Chunky (165 reviews)

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Pumpkin Pie

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Pumpkin Pie

This drink is like a prude hooker. What do you say about a drink that came out too early and is too thick to drink? Well, you call it "fine" when it tastes like this. This doesn't really taste like "Fall" or "pumpkin" really. Not a lot of spice. I was looking for nutmeg or cinnamon or something but at the end of the day, I was left with something that didn't taste like coffee and was quite frankly too chunky to drink. They put these cookie crunchies atop the gratuitous amount of whipped cream. Nice to look at but everything sinks to the bottom and makes you swear at an inanimate object because you can't drink it and you paid for it and it's not letting you do what you paid to do. You know, like a prude hooker.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Chunky, Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 25th, 2015
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Mucho Gazpacho Bravo Tomato

Mucho Gazpacho Bravo Tomato

Gazpacho, right? Never eaten the stuff. You know what I have done, though? I've drank it. You know what else I've done? I really liked it. I would eat this and I would drink it. I would use this as a meal replacement. This is more of a bisque than a tomato soup which I like because tomato soup is a vile, revolting putrid food. This, though, this is good. It's got a good texture and you can taste everything. Tomato, onions, cucumbers and everything.

I half expected this to be gross. It's soup in a bottle. Who drinks soup? Crazy people. That's who. Whom? Who cares? Whom cares?

Website
http://muchogazpacho.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Chunky, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 7th, 2015
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Buy Now
Mucho Gazpacho (Whole Vegetables Beverage) Bravo Tomato, 12 Bottles

Zpirit Infuzion Mandarin & Mint

Zpirit Infuzion Mandarin & Mint

I don’t know if there will ever be a time where the combination of fruit and mint doesn’t throw me for a loop. No matter what my first thought is always, “Wait, am I chewing gum and I forgot?” Luckily with Zpirit, the gum taste isn’t really there. The initial thought was, but that was just because I wasn’t paying attention to what I was drinking and thought I had grabbed the pear version, which does not contain mint. This is actually one of the better fruit/mint combinations that I have come across. Neither flavor is very strong, due to it being infused water and not “flavored.” There is no syrup being mixed into this drink, mandarin oranges and mint were simply allowed to soak in the water so some of their flavor was transferred. There are even a couple of slices of orange sitting in the bottom of the bottle.

My only real complaint about these beverages is that you can taste the stevia more than I would prefer to. I know they are mixing it with the cane sugar to keep the calories down, but I say if you’re going for infused water, leave the sweetener out of the equation completely. No one will really miss it. If they did then this drink isn’t for them anyway.

Website
http://zpirit.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 22nd, 2015
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Zpirit Infuzion Spiced Pear & Vanilla

Zpirit Infuzion Spiced Pear & Vanilla

There are chunky drinks and then there is this. Take a good, hard look at that picture that I took. There are four, half inch chunks of pear in this drink. Cut up and thrown right in. It's a good drink, too. Very light. It tastes like somewhat spiced pear. The flavor of a pear isn't really prominent. As they said, it's an infusion. There is a nice, smooth vanilla taste. Since it's an infusion, the "spice" of the spiced pear isn't as strong as you might think. It's tough to accept that it's a spiced fruit drink that is restricted by the fact that it's an infusion rather than, say, and elixir. I do enjoy this even if I do despise pears. I would drink it again but given the opportunity, I would take the stronger one because this is only a teaser for what possibly could be.

Website
http://zpirit.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 27th, 2015
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Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Blueberry

Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Blueberry

A little grit does a body good. Grit lets you know that there are good things going on in there. Natural things. Gritty things. When you describe things as gritty, though, that's not fantastic. I wish there was a different term to use that wouldn't instantly be seen as something undesirable. This is a gritty drink and although it didn't touch the fancy of everyone who tried it, it wasn't that bad. It smelled terribly but it didn't taste too bad. The banana might have had a stronger taste than that of the blueberry and in doing so, it kind of had a "soft" taste to it. This just kind of tasted like a semi-gritty healthy blueberry drink.

Someone who reviewed movies, not drinks, gave this a two. Me, if it was possible to see a three and know that it was a "soft three" then that's what this would be. It earned a three no doubt but it is on the lower side of the threes and not the 3.8 side of the scale. Eeked by, if you will.

Website
http://www.nuwi.us
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave
Categories
Chunky, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 2nd, 2015
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Aloe Very Lemonade

Aloe Very Lemonade

Talk about gross. Look, I like lemonade as much as the next guy. I like aloe drinks more than the next guy. This marriage will most certainly end in divorce because it is like an oil and water mix. It's sour but it's a bitter, undesirable sour. What's good about this? It can't be all bad.

You can taste each of the flavors. If you could somehow separate the liquid in your mouth to one side aloe and one side lemonade, you would be satisfied. Touch them together and it's a chemical reaction that could melt a house. I don't know how that's so. Maybe it's the smooth and sweetness of aloe and the bitter sourness of lemonade just compiling in to a "too many flavors" in your mouth. Whatever's happening, the fish in the Niagara River are going to have to enjoy the rest of this because I quit.

Website
http://aloeverydrink.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 8th, 2015
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Buy Now
Aloe Very Lemonade - Organic Aloe Vera Juice (Pack of 12)

Zpirit Infuzion Peach & Basil

Zpirit Infuzion Peach & Basil

Is there anything more yuppyish than a juice bar? I’m sure there is (perhaps a wine bar) but it’s pretty high on the list. The thing is that I love them. They are like a dream to me. I don’t venture into one very often, but that is solely due to the cost, and I’m poor. Juice bars may be the only yuppie thing that I actually enjoy, but oh how I enjoy it.

