Jones (40 reviews)
Jones Turkey and Gravy
Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.
Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Other/Weird, Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
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Jones Soda Poutine
There comes a time when mankind makes something that is not needed/wanted. Jones fulfilled this prophecy by creating this monster of a soda.
*Editors note: in the beginning of the video, Mike thinks I say it's in a can but I was trying to say that it was an exclusive to Canada but I don't know how to talk on video because I get nervous.
Without further adieu, here is a video of us drinking this collection of fries, gravy, and cheese curds in a bottle.
Jones Poutine soda was easily the worst soda I've ever had. It's been hours since I drank it and my stomach still hurts and I still feel like I'm going to throw up. I appreciate that Jones sent this to us, but on the other hand I feel like they played a huge elaborate prank on us.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Other/Weird, Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland 3 weeks, 5 days ago
- Comments
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Jones 24c Blueberry Grape
Blueberry grape? Who has heard of such a thing? Blueberry is always paired with pomegranate and these two just shouldn't blend. Jones, the insane Canadians that they are, decided that they can do whatever they want. They put those guys together in one bottle and came up with...wait for it...a strange drink. It smells good and it invites you in. When you drink it, you get some blueberry and some grape juice but there is something else in there, something that I didn't like. I don't want to say bitter but it had a bit of that acai taste to it even though that wasn't an ingredient. I think it's actually the vegetable juice that they use for color that kind of snuck in some flavor. I've had this before with those drinks that are fruit flavored but have a days worth of vegetable intake in them. I'm fine with that, but know that it also delivers this strange aftertaste. If you know this stuff, you will be fine. I am the informer. Snow and I, we are informers.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Inverted Cane Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/5/2013
- Comments
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Jones Orange & Cream Soda
Would you look at that face? That is the face of a child who just opened her birthday presents and she is not happy with the results. All she wanted was a classic blonde 1972 Fender Telecaster bass and instead what she got was a brand new knock off that looks like a toy. To add insult to injury it was also fretless…ick. Well at least her parents got her a case of orange and cream soda. Orange cream is her favorite soda flavors and only the sweet, sweet flavor of creamsicle soda will right this evil that has been put upon her. What the hell is this? This one is certainly not her parent’s fault. It’s labeled orange and cream, but this doesn’t taste the way she wants it to. Neither the orange, nor the vanilla cream tastes are right, and together they taste nothing like a melted creamsicle. It’s like they took garbage generic orange pop and put in the smallest hint of vanilla that is just not pulling its weight. In fact it tastes more like a generic sweet soda flavor than anything. That’s it. She’s just turned two and this little girl already knows this is the worst birthday that has and will ever exist. She might as well burn the house down.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Inverted Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/19/2013
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Jones Zilch Vanilla Bean Soda
I decided I need/want to get into better shape. I'm not going to lie, I’m a chubby dude. I can only blame the beverages from this site so much (seeing as both the other 'dudes' have reviewed much more than me and still weigh much less than me). And no, this is not a "new years resolution" because I joined a gym 2 months before New Years. I just decided today to start getting serious about it.
I did yoga for the first time in a while today and I came to the conclusion that I need something better than pajamas to work out in. So after dinner today, Jenna and I went to Old Navy because I had a gift card from X-mas. I proceeded to purchase 2 different kinds of workout pants and a pair of mesh shorts to workout in.
Did you know Old Navy sells drinks? I've passed by the cooler several times but have never given it more than a half glance. Today they had a decent selection of Jones soda and I had never seen this one so I grabbed it without thinking on the way to the counter. I guess that's how they get you.
Like I expected, this is basically a cream soda with a strong vanilla taste. Even though I'm pretty used to diet soda fake sugars, this has a chemically aftertaste that I don't like. So close Jones, so close.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 1/8/2013
- Comments
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Jones Zilch Black Cherry
Black cherry; the most goth of all fruits. You want to meet up with them? They sleep until noon, work at a bookstore that sells nothing but books on murder, cats, and unlicensed Robert Smith biographies, and go to clubs that are in locations you thought were closed down for a decade. They don't get along with people because they feel they are on the outside looking in. Looking in on all the squares, sellouts, poseurs, conformists, and zealots making fools of themselves on a day-to-day basis. Black cherry listens to Skinny Puppy, KMFDM, and My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult and scoffs at your record collection regardless of how much you like it. Black cherry is one with the dark arts.
