Ito En Teas' Tea Crispy Apple Black Tea

Ito En Teas' Tea Crispy Apple Black Tea

Question: Did I just eat a GD apple?
Answer: No, you stupid idiot. You just drank iced tea.

Question: No. Seriously. What is happening to me?
Answer: Well that's a bit vague, don't you think? I did notice that you're getting grays in your beard.

Answer: Yeah, and it's awesome. You can't tell me it's not going to make me look distinguished.
Question: I guess it will, but don't you think that it will make you look older?

Answer: Who cares? I look young anyway. I think I could grow an all gray beard and I would look rad as heck.
Question: Should we address this iced tea more?

Answer: What's to say? It's awesome, not terrible for you, and tastes like a friggin' apple. It might taste more like an actual apple than apple juice.

Website
http://www.itoen.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 31st, 2011
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Teas Tea, Classic Crispy Apple, Green Tea, 16.9 Oz

Simply Originals Flax Seed Green Tea Mandarin

Simply Originals Flax Seed Green Tea Mandarin

I'm just going to come out and say it in a public forum. I have a completely non-sexual man-crush on Paul Rudd. He's hysterical and just seems like he's a really rad dude. Also, he apparently loves Lungfish and other DC bands. That gets my approval. One of my favorite roles of his is Jeff from the in-between segments in the movie "The Ten." I bring this up because in that role he's fighting with his ex and they get into an argument over whether he's been taking his fish oil. Exasperated he yells that he's "getting his omega 3 fatty acids through other means." His delivery is absolutely perfect and I erupt into laughter every time I see that part. I can only imagine he's getting those fatty acids through flax seed. If I'm correct I really hope he's drinking said flax seed in this liquid form.

With all of the soda we drink I'm always pleased to get some natural teas to review, but when drinks go into new territories of healthy I will admit I get nervous. The container of flax seed that my roommate keeps in the fridge definitely made me skeptical of this. Let's face it, specialty health drinks for the most part usually aren't the greatest. I anticipated bitter. I anticipated gritty. What I didn't anticipate was a very smooth and sweet tea with a strong mandarin orange flavoring. Pleasant surprises abound! As an added bonus the label design is top notch. I'm very excited to try their other flavors.

Now I just want to watch a Paul Rudd movie. It will probably be Role Models. That never, ever gets old.

Website
http://www.simply-originals.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 31st, 2011
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Maaza Tropical

Maaza Tropical

Ahh, the tropics. I've never been. I've been to Florida, but never anywhere tropical. I feel that everything is sand, everyone drives beach buggies, everyone wears hula skirts, and there is an abundance of fresh fruit everywhere. I am certain this place exists somewhere in the geographic world. No, I will not put money on it, but I can still be certain that it's there. In the case that you can't come up with the $1,000 it takes to go there, you can probably stop over to your local grocery store and try and find this drink. Although I am second guessing some of their "tropical" fruits, the taste is pretty good. Yes, there is the dreaded banana in it, but apple, peach, and pineapple juices mask it.

If I had things my way, I would be in a palm tree, drinking this out of a coconut with a little umbrella. My straw would be made of bamboo because that sounds awesome and I would be waiting for the pig roast below to be complete so that I may eat until my heart and stomach is content. Also, if you don't know me, in this fantasy I have also given myself the ability to climb trees. In high school I had to do the rope climb and might have made it as high as I can jump and hold on. Someday I'll master that rope and as soon as I do, bon voyage.

Website
http://www.enjoymaaza.com/uk/en/home
Country
Holland
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 1st, 2011
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Sabila Aloe Vera Drink Pomegranate

Sabila Aloe Vera Drink Pomegranate

We went camping this weekend for our friend Kevyn's bachelor party. I brought several boxes full of my extra drinks for everyone to enjoy. A lot of aloe drinks were downed. The fun this about aloe is watching people's faces when they drink it for the first time. Even when they know there are chunks in it the look of shock and disgust is always there. It's ridiculous how many people describe the chunks as "feathery." Everyone I've known who's kept trucking and finished a bottle, has loved it by the end and wanted more. Once you get used to the chunks, they become a fun little game. Catching them in your teeth and chewing them after you swallow the liquid is always fun. Our friend Nick had his first aloe experience this weekend, and he powered through that first bottle. By the end of the weekend I think he had drank about six of them himself.

