Water (254 reviews)

Polar Mango Berry

Polar Mango Berry

Do I love mango? No. Not really. Will I say this might be the most accurate interpretation of mango? Yep. I don't know what it is about mango but whatever it is, it has been so poignantly captured within this bottle that if you like mango, you can just buy a couple bottles of this and save yourself the trouble of shaving, cutting, cubing or whatever it is you do with a mango.

I don't get a lot of berry in here but you get so much mango that you have no reason to wonder why her name came first. I didn't want to appear sexist so I made mango a "her." You like that? I'm not a misogynistic turd. Mangos can do whatever they want. If they want to make fruit love in this bottle than so be it. That makes it more disgusting for me to drink. I wish I hadn't said that. Even if it is fake.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 12th, 2016
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Ahh black raspberry. The most "goth" of all the fruits. No. That's not true. Blood orange could probably win in a quiz show involving nothing but questions about Jesus and Mary Chain and Bauhaus. I guess runner up would be black raspberry followed by black cherry. Cherry is too close to "cheery" which is not the epitome of goth.

This tastes light and bubbly. We won't tell anyone about that, though. It's nice. From drinking giant bottles of Polar seltzer all the time to a nice, smaller glass of this, it's refreshing to be able to have a different flavor. It smells nice and fruity and is just a good, simple drink. Both of the Cocteau Twins would be happy to drink this and unhappy about everything else.

Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 19th, 2016
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Doppelganger Sparkling Bitters Pear Ginger

Doppelganger Sparkling Bitters Pear Ginger

Last week was my birthday and I am now officially in my late 30s. I can no longer deny it, I am an adult. Sure I still act like a teenager tour the world in vans, ditch work to go walk around the woods and run a website where I review non-alcoholic beverages, but I am still an adult. Proof of that is that I really enjoy this drink. It is sparkling water with tonic bitters mixed in and I find it wonderful. Look, I know in every one of these companies reviews we mentioned them being for adults. Sure, kids can drink them, but I don’t know a single child who would enjoy this. I’ve given them normal seltzer water and they hate it. The bitterness in this would probably make any child hate me for life. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take. Also, I want to keep it all for myself. If pears had rinds this is what they would taste like, well with a healthy dose of ginger. Actually the pear flavor is very light, but the ginger is heavy. I want more unsweetened, sparkling beverages that are ginger flavored in my life.

Website
http://www.sparklingbitters.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 26th, 2016
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Sparkling

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Sparkling

This tastes like nothing, for that is what it is. It’s just water with tiny bubbles. It doesn’t taste bitter. It doesn’t taste much of anything and that is a wonderful thing at times.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 3rd, 2016
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Paradise Citron Fuzion Water Beverage Lemon

Paradise Citron Fuzion Water Beverage Lemon

This, this was a pleasant surprise. I’ve been sitting on it awhile and I thought it was a boring old lemon soda. You know, the kind that only vaguely tastes like lemon and mainly tastes like sugar. At best I was hoping it would taste like a carbonated lemonade, since it’s 4% real lemon juice. It was none of those things. Instead what I got was a boring seltzer water with lemon juice in it, which as it turns out isn’t all that boring and rather tasty.

I find lemon water unnecessary. I’m the jerk that requests no lemon in my water when I go out to eat. I prefer plain old water. I love water; I don’t need to spice it up with a fruit that has generally been ruined by household cleaners. Something about this is quite nice though. It thankfully doesn’t taste like something I used to polish my furniture. It tastes like go ordered a plain seltzer and then instead of squeezing a single slice of lemon that was cut four hours ago into it, you grabbed one of those squeeze bottles that looks like the fruit and pressed it for longer than you are recommended to. Sometimes I look back on what I’ve been drinking lately and I don’t recognize that man reflected in my glass anymore.

Website
http://paradisecitronfuzion.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 14th, 2016
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La Croix Passion Fruit

La Croix Passion Fruit

I just got married a month ago (pause for applause) and ate passion fruit for the first time. What a magical experience. What a strange, goopy fruit. It's so weird. I mean, I ate a ton of it but I don't think in a million years I could get my son to eat it. So slimy. It's like all slime and seeds. Strange that anyone would eat it to begin with but they do and it's wonderful.

