China (31 reviews)

Kowloon Vegetarian Plum

Kowloon Vegetarian Plum

There is an ex-construction, current architect in the office and I made him drink this. He was unsuspecting and this caught him off guard. Want to know why? It's completely disgusting. Reason I bring up his current and past job experience is that he described it as old oak. That man knows a thing or two about wood. Another dude here who is not an ex-construction or current architect described this to taste like a burning house. I'm drinking something that has everything to do with smoking and flames and wood. In China, this is what they drink. Now I don't know how frequently they are doing this, but come on. Who is really drinking this? It's complex as heck but there is no great payoff. If you had juice, burned a piece of wood in a bonfire, took that piece of wood out and marinated it in the juice and then drank the juice, that's what I am drinking.

Please. Someone. I know that people from China read this blog. I check the analytics and although it's not a great number, we do have traffic from China. Explain to me either here or via our contact form what is appealing to you about these plum/prune drinks. I can't wrap my head around it.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 26th, 2012
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Hung Fook Tong Imperatae Cane Drink

Hung Fook Tong Imperatae Cane Drink

Is it possible to strain a liquid through a liquid? I suppose it would be. If you wanted to strain water through an oil, that would work. It's a matter of volume and separation. You may have to go through some sort of skimming process to take a layer off, but that works.

This drink, which sucks, tastes like you strained sweet tea through soup; iced tea through all the corn, peas, carrots, broth and the like. I gave this drink to our new employee slash my new coworker and she knocked it out of the park. I made her just smell it and she said that it smelled like water chestnuts and me, hating water chestnuts, am not too familiar with the scent. Number two ingredient after water? You guessed it, new girl: water chestnuts.
You're re-hired™. Take that, Donald Trump. I've coined my own phrase that people have been using for years and called it my own.

Website
http://www.hungfooktong.com/tc/
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar Cane
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 4th, 2013
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Buy Now
Imperatae Cane Drink - 16.9oz [3 units] by Hung Fook Tong.

Cici Jelly Juice Strawberry

Cici Jelly Juice Strawberry

Woah jelly. Get it? Like "Woah Nelly," the debut album from Nelly Furtado. Get it? Hilarious. I'm hilarious. I also write all my own jokes. Ladies, seriously, I'm a gem.

This is a strange drink. Do I need to say that? It comes in a bag like a Capri Sun except with a pre-installed straw. Nice of Cici to do so. Thanks, Cici. This drink has nata de coco but it is more like an aloe vera than, say a
Mogu Mogu drink. It's also way less "stingy" than that but, in exchange, way more potent. Almost like a strawberry perfume. Something girls would wear in 4th grade to attract boys, even though 4th grades should spend more time on long division and less time on perfume and boys.

Alas, this is not a great drink. I'm no yuppie, but I find this drink uncivilized. Kids though? Kids would/should/do (probably) love this stuff. You can too for the ultra low price of around 70 cents. They have a lot of different flavors, too, and multipacks with a couple in it. This of them like juice-boxes, in bags, with chunks, built in straws, and less good.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10270133646
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Jelly, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 16th, 2010
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Wei-Chuan Yang-mei

Wei-Chuan Yang-mei

Yang-mei is the official name for yum-berry. This is my first adventure in a straight up yum-berry beverage, and I have to tell you I'm not that impressed. It tastes like a foreign fruit punch. Does that make sense? Is that racist somehow? I don't know and I don't really care. It's insanely sweet. I can't even drink this entire 17oz bottle in one sitting. This is my third attempt at it. I think I'm looking at two more. I even had to check to make sure it wasn't a concentrate. It's not, just tons of sugar was involved with it's creation.

Website
http://www.weichuanusa.com/
Country
China
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 2nd, 2011
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Uni-President Starfruit (carambola)

Uni-President Starfruit (carambola)

Oh big man. Yeah. You're a big man with a juice box. Look at you. You look ridiculous. You driving a Harley Davidson motorcycle, have a giant beard, and have a full time job as a lumberjack is completely negated because you are drinking a juice box. Look, I'm a librarian and I'm standing up to you. I am five foot two and you are easily a foot and a half taller and I feel confident standing up to you.

What are you even drinking there? Starfruit juice? Man! What a sissy! Can you believe this dude? Oh, you want me to try it? Yeah, dude. I'll crush this thing. Juice. Who cares. All day I'll drink this. Oh...oh man...what is this? This isn't starfruit. It's like a fruit that you meant to put sugar on but didn't know which container had the sugar and which had the salt and you made a terrible mistake. This tastes like salty fruit. Like that acceptable amount of salt in a Gatorade blown way out of proportion. Ugh, and you're just drinking this stuff? You really are a big man. I'm sorry about those things that I said. Drink boxes are secret recepticles that hide mystery drinks. My hat off to you. You are truly a manly man.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
China
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 19th, 2012
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Fuzhou Olive

Fuzhou Olive

I found this drink once before and did not buy it because it was two years expired. It sought me out and demanded I drink it. Now, I found this and my heart dropped because I thought this was going to be the drink to "do it." What do I mean by "do it?" Why, throw up, of course. I put this in the fridge today in anticipation of possibly doing it, but I'm a Thirsty Dude, I have to drink everything. This is part of everything, ergo I have to drink it.

