Switchel Original

Switchel Original

Look. I might catch some flak for this but this tastes like something that someone would make and drink on a dare. As I was reading through the ingredients, I saw "apple cider vinegar" and I knew that something was going to be up with this guy. Everything else in here sounds like it might make a cool drink, though; maple syrup, lemon juice, ginger root and molasses. Awesome right? Well kiss the promise of a decent drink goodbye because vinegar is here to stay and ruin your fun like some sort of cloud on a sunny day. Two sips in. I quit. This might be where we came from, but we have progressed from this. Enjoy things from the past like architecture, cave drawings, and classic cars. Leave stuff like this in the past where it belongs with its friends the black plague, building pyramids by hand and JNCO Jeans.

Website
http://www.vtswitchel.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Maple Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 21st, 2014
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Rocket Fizz Peanut Butter Soda

Rocket Fizz Peanut Butter Soda

Beach Slang are a punk/indie band from Philadelphia, PA. Jason recently went on tour with them and at their show at Sister in Albuquerque James, JP, Ed and Ruben did a guest review for Rocket Fizz’s Peanut Butter Soda. Their first full length will be out on Polyvinyl this fall.

Website
http://www.rocketfizz.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Beach Slang on April 4th, 2015
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Hawaiian OLA Noni Ginger Turmeric

Hawaiian OLA Noni Ginger Turmeric

Well this sucks.

I've recently reviewed a lot of really good turmeric drinks but this is not one of them. It's spicy. Not spicy "hot spicy" but spicy like "contains a lot of spices" spicy. Spiceful. I tried hard to like this. It's different but it's not fantastic. It gets more punishing with every sip. The more lukewarm it gets, the more thick and gritty it gets, like everything settles into a sandy mess at the bottom at when you let it sit next to you for a half hour, it just settles and gets downright thick and gross. It's now been on my desk for an hour because I cannot finish it. It's almost come full circle and gotten spicy and gritty at the same time. I feel like someone swapped out my drink with something you would order at an Indian restaurant. Ginger turmeric sounds like a great chicken dish. Ginger turmeric is a terrible, terrible drink.

Website
http://www.hawaiianola.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Hawaiian Honey
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 13th, 2015
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Positive Beverage Positive Energy

Positive Beverage Positive Energy

This stinks. This is disappointing and it stinks. I wanted this to be a bitter green tea, maybe a mildly sweetened but gnarly green tea. I could not be more wrong. This tastes like green tea flavored plastic. That's not what you came here for. You came here for details. Alright, you've got it.

Right off the bat, it smells bad. It smells like it tastes and it smells like burnt plastic. Initial taste is bitter but a vitamin bitter. Not a green tea bitter. What sweetener do they use in here that toxifying this thing? Oh would you look at that; sucralose, the bastard of all sweeteners.

Also, since we all know my opinions on this thing, let's talk about "natural energy." The energy in this might be real but the rest of it tastes like a chemical mess.

Oh, and also the "cross out" above "Gluten Free" makes it seem like it's not gluten free.

Website
http://www.positivebeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 14th, 2015
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Positive Charge, Natural Energy, Zero Calorie and Sugar Free

H2PRO Bone and Joint Health Flavorless

H2PRO Bone and Joint Health Flavorless

Apparently flavorless is code for this tastes the way a dentist office smells; sterile and chalky. It’s all calcium citrate malate, malta dextrin, dimagnesium malate, silica and cholecalsiferal and no fun. At least it serves the purpose of helping with bone and joint health.

Website
http://www.h2probiotics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 28th, 2016
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

This tastes like a candle and also tastes like it sucks. No stars. Wait...I can't do no stars? This website sucks almost as much as this drink. I said, "Could I have an iced coffee with vanilla, please?" and I think they misheard "vanilla" and thought I said candle wax. Three sips. There goes $2.16. Cripes. Grozz. Ugh. These are the sounds that I am audibly saying at work aloud as people try to work. "Try to work" is code for "fantasy football" so it sounds like everyone has a hearing impediment today.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Qurb Dietary Supplement

Qurb Dietary Supplement

Look, it finally started snowing and in two days from now the holiday season starts. That means that you are more than likely going to be eating a lot of garbage over the coming month or two. All of those active activities you participated in all summer that got you into somewhat okay shape are all going to be thrown out the window. You’re going to pack the pounds back on and get squishy all over again. It’s the unending cycle for those of us who live in parts of the world that have four seasons. I can’t say if it really works or not, but Qurb is here to help. They are dietary supplement shots designed to help curb your appetite as well as promote weight loss. I can assume it’s not a magical product and you also need to exercise in tandem with drinking them, but any help is good help in the war against holiday cookies and pies.

The power behind Qurb comes from a combination of green coffee beans and fiber, plus vitamins and minerals. The green coffee beans help to promote weight loss and the fiber help to curb our appetite. Essentially this is a healthier, more natural version of the diet pills that ran rampant in the 90s. One can only assume that it won’t ruin your life like the pills did in Saved by the Bell.

I was shocked that this didn’t taste as horrible as I expected it to. Most shot drinks are concentrated nonsense, but this has a somewhat decent flavor. It’s almost vaguely citrus, with a vitamin taste to it. It’s nothing you would want to sip on for pleasure, but it’s not hard to get down either.

Brave that long winter and use these shots to help keep your cookie addiction in check. Come the nice weather you won’t have to put in as much work to get back into the nearly healthy body that you’ve always wanted.

Website
http://qurbshot.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 22nd, 2016
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

What in the hell is this? It's been a while since I've drank something this disgusting. This is 100% medicine. The Stevia, of which I am typically fine with is wildly overpowering and sticks with you for what feels like an eternity. The acai, of which I am not a huge fan of, tastes like a poorly under-mixed syrup concentrate. There is no ginger flavor regardless of it being the second ingredient. The sugar is nauseatingly sweet and overpowers and ruins just about everything. It's been a while for me friends, but this drink gets the lowest rating we give here at Thirsty Dudes. I wish I had a toothbrush.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 16th, 2017
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Rockstar Mojito

Rockstar Mojito

This…oh boy…this drink. This is something. The something this is just happens to be one of the worst beverages I have ever tasted. At first my brain told me that this tastes the way that horses smell. I know that shouldn’t be correct, since horses smell nothing like mint nor lime, but that was the signal that my taste buds were reporting back to my cranium. I don’t even know if that makes any sense to anyone, so I will put it another way. This also tastes like what I could only assume it would be like if you cool a bottle of coolant for a car and mixed in the fakest lime flavor you have ever tasted and then gave it some sort of coolness that you will then try to trick people into thinking is mint, even though it tastes nothing like any sort of mint that you have tried before. I couldn’t make it past a few sips of this. I really tried too, because I knew I was going to have a very late night, but I just could not convince myself that by drinking this I was drinking poison that would inevitably lead to my death.

This is the single worst energy drink I have ever tasted and I can only pray to whatever gods it is that I (don’t) believe in that it is discontinued.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 25th, 2018
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Jones Naturals Limes with Orange

Jones Naturals Limes with Orange

I've never been a huge fan of the Jones company. I do appreciate that they were early to the game in using cane sugar, but their sodas so sugary that they left a film on my teeth. This is my first tasting of one of their juices, and I have to say that I enjoy it much more than their sodas I've had in the past. It tastes like a thicker, but not syrupy, orange juice with a hint of lime. It may only be 10% juice, but it doesn't make you feel like crap like most other "juices" do.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 6th, 2010
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