Taiwan (100 reviews)

Ito En Unsweetened Golden Oolong Tea

Ito En Unsweetened Golden Oolong Tea

Ahh tea: The drink of the gods. Sure, some people might say that it's wine but they are wrong and simultaneously dumb. Tea is the drink of the gods. It comes from the earth and goes back in. Cycles. It's all about cycles.

This tea is not like black tea and it's not like green tea. There is a certain maturity to Oolong tea that you don't get with a basic black or a green. It somehow tastes aged or weathered or something. This tea in particular is good. You know, Ito En knows what's up. They really nail it on their unsweetened teas. When Thirsty Dudes is inevitably bought out by Rupert Murdoch, I will spend the $45 that Jay and I have split from the $90 that he offered us that we idiotically accepted with no counter offer on iced tea. It's the only just thing to do. This tea though, man. It's good. It's a dark flavor that can only be acquired by way of trial and error. It's good. Rupert, buddy, we're waiting for your check and if you tell us "it's in the mail...well, we'll probably believe you."

Website
http://www.itoen.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 12th, 2015
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Ito En Tea Beverage, Unsweetened Golden Oolong, 16.9 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Kuang Chuan Rice Drink Peanut

Kuang Chuan Rice Drink Peanut

Have you ever stopped at a small gas station down south? If the answer is yes you have probably seen the large pots of grossness that are known as boiled peanuts. Serious barf sauce. Soggy peanuts are no ones friend.

I was afraid this was going to taste like those sloppy nuggets. I lucked out today friends. This tastes like unshelled peanuts were ground into a fine power and then mixed that into rice milk. It almost tastes like peanut butter, but it's not quite there. It was very enjoyable. It's pretty thick.

I also found out while drinking this that Mike doesn't shell his peanuts. He pops the entire thing into his mouth and chomps down. Who does that? He said it like it's a normal thing that everyone does. The other four of us looked at him in disgust. He also doesn't believe in napkins.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 22nd, 2011
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Kuang Chuan Frozen Green Tea

Kuang Chuan Frozen Green Tea

Global warming is running rampant. You don’t believe me? Well then perhaps you should look at the shifting weather patterns and talk to your local displaced penguin. As a result of it glaciers are melting left and right and scientists have headed north on a mission to find all sorts of things left in their soggy wake. Some of the greatest rewards discovered during “Operation: Encino Man” have been bottles of Kuang Chuan green tea. I mean the government is keeping the whole thing hush hush, but that is the only explanation I can think of as to why this would be called “frozen green tea.” It tastes just like a decent quality unsweetened green tea. There is nothing out of the ordinary about it, but you now what? It doesn’t need anything new or different. This is a classic taste that is perfect the way it is. Drinking it right out of the fridge is like pulling it straight from the semi-solid melting ice of the glacier. It’s cool, refreshing and just a bit bitter. Who could ask for anything else from a green tea?

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 4th, 2012
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Tiramisu

Blasted ladyfingers. Why? Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good dessert with rum? You turds. Why? I don't eat things cooked in or with alcohol so when I found out that tiramisu swam in the lake of Cap'n Morgan, I swore off the sweet treat for eternity. Honestly, I never was that crazy about it to begin with so not eating it doesn't really affect me but when I came across this little guy in a wondrous Asian market in Toronto with the Thirsty Dude called Jay, I had to buy it.

This drink tastes like tiramisu. It's odd. Cake flavored drink. Oh, I'm sorry, have you had one before? We've had ice cream flavored drinks, Masala flavored drinks, corn flavored drinks, but never cake. Why not? It seems to not be a problem for these guys. Maybe a chocolate cake tea would be nice. Try it. This tea tastes like the cake it's supposed to. I know it's a novel idea since it's a self-proclaimed "Tiramisu" flavored but we drink stuff all the time that doesn't taste like it's supposed to and this isn't exactly a "regular" drink so it could have gone either way. As far as the "milk tea" thing goes, it’s more milk than tea but they're both there. A black tea powder (odd) and a skim milk (not odd) make up the base of this.