I brought this bottle of Sabila as part of my personal stock. It's pretty great. The chunks are an average size for these types of drinks. What stands out with this brand is that they use actual juice instead of artificial flavoring, and that the sugar added is low on the ingredients list. They let the aloe and the juice speak for themselves. They have a lot to say, believe me.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/sabilaaloe
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Chunky
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 4th, 2011
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Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Almond Breeze Chocolate Almond Milk

Of all the alt-milks out there, almond milk is by far my favorite. It's smooth and doesn't taste watery or chalky. As far as vegan chocolate milk goes, this is the best. It's super rich and delicious and makes me wish I had Oreos to dip into it. I don't know why I only buy this every few months. When I have it in the fridge it rarely lasts longer than a few days.

Website
http://www.almondbreeze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on April 4th, 2011
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Almond Breeze, Chocolate, 32 oz.

Xing Tea Green Tea With Blueberry

Xing Tea Green Tea With Blueberry

Way back when we restarted this wonderful, award winning website, I found a plethora of Xing Tea at a bodega in a multi-floor mall in Baltimore. I wanted two, but had to buy three since they had some stupid/ridiculous/unlawful minimum credit card rate. My girlfriend went to my parent's house and came back with a bag full of Xing and I was clearly excited. I wanted to start with blueberry and since I do what I want because I'm a man, I did just that. I've also had dreadlocks for a week and a half, got a Smith's chest tattoo, bought two corgi's, and filled a hole in my basement foundation with "Great Stuff" rather than becoming a professional mason and fixing it the right way. These are all examples of things I've done because I can do what I want.

This tea, a newcomer to my list of fallback delicious drinks, is simple magnificent. It's got a great blueberry taste. It's sweet, but it's a great, pure cane sugar taste. Not a whole lot of green tea flavor, but I don't miss it, honestly. If it was swapped with a black tea, I could probably tell, but since the sugar and the blueberry is so sweet, it's overpowered.

If this was on a shelf and I didn't see anything else that I haven't drank, I wouldn't hesitate to buy it. I often feel guilty for buying "old" drinks when I've got shelves of "new" drinks at home that need to be reviewed, but if I find myself riding my bike this summer, come across a store that sells this drink, it will be in my hand as quickly as can be. You have my word, son.

Website
http://www.drinkxingtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 5th, 2011
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Parrot Pink Guava Juice

Parrot Pink Guava Juice

The great argument of what the greatest sketch comedy of all time is. Many would say Saturday Night Live. While I think it has its high points, it's never really held my attention much as a whole. There have been too many mediocre to bad seasons and cast members. For me it's a toss up between The State and Kids in the Hall. No matter how many times I watch the handful of seasons that each troupe had I always end up hysterically laughing. Those who say Mad TV, well they should just be institutionalized. That is one of the least funny shows to ever be produced.

You may be asking yourself "Self, what does sketch comedy have to do with guava juice?" The answer is that parrots remind me of the Kids in the Hall skit where Mark McKinney is a beaten down husband. His wife, played by Dave Foley, is about to leave for the day and is giving him instructions. He only answers with "Yes dear," which is then echoed by their pet parrot. In the end it seems that the parrot has more say than him and he suffers a break down. With each sip I took I heard the parrot say, "Yes dear" in my inner monologue. I say, "Yes dear" indeed. This is a nice juice. Things that come in large cans tend to be fairly cheap and chock full of cheap sweeteners and artificial flavors. This is actually made with real juice and cane sugar. It may only be 30% juice, but that is more than I would have expected it to contain. I love the way guava tastes. It's a fruit that I think the world needs to reexamine and use more.

