La Vanquita Licuados Dulce de Leche

La Vanquita Licuados Dulce de Leche

I've got a headache. I wish I could pour this drink on my brain. I've watched enough doctor shows on television to know that when you do things to the brain, it makes you do funny things. Poke here and you pick your nose. Poke there and you'll recite the alphabet in Spanish. If I poured a caramel milk on my brain, I think that it would be bad, number one, but before I went into an inevitable, caramel induced coma, I would hope to do some all encompassing spastic dance and spit out some unintelligible gibberish. I guess that I would be making a big mistake and it would not be funny or worthwhile.

If I were to miss my giant open head cavity and make some in my mouth, or have some drip out of the crevices of my brain and into my mouth, I would say that it was delicious and calming and perfect for a headache. It's just a very smooth, very caramel drink. You know those little, plastic wrapped caramels that both your grandma and myself love? They taste like that if you ate one and chased it with milk, or, better yet, drank milk, held it in your mouth, and chewed one of those caramels.

It should be known that I didn't remember that it was Halloween when I was talking about brains and stuff. That came to me naturally.

Website
http://www.castrocheese.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 10/31/2011
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Barq's French Vanilla Cream Soda

Barq's French Vanilla Cream Soda

Seeing as Barq's root beer is famous for untraditionally having caffeine in it, I was half expecting this also to have it. Sadly my hopes of finding a cream soda with caffeine in it will have to wait another day. This definitely lives up to having a French vanilla flavor. I gave Sheena a sip and she said it was "really sweet, and kinda salty." It's weird but she's right. It does sort of have a salty aftertaste, but it is really awesome. I found this in a gas station in the middle of Louisiana but have never seen it around Buffalo before. Hopefully i will come across it again because it is great.

Website
http://barqs.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on 11/1/2011
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Barq's Red Cream Soda, 12 oz. (Pack of 12)

Bing

Bing

Hey man, I know your a Yankee boy, so since you're down here visiting Florida how 'bout I take you to go see some gators? There right this way, we'll go through this gate used to keep in the wild bison. Yeah that's right we have herds of bison here in the prairies of Florida. Weird I know, but yet here they are. See that on the rock down there that is a huge guy. Wouldn't want to tangle with a gator like that. Sure I'll wrestle the little ones, but I won't go near them big guys I did that once and now I got this here wooden leg. Not a fun time I'll tell you that. Gee, you aren't looking so good. Why is your face and neck all red? Oh you're not used to being in the sun? You usually slather yourself up with sunscreen? Well my friend even though it is the end of October, you are in Florida and you're sure a dum dum head for not preparing yourself for this. You're going to be in some pain in the morning. You look just like a cherry! Speaking of which I have this bing cherry drink if you want it. What's pop? Oh you mean soda! Yeah I guess it's kind of like that. It's got bubbles in it. It's got some actual cherry juice in it as well. It's fairly sweet, but it doesn't taste all syrupy and gross like the big bottles of soda they sell at the corner store. This is high quality. It's got some other stuff in there as well to give you a little energy boost. Some stuff called ginkgo biloba and ginseng. I think those are Asian things, but don't worry this doesn't taste like any Chinese food I've ever had. Oh man you sure look like a cherry! We should probably get you into the shade and away from these gators before one of them thinks you're a tasty treat. I can't afford to loose another leg. No seriously, I don't have health insurance and I'm up to my neck in bills. What an economy.

Website
http://www.getbinged.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Juice, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 11/1/2011
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Dr. Brown's Cream Soda

Dr. Brown's Cream Soda

Soon we will be at the date, which Marty Mcfly traveled to in Back to the Future 2. Unless technology changes at a very rapid pace I don't see that version of the future coming true. Do you know who is to blame for this? Doctor Emmit Brown. He broke his own rule. He brought something back from the future. He discovered a cream soda in 2015 that really excited his taste buds and he just couldn't help himself from bringing some back and marketing it as his own. That's right, Dr Browns is actually a cream soda that "Doc Brown" brought back with him on one of his earliest trips. As a result he really messed with the time space continuum. Our society did not progress as quickly as it would have, but what would you rather have flying cars or tasty soda? Okay, I would take a hover board over and soda any day, but I hear they have a complex out in the desert where they actually made them. It's at that Laser Tag Institute of Technology. I need to make my way out to that desert.

