Tommyknocker - 3 Reviews

Franklin loves pancakes. He can't get enough of them. Some people have breakfast for dinner once and awhile as a treat, but Franklin has had pancakes for every meal for the past decade. You see his mother didn't approve of them. You see Franklin's father left her for the waitress who worked at the diner that would go to every week after church. Every week he would order a half-stack and silently flirt. One day he ordered a full-stack and once he polished them all off he announced that he was leaving the family, grabbed the waitress by the hand and disappeared into the summer sun. Franklin's mother never really recovered. To try and save face she blamed it all on the “devil's flapjacks” as she called them. From the time he was 7 until he left home at 18 Franklin never tasted another johnnycake. He would never let his mother know the truth, but as soon as he left home his obsession took hold and he ate battery goodness at every chance. He would drown them in maple syrup and just dig in. Sure he gained a lot of weight, but wasn't it worth it for that forbidden fruit?

Franklin eventually got a job at Tommyknocker soda brewery. He started as janitor, but slowly worked his way up to brewmaster general. It was then and only then that his genius was released on the world. Franklin put together a recipe that was sure to turn the soda world on its ear. He somehow successfully combined the nation's love of root beer with his own love of pancakes. Don't ask me how, I certainly don't know. He keeps his recipe locked tightly in the safe that is his mind. All I know is that the Tommyknocker root beer tastes like a nice vanilla and licorice heavy root beer that has been infused with liquefied pancakes that had drowned in a sea of syrup. It's strange. I'm not a fan of maple syrup myself, so I'm not a huge fan of this, but if you are this will leave you in a sticky sweet heaven.

Gnomes enjoy mixing fruits and creams. Reason being they live in a region that encourages growth of all fruit year round. They also work for a large creamery owned and operated by gnomes. Seriously, everyone that works or is affiliated with the creamery is a gnome.

Gnomes are partial to strawberries and they thought that it would be a good idea to mix their finest cream with their regular strawberries. This led to the creation of this pop. Problem is that the gnomes have remarkable taste buds. Think of the way dogs can hear awesomely.

Us average sized people do not have the fine tunings of a gnome and therefore the flavors of this pop is lost on us. Everything is dumbed down and it tastes sweet and then as an aftertaste you get a tiny bit of strawberry.

Gnomes don't quite though so this pop will be made until the creamery closes it's doors for the last time. For the gnome's sake, I don't want that to happen. I just don't want them out of work, you know? These are tough times.

Tommyknocker soda has no affiliation with the Stephen King novel/movie of the same name. The bottle tells us that Tommyknockers are mischievous elves that came to Colorado in 1859 for the gold rush. They apparently guided miners to the "motherlode." The bearded fellow on the label doesn't look like any elf I've ever seen in the moving pictures or storybooks. He looks more like a dwarf. I expect that just out of view of the picture there is a giant hammer laying around. I mean how else is he going to break all of those giant rocks to find gold. I wonder how much wax from that candle on his helmet he has to pick out of his beard. It's a pretty glorious beard and it would be hella annoying to have to pick wax out of something so majestic.

This is a dessert soda if I've ever had one. You have yourself a nice big meal and then you sit out on your porch as dusk sets in taking sips off of a bottle. That's exactly how I spent my evening. Porch sitting with my cats and a bottle of almond creme. I bet it wouldn't go very well with a meal, but after dinner is done it's just wonderful. It's slightly heavier on the vanilla than the almond, but I think straight up almond might have been too much. These so called elves have gotten the proper proportion down.