United States (1891 reviews)
Crush Blue Raspberry
Here's something I don't like: having a non-natural looking tongue or lips. I hate candy that turns my mouth different colors. I don't like blue Freez-e-pops, blue candy, blue drinks. I don't like it. I don't want to look like an eight year old who blatantly just O.D.'d on some awkwardly colored candy.. I know it's happening to me as I drink this but I'm just going to hope that it's not. It's not enough to make it something I would drink regularly, but I will make an exception to my rule today. It's Wednesday.
Aside from my Technicolor tongue, this drink is sa-weet. Anything like this I can feel the child in me scraping at the walls of my poorly constructed adulthood walls, begging to get out and chug this whole bottle and then do something stupid like eat a case of Skittles or make ramps out of scrap wood in the middle of the street. This tastes like candy and smells exactly like how it tastes and tastes exactly how it smells. I guess Crush was bored with orange and just went full party-time and bought into the explosive blue raspberry market, which is a good market for kids but not for adults. That being said, I wouldn't want my kid drinking this because a dentist isn't cheap without dental insurance.
- Website
- http://www.crushsoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/11/2012
Cintron Ade Papaya
I don't know what "ade" is. I'm no dummy but I assume that "lemons" need to be involved. Lemon"ade" lime"ade". I guess that limes could be involved, too. Ade must mean something else. Is "ade" just another word for juice? I mean lemonade is really nothing other than lemon juice with sugar in it. I guess I just cracked the code. Problem solved. Plus one for me. Minus one for, oh I don't know, racism.
For a juice, or newly discovered "ade", this is great. I have eaten papaya but rarely. I have drunk far more papaya related drinks that I have even touched real papaya. This is not due to me being unworldly; it’s just that I don't often fondle fruits I'm not going to buy. It was very fruity, though. There is apple juice in there, but who cares. You can't have a papaya puree ade because that would just be a puree which would be a different animal all together. It wasn't too sweet and defiantly left me wanting more. Even though I have an empty bottle next to me, I still want to open it and hope that I can get some residual drips. I might have already tried that once or twice so I doubt that the third time will be the charm.
- Website
- http://www.cintron21.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/11/2012
Red Jacket Orchards Apple Cider
Sir, I’m sorry but I cannot let you in with your current attire, as this is a Red Jacket party. Yes, I know that the party is for the company Red Jacket Orchards, but they wanted to take it to the next level. The idea behind it was that “black tie” affairs are far too stuffy, but it would be fun to have a party where everyone just wore red jackets. If you want we have some extra coats here, since we knew people wouldn’t get the idea. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find red suit coats in this town. All I could find was this array of “jackets.” Yes, I had to take liberty with the word jacket and a bunch of these are actually coats and other. Sir, you are kind of a big man, so this parka looks like it will be the only one that will fit you. I know it’s the middle of August, but you need to ask yourself, “Do I really want to go into this party? Is the juice worth it?” Before you answer reach into the pocket of the parka. I believe there is a small bottle of Red Jacket apple cider in there. Taste that and then choose your fate. Well that sounded dramatic. Just taste the juice and then either put on the parka, or be on your merry way. It’s that simple.
Well it took only one sip and you’re all parkaed up. Sir, you don’t have to zip it up all the way. All that is required is that you have the jacket on. I know the juice/cider is delicious. I do work for the company, I’m not just some hired gun here to sling out jackets at the front gate. I also know that it is kind of weird to drink cider in the summer. It’s traditionally an autumn drink, but its not written on any law books that it must be drank during a certain season. The juice is sweet and appley just like a cider should be. It does taste a little lighter than most other Western New York ciders I’ve had, but I’ll blame that on the season and the apples that must have been used to make it. It doesn’t make it gross by any means. Obviously it’s a completely wonderful juice as you are willing to don a parka in 95 degree weather just for a chance to drink some more of it. No sir, I don’t think you are dumb at all. If our positions were reversed I’d be doing the same thing. I mean where else are you going to find a more than decent cider at this time of year? The answer is nowhere. Now get in there and drink juice until your heart is content.
