China (31 reviews)

Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

First of all, dudes at work don't know how I do. I invited six people to drink this and give me a review. I said, "Here's your chance to be on a famous website no different than if you were Caroline Rhea or Anthony Michael Hall." They laughed, threw tomatoes at me like this was the early 1900's. I didn't even know we had tomatoes in the office but there is some sort of secret closet that contains nothing but over-ripened tomatoes ready for the next bad joke or snake oil salesman. In this case, it was my attempt to make half a dozen dudes filthy rich like me. Your loss, turds. Your loss.

How's this? Well, it's fine. It tastes like chocolate milk. One said, "It tastes like hot cocoa. No. It tastes like Yoo-hoo." which I kind of agree with. If there is tea in this, and I'm not doubting there is, it is promptly and sufficiently overshadowed by sugar and chocolate. Is that the worst thing in the world? No. Is the fact that it is eight months past expiration date that really makes it? No. It isn't. It just tastes like chocolate milk. That's cool, right? Yes and no. I wanted a chocolate tea with Jasmine and Rooibos tea, as friggin' promised. I just got a white person's chocolate milk. We all know that white people are the worst, right? I mean, enjoy your mac and cheese, idiots.

To the six people that drank this that are not on my yacht, think twice next time I offer you something you can't read the label for that you saw three other people drink before you. It could be the thing that turns your life around. Now I'm sorry but I have to go put tanning oil on hot babes that aren't my wife. My wife is cool with it. She told me she was.



As I tend to do, I spoke too soon.

Nick said:


I was approached by Mike with a nod and a wink, which of course either meant it was time for an afternoon tryst... or time to sample a new beverage. As I do require continued employment and HR frowns on at-work conjugal relations, it was fortunately the latter.

The beverage in question was a bottle which was decidedly not labeled for sale in America, fully decked out in Asian-language glyphs. OK, we have a potential mouth party, here. Strap in, taste buds.

I did see one English word: chocolate. Now, chocolate for me can be a multi-layer extravaganza of flavors, or a cloyingly sweet abomination of which Hershey's would be proud. The first sip showed this drink leaned more towards the latter. Primary flavor: sweet. Meh. There's also a texture that says to me there's some milk or other form of emulsified fat going on here. It's feels a little creamy.

What followed was a flavor I can describe as not-hot hot chocolate. Yeah, you know... the cup of hot chocolate you made to warm up after snow-blowing the GD driveway for the second time today, only to be drawn away by a wife request for something that clearly would have been less time for her to just do herself, and then later re-discover your room-temp cup, and then remembering as you drink it that room-temp hot chocolate is not nearly as good, and become lost in a downward spiral of negative emotions. Maybe that's just me, though. OK, I'm exaggerating. It's not bad. It's just not *good*. I wouldn't seek it out for this part. Thus far, we're not looking at a beverage I'd actively seek out again.

Ah - but the last, lingering hit of background tastes (and aftertaste). There's something going on here. Putting a finger on it is nigh impossible, between OMG SWEET and the milky texture and the mild cocoa. But there's... something. A complex of multiple things, very subtle. I'd later learn this was tea and hibiscus. It could have been turmeric and turpentine for all I could tell; they're so muted. But it *was* pleasant.
Is the little blend of almost missed flavors enough to make this a repeat drink?

Nah. I think it would have benefited from those secondary flavors being brought forward more.

I'm happy to have sampled it, and I enjoyed drinking what I had, but no, I wouldn't buy one. I'd probably have a hit if it was given to me. Especially if it was from Mike... with that wink and nod.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 25th, 2019
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Wong Lo Kat Herbal Tea

Wong Lo Kat Herbal Tea

Did you know that the only things that vegans consume are leaves and bark? It's true, just ask Derek. When a vegan works up a hunger they scamper out into the woods and fill up their satchel with some nice leaves and bark. Then they bring them home and make a nice sandwich out of them. Don't worry they aren't murderers; they only eat the leaves on the ground and the bark from fallen or dead trees.

Okay that may have been stretching the truth, but I have had basically that conversation verbatim with a woman in a restaurant before. She really believed everything I mentioned above to be true. Some people are just complete idiots.

While vegans don't solely consume those things, there are people out there who eat sticks. I know because all three of us here at Thirsty Dudes did just that a couple of weeks ago. We were in a local natural foods store and on the counter they had a jar of licorice sticks. They were exactly that: sticks from a licorice plant. We were interested. We each bought one and chewed on them for about a half hour. It was actually tasty until they started falling apart in our mouths.

