Ocean Spray 100% Juice Cranberry Blueberry Blackberry

Ocean Spray 100% Juice Cranberry Blueberry Blackberry

Members of the board, we are in crisis mode. Sales for cranberry juice have plummeted. Our whole urinary track mega cleanse could only take us so far, and now with this "Super Fruit" craze going on the world is grabbing for pomegranate and acai drinks. We have very literally been left in the dust. Who cleans those supermarket shelves anyways? If that wasn't bad enough, with all the garbage going on in the world, no one has anything to be thankful for, so our November rush looks like it's going to be a bust.

Drastic measures need to be taken, so in my own time I developed a new juice for us. It's still cranberry based, but I've added blueberries (a super fruit for all the trend jumpers) and blackberries (the most delicious fruit known to man). It still has the tart bite of our classic cranberry juice, but it also has a wave of sweetness, and is bursting with flavor. I think it's safe to say that for all of us here this company is a labor of love. We have sworn an oath to the cranberry and we will stand by it. Hopefully this tasty mixture will turn others onto our cause, or at least get us through the next financial quarter.

Website
http://www.oceanspray.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 9/6/2011
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Ocean Spray 100% Juice, Cranberry Blueberry Blackberry, No Sugar Added, 64-Ounce (Pack of 8)

Rainforest Citrus

Rainforest Citrus

On a recent trip to the rain forest, Carl got lost. He was in the forest and no it wasn't raining. He did have a khaki bucket hat on and a Hawaiian shirt on, so he fit the bill. He also had cargo shorts and boots on, so you know he was semi-pro. He wasn't in love with nature, but he felt that he had to make it to the rain forest once before he died. A few of his friends went down on a cruise and he wandered off and hasn't been seen for hours. He's known for that kind of crap.

Carl is in the forest, walking around. He's hearing sounds that he's never heard before and seeing monkeys just jumping from tree to tree. It's awesome. Lions are walking around all casual-like and there are scarlet macaws just whizzing by his head trying to take his dumb hat off. He's getting a little thirsty and thinks to himself, "Man, I'm getting thirsty. I wish I hadn't used my good water to wash some dirt off my hands." Just as he said that, he walked into a clearing. He squinted his eyes to adjust to the light and a small form came into focus. It was a tiny bar with one man at it. He walked up to it and sat down at one of the chairs. The bartender, who was washing one cup said, "What can I get you?" to which Carl responded, "What've you got?" The bartender gave him a look and then moved the sign, which had the two drinks that they served very easily readable printed on it. His choices were Rainforest citrus pop and tiger blood. He obviously chose the Rainforest pop.

"This is pretty good." he said, wiping the sweat from his head from wearing that dumb hat all day. "It tastes a little like a Sprite but a little bit more bitter, but in a good way," he said. "Can you buy this in America?" he said to the bartender. The bartender nodded "yes" and ducked down behind the bar, as if to say, "Carl, you have had your drink and I am done with you."

Carl, who knew when it was time to leave, left and just as he stood up, he could see the resort in the clearing and realized that he hadn't been lost in the rain forest, but he has been drunk and wandering around the resorts mini-golf course. Carl had the time of his life that day and it was mostly all in a drunken stupor. As he turned around, the mini bar and bartender were gone. He looked down in his hand and noticed that he still had the can of Rainforest citrus pop. "Strange" he said, as he walked back up the lynx to meet up with his friends.

Website
http://www.rainbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 9/6/2011
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Red Ribbon Soda Works Almond Cream Soda

Red Ribbon Soda Works Almond Cream Soda

Stop your complaining Mark. You drew the short straw so you have to go to the store for snacks. You're not going to be able to go to the corner store either. We have some needs and they must be filled. You're going to have to go to the Co-Op for this. I need 20lbs of raw almonds. Don't get that roasted garbage. I need them raw. Also pick up a few things of cane sugar. Yes by things I mean canes. "Canes of cane sugar" just sounds dumb. Okay fine. Canes of sugar. There, are you happy? Oh yeah and get a couple of bottles of seltzer water. I'm going to make you guys the best almond soda you've ever had. What's that Mark it's going to cost over $100 for all of that stuff? I thought you were a master thief? Can't you just lift it for us? Oh you got caught last week at Coldstone Creamery? What were you stealing there, wait, I don't want to know. Fine be a party pooper, just pick us up a sixer of Red Ribbon's Almond Cream. It probably tastes better than what I was going to make anyways. Their soda tastes extremely almondy, but without tasting like almond extract. That should be like $5. Oh and you can pay for it too. Deal with it.