Also, it should be pointed out that one carton of this is about as bad for you as a slice of real tiramisu so if you are looking for a replacement, this is it, but if you're looking to save on calories, don't bother and eat real cake. If you've got your jaw wired shut like Kanye West before he felt the need to make up for lost time and never shut up, this is your go-to-guy.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2012
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Darjeeling

John left from a long day of work and he was exhausted. He looked out the window of his of car and it was snowing and he knew that his day was not over because he knew before he was going to be able to kick off his shoes and sit down he was going to have to shovel. He didn't hate shoveling but after a long day of work, he just wanted to relax. He pulled up to his driveway and saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Someone had plowed his driveway. He had no idea who it could have been. He ran inside to get a gift and started knocking on his neighbor's doors to see if he could find out who it was.

He went to one neighbor who owned a plow but he wasn't home. He went to another house and his wife answered the door. John asked if her husband was home and she said that he was and went to go get him. A short moment later he came to the door. John asked him if he plowed his driveway and he told him that he did.

John was so thankful he nearly hugged the guy. He held back and thanked him graciously and handed him a carton of a drink. The man asked what the drink was to which John replied, "It's milk tea." The man didn't know what to think and John said that it was a great secret that he would pick up at Asian markets every once in a while and he thought that he would thank him with it. The man thanked him and asked if he wanted to split it with him. John said he would and they both went into the house.

The man poured the drink into a glass for him and drank out of the carton himself. He took a small sip and then took a larger sip. He told John that he liked it. He said that it tasted like a cup of tea with some sugar and milk in it and that it was so simple it made it even better. He said that the milk kind of disguised the actual tea flavor but that it was still good and he was happy he knew that this new product existed.

John and the man finished their drinks and John once again thanked the man for plowing his driveway. The man said that it was no problem and if he ever had some extra time and a car wasn't in the driveway that he would do it again. John was happy to have a neighbor as nice as that.

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 7th, 2014
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Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Kuang Chuan Milk Tea Earl Gray

Some people enjoy things like lavender or chamomile to calm them down but something about this drink is really putting the relax into me.

It is a good split between milk, smooth and Earl Gray, a pretty neutral tea. Lightly sweetened and placed gingerly into a baby carton, this drink provides countless minutes of sipping pleasure. It's not bitter, not too sweet, and is a good blend of everything that you would want in a milk tea, if you have ever heard of milk tea before and craved it. Hey, I've had stranger cravings for things.

Like I said, this is a relaxing, smooth drink that is meant to be sipped on your front porch, back porch, beachfront property or anything in between. I am very relaxed drinking it. Either that or the fact that I'm listening to Das Racist "Relax."

Website
http://www.kuangchuan.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 28th, 2014
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Loton Health Job's tears drink

Loton Health Job's tears drink

Job was a sad man. Generally sad. Depressed sad. It's nothing that he could do or change. It was a chemical imbalance that, through no fault of his own, caused him to cry constantly. The only thing that would make him happy was to eat edamame by the barrel. He would go to sushi restaurants and order three servings of it himself before he had the money to buy a steamer of his own. He would always have some dessert, too. He loved his sweets.

One day, Job had just drank a glass of water and eaten his sixth serving of edamame. He didn't have any money to keep the soybeans a-flowin' so, naturally he began to cry. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. While he was crying, the waitress brought him over the check and a piece of candy to cleanse the palate a little bit. He sadly ate the candy, which, by the way, is the worst way to eat sweets. He cried so hard that a constant stream of tears rushed down his cheeks and into his cup of water. He got up and paid the bill and went home to continue on his sad day.

The waitress, who was a bit off in the head, saw what had happened and saw where the liquid in the glass came from. She looked at it, saw that it was a little thick, and a little milky, and she did the unthinkable and drank some of Job's tears. While she didn't hate it, she thought that it was good enough to market. She called Job in as she had been in there enough times that they were on a first name basis. She told him to make more because she was going to bottle it and sell it. He thought it was gross that she drank it but he was happy that he made something that someone enjoyed so he ate soybeans on the house and cried into multiple open containers. The waitress bottled them and sold them at the restaurant. They didn't sell many because they were labeled as "Job's tears" but the ones that were sold, we enjoyed. People said that the drink tasted like watery, slightly sweetened, soybean juice.

