Starbucks (4 reviews)
Starbucks Refreshers Orange Melon
Impatience. We’ve learned to treat this as anything but a virtue. Like that time that Mitch Hedberg told the wino who he saw eating grapes “Dude, you have to wait!” Apparently the folks at Starbucks never got that memo and they harvested their coffee beans too early. You see the little buggers were still green. They were in no shape to be roasted and eventually brewed into a $4 cup of coffee at one of their stores. The thing is that unlike everydayman the Starbucks head honchos are an industrious type. They knew that the green coffee still has high caffeine content. They didn’t want their crop to go to waste, so armed with this knowledge they decided to make a chilled energy drink. They took some sparkling water, mixed in some orange, apple, grape and watermelon juice, and then put in the extract from the green coffee and some other ingredients to help create energy (physicists be damned). For an afterthought due to impatience it is crazy how good these drinks ended up tasting. It almost tastes like a mellow Orangina, with a little bit of a watermelon kick. Unlike almost every other energy drink in the world, this one tastes like you’re really just drinking some sparkling juice. It also has a low calorie sweetener in it, but the taste of it is nicely hidden. It’s only really noticeable slightly in the aftertaste. Well played Starbucks. It’s shocking that a drink in one of your shops costs about as much as three of these did in the supermarket, and these taste way better.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Coffee, Diet, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/29/2012
Starbucks Refreshers Raspberry Pomegranate
Corporations, man. They're eating our society up. Everywhere you look there is another chain restaurant eating up the once freethinking eatery that was there before. It's a plague on our society. Everyone is a capitalistic pig whose only concern is sex and money. Everyone just wants to make a quick buck using as little of their brain as possible by buying someone else's franchise and cashing in on the lemmings. The sad part is that they will succeed because we're conditioned to accept these franchise STDs as common in our lazy society. What ever happened to small, mom-and-pop stores? There was nothing wrong with them and there was a helpful, local, friendly feeling to them. Now everything is painted in a coat of cold steel and wood and cookie cutter'd out as if corporate America is just churning out mediocrity to feed it's overpopulated, suburban sprawl.
What? I'm kind of in the middle of something here. Can I help you? What? You expect me to drink this? Starbucks is some of the worst people that existed. It's roots were hardily into West Coast soil but once they found out they could make a buck or two expanding, they littered America with their stores, merchandise, and cups, filling up landfills and valuable property, raising the cost of living and pushing the less fortunate so the wealthy can devour mediocre fare like so many before them. Fine, since you said "please" I will drink this for you to prove to you how terrible and awfully average Starb....ohh...this is actually good....er...I mean. This is alright for a corporation. The raspberry is pretty strong and the aftertaste or pomegranate is pretty refreshing. Only 60 calories per can? Oh, Stevia. Cool. That's a pretty, mostly all-natural drink that uses coffee like Bai to infuse energy into their drink naturally. It's nicely, sweetened and the Reb-A isn't overpowering and overly sweet.
Starbucks is a plague on society not unlike boils and frogs, but I've got to admit, this is really good. I guess a company that makes this can't be all bad. They've got to have some people working there that understand "good" and I will try and keep a little bit more of an open mind.
Did someone say something about WalMart back there? Are you carrying a WalMart bag? Oh, sir, did you just open a thirty to forty minute can of worms. Please, take a seat. I've got some things to say.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Reb A
- Categories
- Coffee, Diet, Energy Drink, Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/22/2012
Starbucks Doubleshot Mocha
One of my two bosses drinks at least one of these a day. It didn't occur to me that we hadn't reviewed one yet so I borrowed some which if he asks for it back; it will be in a disgustingly different form.
Starbucks has some good "on the shelf" stuff. This is good. You know why it's good? Because it doesn't taste anything like an energy drink. Strange how that works, eh? I love this drink because of it's false advertising. I would expect this to taste like coffee spilled into some brat kids plastic pumpkin head of nothing but plain chocolate and Pixie Stix. Scene:
"Trick or Treat!" says the little girl. "It's November, kid. Get out of here," your grandpa says. "I know, but I want candy and my mom said that I can't have any and I know that when I go to other people's houses and ask with a ghost costume on, they give me candy. See? Look. I've got some chocolate and someone had Pixie Stix left over. They said they were to old for Pixie Stix and gave me a handful of them." "Oh yeah?" said grandpappy. "Well here's what I think of your out of the box thinking." he said as he pours an entire carafe of old coffee into the boys plastic jack-o-lantern, but before the boys leaves, the old man dips his cup into the pail now filled with floating candy bars, Pixie Stix wrappers, old coffee, and the little boys tears, and takes it to his lips. He enjoys it, because he's a terrible old man.
End scene.
Thing is, it doesn't taste like that. It's a smooth coffee drink. If I didn't know better, I would just say that it's a mocha Frappuccino. You even get a periodic taste of real coffee, which is a nice touch, I must say. Who knows how much actual caffeine is in there, between the coffee and whatever other energy supplements they have in there.
I hope that story that was completely fabricated never comes true. I would hate to see a sad ghost kid walking down the street with damp, coffee stained candy.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/18/2011
Starbucks Frappuccino Mint Mocha
Starbucks. There's one not too far from my house and I try as hard as I can to not go in there. Only reason I do is when my girlfriend needs to get a coffee and she yells at me when I want to stay outside. I never want to go in anywhere. My epitaph might say, "Do you want to run in while I stay in the car?" I was in Starbucks last week and she forced me to get a hot cocoa. It was great, but I didn't want it. I don't drink coffee so for the sake of me (and the sake of an establishment that doesn't want people it can't sell to) I don't go there. No offense.
Something happened inside of coffee shops and I don't think that it's a wanted or desired thing. Fifty percent of the seats have been taken over by people on laptops. I don't believe they were just checking email, either. I feel they were doing some sort of work that takes an adequate amount of time. Every food place I've ever worked has basically tried to get you in and out as quickly as they can because quick turnover means more money. You on your laptop write a thesis on how the Cosby show portrayed Black America in a good light at a coffee shoppe means that while you're there taking up space, no one else can come in, sit down, drink a cup of coffee, and scoot. You who are reading a book about how the harvesting of the ivory tusks of elephants to make chopsticks is a thriving but illegal business is not allowing a tired mother who has schlepped her crying kid around all day and just wants to sit down and enjoy a chai latte a place to sit, as she is entitled to do.
I hold a grudge towards those people who do this sort of action and it is not something that happened a little. I have completely written off coffee shops that sell decent food because jerk college kids think that a coffee shop is actually the common room in the dorm where they can stretch out and work on English 101 homework with their study group.
I believe for this reason, Starbucks has created this drink. For the inconsiderate person on the go. It's got that coffee name you can trust, plus coffee, plus some cocoa, plus mint, in case you decided that you would rather drink a drink that is horrible for you, albeit delicious, instead of brushing your teeth. Now, I know that last part isn't true, but if Starbucks brick and mortar stores have just given up and are alright with housing people on computers all day, then they needed to create an outside revenue resource. The Frappuccino was born. Now, the baristas can make seventeen drinks in one eight hour shift for eight people while no one can get in and out because the middle of the establishment is so full of power cables running to and from people's computers, that it looks like a rubber and plastic spider has been created as some sort of garbage "art as an installation" piece in the center of all and every Starbucks.
Starbucks. You don't need me to come in. Do not be sore at me for I do not hate your establishment. Your mint mocha Frappuccino is delicious and I've got three more to keep my mouth pleased. You do need to start charging for Wi-Fi and/or electricity to start getting some people out of your shops.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/6/2011