First sip was a tiny sip. If this were going to make me sick, the sip I took would have warned my body that terror was about to strike. It was prefacing my body to prepare for the onslaught that was about to come. My poor body. It probably hates me. I throw absolute garbage at it every day and it does me pretty well.

I was surprised, though. It was not poison but an almost drinkable beverage. If you can imagine a green olive inside a lemonade, that would be this. A kid martini. It tasted a lot less like a green olive than I was expecting. I'm not drinking more than 10% of this as I still fear it but I conquered it nonetheless.

In closing I will tell you what it says on the front and you can determine for yourself if what I said matches the companies statement on said drink:
"A wonderful gift bestowed by nature with a distinctive flavor"

Website
http://www.great-olive.com
Country
China
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 19th, 2012
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Hung Fook Tong Grosvenor Momordica Fruit Drink

Hung Fook Tong Grosvenor Momordica Fruit Drink

What can I say about the grosvenor momordica that hasn’t been said a million times before? I mean it is the most common foodstuff on this planet we call Earth. I can’t remember a day when I didn’t wake up in the morning and pour myself a large bowl of grosvenor for breakfast. Well I must have been but a wee child the last time I went without it.

For those of you who are visiting from other planets or galaxies I will do my best to describe this most familiar of foods. I mean how does one describe something that is as common as water? It is a fruit that grows on a vine that, and it is said to be 300 times sweeter than sugar, but it is naturally low in calories. You may also know it by it’s more commonplace name: monk fruit. When it’s made into a drink like this one it is typically mixed in with some liquorice root. The result is a beverage that is fairly sweet, but tastes like a watered down throat coat tea. I can’t believe I actually typed all of that out since you all obviously know exactly what it tastes like. I’m sure the mental image I painted left your mouth watering and you made your way to the pantry to prepare yourself a nice little snack that will give you the comfort of your childhood blankie.

Website
http://www.hungfooktong.com/tc/
Country
China
Sweetener
Extract of Grosvenor Momordica Fruit
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 6th, 2013
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Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Cheng Kang Strawberry Soybean Drink

Do you remember when you were a kid and Strawberry Quik was one of the best things ever? Well, this is the soy version of that. Okay, you caught me. I am a liar. This wishes that it was the soy version of that. Actually I believe that at some point in its creation that is exactly what it might have been but then things went wonky. It tastes like they had two vats, one filled with soymilk and another filled with sweetened strawberry flavoring. I can only imagine that they meant to water down the soy vat to make it slightly less soy-y, but someone at the factory messed up and watered down the flavoring instead. The result was a beverage that tasted very strongly of soy and not as boldly of strawberry.

Instead of this tasting like nice strong strawberry milk it ended up tasting like the soymilk left over after a bowl of Frankenberry. I don’t think anyone wants this.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk, Soy
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 13th, 2013
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Hung Fook Tong Salted Mandarin Drink With Mandarin Pulps

Hung Fook Tong Salted Mandarin Drink With Mandarin Pulps

Man while I’m sitting back relaxing drinking my juice I can only think about how the rest of the world is full of suckers. They are all drinking regular orange juice and here I am living like a king drinking mandarin juice, and it even has pulp. I swear in some parts of the world this really would make me royalty. Mandarin juice is just so superior. It has its own unique taste, which still clearly being part of the orange family. Jim, you haven’t had much to say about his. Actually why are you making a giant pile of salt out here on the back deck. Oh, you’re saving up so you have a surplus next winter because you just want to spread it over the driveway so you never have to shovel? Well, I’m not sure if that will work, but I like the way you think, and I give you points for ingenuity. Why don’t you pull yourself up a hammock and grab a nice glass of mandarin juice and take in a slice of the good life. Oh man, Jim! You’ve covered in salt and a bunch of it got into the juice. This is why no one likes you Jim; you ruin even the simplest of things.

You’re still drinking the juice? Did you see how much salt dissolved in there? You say it’s not that bad? Give it here! Actually you’re right, this is not nearly as salty as I would have expected, and it gives the juice a certain charm. Actually no, I was wrong. One or two sips was okay, but the more I drink the more I notice the salt and it’s kind of ruining everything, much like yourself. I feel like I might try putting a dash of salt into my next carafe of mandarin juice, but anything more than a pinch is just too much. I can’t make it even a third of the way through this glass. Jim, you’re lucky I’m not the king I previously pretended to be or else it would be off with your head!

Website
http://www.hungfooktong.com/tc/
Country
China
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 1st, 2014
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Cici Jelly Juice Pineapple

Cici Jelly Juice Pineapple

Mike wasn't really into the Cici drink he had, but I think this is fun. It's not something that I want a lot, but it's a nice treat. It has both jello and nata de coco in it. It's actually more of a dessert than a beverage. It's not really very fluid. It's more of a liquid jello with nata de coco in it. It has a pineapple taste, but it doesn't taste exactly like a pineapple. That's my only real complaint.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10270133646
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Jelly, Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 23rd, 2010
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