Truth be told, we really have no choice in the way our future turned out. Doc Brown rolled the dice and we get what we get. So let's just sit back and enjoy the soda. It's a fairly light cream soda, with a nice sharp vanilla flavor. It's better tan most canned cream sodas, and that is saying a good deal. Cream soda is one of the few sodas that I actually completely enjoy in can form. Curse Doc Brown if you must for your lack of technology, but at least he supplied us with this tasty treat.

Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 11/2/2011
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Dr. Brown's Cream Soda (Case of 24) - 12 Oz Cans

Archer Farms Simply Balanced Berry Pomegranate Fruit Smoothie

Archer Farms Simply Balanced Berry Pomegranate Fruit Smoothie

It seems like just yesterday I was complaining about the specifics of what truly makes a smoothie. I argued that seeds, thickness, and stuff make a smoothie and this is way closer. It's also not made with coconut milk so we are closer still. This also tastes delicious and would be loved by all if given the opportunity to take a swig. Oh, the diseases that would go around if everyone shared a bottomless bottle of this drink. Everyone would be ill.

This is good. Get it. It's at Target.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 11/6/2011
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Starbucks Frappuccino Mint Mocha

Starbucks Frappuccino Mint Mocha

Starbucks. There's one not too far from my house and I try as hard as I can to not go in there. Only reason I do is when my girlfriend needs to get a coffee and she yells at me when I want to stay outside. I never want to go in anywhere. My epitaph might say, "Do you want to run in while I stay in the car?" I was in Starbucks last week and she forced me to get a hot cocoa. It was great, but I didn't want it. I don't drink coffee so for the sake of me (and the sake of an establishment that doesn't want people it can't sell to) I don't go there. No offense.

Something happened inside of coffee shops and I don't think that it's a wanted or desired thing. Fifty percent of the seats have been taken over by people on laptops. I don't believe they were just checking email, either. I feel they were doing some sort of work that takes an adequate amount of time. Every food place I've ever worked has basically tried to get you in and out as quickly as they can because quick turnover means more money. You on your laptop write a thesis on how the Cosby show portrayed Black America in a good light at a coffee shoppe means that while you're there taking up space, no one else can come in, sit down, drink a cup of coffee, and scoot. You who are reading a book about how the harvesting of the ivory tusks of elephants to make chopsticks is a thriving but illegal business is not allowing a tired mother who has schlepped her crying kid around all day and just wants to sit down and enjoy a chai latte a place to sit, as she is entitled to do.

I hold a grudge towards those people who do this sort of action and it is not something that happened a little. I have completely written off coffee shops that sell decent food because jerk college kids think that a coffee shop is actually the common room in the dorm where they can stretch out and work on English 101 homework with their study group.

I believe for this reason, Starbucks has created this drink. For the inconsiderate person on the go. It's got that coffee name you can trust, plus coffee, plus some cocoa, plus mint, in case you decided that you would rather drink a drink that is horrible for you, albeit delicious, instead of brushing your teeth. Now, I know that last part isn't true, but if Starbucks brick and mortar stores have just given up and are alright with housing people on computers all day, then they needed to create an outside revenue resource. The Frappuccino was born. Now, the baristas can make seventeen drinks in one eight hour shift for eight people while no one can get in and out because the middle of the establishment is so full of power cables running to and from people's computers, that it looks like a rubber and plastic spider has been created as some sort of garbage "art as an installation" piece in the center of all and every Starbucks.

Starbucks. You don't need me to come in. Do not be sore at me for I do not hate your establishment. Your mint mocha Frappuccino is delicious and I've got three more to keep my mouth pleased. You do need to start charging for Wi-Fi and/or electricity to start getting some people out of your shops.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 11/6/2011
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Cherry Republic Boom Chugga Lugga Cherry Ginger Ale

Cherry Republic Boom Chugga Lugga Cherry Ginger Ale

It's been a rough day. A car hit you. Lightly, but nonetheless, it hit you. It was a jalopy of car and the jerk was on their phone so you are majorly upset. It was on your way to work. You were crossing the street and they just didn't stop enough and tapped you. You wanted so badly to kick in their front headlight, as you always wanted to do, but you didn't, unfortunately.