Job was happy that all of his sadness made some people happy and he could at least make money crying all day. The waitress made a new friend, Job, who ended up being her business partner for a long time. The people who frequented the restaurant were deranged because they literally and voluntarily drank someone's sorrow.

Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Red Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 5th, 2011
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Love the Taste Multigrain Decomposition Tea

Love the Taste Multigrain Decomposition Tea

This happens all too much. I go somewhere, read the ingredients, get stoked, drink it, and feel instant sorrow. This is a good tea, but don't lie to me. What is the lie? One word that is a secret key to my heart: capsicum. When I read that work, my eyes light up like when you say "boney" or "walk" to a dog and their ears shoot up like tiny, furry radars. Why are they liars? There is no burn in this tea at all. Once again, that's fine, but why add the ingredient if you aren't going to use it to its full potential. Burn my mouth off or at least sting me a little bit.

This tea tastes like a bitter jasmine tea. It's very fragrant and nicely bitter. I like it and would drink it again and again. Also, I would get to drink the whole thing because no one wants to drink anything titled "decomposition tea."

Website
http://www.agv.com.tw
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 18th, 2012
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Master Cafe Espresso Tiramisu

Master Cafe Espresso Tiramisu

I don't eat tiramisu because I'm not a big rummy. Yeah, those tasty ladyfingers are soaked in rum and you serve it to your kids. I don't mean to get preachy but that's bad parenting. Giving kids rum. Look, if you want to rub some on their baby gums so they can make it through the tough teething process that’s your call. I didn't and wouldn't but that's a freebee if you want it. Tiramisu, though: rummy. This is a Taiwanese coffee drink that tastes, or is supposed to taste like that dessert delicacy but doesn't really. As a coffee drink it's fine but as a cake flavored coffee drink it's just not there. It smells like cake but doesn't really taste like it. Sitting here with the empty can net to me wafting the coffee scented cake towards my nostrils is a constant reminder that it could have been good. I'm about to throw this can across the room since it smells so good but is about half as good as it is leading me to believe it is. This indestructible can is filled with disappointment and hype. It's good, but a let down. I wanted cake and coffee for breakfast. I only got coffee and the sensation of someone eating cake next to me and not sharing.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 9th, 2013
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Master Cafe Espresso Colombien

Master Cafe Espresso Colombien

Espresso. It's life super caffeinated coffee. Also, so that I may be the voice of all baristas, there is no "X" in "Espresso." Although it will allow you to go faster as in "express mode," it does not get its name from that. As a matter of fact, no one really knows the origin or definition of the word "Espresso." It was made up as soon as someone tasted the stuff. It was born from an accident, you know, like Silly Putty. Someone improperly trained worker at a coffee shop in the 1700's went to go make a coffee, put the ground up beans in, poured someone else a cup of coffee, forgot he had already put beans in, crammed more beans in, idiotically couldn't figure out why it was so hard to close the machine with the normal amount of ease, and made a double batch of coffee.

That drink, an incorrectly brewed cup of coffee, birthed the espresso and also birthed Master Cafe. You see, the worked, having sold a couple dozen cups of his new, super strong blend, declared himself "Master Cafe" because people wanted his drink. Eventually that worker moved on to leave the company and just make this coffee. He handed it down from generation to generation until today where it is the same blend just with more sugar. When you put coffee in cans, you put sugar on it. It's a rule. It is a stronger than coffee, coffee drink with enough sugar to make it so people that don't completely love the bitterness of coffee enjoy it.

I enjoyed this and I think it is a fine homage to that faithful although misinformed employee that simply forgot what he was doing and turned that mistake into an empire. Here's to another three centuries, Master Cafe.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 8th, 2013
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