This drink, sans goop, tastes just like it. I was surprised. La Croix does the flavor justice. I feel like that one is hard to nail. They might use real fruit juice or whatever "essence" is but whatever science they're doing in there, they've pulled in the right people.

Website
http://www.lacroixwater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2016
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La Croix Sparkling Water Berry

La Croix Sparkling Water Berry

If I were to substitute all of the cans of seltzer water that I drink with La Croix brand, I would have to be a rich man. Perhaps that is just because the amount I drink is so obscene, but these cans are at least double the price of the 12-packs of Polar I normally purchase. Do you know what though? It’s totally worth it. I love Polar, but La Croix put out the most flavorful seltzers I have ever tried. They have figured out a way for high quality fruit flavors to shine though without any sweeteners, which makes it zero calories. You could drink case after case of this stuff and not feel terrible about yourself. I bet you would have the most righteous burps too.

There is no mistaking this, it is most certainly a sparkling berry beverage. As long as you are not some sort of savage that needs your drinks to be more sugar than liquid, it is incredibly enjoyable.

Website
http://www.lacroixwater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 12th, 2017
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Topo Chico Flavored Sparkling Water

Topo Chico Flavored Sparkling Water

In a couple of weeks I’m going on tour in Mexico. Since we all know you are not supposed to drink the top water there if you are not a local I fully expect that I will get all of my refreshment from this company. If you’ve read Thirsty Dudes before you likely know that it took me over 30 years of my life to be able to enjoy seltzer water. It took me even longer than that to give Topo Chico a try, but once I did I kicked myself for not having it in my life already.

For those of you who are not in the know, Topo Chico is a sparkling mineral water. The minerals give the water just a hint of a flavor that makes it stand out from regular sparkling water. To add to that there is a bit of citrus in here by the way of lemon in a way that makes it interesting and not like boring restaurant water. Overall it tastes classic and classy. It’s the kind of beverage that would pair perfectly with the world’s greatest burritos. Oh Mexico, I can’t wait to visit and hopefully I will not get stabbed while I’m there like people keep telling me I’m going to.

In an added note I just heard that Aldi bought this company, so now it will be easy to find at an affordable price throughout the US.

Website
http://www.topochicousa.net/
Country
Mexico
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 25th, 2017
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Sparkling Ice Essence Peach

Sparkling Ice Essence Peach

Back to basics. I can't tell you how refreshing seltzer is after some of the crap we drink. Look, nothing we drink is literal crap or figurative crap. Everyone puts their hearts into the products they put out but come one, after 4600 reviews, we have earned the right to start calling things "crap."

This is great. It's pure simplicity. Water, bubbles and peach. I assume they have some sort of vat of peaches just stewing all their Georgia essence into some tube mechanism that sucks up the scent, injects it into water by way of science/witchcraft and then stores the vapors for someone lucky enough to drink it.

If you like seltzer, this is just seltzer. They can call it whatever fancy name they want. It's sparkling water with flavor. La Croix? Polar? The other one? Same deal, bro. Same deal. It's all great seltzer.

Website
http://www.sparklingice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 2nd, 2017
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Waiakea Hawaiian volcanic Water

Waiakea Hawaiian volcanic Water

Water is water, right? I mean sure, some companies water might taste a little different because of the bottles they use or the inclusion of trace amounts of sodium for some reason, but other than that it’s all just water. WRONG! I used to be as misguided as you, but then I had special waters. The kind of waters that you would imagine only rich people could afford. Waters with a higher pH. These waters ARE different and they are deliciously smooth. This just happens to be one of those magical waters and it doesn’t cost you a week’s worth of pay like you might expect from something so extravagant.

Waiakea water is naturally filtered through volcanic rock and as a result it gets enriched with minerals (without tasting like mineral water) and it also makes it naturally alkaline. If you’re a dummy like me, you have no idea what that means, so let me lay it out for you; It helps to remove toxins form the body and regulates the body’s natural pH. It also does not decrease in pH over time and stays at 8.8. Does all of that really matter though? When you’re drinking it all most people care about is the taste and it is good. It’s water, but it tastes better than water. It’s as if it is what all water hopes to become. It’s crisp and clear, while being strangely smooth.

On top of all of that the company also donates 650 liters of clean water to Africa for every liter sold. Well played.

Website
http://waiakeasprings.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 16th, 2017
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