noahswater.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 12th, 2012
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Karma Wellness Water Mind Orange Mango

Karma Wellness Water Mind Orange Mango

Medicine is no laughing matter. If you are sick, I suppose that you can laugh when you are stricken with illness and you can laugh that you have antibiotics and your disease will soon be no more. Anyhow, this whole medicine cabinet candy store scenario has gone on too long. People raiding their mommy and daddy's medicine cabinets and taking prescription pills is not a good life. You know that is no way to live your life, right? You know that the pills you took that were in an Oxycodone are actually just laxatives right and now you're going to have the toots. Medicine is not a joke and should not be taken unless prescribed to you via a doctor. Cool? Done.

If you feel the need to take vitamins, those you can almost go crazy with. Vitamins will make it so you don't need medicine if you do it well. Want to have fun taking vitamins? Try some of these Karma waters. The other ones are more juice than medicine. This one is more medicine and serious than the other ones, I've got to say. This was thicker, more opaque, tasted exactly like mango and orange would taste if mixed with vitamins for kids, and probably did the trick.

So seriously, stop it with all the pain medication abuse. Just quit your job at the plant. That will improve your life. Get a job doing something you like. If you can't do it, go back to school and go for it. We don't want anything to happen to you. If something happens to you via overdose on your grandma's old pain meds from her back surgery, it's on you, but I can't say I didn't tell you. Drink vitamins. Have a better life.

Website
http://www.drinkkarma.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 26th, 2012
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Cascade Ice Orange Mango

Cascade Ice Orange Mango

These drinks are the beverage worlds equivalent of Tribbles. Don’t act like you don’t know what a Tribble is. I know you’re secretly a nerd and have at least a beginner’s knowledge of Star Trek, so you can just stop pretending that you are clueless as to what I’m talking about. Again, this drink=Tribbles. No matter how many I drink of them whenever I open my fridge/cupboard there are more waiting for me. I think they may actually be asexual organisms that are just reproducing. If they were spectacular drinks I would celebrate this and encourage them to reproduce at high volumes. Truth be told, I’m not a fan of diet drinks, or things that taste like seltzer water. I don’t flat out hate them, but with so many other drinks floating around my world I’m drinking these out of a sense of duty. In reality these aren’t bad at all, but they are completely middle of the road. This one in particular tastes like a slightly dry diet orange soda with just a hint of mango. You really can’t even make out that it’s mango, but there is definitely another fruit flavor there other than orange. To be completely honest I would have probably enjoyed this a bunch more if they had completely forgone a sweetener instead of using sucralose. Oh well, I’m sure that when I go to move more drinks to my fridge tomorrow I’ll find 8 more bottles of this stuff. KKKKKHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Website
http://www.cascadeicewater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 27th, 2012
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Karma Wellness Water Vitality Pineapple Coconut

Karma Wellness Water Vitality Pineapple Coconut

Tyler loved basketball. Basketball was his favorite sport. He liked the way the players dribbled up and down the court. He saw them just sweating on the court, everyone wearing shorts, light jerseys, and still needing sweatbands. Sweat everywhere. They were drinking so it's not like they were dehydrated or dehydrating. Maybe they needed something better, something with flavor, something with vitamins, something with minerals, something fun, something low in calories. He searched high and low in markets and stores and found the perfect drink. Karma Wellness Water, namely the pineapple coconut flavor.

He bought a case of the stuff and went to Madison Square Gardens where the Knicks were playing the Chicago Bulls. He saw that Spike Lee was outside and was going in. He talked to him for a couple minutes and convinced him to let him sit next to him right next to the bench so he could give players the drinks. Throughout the game, players would be benched and Tyler would hand the players drinks. He loved to watch the players poke the flavor into the drink and smile. Every time without fail they would do that. Sometimes they would look back and give Tyler a thumbs up. That made his day. When the game was over he shook Spike Lee's hand and thanked him. He was walking out and someone called his name. He turned around and it was Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippin! He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do. They told him that they liked the drinks. They liked that it was tropical and they could taste both he coconut and pineapple. It wasn't too sweet and was very refreshing. Then Michael Jordan reached in his pocket and handed him a season pass to Knicks games. He thought it was strange but it's more important that he liked basketball than the Bulls. He lived in New York. What was he going to do with a season pass to Chicago living in New York. He thanked Scottie and Michael and walked away after having the best night of his life. All thanks to Karma.

Website
http://www.drinkkarma.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 18th, 2012
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Karma Wellness Water Vitality Healthy Hydration, Pineapple Coconut, 18-Ounce (Pack of 6)

Cascade Ice Blueberry Watermelon

Cascade Ice Blueberry Watermelon

Folks, let’s just face the facts. The chances of anyone out there actually making a watermelon flavored drink that tastes like watermelons are slim to none. Most things that are supposed to be watermelon end up tasting like Jolly Ranchers. They only get the credit because there zero amount of research I will claim them as the first company to try and harness the essence of watermelon. It’s not a bad flavor, but it certainly tastes absolutely nothing like the fruit. There is so much water in watermelon that it would probably take 50 full grown melons to get enough essence juice to make an 8oz beverage. It’s just not cost effective, especially since I don’t think there are any real health benefits to that specific fruit. Rant over.

