Coffee (103 reviews)
Starbucks Refreshers Cool Lime
This is a first for me because I have never got a non-coffee drink from Starbucks before. Actually, this is made from green coffee extract so I retract that statement. I picked this up after a long walk and decided it was a better choice than an iced coffee full of soymilk. I pictured reenacting Ron Burgundy realizing that milk was a bad idea. I'll leave that to the professionals, or Mike since he has consumed expired milk on more than one occasion.
I've been trying to avoid using the word "refreshing" to describe this drink, but it's near impossible. It is the perfect summer drink. The coffee extract is delicious and mixes well with the lime flavor. The best part is they throw in a slice of lime in the drink. Not a tiny wedge you'd find on the side of your pad thai, a big beautiful delicious slice. Well done!
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Not Listed
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland 3 days, 5 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Monster Java Kona Cappuccino
I don't know what it's like to not be able to live without coffee. I always attribute it to an addiction. I suppose it's not hard to not be addicted to coffee when you don't particularly enjoy coffee. Saying that is like saying, "Yeah, I could be addicted to crystal meth but I don't like crystal meth so I don't do it." This isn't something even a coffee fiend could get addicted to, though. I don't know a lot about coffee but I feel that this is a bit too acidic and too sweet for even the most budding of coffee addicts. It is sweet and it is smooth and it doesn't taste like an energy drink which, insultingly so, is the mark for a good energy drink. It's a tad diet tasting due to the sucrose but it's not terrible. It does have a lingering sub-par coffee taste which isn't too offensive.
Honestly though, I don't know if this is technically an energy drink or a coffee drink. Isn't coffee an energy drink in itself? This could be the two mixed together for all I know and who needs coffee, and energy drink, and an energy drink? You need to calm down, buddy. Get some sleep. You need sleep more than you need energy. You might also need some water. Cleanse your body a little bit. Now that I'm looking at you, you could stand to get some exercise, too. I know, it's mean, but we're friends, right? I'm being honest.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 4 days, 4 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Cafe Plaza Ice Coffee
Deep in the jungles of Taiwan, there is a man called Hanklin. His mother wanted to name him "Hank" and his dad wanted to name him "Franklin" so they thought it would make the most sense to just combine them and everyone wins; everyone except for Hanklin who has a really dumb name.
Hanklin wanted to get out of the city. He was an extrovert. He moved to a jungle, hooked up a couple solar panels, built a 500 square foot house, and subscribed to satellite internet. Yeah, it's slower, but he's "off the grid." He works hard but doesn't do so well with others. He tends to lose his temper over dumb things like getting sand in his shoes, when he's eating a hamburger and the stuff on the inside starts to fall out, and when people don't hold the door for him when he knows they know he's coming. He was a raw plastic salesman that uses the term "remote office" to its fullest extent.
He works day and night which is fine by him. When he needs stuff, he drives the fifteen miles to the closest town and goes shopping. He tries to make as little stops as he can. One day, he went to town and bought a bottle of ice coffee. He usually just drinks bottled water but he just made a big sale and decided to "splurge" even though he makes over $100,000 and probably spends less than $100 a week to live. He got home with his many, many melons, odd cuts of odd meat, suntan lotion, cases of water, vegetables, and toiletries and decided to crack open his new drink.
He took one sip and was brought back to when he lived in the States. A more complicated time filled with excess, noise, and complicated decisions. The coffee was good but it was a bit too sweet for his liking. It wasn't too much that he couldn't drink it, but it was sweet enough that he wouldn't drink it again. It smelled good, tasted alright, and was tall enough to span two drink sessions.
When he finished the bottle, he put it in his one weekly garbage bag and went on with his life. After all, now he had the energy to start selling the new Polystyrene beads that they got very cheap at a high markup that will net Hanklin even more money that he won't spend.