- Website
- http://www.redjacketjuice.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/11/2012
Chia\Vie Smoothie Mango-J
Did you know that chia seeds are what demigods grow from? True story. We’ve all heard the storied about how “primitive” people used to sacrifice virgins to their gods in order to appease them and ask for any number of gifts in return. Well that is just plain silly and barbaric. Somewhere along the line someone messed up a translation. You see in ancient times sacrifices were all the rage, but they had absolutely nothing to do with virgins. What does a god want with a virgin anyways? Nothing, that’s what. They are gods they can jut conjure up anything they like. Anything except one thing that is, and that thing is chia seeds. They are a sacred, sought after item for gods. You see much like Link needs to collect rubies in The Legend of Zelda in order to trade them for various weapons and dry goods, the gods much also collect chia seeds in order to trade them in for demigods. You see our life is meaningless to the ancient gods, except for the fact that they can use us to help gather chia seeds in order to win the game. Oh didn’t I mention that part? You see at the beginning of time, there were a bunch of bored gods. They sat around each other’s houses all the time bored, complaining that there was nothing to do and that being omnipotent was such a burden. One of them, maybe it was Odin (he always had the best ideas), came up with the idea for a game where all of the gods had to collect as much as something as possible, and then at a predetermined date they would count them all up and the one with the most one. It sounded boring at first, but then Odin, being the world’s first dungeon master, created an elaborate world in which the game would take place. In order to make the game harder, he created a new item called the chia seed. The gods could not just magically wish for them and they would appear. They had to have the inhabitants of the world gather the seeds for them. For every million seeds that were presented to them they could create an item that they were to be collecting. Everyone agreed that is was better than what they were doing so they began the game. After a while it seemed that it was taking all of the gods forever to collect the appropriate amount of chia seeds so Odin amended to rules so that the collected items would be demigods, and those demigods could also be used to raise more chia seeds. It was actually quite elaborate and Odin won a bunch of awards for it at the Omnipotent Awards that year.
So there you have it the true history of the gods and chia seeds. Now that the game is winding down the humans who once harvested the seeds for the gods have lost interest. To be honest they have pretty much lost all awareness of their task. Instead of gathering the seeds in order to present them to their specific gods they instead have started putting them in their beverages. You see not only are they good for creating demigods they are also chock full of fiber, omega-3 and antioxidants. Chia\Vie has made this drink with the seeds. They mixed some fruit juices and then ground down a bunch of chia seeds and added them to the drinks. It’s a little gritty, but not too bad. This specific flavor is supposed to be mango, but it ended up just tasting like cheap orange juice that had sat out for a long time and then rechilled. There’s a bit of mango in the mix, but old-orange is definitely the prevalent flavor.
- Website
- http://www.drinkchiavie.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/10/2012
Arteasia White Tea + Pomegranate
When I was in high school a bunch of my friends and I stopped by a grocery store for some provisions for a night of hanging out in the woods. Okay the woods were actually the fields at the end of one of the kid’s street, but there were a bunch of trees and we had a totally sweet hang out spot. I don’t remember what I got to drink, but I can assure you that I purchased a huge loaf of Italian bread. I can also assure you that I ripped off the top, hollowed out a bit of it, filled that space with bulk candy and then popped the top back on. What can I say; I was poor and a thief. Sue me. My purchases aren’t the important point of interest here. The important thing is that my one friend bought a jug of loganberry drink. He was so stoked because it was in this huge jug. When we got down to the fields he opened it up took a huge sip and immediately spit it everywhere. You see he wasn’t the most observant kid, and he failed to notice that the jug was a concentrate and not ready to drink. He was probably supposed to mix in a gallon of water or so with the amount he gulped. I bring this up because as I took a sip of this I had a similar reaction. I didn’t spit it out, but I was fairly sure it was a concentrate. Nope. This is just ridiculously sweet and ridiculously strong. I don’t mean that in a good way either. I really only made it maybe ¼ of the way through the bottle, and it got less intense the more I drank, but it still didn’t taste very good, hence my dumping the rest. White tea normally has a very specific taste to it, but with all of the added sugar in this you can’t even tell. This would be any type of tea, or just sugar water and you would never know the difference. It also contains 1% juice, which is laughable. That juice is pomegranate, and it just tastes like some sort of pomegranate syrup that would be put on a snow cone.
Not only was this gross, but it also was 1.5 liters of gross. That is 1.4 more liters of grossness than I needed to know I didn’t want any part of it.
- Website
- http://drinkarteasia.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/10/2012
Sort This Out Elvira's Lemon Slime
Fourth grade. What a joke that was, right? Homework cuts into all your serious Mortal Kombat time and all you want to do is play with your friends. There are bikes that need to be ridden, tree forts that need to be built, and football that needs to be played. No, your English teacher thinks that Arthur Miller is more important than building friendships and burning wood with a magnifying glass. All you want to do is go outside in the late spring sun and eat Freez-e-pops with your friends and play basketball.
What's that? Your daddy brought you a new bottle of pop that you've never seen with quite a sexy lady on it and gave it to you with a wink. What was he thinking with such an erotic bottle? Lemon Slime? Gross, and awesome. You can't wait to sink your teeth into this. You open up the bottle being careful not to spill any on your homework. You take a sip and love it. It's so sweet and tastes like a green popsicle. You drink half the bottle and continue reading. Your mom comes in to see how you're doing and sees the rather erotic pop that your daddy brought and instantly disapproves, taking the bottle from you. On the way down the stairs, your mom takes a sip and is disgusted. It's so sweet and tastes like a green popsicle. She couldn't possibly drink a whole bottle of this herself, as it is just too much to handle. She dumps it down the drain only to be seen by your daddy who gave that to you as a little "man to man" drink. Alas, it will be a few years before your mom lets you watch anything with Elvira in it.
