Archer Farms Italian Soda Wild Berry

Archer Farms Italian Soda Wild Berry

It's 1991. City of Compton. Rough, rough streets. Kids killing kids over things you and I would laugh at. They don't laugh, they kill, as I mentioned before. Not a day goes by where you don't hear a gun shot or at very least, a domestic dispute. These are hard times. Hard times turn people to drink. Alcohol. 40's. Big alcohol. 40's are like the party sub of malt liquor.

Here's my proposal. Let's go back in time and instead of having overpriced bodegas sell 40's of St. Ides, carry the 40(ish)'s of Archer Farms Wild Berry. People could have been in a bad mood because of financial times and street warfare, but they also could have been upset at the fact that they were drinking a clearly low quality beverage. Archer Farms Wild Berry Italian soda is a bright, clean, and crisp drink. So many flavors roll across your tongue with every sip, like elderberry and blackcurrant to name a few...and it's more than affordable.

Cleaning up the streets is a rough job and since it clearly can't be left in the under-capable hands of O'Shea Jackson, leave it up to the Archer Farms Italian soda lineup.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
Italy
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 15th, 2011
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V8 V-Fusion + Tea Raspberry Green Tea

V8 V-Fusion + Tea Raspberry Green Tea

Do you know what I hate? Straight up V8. I blame the tomatoes. Tomatoes are strange things. On their own they are the devil in food form. Seriously disgusting. I can't get over it. The thing is, salsa is one of my favorite things ever and the tomatoes in that don't bother me at all. I also like red sauce. I think ketchup is a crime against humanity, though. The smell alone makes me want to hurl. V8 didn't really stand a chance in its original form when it went to war against my palate.

V8 eventually saw that they were never going to be able to please me with their old business model (I mean I am who the company is always trying to please). They stepped up their game with the Splash and V-Fusion lines. They realized that if they mixed a bunch of fruits and vegetables together (yes tomatoes are still in the mix) it actually tasted decent...and not like something Beelzebub would be sipping on in the sixth circle of hell.

This is one of the best that V8 has to offer. Each 8oz glass contains a serving of both fruits and vegetables. In doing so it performs some sort of sorcery that makes the drink still taste like raspberry iced tea. This has sweet potatoes, carrots, and tomatoes in it. You would never know unless someone spilled the beans. Apparently they still keep Satan on the payroll.

Website
http://www.v8juice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 16th, 2011
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V8 V-Fusion Raspberry Green Tea, 48-Ounce (Pack of 4)

McDonalds McCafe Shamrock Shake

McDonalds McCafe Shamrock Shake

We normally don't review beverages that aren't already prepackaged. I made an official decision to make an exception for this review.

McDonald's is gross. I think everyone over the age of 10 knows that. Yet millions of people eat there daily. I don't get it. The last time I ate food from there was in 1995. I remember my friends wanted to go there after school and I got an order of fries. I can't even remember when I last ate one of their burgers. Even though I never eat the food, I still find myself sighing once a year as I walk through their doors. The Shamrock Shake is my weakness. Since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with them. As soon as winter looks like it might end, I get excited because I know this minty milkshake will be available soon.

I decided today that it was time for my yearly visit. On my way to the mall to pick up a birthday present for my lady-friend, and some jeans for myself, I made a pit stop to get a milkshake. The restaurant still looks and smells gross and the Shamrock Shakes are still wonderful. A nice thick vanilla milkshake with just the slightest bit of mint mixed in. It shouldn't be good, but it really is dreamy. They have also switched to a classier clear cup. Also, this year it comes with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Even better. If you want one, hurry up. They will only be available for a few more days.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 16th, 2011
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Everfresh Peach Plum Pear

Everfresh Peach Plum Pear

For too long fruit punch has been run by the more tropical areas of the world. Everfresh has decided it was time to put an end to this long running era of tyranny. Although they don't refer to it as such, this drink is a fruit punch for America. Peach, Plum, and Pear can all be found locally (locally meaning in the US) in abundance. They've managed to blend them all together in a way that creates a new flavor that tastes like home. If you search them out you can detect each individual flavor, but if you blindly down a bottle, it just tastes nice and fruity.

Website
http://www.everfreshjuice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 17th, 2011
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True Brew Unsweetened Green Tea

True Brew Unsweetened Green Tea

What can I say about this? It's True Brew. They make consistently great teas. This is just filtered water and organic green tea. No sugar or sweeteners of any kind added. It’s just a nice bitter green tea. Sit down, put your feet up and enjoy one of these yourself. You've earned it.

Website
http://www.truebrew.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 19th, 2011
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Mason's Root Beer

Mason's Root Beer

In the movie Clifford there is this one scene that I just love. Mary Steenbergen is berating Charles Grodin for not liking children. Charles Grodin yells, "I love kids. As a matter of fact I have a nephew I'm very fond of". She asks him his nephew's name and he responds: "I want to say.... Mason. Clifford! Little Clifford!" I can't get that out of my head when I'm drinking this.

