Arteasia - 2 Reviews

When I was in high school a bunch of my friends and I stopped by a grocery store for some provisions for a night of hanging out in the woods. Okay the woods were actually the fields at the end of one of the kid's street, but there were a bunch of trees and we had a totally sweet hang out spot. I don't remember what I got to drink, but I can assure you that I purchased a huge loaf of Italian bread. I can also assure you that I ripped off the top, hollowed out a bit of it, filled that space with bulk candy and then popped the top back on. What can I say; I was poor and a thief. Sue me. My purchases aren't the important point of interest here. The important thing is that my one friend bought a jug of loganberry drink. He was so stoked because it was in this huge jug. When we got down to the fields he opened it up took a huge sip and immediately spit it everywhere. You see he wasn't the most observant kid, and he failed to notice that the jug was a concentrate and not ready to drink. He was probably supposed to mix in a gallon of water or so with the amount he gulped. I bring this up because as I took a sip of this I had a similar reaction. I didn't spit it out, but I was fairly sure it was a concentrate. Nope. This is just ridiculously sweet and ridiculously strong. I don't mean that in a good way either. I really only made it maybe ¼ of the way through the bottle, and it got less intense the more I drank, but it still didn't taste very good, hence my dumping the rest. White tea normally has a very specific taste to it, but with all of the added sugar in this you can't even tell. This would be any type of tea, or just sugar water and you would never know the difference. It also contains 1% juice, which is laughable. That juice is pomegranate, and it just tastes like some sort of pomegranate syrup that would be put on a snow cone.

Not only was this gross, but it also was 1.5 liters of gross. That is 1.4 more liters of grossness than I needed to know I didn't want any part of it.

It's no surprise that Thirsty Dudes don't like St. Patrick's Day. Belligerent drinking, horrible songs, everyone wearing green, and the mid-afternoon vomit parade all equate to just us wishing we were anywhere else. This morning at quarter after ten I drove down the street and saw a dude drove his car into someone's front yard. Two firetrucks later and a detour from me, maybe that will be a lesson to that dude that even though you can theoretically do whatever it is you want, drinking that early in the morning and then driving is a terrible, stupid idea.

I was at a party with friends and didn't have anything to drink. I normally bring stuff but with my kid, I knew I wasn't going to be able to dedicate any amount of time to ponder over a drink. I stuck it out, went home, hoped I had a good tea waiting for me, failed, and found this. I don't know where it came from but memory wants me to think that Derek was "nice" enough to give it to me. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big and uses corn syrup as a sweetener. I knew what I was in for. I smelled it as soon as I opened the bottle.

What I got? Validation. It's got that awful "bad tea" sting with a tremendously prominent peach taste and an almost non-existent "black tea" taste. If you can call Brisk tea, than this is tea but I wouldn't call it tea as much as I would call it a juice and tea drink. Oh wait! They already did that. It is poorly flavored like iced tea and tastes like those gallon containers of "drink" if they made them in peach, which they might, I don't know and would rather not drink anything than drink that liquid sewage.

So it's bad. Who would have thought, right? What do you mean that tea isn't supposed to sting? That's not natural? That's not organic? No, dummy. This is low quality junk that we found for a dollar at a discount store.