Ikea (4 reviews)
Ikea Kolsyrad Pärondryck Pear
Meatballs? Yes. Lamps? Yes. Tables? Yes. Strange, unpronounceable drinks made with otherwise common fruits? Absolutely. Ikea is quickly turning into a provider of everything one would need. A Swedish Target, if you will. Allow me to carefully type out the actual name of this drink:
Kolsyrad Pa(with umlots)rondryck
That's it. They's what they call sparkling pear juice there.
Now I hate pears. I don't like them minced, diced, creamed, marinated, with cheese, without cheese, fried, or anything in the middle. This, unfortunately, will be added to my list of exceptions because it's rather good. Crisp, and almost like a sparkling apple juice, which might be why I like it so much. Nonetheless, my buddy Steve, who I have known since I was about sixteen picked it up at the most local, but not really local, Ikea. I've been sitting on it for far too long. It's a good thing that they didn't sample it on the short drive back from Toronto because it never would have made it back. It's nicely sweet and even though I know it's made from pear, I have finished the short "tallboy" can.
Pears, we may never see eye to eye, but all of the crap I put you through and all of the bad stuff I relentlessly throw at you, you still come through with a drink like this. You are the bigger man and I am a big enough man to admit it. Does that make me a better man? Probably not. I am a lesser man than a pear is a man.
- Website
- http://www.ikea.com
- Country
- Sweden
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/9/2012
Ikea Dryck Flader Elderflower Drink
Today on Sick Sad World we will venture into the depths of the Canadian forests in search of the ever-elusive elderflower. Not much is known about this strange and fascinating creature/plant other than it lives off of human flesh, and that I have only been able to find drinks made of it in the "great white north." What's that Barry? You tangled with a bear and not an elderflower? Why didn't you tell me that earlier before he hauled all of this camera equipment out into the woods? I don't care that you didn't want to hurt my feelings. Do you know how much money we wasted? On top of that now we have to worry about bears that might rip our arms off like they did yours. Geeze. I bet elderflower doesn't even grow in Canada. I bet they aren't even sentient beings. Someone get out their phone and Wiki that for me. Okay Jim hand that Droid over here. Looks like it's just a plant that grows all over Europe and South America. Good job guys. Why didn't someone bring up doing a little research before we came up here? Okay I'll take part of the burden, but can you blame me? Those drinks have such a unique flowery yet fruity taste. It's like nothing I've ever had before and I have absolutely nothing to compare it to. Perhaps a flowery white grape juice. That's not exactly it, but it's as close as I can think of. Great now I'm craving some. Pack it up guys. We're heading home. On the way we're stopping by Ikea so I can pick up a case of those little elderflower juice boxes they have. I know you guys make fun of my when I pack them in my lunch and call me a baby, but you are the ones losing out by not drinking the delicious nectar. As long as I have that I'll take all the mockery you can shovel out. No Barry we're not going to help you carry a shelving unit for your records. You lost that privilege when you lost your arm and didn't tell us truthfully how.
- Website
- http://www.ikea.com
- Country
- Sweden
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/19/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Ikea Dryck Nypon Rosehip
I finally got my big break. I got cast as Oscar Wilde in the Hollywood blockbuster "Goin' Wilde." I don't understand why the writer felt the need to create of a story where Oscar Wilde and Gene Wilder are college roommates, but really who am I to complain. I heard that Mel Brooks was even going to have a cameo. This is truly exciting.
I feel I must get into my role. No Labatt or Budweiser for me tonight. I guess I'll try the Rosehip drink. That sounds like something good ol' Oscar would drink. Okay bartender, your job is to serve me my drink not to criticize me for my choice of drink. I am an actor! I must become my role!
Hmm this doesn't taste at all flowery like I expected. It actually kind of tastes like a watered down acai juice, but it's still thick. If the flavor was stronger I would think it was a concentrate, but as it is if I added water it wouldn't taste like anything. It's decent, but not something I would expect to drink in a bar. I would probably drink this with breakfast. What's that barkeep? Oscar Wilde was a drunk? I never knew! What was his drink of choice? Absinthe? Oh looks like I'm in for a "Wilde" night. I know it was a stupid joke. Now let me drink in peace. Go clean some glasses or something.
- Website
- http://www.ikea.com
- Country
- Sweden
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 9/7/2011
Ikea Dryck Lingon Lingonberry
Wait a second. You mean to tell me that burglars came in and stole your bed, desk, lamps, shelves, entertainment cabinet and left you electronics and cash? That's strange and a heck of a waste of their time and efforts. If anything, it's a blessing in disguise, since all your furnishings were garbage. Dude, seriously. That bed was a hand me down from your grandma and that's gross at best. You should have paid that burglar a movers wage and bought him and his numbskull team a pizza. So what now? You've got a day off, $1000 in cash, and you're handy with an allen key? Wicked, get in the Escort. I know, I know. I am working of getting a new car. I've got a lead on a great 1992 Ford Probe. Yes, it does have a different color passenger rear view mirror. We're going to Ikea. It will be an adventure of Swedish proportions!
Alright, grab that strange, unpronounceable bookshelf, bed frame, desk, and end table. Sweet. What did that run you? Only $950? Cool. Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go get some of those baby meatballs and...oh...what's this? An adorable lil' lingonberry juice box? Count me in. Dude, did you try this? It's like a watered down cranberry juice but it doesn't suck. It's not cheeky like cranberry juice and I can chug this, watch. Ohh, dude. It's everywhere. I shouldn't have thought that I could blindly aim that little straw. Good thing I'm driving because I am quite sticky.
- Website
- http://www.ikea.com
- Country
- Sweden
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/17/2011