At the juice bar that I occasionally visit along with their dizzying array of press made juices they also have a giant dispenser of water that is infused with a variety of things. Sometimes it’s fruit and sometimes it’s spices. My favorite times are when they have water infused with basil to sip on as you wait for your juice to be made. That’s right, basil isn’t just for Italian cooking anymore, and when you let it soak in water the water tastes incredible. It’s not something you would chug on, but it’s one fine sipping beverage.

When I saw this on a recent trip to Toronto I absolutely needed it. I forwent food and spent what was left of my Canadian money on this drink, and I made a wise decision. This is fantastic. It’s simply water that had peaches and basil soaking in it (there are actually some peach chunks floating in the bottle). There is also some sweetener added to it, which I don’t think is necessary, but humans like their sweetness. The cane sugar isn’t so much of a problem as the stevia is. When you infuse water the flavor is generally pretty light, whereas stevia is a fairly strong flavor. In here it’s pretty much kept in check, but it still distracts from the natural flavor of the peach and basil. My advice is ditch the sweetener and let the actual flavors work their magic. I’m excited to try the other flavors on future trips up north.

Website
http://zpirit.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 5th, 2014
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Wei-Chuan Grape Drink with Pulp

Wei-Chuan Grape Drink with Pulp

Many times in my life I have forgotten how much I love grapes. It’s a well-known fact that most things that are grape flavored resemble the fruit about as much as infants love chewing tobacco. Is that the most random comparison of all time? I think it just might be. The thing is that the trouble with grape doesn’t end there. On top of being defamed by impersonators, there is a decent chance that when you eat a grape you’re going to get a crappy soggy one; such a disappointing treat. When you get a good one though, life is good. A nice firm, juicy grape can go a long way with one’s taste buds.

This here drink is a good middle ground between juice and drink. It’s what all grape flavored things should aspire to be. Sure it would be much better if it was just grape juice with chunks of grape “meat” in it, but we all know that would be expensive, and also probably too tart for most consumers. To solve this conundrum Wei Chuan watered it down a bit, and then added a healthy dose of sugar. The result is a candied grape flavor, which isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. If were carbonated it would be the best grape soda I’ve ever tasted. Instead it winds up being a better than average grape drink. To be fair if it didn’t have the chunks of grape in it, I probably would have only awarded it a three out of five bottle rating, but the meat is great. It’s very similar in texture, size and flavor to aloe drinks. Everyone knows I can’t get enough of those.

Website
http://www.weichuanusa.com/a_welcome.htm
Country
Malaysia
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 8th, 2014
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Hung Fook Tong Salted Mandarin Drink With Mandarin Pulps

Hung Fook Tong Salted Mandarin Drink With Mandarin Pulps

Man while I’m sitting back relaxing drinking my juice I can only think about how the rest of the world is full of suckers. They are all drinking regular orange juice and here I am living like a king drinking mandarin juice, and it even has pulp. I swear in some parts of the world this really would make me royalty. Mandarin juice is just so superior. It has its own unique taste, which still clearly being part of the orange family. Jim, you haven’t had much to say about his. Actually why are you making a giant pile of salt out here on the back deck. Oh, you’re saving up so you have a surplus next winter because you just want to spread it over the driveway so you never have to shovel? Well, I’m not sure if that will work, but I like the way you think, and I give you points for ingenuity. Why don’t you pull yourself up a hammock and grab a nice glass of mandarin juice and take in a slice of the good life. Oh man, Jim! You’ve covered in salt and a bunch of it got into the juice. This is why no one likes you Jim; you ruin even the simplest of things.

You’re still drinking the juice? Did you see how much salt dissolved in there? You say it’s not that bad? Give it here! Actually you’re right, this is not nearly as salty as I would have expected, and it gives the juice a certain charm. Actually no, I was wrong. One or two sips was okay, but the more I drink the more I notice the salt and it’s kind of ruining everything, much like yourself. I feel like I might try putting a dash of salt into my next carafe of mandarin juice, but anything more than a pinch is just too much. I can’t make it even a third of the way through this glass. Jim, you’re lucky I’m not the king I previously pretended to be or else it would be off with your head!

Website
http://www.hungfooktong.com/tc/
Country
China
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 1st, 2014
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Wei-Chuan Mango Drink with Pulp

Wei-Chuan Mango Drink with Pulp

Jay and I are constantly and forever in cahoots. We were talking about how everything we've been drinking has been good but it's been pretty tame. Now we're talking. Now we've got chunks and mango and realistic flavors and something from Malaysia.

Still, man, after doing this for as long as I've been doing it, I just can't seem to figure out how companies could get Americans to drink chunky drinks like it's no big deal. Asia's got that under wraps, man. They love chunks and hats off to them because they're on top for that reason. It's a totally different dimension that us American turds just don't get.

I mean it, chunks. Chunks of real fruit. Sugar to keep the natural flavor of the mango and said mango tasting fine. If you ate a mango you very intricately crushed up into a glass, this would be it. Simple, chunky, different, delicious. Adjectives son, adjectives.

Website
http://www.weichuanusa.com/a_welcome.htm
Country
Malaysia
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 8th, 2014
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