To be a kid again, right? You can endure all the sugar thrown at you but as you get older, you just can't do it. Don't grow up, theoretical kid. Stay young forever.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/10/2012
Avery's Sarsaparilla
Last year we had Avery’s bottle some private label birch beer and sarsaparilla for us. We made up some rad Thirsty Dudes labels and Mohawk Place, a rad local bar, sold them. Within a couple of days we were out of all of them. We wanted to order more, but the shipping cost was too high to make it cost effective. We’ve been searching for a closer bottler since. That’s not really important. What is important is that the sarsaparilla we got from them was decent, but nothing to write home about. It was actually fairly light in color, which was a bit odd. I realized we never ended up reviewing one of them for the site, so we ended up picking up a bottle of it at Soda Pop Central. Since we already knew what it tasted like we have been sitting on it for a while. Now the time has come and I have to say that this tastes way better than what they bottled for us. Maybe we got a bum batch or something, but this is very strong. It actually tastes more like a root beer than a sarsaparilla. Actually it tastes like a root beer while a whole mess of licorice in it. It’s dark and great. It’s a bummer that our batch wasn’t their best, but it’s good to know that this company can make a really nice soda. I wouldn’t pass it up if I saw it in the store, and neither should you. Now someone find us a place to inexpensively bottle some soda with a Thirsty Dude’s label.
- Website
- http://www.averysoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar and or Corn Sweetener
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/9/2012
Tejava Premium Iced Tea Unsweetened
Finally the world has combined tea and coffee into a single drink. Only the finest coffee beans and tealeaves are used to create this unholy alliance. Oh wait, no that is wrong. This drink actually has nothing to do with coffee at all. It has java in its name solely because the tealeaves they use to brew this from on the island of Java. To be honest I am actually relieved. I don’t think I would really like a hybrid drink. I mean sure I would drink it, and I bet tons of people would actually love it, but I can’t see it being for me, especially if it was unsweetened. This drink on the other hand is wonderful because it’s unsweetened. They microbrew the precious Java tea leaves and that is that. There is absolutely no reason for them to mask the taste of this tea, and they know it. It is the best tasting unsweetened black tea I have ever tasted. It has the subtle bitterness of unsweetened tea, but it is also very, very smooth. It’s incredible flavorful, and it tastes like it is made from some specialty tea that would cost way too much from a store in the mall. Well done Tejava.
- Website
- http://www.tejava.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/9/2012
Glaceau Vitamin Water Zero Rhythm
Jay isn't the only rock star in Thirsty Dudes. It's true. At one time, I used to play bass for a math, indie rock band. It was awesome and I had a lot of fun the entire time we were a band. We were all great friends and loved practicing. The drummer and I, making up the rhythm section were called "The Rhythm Section" and the singer and two guitar players were known as "The Turds," for no reason. It just came to be and that's how it always was. There was no rivalry or anything, it was just a name and it stuck.
This drink is called "Rhythm" and I like it. There is no food called "rhythm" but there is a starfruit and citrus flavored fruits, which make up this drink. I've got to say, it's pretty spot on. I've only had a starfruit once or twice in my life, but I've had enough "citric" fruits to be able to pick them out of a lineup. Those two mixed with the erythritol is a nice, cool, citric sweet treat that I somehow just destroyed a bottle in like ten minutes of casual drinking. I normally don't drink that fast so I'm either dehydrated or it's that good. I'll give those boys over at Vitamin Water the benefit of the doubt and call it a great drink.
- Website
- http://www.glaceau.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/9/2012
Third St. Black Tea Peach
Concentrates are a daring thing. The companies put their trust in you to mix accordingly and not mess it up. The directions are always clear and it's a good thing. The last thing the company wants is for you to not read the directions and slam a big mouthful of overpowering syrup. Kids like to do that, though. Kids thick they're so tough. Oh, you mixed Kool-Aid in an appropriate, eight ounce glass? That's cool. I made a packet of it in a shot glass. That's what companies are afraid of.
Since I am quasi-responsible, I mixed the appropriate amount in a glass and brought it back to the table. It's early, not terribly, but it's early. I didn't want something super strong that was going to destroy my precious teeth. I don't like peaches the fruit, but I do like this drink. It's a great iced tea that tastes like something that I didn't mix with my bare hands. It didn't taste like I made it with my bare hands because I used a spoon but the mix is pretty good. It had a very fruity peach taste and the tea was crisp. Thank you "real" sugar.
I used four tablespoons and I have so much more left in that bottle. This is a wise investment that you will never look back on. Enjoy your time with peach iced tea, friends.
- Website
- http://www.thirdstreetchai.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/9/2012