- Website
- http://www.uni-president.com
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 5 days, 2 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Famous House Blue Mountain Blend
This is the perfect coffee for me. I like the smell of coffee but the taste is too strong and bitter. It's just something I can't manage. I drink drinks with chunks in it without blinking and drinks hotter than the fires of hell but coffee I just can't handle. You can call me a baby. I don't give a rip. This though, this smells like a strong coffee, which worried me at first but at first taste I fell in love with it. It somehow keeps the scent but the sugar, which is pure cane I should add, smoothes out the drink to a delightful place that I could spend all day in. Oh chubby Famous House mascot. If you could come to life and sit down with me, I would treat you to a can of this. Why I'm treating you to a drink that your company makes seems dumb since you could probably manage to get free cases of the stuff but nonetheless, I am thanking you for making such a good drink. You should feel honored having your pudgy face on that can.
- Website
- http://famoushouse.com.tw
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Bai 5 Calories Antioxidant Infusions Malawai Mango
First things first; I believe the label for this packaging was misprinted. You see I have this and a bottle of the mango pear sitting in front of me, and the ingredients lists are the same. Sure they could just use different quantities, but I don’t taste pear in this at all, and I had the “non-diet” version of this a while back and that had mango and pineapple in it, and this tastes the same as I remember that. Just a heads up Bai, you might want to look into that.
As I just mentioned two seconds ago I had the regular version of this, and I have to say this tastes eerily close to it, even though erythritol was swapped out for the cane juice, the flavor stays fairly consistent. It still has a great mango flavor with some pineapple mixed in. I’m going to feel like a real idiot if there is not any pineapple in the 5 calorie version, but I can taste it, but it could be totally psychosomatic. It also has a nice white tea base that is hard to miss. There is only the faintest erythritol coolness to this. So little that if I didn’t know it was in there, I might not notice. Bai did a great job masking the flavor, while still keeping it low in calories. Good job folks.
- Website
- http://www.drinkbai.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 weeks, 2 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Master Cafe Espresso Tiramisu
I don't eat tiramisu because I'm not a big rummy. Yeah, those tasty ladyfingers are soaked in rum and you serve it to your kids. I don't mean to get preachy but that's bad parenting. Giving kids rum. Look, if you want to rub some on their baby gums so they can make it through the tough teething process that’s your call. I didn't and wouldn't but that's a freebee if you want it. Tiramisu, though: rummy. This is a Taiwanese coffee drink that tastes, or is supposed to taste like that dessert delicacy but doesn't really. As a coffee drink it's fine but as a cake flavored coffee drink it's just not there. It smells like cake but doesn't really taste like it. Sitting here with the empty can net to me wafting the coffee scented cake towards my nostrils is a constant reminder that it could have been good. I'm about to throw this can across the room since it smells so good but is about half as good as it is leading me to believe it is. This indestructible can is filled with disappointment and hype. It's good, but a let down. I wanted cake and coffee for breakfast. I only got coffee and the sensation of someone eating cake next to me and not sharing.
- Website
- http://www.uni-president.com
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 2 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Havana Cappuccino Diet Vanilla
The coffee machine at your office has been on the fritz all week, which means that you have had to bring your own caffeinated beverage into work. The thing is that today your alarm didn’t go off for some reason. Luckily your internal clock woke you up, but with only 20 minutes to get to the office. So it was get up, brush your teeth, drag a comb through your hair, put on a suit and you’re out the door. You didn’t even have time to stop at a gas station for the sludge that they deem fit to call coffee. As a result of all of this you have been a wreck all day. You’re sluggish and you can’t concentrate because you haven’t eaten since you grabbed Taco Bell on the way home from work the day before. You’re a mess.
You know it’s not something that any human should do, but you still go into the break room and look for some food to steal out of the communal fridge. Sure, it’s not the most moral thing to do, but the GM is coming in shortly and if she sees you like this, it probably wouldn’t bode well for your career. The fridge is full of Tupperware containers full of moldy leftovers. Doesn’t anyone ever clean this thing out? Things are looking grim. You’re about to give up when you move a container of soup that is dated seven months ago and behind it is this bottle of Havana diet vanilla cappuccino. You find yourself thinking that you should probably rethink your stance on the existence of god as you look around and grab the bottle. You scurry away to your cubicle and crack the seal. After a gulp you think that it isn’t half bad. Sure the milk to coffee ratio seems about even, which is more than you usually like, but it has a nice vanilla flavor to it, so you feel a little fancy. After that each sip gets harder and harder to get down. The taste of the Splenda is getting stronger by the second. Diet coffee; is there anything worse for someone who normally drinks it black? By the time you finished the bottle you’re feeling more normal. You’re stomach has a little something in it, and you’ve got a little caffeine buzz going on. The only downfall is you can taste the Splenda seeping out of your gums, and that is something you never want to experience again. What do you expect from a drink that was abandoned at least seven months ago?
