Coco Loto Coconut

Coco Loto Coconut

I did not have the stomach for this as soon as I opened it. I knew I wasn't going to like it. Was it psychosomatic? Possibly. Was it still kind of gross? Yeah, dude. I do not hate nada de coco. This is truth. I like coconut. I like coconut shavings. I like Mounds and Almond Joy. I do not like coconut juice or coconut water. Why? It's not terribly good, that's why.

I am actually pleased to say that this is my last "strange" drink and I am even more proud to say that this will be my last "strange" drink for a while. I had them all at work and every day I had to come in, drink something potentially gross, and write about it. At home is where the gems are.

Here is how I will sell it, not make it sound bad and undrinkable, because, let it be known, it was not undrinkable. If you like any of the new Vita Coco drinks and don't mind jelly coconut, this is perfect. That's not a far stretch as it's harder for me to get past the flavor than the foreign jellies.

Because I didn't drink the whole thing and because I barely made a dent in it would normally produce the rating of a 1, but I simply wasn't in the mood and don't like it. It's like ordering a meal only to find out that it's got something you hate in it and then having a sour taste in your mouth.

Once again, to reiterate, if you like coconut water, you would probably like this and I urge you to get a bottle. This company, Coco Loto can be found in Hispanic grocery stores and I actually found this in an Asian market. The company Mira also makes this same drink. It is gaining in popularity and you should see what people are talking about.

Website
http://www.cocoloto.com/
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Coconut
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 8th, 2010
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Chubby Tutti Frutti

Chubby Tutti Frutti

This, I can say with almost 100% certainty, is low rent pop. It's got real sugar in it, but that doesn't save it at all. Maybe because it's fruit punch/tutti frutti is because it had the...tinge...to it, but it wasn't great. It just taste of lower quality. It has a very sweet, fruity smell, and it tastes sweet and fruity, too, but still...something is off.

Look, 3 for $1 is not meant to surprise and I am not surprised, but who knows. There are some gems out there and this is not one of them. Sorry Chubby and sorry to myself for taking advantage of the 3 for $1 deal. Congrats to you, the public, for getting to enjoy/endure two more reviews.

Website
http://www.chubbysd.com/chubby%20files/chubby.htm
Country
Caribbean
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 10th, 2010
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What's Knew Freshet Pink Lemonade Flavor Tea

What's Knew Freshet Pink Lemonade Flavor Tea

As soon as I smelled this I could tell that it was made from tea powder. It tastes like the iced tea I would make in junior high. I would put twice the recommended amount of tea powder and sugar in. That's not a trip down memory lane I needed to take. It does smell faintly like raspberries, which I assume is the pink aspect of it, but it only tastes like lemon. I didn't even bother finishing the bottle.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 11th, 2010
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Tymbark Blackcurrent

Tymbark Blackcurrent

How do I describe the smell of this drink in a way that you could understand? Red wine mixed with body odor. I'd say that does it justice.

Taste? Kind of like a grape juice. Like a red grape juice, not like a white grape. Not a lot of body or presence either which is kind of strange. There's no bite or sharpness or bitterness or tartness or anything.

Now myself, and possibly you, have no idea what a blackcurrant is. To me it kind of looks like a purple grape on the carton. I don't know what it tastes like to base the flavor of it, but I assume that the actual fruit has some sort of character. This just feels a bit lacking. It's got a lot of flavor though so you could possibly use this as a mixer.

Website
http://www.tymbark.com/
Country
Poland
Sweetener
Sugar and or Corn Sweetener
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 18th, 2010
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Tymbark Blackcurrant Drink, 33.8 Fluid Ounces

Viso StrawKey

Viso StrawKey

My first experience with Viso was this summer at the Portland Zine Symposium. Viso was kind enough to donate 50 cases of their products to the 2 day zine fest. Seeing as I was one of the organizers and barely slept that weekend, Viso's energy drinks were what kept me going.

I picked this bottle up at the store thinking it was an energy drink. To my surprise, it wasn't. The bottle labels it as a dietary supplement, but it's sorta like Vitamin Water. This thing is loaded with vitamins (12 to be exact) plus minerals, calcium, and a whole lot more. On top of that, it's an organic drink and is a local company to Portland.

As far as taste goes, I'm not crazy about it. It doesn't go down really smooth. While I can taste the strawberry and key lime, immediately after there's a strong bitter after taste. After drinking a few sips of it, there's a thick feeling in the back of my throat that makes it hard to swallow. I've had this same thing happen with every flavor I've tasted, so perhaps there's something in it that's making my throat do that.

I know a lot of people in Portland love this drink, but I can't really get into it. While it's a good company and a super healthy drink, it just doesn't taste good to me.

Website
http://www.drinkviso.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on October 19th, 2010
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Big Bamboo Irish Moss

Big Bamboo Irish Moss

Mooooooooooom why is my pudding so liquidy? Oh because you accidentally put the pudding in a can, and the drink in my pudding bowl? Seriously this has the consistency of pudding/the slime you got out of quarter machine as a kid. I had to shake the can to get it in the cups in glops.
It also reminds me of how vanilla egg nog pudding would taste. This is just strange. I just can't get over the consistency. I don't think it would be so gross if it were more of a fluid.

Country
Jamaica
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 19th, 2010
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Jamaican Irish Moss Vanilla Drink

Nygarda Julmust

Nygarda Julmust

What's that middle taste? I can't figure it out. It's like a cola last. Maybe there is some grape in there but it's made from hops and barley, which makes the aroma. It's not bad but my mind is telling me it's alcoholic. Nothing on the bottle says that there is but it tastes a little like I remember old, crappy red wine to smell.

I don't know who I could recommend this to. Someone who loves red wine, pop, and can't drink at work, but really want to drink at work. You know, the perfect clientele.

I don't know if this is seasonal, either, because there is a little Santa-like gnome wearing mittens and is surrounded by packages.

Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 19th, 2010
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Cawy Materva Yerba Mate Soda

Cawy Materva Yerba Mate Soda

I really like yerba mate, so I was really excited to try this. It fell way short of my expectations.
When I opened it, it smelled strangely like pineapple. To be clear, there is no pineapple in it. Then I realized it just tastes like a sweet pop, with a slight hint of tea.
It got worse, then better, then worse again as I kept drinking it. Not what I wanted out of this at all.

Website
http://www.cawy.net
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar & Corn Sweetener
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 23rd, 2010
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CAWY Soda, Materva, 6 per pack, 12-ounces (Pack of4)

Fuze Defensify Raspberry Camu Camu

Fuze Defensify Raspberry Camu Camu

This tastes diet. It really tastes like there's artificial sweetener in it, but nope, just sugar. It has a faint raspberry taste, but that diet flavor, just takes over. Maybe that's what camu camu tastes like. I had never even heard of it before I saw this drink.
It does have a bunch of vitamins in it, but the health benefits from those are worth dealing with the flavor to me.

Website
http://www.drinkfuze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 26th, 2010
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Mogu Mogu Strawberry

Mogu Mogu Strawberry

This was strange. I have personally grown tired of the stingy flavor of these drinks. It doesn't taste bad, per-se, but it's not anything that I would drink out of the context of a mandatory review.

As for the taste, it's got a real strawberry taste. For that I give the fellas and ladies over at Mogu Mogu credit. They use actual strawberry juice in this drink. I saved this one for last and now I wish that I hadn't put so much hope in you, little drink.

Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Fructose
Categories
Chunky, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 1st, 2010
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