Taiwan (100 reviews)

Yon Ho Black Soybean

Yon Ho Black Soybean

This couldn't look more like chocolate milk. I knew it wasn't. I knew it. It just looked so much like it that I endlessly hoped that it did. So much. Then I took a sip and...bleh. It has a bit of an open, airy, slightly sweet, packing peanut taste. But it looks so much like chocolate milk. I gave it to my boss, because I'm a fantastic employee, and told him it was chocolate milk. Because of who I am and the fact that we've been working together for like five years, he knew I was up to something. Then he smelled it, confirmed I was up to something, drank it anyway, and for a minute, made that "ugh" sound.

Different tastes for different countries, I guess. If it was my job to sell this drink I might quit my job because I don't know anyone who would desire this drink, but I'm sure it's huge in Taiwan and I'm going to get a lot of foreign flack for this review. It is sweetened so I assume this is a casual drink, like pop would be to us. Taiwan? Anyone? I know there are a couple of you over there that can answer me.

Website
http://www.yonho.com
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soy
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 15th, 2012
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Ichitan Double Drink Butterfly Pea + Berry

Ichitan Double Drink Butterfly Pea + Berry

I’m glad I cornered you here in this elevator. I bet if we weren’t both professionals this would seem really creepy. You know, a guy chasing another guy from the parking lot into a building, and then just narrowly making it into the elevator before the doors closed. If this was a movie I bet I would kill you shortly. Oh don’t worry, this isn’t a movie and I’m not going to kill you. Or am I? No I’m just joshin’ ya.

The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I have a great idea for an episode of your show. No, no please let me finish before you say a word. Okay I know you go into a lot more technical stuff on the show, but I have an idea to do a show about a drink. A specific drink at that: Ichitan’s Double Drink. I know you’ve heard of it because it’s one of the most popular drinks in Taiwan and I know you’re a worldly man. Here’s the breakdown. First you take some nice pale dry ginger ale and shake the crap out of it for a good twenty minutes. Then you open it over a barrel and let the now uncarbonated soda pour in. Secondly, you take a container of plain aloe juice and filter out all of the chunks. The liquid gets poured into the barrel, and I don’t care what you do with the chunks. Maybe play pranks with them. Finally you take the contents that are in the barrel and add a buttload of electrolytes so that it has that specific aftertaste that the Rain line of Gatorade has. Shake it all up and put in a bottle to be sold. It’s delicious I tell you. I know they throw some berries on the label, but that’s just for show.

Oh, I don’t work for the company. I just love the drink, and this is how I’ve recreated it at home. Wait….what? You don’t work for How Stuff Works? You’re actually just a janitor? Well why did you let me waste my time you jerk. I’m getting you fired and possibly arrested for impersonating an executive. Prepare to meet your cell you worthless liar!

Website
http://www.ichitandrink.com
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 17th, 2012
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Mr. Brown Iced Coffee

Mr. Brown Iced Coffee

Mr. Brown, so nice to meet you. I'm sorry, but I've got to get this out of the way because I'll be thinking of it this entire meeting. You look remarkably like a mix between Dom Delouise and Wimpy from Popeye. I hope that doesn't offend you, but I have to speak my mind. That’s why you brought me in here, right? Honestly? Right? No? Oh, you made a new coffee drink. Well fantastic. I always thought you should expand the line. What have you got for me? Iced coffee? I like it. Let's have a drink here.

What a delightfully small and nearly indestructible can you've got here. Man, you're not cutting corners on this thing. It's un-crushable. I like that you're ruling out the "I'm going to get drunk and smash this can on my forehead." demographic. This would knock a brother out, Mr. Brown! Let's get down to taste, though. That's what's going to push product, not this nuke-proof bottle. You know what? This is coffee. It's cold coffee with a little bit of sugar. It's very coffee tasting and isn't for haters of coffee but please, those people aren't for us anyhow. This is a nice morning drink when you don't feel like burning your mouth or tasting your receptionist's garbage, burnt coffee. Did you ever think of that? We're a coffee company and Sally makes the world’s worst coffee. She just lets it sit in the pot for hours, doesn't make more, and it just gets old or burnt or both. That's not what we want in these cans and that's not what we want in this office. She's fine. Please don't tell her I said that. She's a dear. She's a dear who just needs to pay more attention to her coffee.