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Splenda
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 weeks, 4 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Kohana Cold Brew Coffee
Concentrated cold brew coffee like this is perfect for people who like REALLY strong coffee. I'm sure there are some people that go against the suggestions on the bottle and don't dilute it with any water and milk. I think those people are called men, or dads. Well except for Mike. One might go as far as saying that he's not a real dad because he doesn't like coffee.
For science, I first tried this without diluting it at all. Now I have never drank motor oil, but I'm guessing it's not far from this as far as potency goes. It would make a great coffee energy shot, rough to drink but would immediately energize you. There you go Kohana, I just gave you some free marketing advice.
Once I decided to not be an idiot and drink this like a normal person would, it was fantastic! Great flavor, great taste, I couldn't ask for more of a cold brew coffee. I often forget to cold-brew coffee the night before (I don't drink a lot so I do it in 1 mason jar batches) so it was nice having this bottle for a few days and not having to worry about it. Also not having to deal with stray coffee grounds was also a plus. No matter how hard I try and how many times I filter my cold-brew, I still find little granules every once in a while.
- Website
- http://www.kohanacoffee.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland 2 weeks, 5 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
La Colombe Pure Black Coffee
Mike Thirsty Dude (or should it be Thirsty Dude Mike?) called me last night pleading with me to review this. Okay, maybe it was actually just asking me nicely. Mike was under the impression that this was going to be a coffee soda, but in actuality it's just cold pressed coffee. He admitted that he likes coffee drinks, but not straight coffee so knowing that I love coffee he thought it was best that I take a shot at this.
While I normally drink my coffee with a little soy/almond/rice/coconut milk and sugar, I know good coffee when I taste it. I lived in Portland for almost 3 years where it's mandatory that you fall in love with Stumptown Coffee. While normally I would add the aforementioned things into this, for science I will drink it without.
The awesome thing about cold brew coffee is that you get a richer coffee flavor from the beans. Because the beans are never subjected to hot water, it has a much lower acidity in the taste. Anyone who has had gas station coffee that's been sitting out for hours knows that taste. It's super easy to cold brew at home, especially if you have a french press. All you do is course grind the beans, put them in a mason jar and fill it with cold water. Mix it well and put the lid on it. Then place the jar in the fridge for 12 hours, take it out and press the coffee in the french press. Now this is coffee concentrate, so you can add milk or water to taste to dilute it. Or if you love REALLY strong coffee, you can just drink it straight.
Now back to La Colombe. I haven't had many bottled cold brew coffees before, but what I have had been nothing short of awesome. This was no exception and they definitely give cold brew/pressed coffee a good name. It has a really awesome and complex rich taste. Since I don't normally drink black coffee, this is a sipping coffee for me (much like espresso) and it's a great way to savor the flavor. (Note, that rhyme I just wrote was 100% unintentional and I'm kind of embarrassed by it but decided to leave it in for some unknown reason, then write this big long unnecessary apology that brings more attention to it).
- Website
- http://lacolombe.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 4/22/2013
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
- Buy Now
- La Colombe Pure Black Coffee
Monster X-Presso Midnite
We are a website about honesty. We tell it how it is all the time and for this installment of the "Truth Doctors" I will tell you that I expected this drink to suck big time. I am a sexy man enough man to admit that it did not suck. It was a little boring but it didn't pass the threshold of "suck." It was a bit dull, like if you had an average coffee and masked it with some sugar and whatever the heck nitrogenated coffee is. I assume due to my (zero) years as a scientist it is coffee with nitrogen injected into it but what do I know, I'm just a (self proclaimed) scientist? It's not as good as standard espresso and milk and sugar drinks but I never expected it to be. It lies on the spectrum higher than I thought it was going to be with a little bit of sweetness and no gross energy drink taste. Also, it shows a fake cross section of the drink and it labels the top two inches of the can as the "foam zone" which I, for some reason, find very amusing.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/21/2013
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