You went into work only to discover that your inbox, your physical inbox, not email, was overflowing with disorganized papers. Oh, the fun you will have today. On top of that, there are no apples in the vending machine and they have been replaced with Ho-Hos. You love Ho-Hos but you are on a diet and rely on those apples to get you through the day.

Three quarters through the day, you need a break. You don't smoke, so you bring fun drinks to work. You found this cherry ginger ale and you really need it to be good or your day will be completely ruined. You open it, smell it, take a sip, and everything is A-OK. It's smooth and has a great cherry flavor. You burp, because you are on break and don't need to impress anyone, and it's a little hot, like you drank a ginger beer. All around, it is a great drink.

You close out your daily tasks, minimize your inbox, and take off for the day. It started out badly, but that pop turned everything around.

Website
http://www.cherryrepublic.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 11/8/2011
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Cuties Protein Fruit Smoothie Tangerine + Mango + Other Fruits

Cuties Protein Fruit Smoothie Tangerine + Mango + Other Fruits

Oh how adorable a little bottle of smoothie. It has the cutest little face on it and an ever so appropriate name "Cuties." This may have been your first thought process if you are either under the age of 10 or over the age of 45 and lived alone except for your 14 cats. Truth be told you wouldn't be thinking this is so cute if you knew it's dark history. Remember those monks from the 90's that recorded their chants and sold them in mass quantities to the yuppie crowd? Have you ever wondered why we don't hear from them anymore? I mean obviously it's not because that was a stupid novelty of an idea. It must be something more sinister. The last ingredient in this bottle is "Monk Fruit Concentrate." That's too much of a coincidence for me. After doing some digging I uncovered the ghastly truth that Cuties has been harvesting the "singing monks" mind grapes to add a little kick to their smoothies.

They start off with a nice thick smoothie that tastes very strongly of tangerines and mangoes with just the slightest hint of banana. From the taste you can definitely tell it's a protein drink, but it's not as chalky as you would expect. It is the monk's mind grapes that give it that quality. Tell me you still think this is cute now that you know that it contains monk brains! You do? Well then you my friend are quite the sicko!

Website
http://www.cutiesjuice.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 11/9/2011
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Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Kiwi

Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Kiwi

I've been drinking a lot of pop and my mouth has gotten tired of it. I needed something to break the monotony. It happens when you drink so much stuff. It all starts to blend together and you need a break. Since we don't take actual "breaks" here at Thirsty Dudes, our breaks are us drinking something different.

For the trillionth time, I can't believe that we haven't done this yet. Strawberry Kiwi Lifewater? Get out. It's been out forever and we're just now getting to it. This should give you the incentive to go out and try something new if we have just now gotten around to something that you can get anywhere.

This is probably a standby classic for you because it's so good. It's light, sweet, and has a great fruit flavor. Great. Did you hear me? I don't use that word a lot. Good, alright, OK, whatever. I don't use "great" a lot. I do and I don't care. I'll say it again. It isn't too sweet and has no bad aftertaste. It's not to bad in the calorie department which is good as I just Gregory House M.D.'d this entire bottle.

This new season of House is pretty good and all over the place, too, if you haven't gotten around to it. You're only three episodes deep. You could catch up on one rainy day. Hugh Laurie. You're a great man. Come do a guest review. Someone get Hugh Laurie to do a guest review.

Website
http://www.sobe.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 11/10/2011
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SoBe Lifewater - Strawberry Kiwi Bliss - 20 fl. oz. (Pack of 24)

Honeydrop Deluxe Blood Orange

Honeydrop Deluxe Blood Orange

Honeydrop huh? How about we rename this drink "Honeyheapingspoonful." I don't mean that in a derogatory way, as I think this is a very pleasant drink. My issue is that from the name/label you would think that this is a juice that is lightly sweetened with honey. Nope! This is a honey drink lightly flavored with blood orange juice. It's like nothing I've ever had before. Also, I don't believe I've ever had a blood orange flavored drink that wasn't carbonated. It was a nice change of pace.

Website
http://www.honeydrop.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Honey
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 11/10/2011
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Ecofriendly Honeydrop Blood Orange (12x14 Oz) By Honeydrop
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