Rubicon Mango

Rubicon Mango

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I'm extremely jealous of young kids these days for their juice box options. When I was a kid our choices were Ssips, Hi-C and Minute Maid. I never complained. I loved what I had at the time, but now that I see what the world has to offer I feel cheated. Maybe it's because I grew up in white-bred suburbia, but I keep running into exotic juice boxes these days. What kid wouldn't love a mango juice box? It's so sweet and thick. Think of the awesome treats it could bring in through lunchroom trades. When you've finished remember to unglue the flaps, blow it up with air and stomp on it so it explodes and the straw shoots across the room. That is the true joy of the juice box.

Website
http://www.rubiconexotic.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 1st, 2011
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Rubicon Mango Exotic Juice Drink (4 juice boxes)

President's Choice Sparkling Soda Lychee

President's Choice Sparkling Soda Lychee

I like eating fresh lychee fruit. Sure it might have a consistency that I can only liken to an eyeball, but it tastes pretty awesome. Something horrible happens when that fruit is transformed into drink form. It somehow starts to taste the was I can only assume an old lady would. Like a perfume from the 1940s. That would be the opposite of awesome.

I've had this sitting around for probably six months. Because the can was white I thought it was diet (all diet pops from my youth were in white cans). That and my fear of lychee drinks put it on the back burner. Tonight I decided to suck it up and for my bravery I was rewarded. President's Choice did something right with this drink. They have kept the flavor of the fruit intact without bringing out the perfumey aspect of it. It's a very light beverage that I would be happy to drink again. Thanks Canada.

Website
http://www.presidentschoice.ca/LCLOnline/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 2nd, 2011
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Grace Island Soda Ginger Beer

Grace Island Soda Ginger Beer

Dear Mike,
Our search ends here. You wanted the ultimate ginger beer and I believe I have found it. Put away your Goya and your Blenheim red caps. Those are kids stuff compared to this.

The smell of this stuff was so strong that it almost made me sneeze. I took two sips and I needed to take a break because it burned so much. It's been over an hour and I'm still not done with the bottle. You take a sip, it doesn't seem to bad, then a decent burn kicks in, you think you're going to be fine, then a third intense ginger burns drop kicks your throat. That's right this is a "three alarm" ginger beer. The thing is that it's not just crazy hot, this bottle is also full of flavor. That first wave tastes like a great ginger ale. The second wave is a great ginger beer. The third wave? Well that is just pure burn. Well-played Grace. You know how to make a great soda. If I got this in a Jamaican restaurant I think it would be a toss up as to what was hotter the soda or my jerk.

What is wrong with us that we've been searching out the hottest ginger beer? I'm pretty sure third world countries use this stuff in their torture methodologies. Us we sit back and relax with a nice cool bottle of liquid fire. We sure are idiots.

Website
http://www.gracefoods.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 15th, 2011
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Hemp Garden Tea

Hemp Garden Tea

Grab your hacky sack and put on your patchwork pants and your "drug rug" and let's go on an adventure. An adventure in the world of patchouli and Grateful Dead live-sides. Push your way through the beaded doorway of your mind and accept the fact that weed drinks have hit the market. Somewhere Woody Harrelson is ecstatic.

I know this is going to be the same as it was when Marley's Mellow Mood hit the stores. We are going to get an influx of searches and questions asking if this "gets you high." If you think that it will, then you my friend truly are a stupid hippie. This has hemp oil extract in it, not THC. It has some health benefits, but it does not get you stoned. So you should probably stick to that ditchweed the hesher down the street sells.

One would think that a hemp drink with pot leaves all over it would be a relaxation drink. One would also think that because this can says, "Chill your head with the good stuff." One would be mistaken with this product, and whoever developed it missed a huge market by not going that way with it. Instead this has both black tea and yerba mate in it, both of which contain caffeine. Oh well.

This is essentially an earthy yerba mate with some black tea in the mix and a whole lot of lemon juice added (I definitely could have done with a lot less of it). That alone would be a nice decent tea. Then the company mixed in some hemp oil extract and suddenly this once great tea now tastes like a teenage art student's bedroom. Editor Dan said it tastes like liking a baja inside of New Age Creations. I never realized how much hemp actually does resemble the inside of a hippie store. It's like perfume, incense and white kid dreadlocks all got rolled up together and mixed into this tea. On top of that it kind of tastes good. At first I thought it tasted like rope. Then I realized that was the baja flavor. I was weirded/grossed out, but as I drank more I started to enjoy it.