Mr. Brown. You have made another wonderful product. People will think of your name when they think of coffee. You will be synonymous. Coffee? Oh, Mr. Brown. Congratulations, sir. You've done it again.

Website
http://www.mrbrown.com.tw
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 17th, 2012
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Mr. Brown Iced Coffee

Uni-President Premium Wuhe Milk Tea

Uni-President Premium Wuhe Milk Tea

In the limited amount of time that I have spent in the UK in my life there is one thing that I have learned above all else; the fine folks there sure know how to make a great cup of tea. I have been a fan of herbal teas since my teenage years, but it wasn't until I toured the United Kingdom for my first time that I could honestly say that I was a fan of straight up black tea. Every night after we would play a show we would head back to someone's house to stay for the night. Without fail, as soon as we settled in, our host would as us if anyone would like a cup of tea. For the first couple of days I experimented with different variations. I started off drinking it black, but it was too bitter. Then I tried it with just sugar. It was still not quite right. By day three I had resigned to drinking my tea with both cream (soy if they had it) and sugar. It was incredibly relaxing, and enjoyable to the taste buds. Every night that I have spent in those countries since has been accompanied with a nice cup of tea.

A company from Taiwan may make this, but it really reminds me of the tea I had in the UK. Well a cold version with a bit more creamer in it. I have to be honest here. It has a lot more creamer in it. It's a bit too much, but it's still enjoyable. I feel like the fine folks abroad would enjoy this as a to-go drink on a hot summer day. Then as the day cools down and the night sets in they would enjoy a nice cup of their classic hot tea.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 11th, 2012
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Typhoon Enterprise Company Ltd Hawthorn Berry

Typhoon Enterprise Company Ltd Hawthorn Berry

Plums = Prunes. Like the Alamo, never forget. Also never forget that in the East, their prunes are smoked or something because everything plum/prune flavored tastes like you are eating their Western equivalent at a bonfire. Smokes. It's like chipotle fruit. Now allow me to read the ingredients to this drink because it should be the best drink I've ever had:
Water. Sugar. Hawthorn berry. Plum. Hibiscus flower. Licorice.

Could this drink sound any better? I mean, I don't know what hawthorn berry tastes like, but it's a berry. I get it. The plum/prune, I can say with most certainty, ruined this drink. I cannot taste anything but that. I love hibiscus drinks and love licorice and those are non-existent and that blows. It smells and to a lesser extent tastes like fruity beef jerky. Man. Editor Dan, the bequeather of this drink, was right. It sucks and should be better. If I could dissect this drink, I would do it in a heartbeat. Take all the plum/prune DNA out of it, add some water to put it back together, drink it again and love it.

Drats. This sucked.

Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 31st, 2012
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Vedan Green Pumpkin Tea

Vedan Green Pumpkin Tea

I’ve been fooled for the last time. First it was soursop, then white gourd and now it’s green pumpkin. Let me tell you a secret I’m pretty sure they are all exactly the same thing. The sure as hell all taste exactly the same. It tastes like your drinking the milk leftover after eating a bowl of the strongest grain cereal you’ve ever tasted. I bet this is exactly what horse food tastes like. I had such high hopes for a pumpkin drink. You’ve beaten me again Taiwan.

Website
http://www.vedan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 16th, 2012
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Uni-President White Gourd Tea

Uni-President White Gourd Tea

I knew that soursop had another name, and I like soursop. It's nice and fruity. I had it in my mind grapes that white gourd was soursop under a different name. I sat down ready to enjoy a nice fruit blast. I didn't get that. I didn't get that at all. Instead I got a mouthful of "cereal tea." My ladyfriend says it tastes like the Japanese dessert mochi. She's right it does, and I don't like those either.

You can take a sip of this and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can hold your breath, and all you will taste is a weak sweet tea. The moment you swallow and breathe it's all cereal and rice. The fact that this comes in a juice box is mind bottling. Maybe children in Taiwan are just accustomed to this flavor. If you gave this to Joe-Schmoe elementary school student I bet they would slap you in your face. I wouldn't blame them. Now I really wish I had some soursop.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 27th, 2011
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Ace Vegatable & Fruit Juice

Ace Vegatable & Fruit Juice

Come on baby. Let's just get down tonight. I know we come from different sides of the tracks, you being fruit punch and me being a vegetable juice. It's about time that we knock boots, right? We've been together for three weeks and I've been good not to ask you for it. You know, it. Let's just pour our juices together. This is an old car, we can go in the back, put down a tarp, and get our juices all over the place. Mix 'em up. You know you want to, girl. Yeah girl. Unscrew that cap. Yeah, just throw it in the front seat. Come on, girl. I drink my vegetable juice all the time. It's about time that I drank some fruit juice. Daddy needs his vitamin C. I've had my cap off for ten minutes now. I was born ready. Just splash some stuff over there. Yeah, that's the stuff.

