Ikea (9 reviews)

Ikea Dryck Julmust

Ikea Dryck Julmust

This tastes better than it smells. It smells like...listen...I'll be honest with you. I haven't always been straight edge. Back in the late 90's, it was a difficult time for everyone. I snuck, a bottle of red wine out of my parent's basement over to my friend's and we hid it in the drop ceiling and took sips of it. It was disgusting then. Two, maybe three baby sips. Tops. This smelled like that but sweeter.

How did it taste? Not that much better but good enough that I drank a fair amount of this bottle. It tastes like the fruity part of wine mixed in with a can of Pepsi. It had a bit of a burn to it which was probably from "Christmas spices." It did taste like it could have been alcoholic. It wasn't but if you pulled the wool over my eyes and told me a week later, I wouldn't call you a liar. I'd call you a jerk and probably puke on your car, but I would have had my hunches the entire time.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 18th, 2017
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Ikea Saft Rabarber Rhubarb

Ikea Saft Rabarber Rhubarb

Sure this expired almost two years ago. Sure I am the one to drink it. I don't want to say that my standards are higher than Jay's, but I will say that I throw caution to the wind a little sooner when it comes to expiration dates. Also, what can go bad, right? It's just concentrated fruit juice.

Since this had sugar in it, I knew that I didn't have anything to worry about. Rhubarb is a bitter thing, man. This was well sweetened because it had an adequate amount of sugar and a minimal amount of that bitterness. It's actually pretty darn good. A four to one, water to concentrate makes it and then you're done. I thought it was a regular drink and then I saw there were directions and was honestly a little disappointed. Not in the fact that it was "more work" but just that I wanted to drink it and call it a day. Now I've got an eighty percent full container of mix that will probably go to waste since no one else will touch it because it's so old. Such is the life of a drink mix in the presence of people who care about expiration dates.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Mix/Concentrate
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 21st, 2015
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Ikea Dryck Blåbär Blueberry

Ikea Dryck Blåbär Blueberry

If you spent a lot of money on a blueberry drink, took a sip, and immediately felt ripped off, this drink is for you. This is the drink you would make if you bought that drink, got frustrated, went to the store, bought a box of blueberries, went home, juiced them, and added a little sugar.

The thing about this drink is that it might be better than blueberries. I am not the world's strongest proponent of blueberries. Unless they are really fresh, they are too squishy and I do not like the texture. I do like the taste but texture is everything and I just don't like it. Blueberries are such a “limited time offer” that it's hard to get behind them. This is better than blueberries because it is clearly a juice at heart with sugar to actually calm it down. I don't know what science the Swedes used to make this but they should keep it up because it's great.

If blueberries stayed firm and tasted like this drink, I would eat them by the handful everyday, increasing my antioxidant chart to frighteningly high levels where I might be immune to small gauge bullets. Until then, I am well less than immune.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 11th, 2013
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Ikea Swedish Festive Drink Dryck Paskmust

Ikea Swedish Festive Drink Dryck Paskmust

It’s that time of year again. The great hunt in Sweden is upon us. Every year in late March Sweden sends its greatest warriors out into the fields and meadows to hunt the most dangerous beast of all, the “Easter Bunny.” The Western world only knows of the cute, cuddly rabbit that is used as a spokesperson for the commercial holiday. Like most holidays there is a darker history to it. In the third month of every year a fierce beast awakens to roam the Swedish countryside murdering children in order to steal their Fish (Swedish Fish to us Westerners). No one wants those children murdered, especially if it’s just for candy. So warriors head out and set up traps made from sugary treats. Once it’s captured (it’s not exceptionally hard since Anni-Frid from ABBA designed a mechanism to hold the devilish creatures) the Easter Bunny is exsanguinated and it’s blood is gathered into barrels, where it is malted. The results are called Dryck Paskmust and the Swedish drink it on the morning of Easter Sunday to celebrate a battle won, and in hopes of a great harvest the upcoming year.