This hasn't gotten that good of reviews before, but I really like it a lot. It's very creamy and has almost a caramel flavor to it. Apparently the company that makes Dad's root beer used to make it. This seems like a much better version of Dad's. Way to move backwards. Oh and Clifford is criminally underrated.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Root Beer, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 20th, 2011
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Dry Cucumber

Dry Cucumber

Darling, I'm feeling a bit fatigued. Do you see bags under my eyes? Oh, how dreadful. Sweetie, could you fetch me some cucumber slices for my eyes so that I can look my best for the gala tonight? What do you mean that we don't have any sliced cucumbers prepared? Don't you think we should, in case, oh I don't know, I have bags under my eyes? Please, slice up some and fetch me a sparkling water, too, while you're at it. I'm feeling a bit parched.

Oh, thank you very much. Although, next time, slice the cucumbers a bit thicker. It's not like you're paying for them. Actually, it's not like I am either. Husband is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now go tend to the laundry. Husband was complaining about not having any socks that matched.

Now that I'm alone, I'll just grab this sliced cucumber and put it on my...oh drats. I've dropped my cucumber into my water. No worries. I have more. I like cucumber in regular water, let's try this. Well, this is something special. It's bubbly, and we all know how I love the bubbly. Ha ha ha ha ha. It gets the sweetness from the cucumber as well as the crisp, clean taste. I might be on to something. Oh help. Help, come here please. Could we patent this as a drink? We can't? Why is that? You mean there is a company called Dry that already makes this drink? Well, I applaud their efforts. Now fetch me my black dress. It's time for that gala.

Website
http://www.drysoda.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 20th, 2011
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Cucumber DRY Soda, 12pk

Calypso Lemonade Ocean Blue

Calypso Lemonade Ocean Blue

Dad, I've got a question about something.

Oh, man. Here it comes. I knew it was going to happen some day. I should have prepared for this. Don't they teach you this stuff in school? Why did I stay home from work today? Today of all days! Now I've got this to deal with. I would have been better off with the Johnson report. Alright, here goes...Son, what you saw was not what you think. You see...your mother and I...

Where do blue raspberries come from?

Your mother and I...wait what?

Where do blue raspberries come from? I bought this Calypso lemonade and it's really good, but I don't know where blue raspberries come from. I've seen red raspberries and I think I've seen black raspberries, but I've never seen blue raspberries. I don't think that I've ever seen a blue fruit at all.

Son, that is a very good question. Can I see that drink of yours? Say, this is pretty good. It's lemonade with a little bit of a berry taste to it. It says there are real lemon bits in here, but I don't see any. It's got a nice sting and rounds out nicely on the tongue. This is good stuff. To answer your question, I have no idea what a blue raspberry is or where it comes from. Why don't you ask your mother?

Mom? I've got a question to ask you.

Oh, man. Here it comes. I knew it was going to happen some day...

Website
http://www.kingjuice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 21st, 2011
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Calypso Lemonade Ocean Blue 12 20Oz. Bottles

Fritz Limo Melonenbrause

Fritz Limo Melonenbrause

Melon, it is not just filler for fruit salads. I'm a staunch supporter of these underrated fruits. I've hand numerous conversations in my life about how there should be more melon drinks available, especially cantaloupe. It's one of the most refreshing flavors out there. Unfortunately, the few melon flavored things I've found have all been artificially flavored by some scientist in a lab mixing chemicals together until they have the desired taste. Things done that way rarely hit their mark. This little German treat, on the other hand, hit a bulls-eye. I'm talking the center of the bulls-eye, not that cheater outer ring.

As you might gather from the name, this has a lemon lime base with melon added to it. Let me tell you, they mix together incredibly. I once heard some wise men having a conversation. Upon facing an inevitable death one proclaimed, "Aw, we're going to die and I never tasted cantaloupe." The others reply held the wisdom of sages. He calmly stated, "Eh, you didn't miss much. Honeydew is the money melon." I believe the Fritz company took said money melon and mixed in some cantaloupe to appease both parties involved. The result could have gotten someone burned at the stake in olden times for witchcraft.

Website
http://www.fritz-kola.de/
Country
Germany
Sweetener
Zucker
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 21st, 2011
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Bai 5 Calories Antioxidant Infusions Costa Rica Clementine

Bai 5 Calories Antioxidant Infusions Costa Rica Clementine

Coffee as a fruit? The first thing I (unfortunately) thought of was that monkey poop coffee. Oh, you've never heard of it? Some monkey somewhere eats coffee fruit, poops out the coffee beans, and people go crazy-go-nuts over it. It's the world's most expensive coffee. It comes from a monkey's butt and people clamor over it. Gross. I don't like coffee, or things that come out of butts, but this, luckily for me, is neither. It's pretty fantastic. It's got a sweet Stevia taste, but it really allows the clementine flavor to shine through. It's very fruity and very inviting. It's got a great smell and I could easily drink a straight 40 of this stuff. It goes down really smooth and 16.9 ounces is only 10 calories. This is downright healthy for you and is actually 100% of your daily vitamin C intake.

I hate oranges, but love orange juice. I know it's stupid, but there is just so much work and I've got better things to do than peel an orange all friggin' day.

Website
http://www.drinkbai.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Coffee, Diet, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 22nd, 2011
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Bai 5 Costa Rica Clementine Juice, 16.9-Ounce (Pack of 12)
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