If you can't find this stuff at your local head shop tell the burnout behind the counter that he's doing things all wrong. Also tell him that in the days of high speed internet nobody is going to pay $40 for a Pearl Jam bootleg.

Website
http://www.hempgardentea.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 17th, 2011
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Jones Soda Berry Lemonade

Jones Soda Berry Lemonade

Come on, Jennifer, really? More makeup? You just bought some perfume from here and lipstick, and I think your aunt got you that eyeliner set. What more could you want? Nail polish? You bite your nails! What's the point? Ugh, fine, let's go, but I'm going to sit in the "dad seat." The “dad seat?” The dad seat is that one bench where dads and boyfriends sit while their girlfriends smell hair gel and test bath salts.

Hey, I'm just going to sit here by the door. Take your time. I'll be playing Fruit Ninja on my phone. You know how I love it when that freeze banana comes in. I'm sorry, what did you say, ma'am? A drink? Now you're talking my language. I'll take a sip. Oh, this is kind of strange and kind of gross. What is it? It's the essence of everything you see? That's vague. Oh, in this makeup store. Yeah, not that you mention it, this drink tastes like it smells in here mixed with some lemonade. What is this called? Oh, it's made by Jones? Berry Lemonade? Really? I guess it's vaguely raspberry lemonade, but there is still the liquid version of this store in here. I won't be buying any, but thank you and good job capturing your fine establishment into a drink. Honey, let's get out of here. That dad that was sitting next to me just ate a bean burrito and now I want one almost as bad as I don't want to feel the after effects of his.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Lemonade, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 13th, 2011
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Tiger Malt Original

Tiger Malt Original

Well. Great. Merry Christmas. Fantastic. Here I am, on stage, accepting this award for perfect attendance for my high school. One of two kids that got it. I don't necessarily do stupendous in class, but I do fair. I'm a B student. What do I get? A handshake and a bottle of pop from the principal. That seems strange to me. I guess I did spend all that time going to class. I deserve this pop.

Alright. Study hall. Second to last day of the year. I've got this strange Tiger Malt and I'm going to drink it. I can do what I want. I'm 17, there is one day of school left and I haven't missed a day. Down the hatch Tiger Malt. Ugh. What the heck is in this bottle? What are my taste buds doing to me? I've got to try this again. I have never felt anything like this before. It's revolting but yet so familiar. Bleh. Terrible. Did someone play a joke on me? Is there some sort of conspiracy against letting kids finish a school year without missing a day? This is going to put me in the hospital? Did someone liquefy and strain a bowl of Raisin Bran? It tastes like a stronger version of my Puerto Rican friend Joey's mom's favorite Malta Goya drink. I might barf. That's isn't going to look good on the floor or on my permanent record.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 21st, 2011
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Grace Island Soda Pineapple

Grace Island Soda Pineapple

Thus far I have been very impressed with all of the drinks I have tried from the Grace company. They make possibly the best ginger beer I've ever had, and the other drinks have been top notch as well. Seeing as I am a huge fan of pineapple I knew I was in for a treat with this treasure bottle.

Like every other pineapple soda I've ever had it doesn't really taste like pineapple. Actually let me change that up (No, I have never heard of a delete key. I type this all up on a typewriter I feel desperately insecure without a typewriter in the house. I unfortunately lent out my Martinelli to my friend Bill and it came back smashed), It tastes like someone took pineapple juice and removed everything acidic about it. All you're left with is a sugary sweet juice. While I would love to have a pineapple soda that showed the fruit the respect it deserves, this is still one of the greatest pineapple sodas I've tried. It's not quite pineapple, but not overly candy-esque.

Underneath the cap it also reads "Dubby know who fi frighten." Translations are welcomed.

Website
http://www.gracefoods.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 30th, 2011
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Rage Shot Tropical Punch

Rage Shot Tropical Punch

Jimmy was a huge Rage Against The Machine fan. He got into them when he was in high school. Right around the time Evil Empire came out. He thought every other band paled in comparison. He loved them so much; he got "Bombtrack" tattooed in old English on his stomach. All of his friends tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen.

When RATM reunited last year, he booked the first ticket to LA he could. There was no way he was going to miss this show. He also brought along a case of these Rage energy shots. He thought the band secretly endorsed it. The company even sent them a copy of their masthead to prove Zach De La Rocha didn't have a hand in their product, but he still thought it was true. He thought this all the way until he met Zach before the concert.