Website
http://www.natronabottlingcompany.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 9/6/2011
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Jump Hot Pure Energy Raspberry

Jump Hot Pure Energy Raspberry

This can looks like one that would be used in a Foo Fighters video in order to show the ridiculousness of energy drinks. I can just picture Dave Grohl dressed as a club girl drinking this as he walks past a bunch of guys waiting to get in. And then just as he enters the doorway, he half turns around and winks at someone. Say what you will about the band's music, they have made some great music videos over the years.

Unlike the can, the taste did not make me feel like I was in a club listening to Euro Dance Mix 2004. It's a really light drink. This is probably because, as the can says, it is sugar, carb, and fat free. I can't put my finger on what the taste reminds me of, but it's good! There's no diet taste, and there's definitely no battery acid energy drink taste. I wish I had more than just this one can. I could drink this all the time.

Website
http://www.jumpbeverages.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on 9/7/2011
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Jelly Belly Gourmet Soda Strawberry Jam

Jelly Belly Gourmet Soda Strawberry Jam

When you're a kid and it's Easter time jellybeans take a backseat only to Peeps (yes I am one of those strange people that prefers stale Peeps). As you get older jellybeans lose their allure. In fact they become just a step above gross. Then you discover a little company called Jelly Belly and your interest in jellybeans is renewed. Best of all they are available all year and they are "gourmet."

When I first saw Jelly Belly sodas I thought to myself "Self that sure sounds gross, over sugary candy pop is not something we are fans of." I got some for the site though for the sake of the website. When I finally got around to drinking it I discovered that they can do the same for sugary fake fruit sodas as they did for sugary fake fruit candy. Is it sweet? You bet your butt it is, but more importantly it tastes like strawberries. This actually tastes just like a real sweet strawberry jam. I certainly can't complain about a pop that delivers exactly what it promises, and neither should you.

Website
http://www.jellybelly.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 10/5/2011
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McDonalds McCafe Chocolate

McDonalds McCafe Chocolate

Do you remember when your parents used to take you to McDonald's and it was an event? I do. I remember the sights and sounds and smells of it. I don't know if it's because we didn't really ever go or because the whole family would get in the car and we'd drive there and go together. Hamburger, cheeseburger, or McNugget. That's all we would get. Their menu now is very elaborate but their staples, albeit terribly unhealthy now that we know what "good food" is, are still there and still guiltily delicious once every six months.

That's about the frequency that I go to McDonald's. Once every six months. Yeah, sometimes I go through the drive through to get a sweet tea, but that's not really considered a trip.

Today my girlfriend and I went to get some nuggets and we decided to try their McCafe shakes. We got a strawberry (review coming soon) and a chocolate (where you are now). It's simple; take a regular McDonald's shake, whip in some whipped cream, add more whipped cream, and put a cherry on top. It tastes more like a frozen yogurt or a half melted ice cream than a shake. McDonald's has this thing where they make the shakes so hard to get through a straw that by the time you are finished with one, your cheeks look like they've been put through as much stress as Louie Armstrong's did in his entire career. It was very creamy and not too sweet and the additional whipped cream made it even smoother once you drank half of it and everything kind of mixed together.

It is a nice alternative to a classic shake and although it could never replace the standard, it isn't that far from it where it feel like cheating, like if you were dating a sister and she had a twin and you kissed on her a little bit. It's close enough that no one can blame you. That's how it works, right?

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 9/10/2011
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Omega Water Fruit Fusion

Omega Water Fruit Fusion

I find it really strange that in a post-apocalyptic world not many people actually died. I mean maybe 27% of the population is no longer with us, which is tragic, but from all of the comics I've read I would have expected it to be maybe a couple of thousand people left at the most. I guess all of the little amounts of radiation we used in microwaves and cell phones acted like a flu shot of sorts. The strangest thing is that most of the water has been destroyed. One company controls all of the pure water that is left in the world. They are called Omega Water. Sure there are some mutated waters roaming the countryside, but the radiation left them all carbonated and unrefreshing.

