Thirsty Dudes :: Category

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Mango Cilantro

Mangos are Jay’s favorite fruit. Cilantro is Jay’s least favorite herb. Together this makes for a drink that he would never touch. For that reason and the fact that you can't get this in Buffalo, I bought this and am reviewing it for you now.

This is very seltzer-y. Not a word? I do not care. It's got that taste I'm not super psyched about but the cilantro cuts through and redeems this drink. When you burp, you get a little mango, but not much. If you expected mango and wanted mango, you might be a little disappointed. If you like cilantro, you have slim pickings when it comes to drinks so you've got no choice but to be excited to have found this.

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 2/9/2013

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Polar Candy Cane

Santa Claus is a large man and these are difficult times for the obese. He should not be surprised as he spends a couple days eating nothing but cookies. He works long hours, isn't known for being wealthy, and is also never seen as a man who is "in shape." The misses has taken notice of this and has done something about it. She took the sleigh to Polar, contracted them to make one of Santa's favorite flavors, and had them put it out for all to enjoy around Christmastime. Santa drinks a lot of hot chocolate but when Mrs. Claus brought him the first bottle, he knew that it was for the best.

He took a sip and was moderately pleased. Moderately because he is a man who loves his sweets and this is neither sweet nor up t the caliber of "caneness" that he desires. It's not bad, but it's about as seltzer as you can get with a little bit of mintiness.

For the next year Santa is going to lose some weight by drinking this. His breath will be better and his waistline slimmer. Mrs. Claus wanted to also mention that instead of having standard issue chocolate chip cookies that you supply a small, Caesar salad either dry or with a balsamic vinaigrette. We have to work together to slim the big man down.

Website: http://www.polarbev.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 12/30/2012

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Polar Mint Chocolate

What a year! I went from not liking seltzer to scouring local grocery stores for good ones. I guess I was used to the swill my mom used to drink but this stuff has been good thus far. The cinnamon was awesome. The black cherry, less than awesome but still good. This was good. Right where I wanted it and just want I wanted: a little bit of mint and a little bit of chocolate. If anyone is familiar with Metromint Chocolate Mint, this is a sparkling, toned down version of that. I love that. I like this. For something that I put on my desk next to all day and polished off slowly, though, I liked it a lot and will get it again.

Mom, if you're reading this. You know I don't like your garbage seltzers. Perhaps for Christmas, if you're good, I'll buy you the good, top shelf stuff. I will also help you throw your old stuff in the yard and let the neighborhood dogs at it.

Website: http://www.polarbev.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 12/11/2012

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Polar Cinnamon

You know why the holidays are great? Food and family. I don't care about gifts but I love to eat and talk about nothing. I don't care about sports so the whole "eat a million pounds of food and then sit down like a fat sack of crap and watch a gaggle of dudes throw the ol' pig skin around." Not a giant fan of sport. You know what I'm going to love about Thanksgiving this Thursday, though? All of the "thanks" I'm going to get from my family that I let try this drink. Oh, turned the tide, did I? Yeah. My family will be on their knees begging for another sip, a couple drops of this delicious, fantastic, quasi-seasonal drink. This is a secret gem amongst otherwise mediocre seltzers. This is a diamond in the rough.

How can I explain something so simple but yet so incredible? The "seltzerness" of this tricks you into thinking you are drinking a cinnamon pop. It's real cinnamon, though. It's like a less sweet version of that cinnamon sugar spice you have to basically only use on apples. It smells and tastes like real, not candy cinnamon. Do you have it? Do you get it? If you get it, get it. I mean it. Find it and get it. It's seasonal. Yes, this gets a perfect score but the candy cane one that I also saw probably won't get the same treatment. Sorry in advance. You are welcome in advance for this one, though.

Website: http://www.polarbev.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 5/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 11/19/2012

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Polar Seltzer Black Cherry

I don't know what's happened. I used to hate seltzer water. My mom would drink it all of the day and I would take the occasional sip and just make a face. It was just so bitter and terrible. I don't know if things have changed in the wide world of seltzer or what but all of a sudden, I get these hankerings, brother. I see it on the shelf and I think, "Yeah, dude, black cherry seltzer sounds like something I would like." and then I buy it and think, "I used to hate this stuff."

So here we are. Black cherry seltzer. I've got to say, it's pretty good. Zero calorie, sparkling, and pretty flavorful. It tastes like a diet black cherry drink but with no bad ingredients because there are no actual ingredients. Water and natural flavor. That's it. That's all. If you like flavor but don't like sugar of any kind, aren't or are on a diet, are male or female, and like black cherry, this is the drink for you. Basically, that complex conditional could be rewritten as "If you like black cherry, you will like this." I write conditionals all day every day so it was easy to write and then optimize. It's my life. It's what I do.

Website: http://www.polarbev.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 9/12/2012

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Buy Now: Polar Seltzer with Black Cherry, 33.8 Fl. Oz, No Sodium. No Calories, ( Pack of 6 )

Polar Seltzer Raspberry Lime

Camping. Well, almost camping. Jay, myself, and I went almost camping. He slept in a tent and I slept in a rodent infested cabin. You know what? I would do it again. I always have fun there. We set up a zip line, made s’mores, hiked, stole corn from a cornfield, explored an abandoned barn, ate food, and shot at cans, bottles, and corn with a .22 rifle that was made to shoot cans, bottles, and corn.

We stopped at the store and got some food and drinks. I decided I was going to go "calorie free" and get this seltzer. I think that I made a pretty good decision. It was flavored just enough to cover up that rather terrible "soda water" taste that I actually don't like. It just tasted like carbonated raspberry water. I couldn't really get a lot of lime out of it but some might be able to.

If you don't like seltzer but have a knife pointed at you in seemingly the world's most violent grocery store, you can pick this and get out sans air hole. Seriously, if you are ever in a grocery store and someone has you at knifepoint making you pick out a seltzer, anyone will do. For around a dollar, you can be a good Samaritan and save your life and the need for a rather graphic cleanup on aisle twelve. You might also want to make a mental note to go to a different grocery store next time. That place you go to sounds rough.

Website: http://www.polarbev.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Seltzer

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 9/3/2012

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Buy Now: Polar Raspberry Lime Seltzer 12oz cans 4/6pk

Polar Seltzer Pomegranate

'Round these parts, we call it "Spicy Water." That's the water you make with your carbonation machine and just don't add flavor. I'm talking about that pop machine that looks like a penguin that makes pop for you when you want it in cool, 1 liter bottles. My girlfriend always gets "soda water with lemon" which is just carbonated water. It's strange though. I drink water all of the day and enjoy it but once it's carbonated, it gets a bit of a gnarly taste to it. She loves the stuff. I don't know what her problem is. I sneak sips periodically and find it quite vile.

I knew what I was in for when I tried this and was actually proven a little bit wrong. It's got that strange bitterness or whatever goes on inside carbonated water, but the pomegranate taste is great. This is actually a drink that has no sugar or carbs or anything, tastes fruity, and for some might be quenching. I made a little face after every sip, but, as previously mentioned, I don't fancy “fancy water.” I do like flavored waters, which would basically be this sans "spice" but this is a world apart from a drink like Hint or equivalent.

When my mom reads this, she's going to be sore at me because she loves seltzer water, too. Seltzer water used to only be used for clowns but now it's used for clowns and moms. I'm not going to draw any lines comparing the two, but you can.