While this doesn’t actually taste like watermelon, it does have a decent blueberry flavor to it. It’s also the strongest tasting Cascade Ice that I have tried. Sure it’s sweetened with sucralose and is essentially flavored seltzer water (a losing combination in my book) it is still remotely enjoyable for me. I keep thinking “I’m really not into this,” but as soon as the flavor leaves my mouth I find myself taking another sip. I can only assume that those of you out there who are into diet drinks, and who are not grossed out by the taste of sucralose, would really enjoy this. With zero calories you could drink an entire case of this and not feel terrible about yourself, well except for the fact that you peed your pants.

Website
http://www.cascadeicewater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 22nd, 2012
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Sodastream MyWater Orange

Sodastream MyWater Orange

Sometimes water needs a little boost. I'll say it. I drink a lot of water. Probably not enough, but when I'm home, I drink glass after glass. Back to the original issue at hand, sometimes water needs a boost. Carbonation is one thing but, for some reason, it makes it taste different. To me, that specific "different" is not good. "Soda water" as it is affectionately known is gross to me and won't travel down my gullet.

Oddly enough, if you just add a little natural orange flavor and it's a different animal. It still feels good for you because there is no sugar, doesn't taste like there is sugar in there, and doesn't taste too strong that they're trying to surprise you with secret ingredients. It's just like a carbonated water with an essence of orange. That's it. You have to carbonate it yourself and add the ingredients. You are like Jesus except instead of wine you are making carbonated, orange flavored water. Less impressive since you didn't magically perform any sort of rapid fermentation process, but impressive nonetheless.

Website
http://www.sodastreamusa.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 28th, 2012
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SodaStream MyWater Flavor Essence, 3 Pack - Orange

Victoria's Kitchen Almond Water

Victoria's Kitchen Almond Water

The quantity of almonds I have consumed in my life is fairly astronomical. I went through a period where I ate 3-5 pounds a week. I feel like I shouldn’t be alive after that. It just seems like so many almonds. I t probably helps my state of living that I only ate raw unsalted ones. Now that I think of it, I probably could have doubled my intake and still been fine. I also have unsweetened almond milk on my cereal every morning. My point is, I know almonds. A lot of things that claim to be almond flavored don’t really taste like the nuts at all. I can assure you readers that Victoria’s Kitchen also knows almonds. As soon as you open this bottle it smells like almond concentrate. That was a bit frightening because I was afraid this might actually be as strong as almond extract, which would be absolute hell on ones taste buds. Before I took a sip I had decided that this was either going to taste like an extreme almond extract, or it was going to taste like watered down almond milk. Neither of those options particularly interested me, so luckily I was wrong. It tastes like you took a glass 99% full of water and mixed in that last 1% with almond extract, well we should probably lower those percents in the same ratio so this hypothetical mixture doesn’t spill out of the nonexistent glass. I like it. It tastes exactly like almonds, but the sugar in it is a bit of a turn off. It’s pretty sweet and it gives it a bit of a candied taste. As a result I couldn’t drink more than half the bottle in one sitting, but I was happy to go back to it later. I think Vicky and her kitchen staff could have gone with perhaps 1/3 of the sugar they used and I would have liked it a lot more, but hey I like my almonds really plain. Now go get a rag, we have to wipe up all this ghost almond drink you spilled all over your counter.

Website
http://www.victoriaskitchenrecipes.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 8th, 2012
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Owater Infused Blueberry

Owater Infused Blueberry

When climbing to the peak of some mountain or another there is only one clear choice for hydration and that is Owater. Wait what do you mean that the contents of this bottle would freeze in those temperatures? No one is looking to get their electrolytes and antioxidants from popsicles, while they may be tasty, they wouldn’t be refreshing at all, and that is what we want at high altitudes and low temperatures. I suppose one could pour the contents of a bottle of Owater into a container that would keep it from freezing, but then how would that work for promotions? No one would recognize the bottles in the ads. They would just see some guy on a mountain drinking from a canteen. I guess we could slap a sticker onto it, but that doesn’t help people recognize the product in the stores. Maybe we should just start packaging it in canteens.

We have a decent product here people. It has a taste that mixes the electrolyte flavor of Gatorade and the actual flavor of Vitamin Water. It really sits right in the middle of those two brands and I truly think there is a big market for it. I mean we use real blueberry flavor, so that puts us ahead of the competition. We just need to think of a better way to promote it. This whole ice mountain climber shtick really isn’t going to work out. What do we want our products to end up in a Big Lots or some such store? Of course not, but that is exactly where we’re going to end up if we keep with this ad campaign….ooops.

Website
http://www.owater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 3rd, 2012
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