Here at Thirsty Dudes we were lucky enough to procure a bottle of this sacred treat. Look at those hell demons on that label. Each of those foul creatures has been laid to rest and we are celebrating on their life force. For some reason their blood is carbonated, which just cannot feel good as it is coursing through their veins. It has a sweet candied semi-energy drink taste to it that is mixed in with the malt flavor. It’s one of those drinks that tastes a bit strange to those who did not grow up on it, but I’m sure is a much sought after treat to those who have had it since birth. I just keep finding myself wondering if all of this death could be avoided if barrels of Swedish Fish were just left in the fields for the bunnies. Can’t we all just live in harmony?

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 26th, 2013
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Ikea Kolsyrad Pärondryck Pear

Ikea Kolsyrad Pärondryck Pear

Meatballs? Yes. Lamps? Yes. Tables? Yes. Strange, unpronounceable drinks made with otherwise common fruits? Absolutely. Ikea is quickly turning into a provider of everything one would need. A Swedish Target, if you will. Allow me to carefully type out the actual name of this drink:
Kolsyrad Pa(with umlots)rondryck

That's it. They's what they call sparkling pear juice there.

Now I hate pears. I don't like them minced, diced, creamed, marinated, with cheese, without cheese, fried, or anything in the middle. This, unfortunately, will be added to my list of exceptions because it's rather good. Crisp, and almost like a sparkling apple juice, which might be why I like it so much. Nonetheless, my buddy Steve, who I have known since I was about sixteen picked it up at the most local, but not really local, Ikea. I've been sitting on it for far too long. It's a good thing that they didn't sample it on the short drive back from Toronto because it never would have made it back. It's nicely sweet and even though I know it's made from pear, I have finished the short "tallboy" can.

Pears, we may never see eye to eye, but all of the crap I put you through and all of the bad stuff I relentlessly throw at you, you still come through with a drink like this. You are the bigger man and I am a big enough man to admit it. Does that make me a better man? Probably not. I am a lesser man than a pear is a man.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 9th, 2012
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Ikea Dryck Flader Elderflower Drink

Ikea Dryck Flader Elderflower Drink

Today on Sick Sad World we will venture into the depths of the Canadian forests in search of the ever-elusive elderflower. Not much is known about this strange and fascinating creature/plant other than it lives off of human flesh, and that I have only been able to find drinks made of it in the "great white north." What's that Barry? You tangled with a bear and not an elderflower? Why didn't you tell me that earlier before he hauled all of this camera equipment out into the woods? I don't care that you didn't want to hurt my feelings. Do you know how much money we wasted? On top of that now we have to worry about bears that might rip our arms off like they did yours. Geeze. I bet elderflower doesn't even grow in Canada. I bet they aren't even sentient beings. Someone get out their phone and Wiki that for me. Okay Jim hand that Droid over here. Looks like it's just a plant that grows all over Europe and South America. Good job guys. Why didn't someone bring up doing a little research before we came up here? Okay I'll take part of the burden, but can you blame me? Those drinks have such a unique flowery yet fruity taste. It's like nothing I've ever had before and I have absolutely nothing to compare it to. Perhaps a flowery white grape juice. That's not exactly it, but it's as close as I can think of. Great now I'm craving some. Pack it up guys. We're heading home. On the way we're stopping by Ikea so I can pick up a case of those little elderflower juice boxes they have. I know you guys make fun of my when I pack them in my lunch and call me a baby, but you are the ones losing out by not drinking the delicious nectar. As long as I have that I'll take all the mockery you can shovel out. No Barry we're not going to help you carry a shelving unit for your records. You lost that privilege when you lost your arm and didn't tell us truthfully how.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 19th, 2011
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Ikea Dryck Nypon Rosehip

Ikea Dryck Nypon Rosehip

I finally got my big break. I got cast as Oscar Wilde in the Hollywood blockbuster "Goin' Wilde." I don't understand why the writer felt the need to create of a story where Oscar Wilde and Gene Wilder are college roommates, but really who am I to complain. I heard that Mel Brooks was even going to have a cameo. This is truly exciting.