Recently, black cherry has put on a little weight and needs to slim down a bit. Torrid is fine and essential to black cherry but some things are stretching a bit and it's becoming a health issue that your mom is getting concerned about. So you add a little sucralose to the mix. It's alright. Sure, it "diet's" you up a little bit and makes you feel like you are trying to be one of those blonde bimbos that swarm the schools like bees to a hive. There is a big difference between anorexia and teenage obesity. You still taste good, like you are supposed to, but there's just you can just tell that you are trying to lose a little weight and use artificial sweeteners. It's fine. You are beautiful no matter what the "cool kids" say. Now head on over to your black Volkswagon Jetta, pop in that old Bauhaus record, and think about what sweet kick moves you are going to do at the club tonight in front of yourself in the mirrors.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/16/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Jones Pure Cane Soda Lemon Lime
Lemon Lime: The illegitimate child of sodas. Everyone pretends to love it, but in reality it’s normally the only soda left over after the family get together. I’ve never met a single person in my life that had lemon lime as a go to pop. Sure it mixes well with other drinks, alcoholic for some and for others such as myself it works well with cranberry juice, when out at bars. On it’s own it’s just a bland soda by nature. I mean how can it not when one of its key ingredients is lemon, the most meaningless of all fruit. Lemonade is amazing, but in all other forms I could do without the golden citrus king. I wonder if lime will forever feel cheated in this arrangement. A straight up lime soda aka a Lime Rickey is a thing of beauty. It’s just too bad that on most days it’s held back by its cousin the lime.
Now that I’ve expressed in detail the mediocrity of lemon lime pop, I will say that Jones has made a version that is better than most. It’s no surprise that the reason for it’s spender is that it tastes more of lime than lemon. The use of cane sugar helps a lot as well, but it’s the lime that makes this pop worthwhile. If this is what this flavor of soda always tasted like, I feel like there wouldn’t be anything left in the coolers at the end of the party and that everyone would finally come to accept and truly love this soda made out of wedlock
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Inverted Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/11/2012
- Comments
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Jones Sugar Free Green Apple
You know what's stopping this drink from being a good drink? The fact that it sucks. This drink tastes like sour apple plastic. If you had a book for kids that every page had a different smell and one of the pages smelled like sour apple, and then you ate it, this is what it would taste like: your child's book. Why are you eating your kids books? Why are you making drinks that taste like fruity flavored plastic? Why did this drink make it to production? Not every non-diet pop is still drinkable when you exchange real sugar for artificial sweeteners. Not everything we drink is a gem. This should be more acceptable than it is but surprise! We just found the reason why we found it for seventy cents.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Splenda
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/30/2012
- Comments
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Jones Pure Cane Soda Red Apple
Rumor has it that it's been a rough year for apples. It was a blisteringly hot summer and that's not good for any sort of trees, plants, fruits, vegetables, and everything in-between. I assume the orchards aren't just throwing away bushels of lesser quality apples. I hope that there will be an influx of apple goods like apple cider, apple donuts, apple bread, something. I like apples. I like certain apples more than other but I like them all. Apple juice is good but companies as of late have been really nailing that apple flavor and not just apple flavoring things.
This pop is apple. Red apple. Not apple flavored. It says "natural and artificial flavors" but I'm thinking that's a misprint. It's a really good flavor. It's sweet but it's pop. If you've had Jones before they are a little guilty of over sweetening their pop. It's real sugar though so over sweetening with cane sugar versus artificial sweetener, in my opinion, is way more drinkable. I'm just saying they could cut back a bit.
Autumn, apples, cider, hoodies; it's all happening now, for a limited time. Fall is a short season because you take summer for every day but as soon as snow hits, it's mentally winter. That's the frigidly cold truth. I'm not telling lies over here, just truths.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Inverted Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/26/2012
- Comments
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Jones Pear Tree
Margaret had a problem with her neighbor. Well it really wasn’t her neighbor that was the problem; she was a sweet old lady. Her problem was that there wasn’t a fence between their houses and in her neighbor’s backyard there was an old pear tree. Early in the season it was great. It was a lovely looking tree and the air around it always has a soft smell of pears. As late summer (and ultimately fall) set in is when things turned poor. You see the old lady neighbor didn’t go out much because of her age and all of the pears would fall to the ground where they would begin to rot. The smell was kind of bad, but even though there was a slight scent of decay, the smell of the pears overwhelmed it. The true problem was that the rotting pears attracted armies of bees. You see Margaret had a small British looking boy that she liked to dress up as Charlie Brown to fulfill some sadistic need. When she would bring him out back to play, as soon as she looked way he always bee-lined (all puns intended) towards the tree. She always caught up to him in time, but she knew one day she wouldn’t be fast enough and it would be sting city for her little comic character brought to life.
She knew the neighbor really wasn’t fit to do anything about it so Margaret decided to clean up the pears herself this year before they began to rot. She made some pies, canned a few, but there were still mountains left over. Eventually she decided to try and make some pear soda. Since she didn’t really know what she was doing to she pleased with the way it turned out, even though it tasted a bit off, and not really like pears. She somehow managed to do to her pear soda what sour green apple candy flavoring has been doing to candy for years. It was sweet, yet slightly sour and only vaguely tasting of pears. It wasn’t great, but it was better than expected. She made up a few cases (you seriously can’t believe how many pears this tree produced) and saved them up for the holidays. You see her husband ran a soda company and his name was…wait for the reveal…Thomas Ezekiel Jones. DUM DUM DUM
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Inverted Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/14/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