Hey, would you mind doing something for me? Would your pour some of your delicious fruit juice in my head? I just want to try it out. I want to taste what our juices together taste like. Yeah, just pour it right on in there. Don't worry about getting some on me. I love it. Now let me take a sip here. Ugh, are you feeling alright? Ugh, this is gross. What am I going to do now? It's all mixed in and I'm going to have to drink fifty-five gallons of it. This was a terrible idea. Maybe they were right. Maybe this is why you're not supposed to mix your side of the tracks with my side. Vegetable juice and fruit juice just don't mix. Oh, sure, girl, it's fun to make, but to drink...it's like fruit but then carrot flavored fruit, then just strange cabbage or spinach. I'm sorry, Daphne, you've got to go. I've got to clean this up and I might throw up and you don't want to see that. I'm sorry, baby. It's not you. It's me.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 9th, 2011
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Loton Health Job's tears drink

Loton Health Job's tears drink

Job was a sad man. Generally sad. Depressed sad. It's nothing that he could do or change. It was a chemical imbalance that, through no fault of his own, caused him to cry constantly. The only thing that would make him happy was to eat edamame by the barrel. He would go to sushi restaurants and order three servings of it himself before he had the money to buy a steamer of his own. He would always have some dessert, too. He loved his sweets.

One day, Job had just drank a glass of water and eaten his sixth serving of edamame. He didn't have any money to keep the soybeans a-flowin' so, naturally he began to cry. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. While he was crying, the waitress brought him over the check and a piece of candy to cleanse the palate a little bit. He sadly ate the candy, which, by the way, is the worst way to eat sweets. He cried so hard that a constant stream of tears rushed down his cheeks and into his cup of water. He got up and paid the bill and went home to continue on his sad day.

The waitress, who was a bit off in the head, saw what had happened and saw where the liquid in the glass came from. She looked at it, saw that it was a little thick, and a little milky, and she did the unthinkable and drank some of Job's tears. While she didn't hate it, she thought that it was good enough to market. She called Job in as she had been in there enough times that they were on a first name basis. She told him to make more because she was going to bottle it and sell it. He thought it was gross that she drank it but he was happy that he made something that someone enjoyed so he ate soybeans on the house and cried into multiple open containers. The waitress bottled them and sold them at the restaurant. They didn't sell many because they were labeled as "Job's tears" but the ones that were sold, we enjoyed. People said that the drink tasted like watery, slightly sweetened, soybean juice.

Job was happy that all of his sadness made some people happy and he could at least make money crying all day. The waitress made a new friend, Job, who ended up being her business partner for a long time. The people who frequented the restaurant were deranged because they literally and voluntarily drank someone's sorrow.

Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Red Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 5th, 2011
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Coca-Cola Vanilla

Coca-Cola Vanilla

You've had it before, you have forgotten about it, and for that, you should kick yourself because Vanilla Coke is as good as it ever was. The same as it ever was. The same as it ever was. This can, unlike cans that Americans buy, is from Thailand. Derek's daddy got it for us. Sure, on one side it says "Coca-Cola" in English, and "vanilla" in a sweet, 80's font, but everyone knows what that looks like. The other side is the money shot.

Flavor? I have always loved vanilla coke. I will admit that I haven't bought it in a while, but that's because I find it hard to find in a single can or bottle. I don't need a twelve pack of anything so I just skip right on by that purchase without taking a second glance. I don't know what this is sweetened with, whether it's real sugar or corn syrup, but this can't didn't really stand a chance once I took a drink.

Coke, you are great in many languages. For that, America, Taiwan, and other countries that decided to remain anonymous when I took the poll thank you for your years of dedicated service.

Website
http://www.coca-cola.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 21st, 2011
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Coca-Cola Vanilla Coke, 12-12 fl. oz Cans
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