Being the crafty person he is, Jimmy found out where the band was eating before the show and introduced himself to them mid burrito. He told them how big of a fan he was, showed them his tattoo, and then asked if they would sign his box of energy shots. Zach laughed and told him, just like everyone else, that they had nothing to do with the company and refused to sign it. He then went on some diatribe about the indigenous people of Canada (where the drink is made), but Jimmy was in tears and ran out. His dreams had been shattered.

What better way to drown those tears than to drink the entire case of Rage energy shots. One after another, he drank them. Each one tasting just like the last did, fruit punch Kool Aid energy drink. The taste never changed, and never left his mouth for months after that night. He also had a heart attack from all that caffeine.

So let that be a lesson for everyone. Rage Against The Machine would never own an energy drink company, and don't ever interrupt Zach De La Rocha when he's eating a burrito.

Website
http://www.rageliquidenergy.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Shot
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on December 31st, 2011
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RAGE SHOT, Fruit Punch, 2oz bottles,12-Pack

Ocho Rios Mango Carrot

Ocho Rios Mango Carrot

From the beverages I've drunk recently I have come to the conclusion that Jamaica was once a part of Canada. It was the 11th province. Like modern day Quebec the fine citizens of Jamaica wanted to become a sovereign nation. They petitioned for years and made no progress. Finally a group of radicals strategically planted explosives and broke Jamaica free from the rest of Canada. They were happy to just be separated and declared their independence. It was a happy accident that the coastal tides dragged their country south into a tropical region.

Canada is still bitter, but they have embraced the new beverages that come out of the now sunny and warm Jamaica. One such drink is a combination of mango and carrot juice. Okay it's pulp and puree, but that might actually make it better. It's mostly mango, with just the slightest hint of carrot. You really don't taste the carrots at all unless you breathe through your nose (especially with the nectar still in your mouth). It has a nice consistency that is not overly thick, but more so than a normal juice.

Good work Jamaica. You have succeeded where Quebec has failed. In freedom, as well as in the world of beverages.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 31st, 2011
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Jones Soda Strawberry Lime

Jones Soda Strawberry Lime

Once a year the abominable snowman takes a trip into town in order to pick up supplies to help get him through the winter. Sure, he was once a savage that lived in the mountains of Nepal, but times have changed. It’s a crazy world out there, and he decided for a change. As a result he ended up in northern Canada (How could he say no to universal health care?). The only problem with this is that people would run in terror at the sight of him. Then the pitchforks and torches would come out and it would end up being a terrible day. In order to get around this he has learned to wear baggy clothes and to shave off all of his visible hair. Don’t worry though it grows back, fast. In fact it grows back too fast.

Last year he got all ready and trekked into the local town. He purchased everything that he would need for the upcoming winter. He purchased some rice, beans, chocolate, canned vegetables and most importantly a case of Jones’ Strawberry Lime soda. It’s his absolute favorite. If he could buy 20 cases of it, he would. Too bad he couldn’t carry that much with him back up the mountain. It’s hard enough lugging a single case up to the summit, but he does what he has to do. He then rations out the bottles to one a week so that they last all winter. It’s hard to do and he usually spends the last month of winter soda free and grieving. He really just can’t get enough of it. It doesn’t really taste like strawberries, but more of a candied version of it, but the lime is pure lime all the way. The way lime mixes with other flavors will always be a mystery, a delicious mystery. It’s sweet and bubbly and it hits the spot perfectly during the long Canadian winters.

As I was saying he had purchased everything he needed and was about to leave town, when he noticed people giving him weird looks. He scowled back thinking they were just being rude, until he caught a glimpse of his reflection. His hair was growing back sooner than expecting. During the 2 seconds he looked in the window it had gone from slight stubble to a two-week beard, and it didn’t seem to be stopping. He panicked and ran threw town. Leaving most of his purchases by the storefront. He got out of town as fast as he could. He was already back at his mountain before he realized that the only thing he still had on him was his case of soda. Oh well, he might be hungry all winter, but at least he had his beloved soda. You don’t believe me? Well take a look at the bottle. Someone snapped a picture of the rampage last year and sent it in to Jones. It won the contest and made it onto the strawberry lime label. If he wasn’t so embarrassed to return the town, I’m sure he would be overjoyed that his image now graces his favorite soda.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 18th, 2012
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Jones, Soda Strawberry Lime, 12-Fluid Ounce (24 Pack)
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