Website
http://www.sunhingfoods.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 5th, 2011
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Mona Vie The Premier Acai Blend (M)mun

Mona Vie The Premier Acai Blend (M)mun

This could not look more like a wine bottle. I had to read the entire bottle several times before I was fully convinced that it was not. Just because I don't drink alcohol doesn't mean that I can't be fancy. I busted out one of my roommates fancy wine glasses and poured myself a glass. Not too big mind you, as the bottle recommends you drink only 2 ounces twice daily.

It may not be wine, but it is some of the most potent juice I've ever come across. The prime flavor in the juice is definitely the acai. There is a whole lot of it in each sip. It is combined with 18 other fruits and mashed into this wonderful bottle. There are a lot of fruits present that I have never heard of before such as aronia, maqui, sea buckthorn, boabab, cupuacu, bilberry, jabuticaba. A lot of those words just seem made up. They are apparently magical fruits that are "scientifically proven to strengthen the body's immune defenses." As I said before it's a strong juice. It's the kind of juice that you can tell it has to be doing wonders for your health just from the taste. I don't mean it tastes bad at all, but you can just imagine the fruits putting on their armor and taking up their swords and going to war against all the nastiness in your body. I wonder if buckthorn rides a horse in battle.

Website
http://www.monavie.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 6th, 2011
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Monavie (M)Mun (1 Bottle) Yellow Top Builds Immune System

Xing Tea Green Tea With Mango

Xing Tea Green Tea With Mango

For years Arizona has run the tallboy can of tea game. They were fairly unchallenged. Peace Tea was a contender, but their drinks always left something to be desired. Xing Tea has now officially issued a challenge to Arizona. Just like in Mike Tyson's Punch Out you can't just come right out and fight the champ. You have to fight your way up the ranks. In the first two fights Xing held it's own. In all honesty when you're fighting the Glass Joe and Von Kaiser of iced teas you really don't need to put up much of a fight to get them down. In the third fight Xing's sweet tea went up against iced tea's version of Piston Honda. It was a long, drawn out fight but it ended with a TKO in favor of Xing when it noticed his eyebrow movements. After that Xing really started to shine. It plowed its way through its opponents, even beating that annoying fat slob King Hippo. He definitely would be some sort of ghetto tea that's over-saturated with high fructose corn syrup.

Finally we are at the here and now. Xing is going to be battling against Great Tiger. I always hated that guy. He was always a thorn in my side via video game boxing. Xing has trained well and has put forth its best mango effort for this match. This is a smart tea. It's really sweet, but you can tell by taste and consistency that it's cane sugar sweet. It tastes like a summer sweet tea made with green tea instead of black. The mango flavor is attentive. It's knows when to hit Great Tiger's jewel with it's bite and when to hold back and block his teleportation attack. It's these great moves that helped Xing win this battle as well.

Xing still has a long way to the title fight, but if it keeps making the moves it's been making, it will be going toe to toe with Arizona Black & White in no time.

Website
http://www.drinkxingtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 6th, 2011
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San Pellegrino Limonata

San Pellegrino Limonata

I didn't know, but did you know that in Europe, their lemonade is carbonated? Here is the good ol' U.S. of A, we don't carbonate it, nor do we offer the ability to get it. Here, we have it on lockdown. No bubbles or sparkles. Restrictive? I don't know. I think a little variation might be good. For this variation, I need to look no further. This San P is wonderful. I don't like the "original" flavor of San P. It's bitter. This is a little bitter, but a natural fruit bitter, not seltzer water bitter. My mom used to drink that stuff and it used to be gross. This, I feel like I could drink all of the day. It's a great lemon taste with just enough sugar that you don't feel guilty for slaying the whole can, but why should you? You're your own person and you dictate your life and if you want to drink a "whole can" of this in one sitting, hey, that's your nightmare, Jack.

I can't pick a favorite between this and the Aranciata. I do like them both better than the Chinotto, though.

Website
http://www.sanpellegrino.com
Country
Italy
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 7th, 2011
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San Pellegrino Limonata, 6 Pack - 6 Ounce Bottles
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