I feel I must get into my role. No Labatt or Budweiser for me tonight. I guess I'll try the Rosehip drink. That sounds like something good ol' Oscar would drink. Okay bartender, your job is to serve me my drink not to criticize me for my choice of drink. I am an actor! I must become my role!

Hmm this doesn't taste at all flowery like I expected. It actually kind of tastes like a watered down acai juice, but it's still thick. If the flavor was stronger I would think it was a concentrate, but as it is if I added water it wouldn't taste like anything. It's decent, but not something I would expect to drink in a bar. I would probably drink this with breakfast. What's that barkeep? Oscar Wilde was a drunk? I never knew! What was his drink of choice? Absinthe? Oh looks like I'm in for a "Wilde" night. I know it was a stupid joke. Now let me drink in peace. Go clean some glasses or something.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 7th, 2011
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Ikea Kolsyrad Appeldryck

Ikea Kolsyrad Appeldryck

The first time I ever heard of Ikea was in the following context: "And I wasn't the only slave to my nesting instinct. The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalog." That's right, Fight Club introduced me to Ikea. Those two sentences left me with no interest whatsoever to look into this company further. I thought it was some yuppy upscale mail order Sky Mall type scenario. Cut to several years later and I'm helping a friend move to Brooklyn. We get her minimal possessions loaded into her new apartment and then we drive to New Jersey so she can buy some stuff from Ikea. The quote from Fight Club suddenly made perfect sense. It's like a giant toy/candy store for adults. There was some neat stuff, but I had no need for it. Now cut to nearly a decade later and here I am with an apartment full of Swedish bookshelves. I gave in. They make some decent furniture and it's affordable. I'm not getting off over a catalog, but I know some people that would.

Is there a point to this? Not really, I just wanted to tie in Fight Club with this, because it's still my first thought whenever someone mentions the store. I went to Canada last weekend to get some shelving units and picked up a couple of their drinks. This one is sparkling apple juice. It tastes like a slightly lighter version of the sparkling apple juice that us non-drinkers buy for New Years Eve. It's a very specific taste that normal apple juice and cider doesn't have. I like it. It's sweeter and slightly fermented tasting. A carbonated version of what my grandpa would slip me a sip of when I was a kid.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 21st, 2011
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Ikea Dryck Lingon Lingonberry

Ikea Dryck Lingon Lingonberry

Wait a second. You mean to tell me that burglars came in and stole your bed, desk, lamps, shelves, entertainment cabinet and left you electronics and cash? That's strange and a heck of a waste of their time and efforts. If anything, it's a blessing in disguise, since all your furnishings were garbage. Dude, seriously. That bed was a hand me down from your grandma and that's gross at best. You should have paid that burglar a movers wage and bought him and his numbskull team a pizza. So what now? You've got a day off, $1000 in cash, and you're handy with an allen key? Wicked, get in the Escort. I know, I know. I am working of getting a new car. I've got a lead on a great 1992 Ford Probe. Yes, it does have a different color passenger rear view mirror. We're going to Ikea. It will be an adventure of Swedish proportions!

Alright, grab that strange, unpronounceable bookshelf, bed frame, desk, and end table. Sweet. What did that run you? Only $950? Cool. Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go get some of those baby meatballs and...oh...what's this? An adorable lil' lingonberry juice box? Count me in. Dude, did you try this? It's like a watered down cranberry juice but it doesn't suck. It's not cheeky like cranberry juice and I can chug this, watch. Ohh, dude. It's everywhere. I shouldn't have thought that I could blindly aim that little straw. Good thing I'm driving because I am quite sticky.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 17th, 2011
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