This tea tastes like someone brewed some black tea, added a whole lot of milk and sugar and then drank it while chewing on one of those sticks. There are a whole bunch of other herbs in it as well, but all I can taste in the licorice and I like it....a lot.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 29th, 2011
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Wonderfarm Aloe Vera Juice Drink Melon

Wonderfarm Aloe Vera Juice Drink Melon

For years I've trudged across this planet in search of a holy grail of sorts. No not Ecto Cooler (well I have been looking for it, but I can buy expired stuff on eBay), what I speak of is the elusive cantaloupe juice. Why can't I find it? I'm beginning to thin that it just doesn't exist which is ridiculous because cantaloupes are super juicy and messy to eat. Someone needs to harness that power so I can enjoy a nice tall glass of it.

On my last trip to Toronto I found this in an Asian market and I briefly thought my arduous trip had come to an end. That full melon sure looks like cantaloupe, but on closer inspection the slice is green and very obviously honeydew. Drats. I have nothing against honeydew, but you have to admit it's doesn't come close to touching cantaloupe. That being said this is one heck of a drink. Even though the ingredients list it as "melon flavor" I sure thought it was actual honeydew juice. It taste exactly like biting into an extremely ripe melon that has been soaking in sugar water. The aloe chunks in it are great. It's easy to forget that they are aloe and not melon pulp. Oh man cantaloupe juice with pulp in it would be a dream come true. Until someone gets up the guts to make the worlds best juice looks like I'll have to settle for these little cans of awesome.

Website
http://www.wonderfarmonline.com/
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 17th, 2011
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Clic Sparkling Water Beverage Mango

Clic Sparkling Water Beverage Mango

Before I even begin to think about describing the flavor of this drink I have to mention the packaging. Is it necessary? I don't know, but I can tell you that it is really, really cool, even if it is a bit impractical. It's like someone took a 20oz bottle, but it in half and put the top of a can of pop on top to seal the goodness in. I really don't see any benefits of this, besides looking awesome. The joy of plastic is that it is resealable, which this is not. Also, I don't know how well it would work for stacking the cans. It seems like they would fall over a lot easier with that bottom. Oh well, I'm not a stock boy so it's not my problem. I'll just sit back and admire the strangeness of it.

Now on for the purpose of this site, to let the public know how different beverages taste. I shockingly really enjoyed this. Flavored sparkling water isn't really my forte (I can't stand the seltzer taste), but I guess when you add a bunch of sugar to a carbonated water it technically becomes a pop. This tastes like a very light pop that actually tastes just like mangoes. There is no seltzer flavor in this can at all. My only issue is that by the time you get towards the bottom of the bottle/can (should we embrace "bottan" or "cannle" for it's name?) you get a slight hint of the aspartame that is hiding towards the bottom of the ingredients list. Other than that this is great with about half the sugar of normal soda.

Website
http://www.clicfoods.com
Country
China
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 30th, 2011
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Cici Aloe Jelly Drink

Cici Aloe Jelly Drink

I do believe that giving this to an expecting person would very likely result in your shoes and shirt being covered in vomit. It looks like it should be a foreign take on the juice box, which it essentially is. The thing is that not only does this have chunks of aloe in it, but it also has bits of nata de coco. I imagine someone taking a big squeeze of it into their mouth, expecting juice city, and then they are greeted with a mouthful of slime and chunks. It's a chunk overload and I absolutely love it. I'm actually skeptical to call this a drink because there are so many chunks that it's more like a semi-solid.

Let me break it down this way. This is basically a blood bag filled with apple juice with aloe sludge in it that is peppered with bits of nata de coco. It tastes exactly like someone mixed some plain flavored aloe juice with some apple juice. This is so much better than it should be.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10270133646
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky, Jelly
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 12th, 2012
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Lucozade Energy Tropical

Lucozade Energy Tropical

For those of you, like myself, who were unimpressed by the original flavor of Lucozade I urge you to try their tropical variety. While the sugar water taste of the original in just there, not offensive or great, this type I would actually go out of my way to drink. It has a nice passionfruit and pineapple combination of a taste to it. I expected it to taste like one of the more flavorful Gatorades, as to be comparable to their flagship flavor, but this is like a completely different product. It’s very sweet, but sometimes that is exactly what you’re looking for in a drink.

This is marketed as an energy drink, but as far as I can tell the only things in here that would give you energy are sugar and caffeine. In reality it’s as much of an energy drink as a can of Coke. I guess that’s way healthier than the amount of chemical junk Americans put in their bodies in the name of being a little more awake.