To be fair Omega Water isn't pure water like we remember it from the before time. The nuclear war left this water source chock full of water and minerals, including the ever elusive omega-3. I guess their name has two meanings...clever. I personally like this fruit version. It tastes like someone took a pestle and mortar to some children's vitamins and mixed in that fine powder with the water. It tastes like water with faint fruitiness. Fruitiness is now an acceptable word in these end times. Get used to it.

Website
http://www.omegawater.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 9/13/2011
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Omega Water Rainbow 12 Pack- Omega-3 Enriched Flavored Water

Cherry Republic Boom Chugga Lugga Black Cherry Cream Soda

Cherry Republic Boom Chugga Lugga Black Cherry Cream Soda

What a day. Look, I love women as much as the next dude, but my girlfriend...man. She's been hounding me to get a passport for years and I never felt like I needed to. I know, I know, I'm living on a border state and I don't have one. She wants me to go to Ikea and buy shelves and stuff. I don't want any part in that. Yes, I like Swedish meatballs, but I'm not driving an hour and a half to get them. Jay and I used to go to a dance party in Toronto every last Friday of every month and that was awesome. Once they stopped doing that, I didn't have a reason to live...in Canada.

I'm going on a trip and I finally had to get one so I went and some idiot asked if he could use Canadian currency at the post office. What a dumb idiot. So I got my passport all filed, my terrible picture taken, and am now $150 poorer but to celebrate, I grabbed this black cherry cream soda.

I let some people try it and they said that it tastes like Luden's cough drops and I think that Luden's is responsible for changing people's taste of cherries forever. Now, unless you're eating an actual cherry, no one thinks of something as "cherry flavored" they only think of it as "cough drop" flavored, and that's just wrong. This is good, and it's a better black cherry pop than a black cherry cream soda, in my opinion. The cream soda is in there a little bit but the strongest flavor is defiantly the cherry. It's a really nice taste, too. It's a brighter black cherry taste than a plain ol' black cherry pop.

Now in four to six weeks I'll have my passport and will have no excuse why not to go and get shelves and pillow tops and all that crap. Great. Worst $150 I've ever spent.

Website
http://www.cherryrepublic.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 9/13/2011
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Oggu Sparkling Lemon & Lime

Oggu Sparkling Lemon & Lime

Every time I read Oggu I instantly think of the commercials for Boku juice from the 90's with Richard Lewis in them. Those commercials were ridiculous and terrible. He seriously says Boku eight thousand times in each commercial and it's a ridiculous word to be said once, let alone more than twenty times in a minute. Now that I think about it he really didn't do much other than those commercials and terrible stand up. Oh the 90's when the bar was set so low for comedians.

This is a soda, not a juice like Boku. It is also not sub par like Richard Lewis. It is one of the better lemon & lime sodas I've had. It has actual juice in it and it's also not nearly as sweet as most of it's counterparts. That is a great thing about European sodas; they don't feel the need to over-sweeten them. Which I definitely appreciate. This drink is actually good enough that it doesn't need a stand up comic, humorous or not, to sell it. It's flavor sells itself.

Now I just have to remember what show made fun of those commercials. I think it may have been Wayne's World. I'm actually pretty sure of it. If you can confirm that, please do.

Website
http://www.oggu.com/
Country
Netherlands
Sweetener
Sucre De Canne Biologique
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on 9/14/2011
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Sapanan Aloe Vera White Grape

Sapanan Aloe Vera White Grape

You know what I love? Discovering new Asian markets. It's a great feeling because that means that a new world is open for me to discover. I went in bright and early and bought everything they had that we hadn't done, including this rocket shaped aloe drink.

So as you can see, the first thing I noticed is the packaging, which is nothing short of awesome. Ergonomically designed and rocket shaped?! Sold, dude. Sold.

Taste-wise, it's just an aloe. It's white grape flavored aloe with giant chunks. The chunks are pretty good because every one you get and chew is like a flavor explosion in your mouth. If you were a glutton and had no self-restraint, you could have a grand finale by drinking the whole container and just going chew crazy.

I liked this drink and any fan of aloe should seek it out.

Website
http://www.sapanan.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on 9/14/2011
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