One great thing about this label is that it is made in China, but the text is half in English and half Spanish. A lot of the text is there in both forms, but there is some that is only in one of the languages. It’s not a big thing at all, but for some reason it made me laugh.

Website
http://www.lucozade.com/
Country
China
Sweetener
Glucose Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 16th, 2012
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Oriental Leaves Farmer

Oriental Leaves Farmer

This is a nice bottle of tea. Perfect for all occasions. The only catch is that everything is in Chinese and there is no telling what is in a bottle of "Farmer" flavored tea. Hey, I'm just telling you what Google Translate is telling me and they told me that this is made up of ground up farmers.

If I may say so, farmers don't taste so bad. They're one with the earth. They probably aren't too many degrees away from tea. You and I, city folk, we're further. We're closer to things like plastics and rubber.

This tastes like a pretty generic black tea. Generic, safe, good quality, and foreign: a good combination. I would take unsweetened black tea from a Chinaman before I would take it from a Yankee. Is that racist? Call in the feds on this one. I think I'm in the right here.

Country
China
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 10th, 2013
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Nongfu Spring Tea Peach Oolong

Nongfu Spring Tea Peach Oolong

It's been a long time since I've drank anything with this much sugar in it. There is sugar, presumably cane sugar, and also honey which makes this peach oolong taste fantastic. Seriously, this was great. If it had half the sugar, it might be better. The honey adds more flavor than it did sweetness but man, this was good. The peach flavor was good. I might say that the sugar overpowered the child custody arm wrestling match against the oolong to the point where it was just a "tea base" instead of something truly distinguishable.

Would I get this again? I don't think so. I would recommend it with the caveat of, "If you like sweet tea, you will love this." but my palate doesn't really do so hot against drinks like this anymore. It doesn't hurt the review but it would count against me telling other people to get it. Seriously, though. If you like sweetened, flavored tea, get this. Get this and you'll never drink a Brisk raspberry again. I know peach and raspberries are different fruits but if you are looking to become a better person in society, this over that.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 3rd, 2019
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Master Kong Green Tea

Master Kong Green Tea

Master. I obey you. I will attend to your every request. I will wait on you hand and food. Master, what do you mean that's not necessary? Of course it is. Your name is Master Kong, right. I'm not barking up the wrong tree. I saw the name with vinyl graphics on the door clearly state that your name was Master Kong. Since you're the only person in here and you're not cleaning up like some sort of maintenance man, I can only assume that you are Master Kong, my master.

I'm sorry, what? You're not my master? Did your parent's name you that? I've got to say, it's pretty rad. Can I get up off the floor? My knees are hurting from bowing to you for the last twenty minutes. Thanks, Master. Can I call you, Kong? Since you're not my master, I don't really feel right calling you Master any more. It's like someone called "Daddy" who I have to call by his name who isn't my daddy. It's strange.

I walked by something earlier and it said you were the Master of tea. That's a strong statement. You make tea? Can I try some? Thanks. Holy crap...you are indubitably the master of tea. This is delicious. It's sweet, a little bitter, and clearly sweetened with honey. It's so light that you can taste everything you put in here. You, sir, are a wonderful and worth of your name. I'll take a case of it, a big case. Oh, that's too big. I drive an Isetta.

Website
http://www.masterkong.com.cn
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 8th, 2011
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Anteadote Organic Jasmine Tea

Anteadote Organic Jasmine Tea

For the past couple of days my cat will not leave my lap. She goes through phases where she completely ignores my existence and then in the blink of an eye she needs all the attention in the world. I'm okay with that. I like giving her attention, well except when she insists on sitting directly in front of my computer monitor staring at me when I'm trying to get work done. I love when she's a lap cat. It's comforting, especially now that the weather is starting to cool down and Fall is right around the corner. This tea is also comforting. There’s something about jasmine tea that just calms me down. The effect is greater when the tea is hot, but even when it's iced it does it's job. I think this may be the first jasmine tea I've had that has vitamin C added to it. It very subtly effects the flavor, but it's in a good way. It still has the great jasmine aftertaste, which I love.

Now I'm going to sit on my couch with my cat and this bottle of tea and read like a nerd. Yes I am fully aware that when I get old I will be the male equivalent of the crazy cat lady.

Website
http://www.adagio.com
Country
China
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 17th, 2011
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Anteadote Organic Jasmine Tea, 16.9 Ounce Bottle (Pack of 15)
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